* Disclaimer *
I didn't create any of the characters herein. Imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery. Please don't sue me!
Tail Kinker Presents
Only Half A Wish
Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Okay, Kasumi--"
"Belldandy."
"Yeah, whatever. You claim to be a goddess who is here to grant
me a wish."
"Yes. I work for the Goddess Relief Office. It is our business
to find worthy people who have made great sacrifices, and give
them a wish as a reward."
"Has Dr. Tofu raised your Thorazine dosage again?"
The woman blinked.
Ranma sighed. "Okay, assuming that I buy this story, and not
write it off as a drug-induced fantasy - on your part, I mean -
Why me?" He shrugged. "I ain't done anything worthy of a wish or
nothin'."
"True." The woman nodded. "Under our normal rating system, you
normally would not qualify." She sighed. "But it seems that even
Heaven is not exempt from bureaucracy. Someone up There has
decided that it would be good for some of the other Gods and
Goddesses to receive cross-duty training."
"So?"
"So within our test region - Nerima - you came the closest to
qualifying. My presence in the district was required to allow
the other Immortals to come here and grant their own wishes."
Ranma scratched his head again. "I woulda never figured it to be
me. Seems that you - sorry, that Kasumi shoulda outranked me. I
mean, she put everything on hold for her family - her schooling,
hre career, even her own chance at starting a family."
"Her devotion to her family is quite well-known, but even she
ranked only third. Her father ranked second, and you ranked
number one. But as it happened, a large number of your friends
and acquaintances in the district also ranked high enough to get
at least half a wish."
"Half? So I'm getting sort of a defective wish?"
"No, your wish will be of the normal type I deliver - backed by
the full power of the Ultimate Force. Kasumi and Soun will
receive powerful wishes, but not backed up by the Ultimate Force.
Consider them runners-up prizes. But as for the others..." Her
smile became a touch forced. "Well, rather than waste very
powerful wishes, straight from Kami-sama, we had a collection of
wishes gathered from...less reputable sources." Her smile now
looked a lot more like a grimace. "So my Brothers and Sisters
roam the streets of this city armed with slightly baked wishes."
"And are granting them to slightly baked people. I hope the town
is still here in the morning." Ranma grimaced. "I wish I could
see how they make out."
* * * * *
"A wish! Can it be true?" Ryouga looked rather stunned. "Of
all the things in the world, I most wish to be free of the pig!"
Thor looked rather concerned. "You sure about this?"
"Yes!"
There was a crack of thunder, and Thor lowered his hammer. "Your
wish is granted." He shouldered the hammer and turned to go. "Of
course, it's too bad. A lot of people are going to starve. But
they're all gone."
"What?"
Thor turned back. "All the pigs."
"What about all the pigs?"
"They're all gone. You are well and truly free of the pig, for
all eternity. But don't worry!" The God gave the Lost Boy a
thumbs-up. "I'm sure you'll replace that food source in nothing
flat!"
* * * * *
"A trillion yen?" Freya looked rather uncomfortable. She
glanced down at the scroll in her hands. "I don't think I can do
that."
"Why not?" Nabiki crossed her arms and frowned at the Goddess.
"You said you could grant any wish, right?"
"Well, according to this..." Freya consulted the scroll. "I can
only grant a wish worth up to five hundred golden crowns."
Nabiki's eyes widened in disbelief. "Heaven has a credit limit?"
"No, just this wish. At the current exchange rate, that would be
five million yen."
"Sold!"
* * * * *
Kuno flourished. "Truly, it is a simple matter. A mere trifle
for one as yourself. But still, it is a goal that has frustrated
this mere mortal for many--"
"Yeah, yeah, get on with it." Loki did not like this job. Even
if it did get him out from under that damned mountain for a time.
"I wish to possess Akane Tendo and the Pigtailed Girl! Truly
their beauty far surpasses anything on this mortal plane!"
Loki smiled. "So, just to possess the body of these two girls,
eh?"
"Crudely put, but apt."
"Well, nothing simpler." Loki produced two buckets of water.
"Simply pour these two buckets over your head, one after the
other, then go look in a mirror." He set down the buckets and
vanished from the room.
Back in Asgard, Loki smirked. A bucket from Nyannichuan and a
bucket from Akanenichuan...a cheap price to pay. And likely the
Monkey's Paw wish would have granted exactly the same results.
But this way, he got to keep the wish to spring on someone else.
* * * * *
It wasn't really Heimdall's fault. After all, his job was to
guard the Bifrost Bridge, not to grant a wish to some surely
undeserving mortal. And since he could see better than a
thousand eagles, hear better than a thousand cats, and still had
way more than half of his attention focussed on the Bridge when
she'd made her wish...Well, perfect hearing didn't make for
perfect understanding.
"Well, I've finished the job. It took some research - I'd
forgotten all about the Jushenkyou bit - but I can assure you,
your fiancee is no longer a woman."
Akane fumed. "That's not what I meant! I wished he'd no longer
be a womanizer!"
