Ah, a sequel to "Ukyou Can Cook!"  ;)

(The story by Susan Doenime, not the anime episode.)

FAIR WARNING: The following fic could be termed angsty, as 
well as being an alternate universe fic(meaning, the future
is different that different than would normally be envisioned).
Oh, and it's also a parody of type of fic, and one specific
fic in particular.

IMO, you don't really need this.  No fics which are set
after Vol 38 of the manga need be labeled "alternate universe",
as they _could_ happen.  Also, this isn't really a parody
of anything; this is a fairly serious examination of one
possible outcome.

	 My name is Ranma Saotome and I'm a martial artist.

	 It's all I've really known, and it's all I wanted to 
do with my life. I've 
spent my whole life trainin' and fightin' with almost 
everyone I've met. 

Good diction (for Ranma) so far, and enough of a hook to
keep reading.

a lazy bum, but I kinda cared about the old goat. `Course I 
couldn'ta said that aloud, it wouldn't have been real manly,
so I settled for a good round of heavy sparrin'. It's what
pops would've preferred after all.

Again, good characterization.

	 Oh yeah, I'm 30 and married now, so I suppose I should 
tell ya how I got to this point in my life.

<clip>

	 Wait, you already know that part, about how I was 
engaged to Akane...

I'd recommend thinking about some way to get rid of this,
and just cutting to the post-Vol-38 events.  For instance,

  "It started shortly after the failed marriage attempt...

friend, but she had changed. I couldn't spend five minutes 
with her, without some mention of how she was the `cute
fiancee', or how perfect a wife she would be for me, etc.

Ranma's thoughts here go beyond what we readers know to
be true; Ukyou could and did "spend five minutes" without
this.  Should we take this as saying something about
Ranma?  It's not clear to me.

<clip> I felt real bad, `cause it seemed I lost 

the friend I knew.

Again, Ranma hardly behaves like he feels this way in
the manga.  Is this afterthoughts by 30-year-old Ranma?
That's the logical deduction, but...

	 I stormed into the Nekohanten and told Cologne I'd 
never marry her great-grandaughter, and she bopped me on
the head and told me to `respect my elders'. Then I told
her to either take Shampoo and go, or else.

	 She chose, `or else', and challenged me to a final 
fight. If I lost, I would marry Shampoo. If I won, they'd
leave.

	 To make a long story short, I won.

I suppose you think of this as necessary backstory, a la
Lawson's "Thy Inward Love", but:  post-Vol 38, it's difficult
to see why Ranma would hold Cologne responsible for Shampoo's
actions at the wedding.  It's also hard to see why he would
assume that they'd WANT to go home upon giving up on him,
or that he'd have any right to insist that they do so.  Fics
which use these premises (and I won't deny that I have
enjoyed several such very much) usually take the time to
EXPLAIN these points; to have Cologne tell Ranma that she
1) hates living in Japan, and 2) would leave, taking Shampoo
with her, if they "finally" lost Ranma (whatever that means).
[In canon, it's actually easier to defend the position that
Cologne wouldn't move back home under any conditions.  She
does watch a lot of TV, for instance.]

In your story, however, getting rid of the Joketsuzoku
actually complicates your backstory; they could be cleared
of complicity in Akane's disappearance far more easily if
they're still around.  Suggest, instead, that Akane disappears
WHILE Ranma is trying to have such a confrontation, and
that Cologne talks him out of any fight.  This is, of course,
unless Cologne and Shampoo actually were responsible.  If
they were, however, Ranma's stated inaction is hard to
explain.

something else happened, Akane disappeared.

	 Her friends said she left school one day, and she 
never made it home. Me an' the families searched all over
for her and Nabiki pulled in all her connections and favors,
but we didn't find any sign of her.  No one seemed to 
know what happened to her.

You spend NO time on Ranma's efforts to determine whether
Shampoo or Kodachi could be responsible, or doing any of
the other things he'd probably do, clear through Susan D's
"Quixote".  Granted, in this fic you don't want to spend
very much time on such side issues, but you have to realize:
your readers have read a LOT of variations on events to this
point, and they're going to be scratching their heads at
this point, rather than with you.  Suggest adding:

    "All the usual suspects had clean alibis, to my surprise;
nobody saw any foreign princes or martial artists around;
neither Cologne nor Happosai had any clues at all."

at a minimum.

	 After a month or so, Pops and Tendo-san tried to pair 
me up with either Nabiki or Kasumi, but I wouldn't hear of
it. My engagement to Nabiki was not somethin' I wanted ta
repeat, and Kasumi was too nice and

<clip>

I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be able to follow me for
at least a couple of months.

