DB Sommer wrote:
Wow! Your chapters are getting as large as mine. :)
It's not the SIZE of your chapters...
Ryouga shrugged, looking over his shoulder for a moment, guided on
the correct path by the dog leading him onwards. "I've been places that
were this quiet before," he said. "But... I've never seen that many
cities this quiet. It is strange. A city... a place this big, and now
it's empty." He grimaced, shivering. "I'm used to quiet, but the... the
emptiness just feels..."
Yep. Best to leave the sentiment unspoken. Allows the readers to fill in the
blanks.
I had hoped that would work...
Not that she could blame them, of course. Rulership of Jurai was not
something one expected to have handed to them that suddenly -- or at
all, in Tenchi's case. The boy was ill equipped,
ill-equipped
Hm... are you sure?
Until Tenchi could officially instate Ayeka and Ryouko as the
Inspector General of Information, and the Supreme Commander of the royal
bodyguard
Royal Bodyguard
Right.
were going to wave to someone on Earth, but instead lowered it. "Why did
I do that?" she mused, nearly silently.
Got the hots for Ranma.
Something like that.
Makoto rolled her eyes. "To defend the city."
What have they been doing up to this point? It's not like they couldn't
notice things happening around them.
Hehe... Funny you should say that!
Jupiter whipped her head around to locate the speaker, but he was
already gone, and Saturn's shrill cry of alarm distracted her. She spun
again, only in time to see a man, or something _like_ a man, though she
didn't have enough time to make out his facial features wrap his arms
around Saturn, lifting her off the sidewalk, and then simply vanish.
Only a half-second later, the storefront where she had been standing
exploded violently, and a mass of black carapace and shattered glass
tumbled through.
Heh. Thought that was going to happen when you said she paused in front of a
storefront.
I like to keep people on their toes. I don't always do a good job,
but I like to try. :)
With that, he gracefully leapt backwards off of the building,
somersaulting through the air to land in the middle of the street,
creating a three-meter-wide crater and startling the rest of the
cheerleaders back with cries of, "It's a youma!"
One would think they have more important things to worry about than that at
the moment with a Reaver confronting them.
Then again, you'd also think they were more aware of what's been
going on...
The rest of the declaration was cut off as Ranma grabbed her,
lifting her and teleporting across the fire again. Both reavers emerged
>from the flame unscathed, charging blindly.
Yeah, I doubt that would stop them at this point.
Fire doesn't do a lot to them.
One of the girls -- one that reminded Ranma very much of Ukyou,
Don't know why. They look nothing alike.
Makoto? Have you seen the Ranma 1/2 Christmas OAVs?
I can't prove it, but I have a firm suspicioun that Makoto's
character design was a nod to Ukyou... then again, I think that
Tetsuo's character design (Akira) is based off of Vegitta (DBZ), so
what do I know? :p
Ranma stared upwards, falling through the bay. It wasn't deep, once
she neared the bottom. But then, she had always gauged 'depth' to be a
function of how long she could last without air, not how far from the
surface she was. Not needing to breathe rendered that system moot.
Oh yeah. Forgot about the division. One would think Male Ranma is a bit weak
without his other half.
He used the extra gem to offset that.
As if summoned, two murky black shapes swam through the mud at the
bottom of the bay, and upward. Like sinister, hard-shelled squid. The
things were _far_ too heavy to be able to swim, in Ranma's estimation,
but they didn't seem to let that bother them.
Hmm. So they can swim after all.
Chapter two, also.
Ranma descended on the fallen creature like the wrath of some angry
martial arts god, in Ryouga's eyes, snarling and wielding a glowing blue
bar of... something. Whatever it was, it slammed into the reaver's
carapace, and frost began to spread across it immediately, centered
around the point of contact between Ranma's blade and the reaver.
Blue-white motes of light exploded away from the center, turning into
drops of ice, spreading their own frost where they fell.
Nice touch.
One of the points I'm most proud of. ^^
It's experimental, though...
And a touch of fear, I'm sure.
More than a touch, likely.
Ouch. Looks like they are learning.
That's what they do...
Some of them probably older than mere girls, as Yosho looked.
Not sure what you're trying to say there.
That was an escapee from an earlier draft, when some of the Outers
were there. Whoops.
Hmm. Could leave them in an icy cocoon I suppose.
That's the plan.
Norris scowled at the man who had given the information to him.
"More bad news," he muttered. "What is it?"
"Um, Sir... it looks like... ice."
They can tell on sonar?
They have sonar systems that can monitor the waters to tell you what
kinds of fish and how many of them are around you. Theoretically, a
highly tuned and refined system can tell you the salinity of the
water you're in. So... yeah. Cool, huh?
"No," Ranma's voice called from Washuu's bracelet. "They sure seem
mad, though. They're heading towards the ship that fired at them."
Uh oh. Too bad. I think they needed to finish them there.
That would be a good idea.