"Oh?" Heimdall frowned. "I was certain you said...Oh well. I
could change it back; it'd just involve a trip to China--"
* * * * *
Frigga frowned. "As the patron of wives and marriage, I am
concerned by your wish. You wish to trap this Ranma fellow in a
marriage to someone he doesn't love, to commit him to a lifestyle
he doesn't want, just so you can get something you want?"
Luckily, the Goddess was fluent in Chinese. Xian Pu nodded.
"This is correct, Holy One."
"Are you sure that this is the only way to get what you want? Is
it even truly what you want?"
"I'm not sure I--"
"Because this is a very special wish." Frigga deliberately
avoided mentioning that it was a defective wish. "It only grants
what you truly desire."
"But this is truly what I desire!"
"You had best be certain, child." Frigga raised the scroll and
incanted the words. There was a flash of light, and...
"Great-Granddaughter! We've received a message from the tribe!"
Kuh Lon opened the envelope and scanned the letter therein. Her
eyes widened in shock.
"They've retired me!" Her hands shook with rage. "They've
retired me from the Council of Elders, rendered my ongoing
judgements null and void, and promoted your grandmother to my
position!"
Xian Pu blinked. "This is not good."
"Your grandmother isn't quite good enough to fill my shoes. A
little lacking in education yet, but...they kicked me out! And
they've declared your punishment null and void. You're to return
to China immediately to be cured of your curse."
"That simple?"
"Oh, yes. Son-in-law would be quite upset if he knew." She read
on. "Except for the fact that they've declared your vendetta
against 'the red-haired outsider', and your betrothal to Ranma,
null and void. *And*, named you commander of the Guard." She
folded the letter. "You'd best pack."
"But my wish--"
"What wish?"
"A Goddess told me my wish would bring me my fondest desire!"
Kuh Lon considered. "Restored to the tribe's good graces,
brought home, assigned Captain of the Guard, and certain to
succeed your Grandmother, when she is forced down, as the
youngest person ever to attain a seat on the Council of
Elders...would not all these have come about if you'd managed to
snare the boy?" Kuh Lon chuckled. "And bringing such a strong-
willed male into the tribe would hardly be a good thing. He'd
never learn his place."
Xian Pu blinked...and wondered.
* * * * *
Of course, there was only one wish for Gosunkugi. "I wish that
Akane Tendo would fall madly in love with me!"
Frey considered. "Well, that should be within the limits of the
spell." He read further. "Uh, oh..."
"What?"
"Well, it says here that the wish that is stated will be reversed
one hundred percent."
"Oh, no!" Gosunkugi despaired. "You mean she'll hate me?"
"Worse."
"What could be worse?"
Frey sighed. "She'll be your best friend forever."
* * * * *
"I wish to marry Ranma Saotome, so that he and I can live happily
ever after!"
Sif rolled her eyes. Overly romantic people made her teeth
sweat. Should have set Freya on this one...oh well. She
consulted the scroll, and giggled.
Ukyo looked concerned. "What is it?"
"Well...this is a half wish."
"Half wish? What do you mean?"
"I mean it only delivers half of what you wish for." She
incanted the spell, and felt the surge of power as the wish took
hold. "Okay, I'm done here."
"Wait!" Ukyo looked very concerned. "What's going to happen if
it's only half a wish?"
"I'm not sure." Sif considered. "Either you'll marry Ranma and
both of you will have a miserable life--"
"Oh!"
"Or you'll not marry him, but have an excellent life--"
"I don't see how."
"Or you'll become a concubine, or mistress or something, and have
a mediocre life." Sif rolled the scroll up. "The magic is still
in flux, so you have about twenty minutes to decide how it's
going to go. I'd choose very carefully."
Ukyo considered. A miserable life with Ranma, or a happy life
without him. Or a bit of both...She came to a decision, and was
surprised by how easily it sat with her.
It would be years before the Ucchan's franschise reached its peak
in income...and why was it she'd never realized how cute Konatsu
was? And on the outside, they'd appear to be a perfect couple...
* * * * *
"Your wish has been approved."
Ranma shook his head to clear the visions. "You mean that was my
wish?" He scowled. "I really gotta watch what I say."
"True. But I doubt that you'll be unhappy with the results."
She stepped back into the hanging mirror, and found herself back
in Asgard.
"Hey, sis." Urd sauntered up. "Mission accomplished. Couldn't
really raise the dead with that understrength wish you gave me,
but since both Kasumi and Soun wished for the same thing, Skuld
and I could co-ordinate on it. Soun will meet someone just like
his departed wife, and even his kids will like her."
"I'm glad to hear it. And I see that our Brothers and Sisters
have managed to contain the Bug congestion in Nerima."
Skuld snorted. "No thanks to Thor. Who gave him an Overkill
Wish, anyway?"
Urd poked the smaller Goddess in the side. "Keep talking that
way, squirt, and maybe he won't lend you his hammer anymore."
"Well..." Skuld calmed down. "At least we managed to deBug
Nerima finally. That place was seriously getting out of hand."
* * * * *
Author's Notes:
Conceived and written while half in the bag. The defective
wishes idea came from a Dragon Magazine article. Don't drink and
write! C&C can be sent to groves_ca@yahoo.co.uk.
_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'