More plausibility:  I'd really suggest more time here; at
least a year.  Problem:  what's Ranma doing during that year?
Answer:  exhausting himself looking for Akane.

	 You see, bein' at the Tendos reminded me too much who 
was no longer there,

This rings very true to me.

                     so I moved in with Ucchan instead, who
had moved back a day or so ago. She never did say where she
went.

This, OTOH, needs work, IMO, from a characterization and
plausibility standpoint.  First, "and Mom's house still wasn't
rebuilt," needs to be added, just to catch that option.
Second, phrasing things like this just _screams_ to the
reader, at least, that Ukyou is suspect number one.  And
Ranma isn't so dense that now, at thirty, he wouldn't realize
that if he can verbalize it like this (it's also true that,
at thirty, with children, he wouldn't necessarily do
anything about it).

Even so, at the time Ranma should have (and would have, IMO)
put some effort into ascertaining Ukyou's whereabouts during
the disappearance.  Regardless of whether your intent is for
Ukyou to be guilty, she DOES need an alibi.

	 Anyways, I still thought of her as a friend, and she 
had been a nice shoulder to cry on during this time. Plus,
I wanted to get out of Nerima and continue the search.
Ucchan said she could sell the restaurant, get another 
yatai and leave anytime, and that sounded good ta me.

Reasonable, assuming 1) that Ranma has cleared Ukyou
completely, to himself, and 2) that Ukyou's doing a
_damned_ good job of acting like a grieving friend.

probably try ta stop me. We wandered around Japan, sellin' 
okonomiyaki to people, while I looked for any sign of
Akane. I showed her picture and talked to lots of folks,
but nobody remembered seein' her.

Might be worthwhile to say something about why Ranma didn't
try to stay in touch with Nabiki, from an info-gathering
standpoint.  He'd tried, early-on, and she'd just sold
Ranma's whereabouts to Genma, for instance.  Of course,
you'd need to explain get into Nabiki's attitude towards
getting engaged to Ranma.  Still adamantly opposed?
Then why wouldn't she be looking for Akane herself?

	 It took a couple of years or so, but I was eventually 
forced to give her up. It wasn't easy; kami-sama, it hurt a
lot. With each passing day, my insides twisted more and more.
I came too close to ending my life several times after that,
figurin' I couldn't go on without her, but Ucchan stopped 
me every single time.

Very good.  Ranma wouldn't, at thirty, dwell on the scenes
occurring during the stops.

	 You see, after awhile, Ucchan suggested we get 
married.

<clip>

	 So, we tied the knot, she became a Saotome, and my 
life hasn't been the same since.

Given your setup, and enough time, inevitable enough...

martial arts, they were a huge part of my life. So, whenever 
I found a nice dojo and sensei to train under, Ucchan would
tell me that we didn't need it. 

<clip>

	 This happened several times, and at one point, I 
attempted to put my foot down and tell her that we were going
to stay at one. That's when she began to cry and complain
that I didn't love her, and that I was only using her.

  This is, of course, the real core decision of your backstory
(actually, your story, as you don't have any present-tense
story).

>From a strict, canonical, plausibility standpoint, my own
opinion is more that the two would break up here than that
Ranma would still be as manipulable by women crying.  But
that's not your story.  Your story is built around Ranma
deciding to stay, and convincing us that he did.

Suggest, here, instead of telling us about 'what happened,
several times', you describe one such incident in detail,
i.e. have Ranma relive it.  That's a much better way to
convince us that Ranma _did_ make this decision, and why.

	 Oh yeah, we do have a family now, two girls. They're 
at home, while we're roamin' around with the yatai. We
take these trips every other month or so, 

<clip> 

	 But where was I? Oh yeah, we had a few kids, though I 
was the one raisin' 'em. Whenever we were at home, Ucchan
insisted I should be the `mother' of the household, since
she was earning the income ta support us.

Perfectly canonical, given an Ukyou victory this overwhelming.
Again, though, suggest a flashback to the scene of one
such confrontation; convince us that Ranma would back down.
Make us feel it, deep down, including the loss he felt,
and why he did it.

as a woman. I haven't been a man for a long time. The only 
times I can remember, are when Ucchan's in a mood to show
off her husband.

There is a suggestion here, which I suspect you don't want,
as it counteracts the effect you're trying for (and achieving,
IMO), that the marital relations are same-sex.  Suggest
you rephrase to eliminate any such suggestion, and leave
the subject of the couple's marital relations out
altogether.

	 He points at my clothes. "What the hell are you 
dressed up like that for!?"