And they should be, she decided, gathering her energy. The second
reaver was moving too fast; she'd need to get closer to it. She gathered
her energy, preparing for another strike, when she remembered -- too
late -- that she was ignoring the reaver behind her
Yeah. Prettyu basic mistake
Ranma: YOU try being in two places at once.
But the reaver paused for a moment. Dark, chaotic swirls of power
bled around it, as though it were standing before a blast furnace of
chaos, spattering the unused energy aside. It stood for a single moment
longer before simply exploding, splattering acidic ichor across an
invisible barrier of force behind it, and another, before Ranma.
And that takes care of that. Another one bites the dust.
I have a running tally somewhere... but obviously, it's got spoilers
on it.
That would have to be it, Ranma decided. "That was pretty good," he
said aloud, wondering if he had perhaps abandoned martial arts
cheerleading too quickly. The ability to throw fire around might have
been nice, in the end, though he wasn't sure it would be worth having to
wear a cheerleading outfit. No, he decided, glancing briefly at the
green-skirted girl, when it came right down to it, he had enough
problems trying to sort out honor and love, without adding more
confusion to the situation.
Heh. Like his musings.
Was also a very unsubtle reference to Honor and Love. :)
Ryu looked around worriedly, then calmed himself, offering the same
pleasant smile she remembered -- the one that made her knees weak.
"Mako-chan," he said smoothly, "I can explain _everything_. Now, why are
you wearing that silly outfit?"
Oh, nice turn I didn't see coming. So he was the Ranma she knew, not the
original. Heh. Very cute.
Thanks. You thought I would really use that old cliche in the same
way? ;)
"Are you sure, Bogard-san?" Eimi asked him yet again. "I know how to
sing, 'To be in Love', among other songs."
That would be fine as long as it wasn't the Reba West versions.
Er... she knows the English dub of Robotech version. Minmei!
A soft 'ping' noise sounded from the speakers. "Understood,
Bogard-san, though Atsuko will have the final vote in control, initially."
Methinks she'll choose to save Ranma. :)
Very likely.
"Just like area fifty-one," Terry grumbled.
No. Everyone knows Area 51 exists, just that it doesn't 'officially' exist.
We do?
Terry shot a scowl at the screen. "Show me San Francisco," he
ordered. "I have friends there."
Eimi: Try 'had friends.'
Terry: ... man, you're one cruel machine.
Eimi: I try.
The same soft 'ping' sounded, and the visual display zoomed out to a
map of the entire planet. "This map is realtime, and we are currently
tracking two hundred and fifty seven reavers. We suspect that there are
more we cannot scan, and many are outside of out
our
Whoops...
Hotaru felt a vague shiver down her spine, and turned to look at the
still deserted street behind her. A massive, reaver-sized segment of the
street spontaneously exploded upwards, full of writhing reaver, and
still being pursued by a yowling Ranma. The reaver reached the apex of
its leap, probably a good fifteen meters above the ground, and fell
backwards, but Ranma continued upwards, flashing blue claws carving a
path before him. He hung for a moment, still in the air, above the mass
of the body he had just tunneled through.
Blech.
War is messy.
"You're my boyfriend now!" she exclaimed happily. Ranma's face spoke
volumes of incredulity.
Heh. I don't blame him.
Neither do I.
>from his own power, as was the pin that Eimi asked him to wear. But the
reaver was balked, and skittered backwards, crashing through the piles
of discarded computer pieces, junk food, and whatever else Durant had
scattered about before he left.
Poor lunatic is probably toast now.
Heh.
It's dead, it just hasn't realized it yet.
Yep.
And that's that.
Unfortunately.
Oops. It I see the battle took it's toll on him too.
Yeah...
"I'd love to help," he snapped, "but there's a small army of reavers
here that's kinda going to be keeping me _busy_ for a while!"
Not for much longer.
:)
with you to hurry to cover -- the positronic laser array may have
unknown localized side-effects.
Like vaporising their carcasses.
Or something.
will be ready to go in a few minutes, Bogard-san is at the bottom of the
stairs."
Aimi: Or at least what's left of him.
Heh.
"No," Terry overrode him. "It's time. I'm... I'm going to stay here,
Ranma. My path... it's ended. Take care of your... take care of Nuku..."
Terry: And every other babe you meet because most of them will fall for you.
Ranma: You know, I'm starting to hate these reavers more and more...
I thought I just got out of that situation!
After an extended moment of silence, Eimi responded, "I will stay
with Bogard-san."
Nice way to put it.
I tried. :/
"Lotsa stuff," Ranma mumbled, finding the point he wanted, and
jabbing it gently with his finger. Washuu collapsed atop him, asleep
instantly. "That one... makes you go to sleep..." he concluded, drifting
off.
heh. Got her back, I see.
Hey, he used it on Shampoo in chapter one...
Nice work. Terry finally bit it, as I suspected he would. And now Tenchi's
the emperor and the SM cast is here to hang loose for a while. Should be
interesting.
Glad you liked it, and thanks again for the C&C!
D.B. Sommer