	 I realize I'm still female and dressed in the skimpy 
blouse and skirt. "It attracts the customers." I offer the
rote answer. I almost believe it now.

Again, for thirty-year-old Ranma to add that last line
detracts, I think, from your effect, as the implication is
that he believes Ukyou to be a lesbian, or at least to
prefer female company.  If that WAS your intention, I
suggest you reconsider, as you don't need that last fillip;
you're achieving (or could, with a little work) sufficient
tragedy.

"It is... good to see you again."

	 I notice Ryoga tense up a bit. Most people would miss 
it, but I've been trained since birth to read people. That
same sense tells me Ucchan is a bit on edge.

<clip> 

	"Ya mind if I take a break to talk with Ryoga a bit?" I 
ask my wife.

	 Ucchan doesn't respond right away; she's currently 
locked gazes with Ryoga. She breaks it and gives me a smile
that doesn't quite reach her eyes. 

You raise matters here that you never resolve.  Unless you
really want to do a sequel, I'd reconsider.  In fact, I'm
not sure what your intent is, which suggests you might want
to consider rephrasing.  Possible interpretations:

1)  Ukyou is reacting as an alpha male would, on having
another, larger male speak to his wife.  Problem:  Ryouga's
tension isn't explained.  (This need not carry implications
as to their genders during marital relations, IMO, and in
fact follows your theme well.  It also harmonizes with
Ranma's need to ask permission from Ukyou.)

2)  Ryouga knows something which ties Ukyou into Akane's
disappearance, and Ukyou knows, or suspects, that he knows it.
Obviously it can't be anywhere near conclusive, or he'd be
attacking, not tensing.  This interpretation requires a
sequel.

3)  Ryouga blames Ukyou for Ranma's current state, and Ukyou
knows and resents it.  This would be the most likely, except
for the implication that this is the first time Ryouga and
Ranma have seen each other in ten years.  If you want this
one, I'd suggest that they've run into each other by accident
every couple of years.

	"So, I hope married life hasn't made you soft," he states.

	 I read the implied challenge. It'll be good ta tangle 
with someone like Ryoga. I haven't fought anyone in a long
time.

A sad statement.

	"Go get him, Ranchan!" my wife calls from the sidelines.

You _might_ want to consider any of several changes here,
depending on exactly what you were aiming at above:

1) Ranma slips:  "my hus... WIFE! calls from the sidelines."

2) Or eliminate; Ukyou-as-alpha-male wouldn't simply watch
his wife Ranma fight another male.

	"Stay down, Ranma," I hear Ryoga's worried voice. "It's 
over. Rest."

	"NO!" I scream. "It's not over!"

	 I drunkenly regain my feet and Ryoga shakes his head. 
"Maybe we could do some training and get you back into
shape..." The look of pity comes back into his eyes for
a moment, but he forces it away.

Nice effect.  Quite sad.

	 It was too late, anyway. I saw it. "Go ta hell, Ryoga! 
I can beat you any time I want, bacon bait! I was always
better than you!"

And this too; Ranma _would_ react like this; that just
underlines his situation all the more.

He turns to go. "It was good seein' ya again, Ranma."

Might consider adding "His voice lacked conviction, somehow."
But maybe that's a bit too much.

	"It's okay, Ranchan," Ukyo tells me. "Ryoga's always 
been a bully. It doesn't matter that you lost; winning
or losing doesn't mean anything. You still have me, and
the kids, the yatai and the restaurant.  What more could 
you want?"

I'd recommend considering ending your story right here;
the next few paragraphs don't add very much.  They just
reiterate what you should have already convinced your
readers of.

	 My name is Ranma Saotome, and I... I used to be a 
martial artist...

This line, though, is good...
Actually, you might want to _start_ with this line.

Author's notes:

IMO, you don't need most of this.  The story stands on its
own.

Now, notes about a possible sequel to this:

I've been thinking about it, and have some ideas plotted.
Is it fine the way it is?

My two cents' is that you should aim at this being a
standalone piece, regardless of whether you write a sequel.
And no particular need for a happier ending, I think;
this is effective as is.

Good characterization, good writing, effective story.

It could stand improvement, I think, but what story
couldn't?  Some of the "tells" should, IMO, be "shows",
via flashback, to make it more immediate.

Also, you have some lingering ambiguities, some of
which I think you should clear up.  Either eliminate
Ryouga's tension or commit to a sequel; eliminate
unintentional references to same-sex relations,
try a bit harder early on to convince us that Ranma
suspected foul play and reluctantly cleared everyone.

But an effective story as it stands.  Congrats!

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