Warning: This is a yaoi fic (although I rate it PG-13
myself - I wrote a yaoi fic that ISN'T NC-17! I'm
getting tame in my old age!). If that isn't your cup
of tea, hit the 'delete' key NOW. I won't mind.

I'm sending this to the FFML because I would like
feedback on such things as realism and setting.  

Please enjoy!

Raye
=======================================================

Eyes

by Raye Johnsen
raye_j@yahoo.com

*******
        Ranma 1/2 is copyright Takahashi Rumiko,
Shokakukan, Kitty Film, and Viz Communications.  All
rights remain theirs.
        This is a work of yaoi fiction. In other
words, it features a homosexual couple.  If this is
illegal in
your place of residence, you are under the legal age
for reading this sort of material, or you dislike this
sort of thing, please hit your 'delete' key NOW.  I
will not be responsible for you getting arrested,
getting in trouble or getting icky thoughts. 
*******

        I still can't believe it happened.  It was
incredible.  Awful.  What a way to have your dreams
come true, huh?

        I guess I should explain a little.

        I've been in love with Hibiki Ryouga since
eighth grade.  He was the only guy I ever met who was
anything like me.  Tough, quiet, skilled... and
vulnerable.  Not that I ever said so.  I kinda liked
living.

        Back then, I didn't get why I loved to go to
school, swinging by his place to pick him up (did I
mention he has a little problem with directions?) and
cheerfully sparring on the way to school.  I thought
(young idiot that I was) that it was that we were
finally settled in a single place, and that I finally
had made a friend that Pops approved of.  He liked
Ryouga, ever since the day he came across us sparring.
 Not that he taught him anything, though.

        I didn't get why he kept the cats away.  I
never told him how they'd come to get me in my dreams,
because they didn't when he was around.  I've done a
bit of reading since the accident, about psychology
'n'
stuff, and I think that the cats are kinda like my
fears and insecurities and stuff like that.  Around
him, I wasn't scared of anything, 'cause he was my
friend, so they couldn't come.

        I guess that's why I was so shattered when it
all ended.  His angry face ripped my heart apart.  Not
that I knew that at the time - all I knew was that my
friend was gone.

        He was a major part of why I hated Akane. 
Yeah, she was nice enough - when she wasn't pissed off
at me about something - but when he smiled at her,
that
sweet smile that he never smiled at *me*....  And Pops
said I had to be with *her*....  

        Somehow, though, as time went on, as we went
through things together, it started to come back. 
He'd
changed - he wasn't as open, but somehow even yet more
vulnerable - and so had I, as well.  We'd grown up. 
The halcyon days of childhood were over.  It was as
men that we came to rebuild our friendship.

        Until that day....

******

        "SAOTOME RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!"

        I stepped to one side, and let him charge past
me.  "Hey, Ryouga.  Long time no see."

        "Thanks to *you*, Saotome, I have seen HELL!"

        Same old, same old, yadda yadda yadda. 
Would've thought we'd get sick of it, right?

        Hell no.  Not so long as it was my only chance
to see him in action.  Watching his muscles bunch as
he
swung, watching that adorable rear wiggle and that
face dance with mobile expressions - mm-hmm!

        Of course, I couldn't let any fiancee catch me
with *that* look on my face.  An all-expenses-paid
trip via Air Akane would've been the *least* of my
worries. 
Although I'm almost certain Cologne knew of my
feelings - she had to have a reason to keep Mousse
around, after all, because he annoyed her quite often,
and she wasn't the sort to keep annoyances around if
she didn't have to.

        Today, though, it was just he and I.  On a
quiet street, in the middle of Nerima, in the middle
of the day.  I pulled back away from his rush, and
laid a
light blow on his shoulder.  "Whatever, P-Chan."  God,
he had no idea of the confused feelings that swirled
through me when I saw that oh-so-cute piglet peeping
out from Akane's arms.

        After all, we had such a history ourselves -
tangled as a spiderweb torn by too-large a prey - but
we couldn't agree about anything anymore, not where to
go or even where we'd been.  Even though such a
peaceful picture was all I longed for....

        He swung around and charged again, I leapt out
of the way again, the delivery truck that had been
delayed and was making a late delivery to the local
electronics store turned into the street at speed....

        Ryouga never had a chance to get out of the
way.

******

        The doctors at Nerima General were very
sympathetic to the group of teenagers that gathered in
the waiting room.

        No, Mr. Hibiki was not in danger.  His
injuries
weren't life-threatening.  No, Mr. Hibiki's family
weren't able to be contacted; did any of us know where
they were?  No, they'd rather discuss the matter with
them first....

        And so it went.  I had to leave the hospital,
with only the knowledge that Ryouga would live.

*******

        I sat up, panting.  Closing my eyes against
the
night, I remembered that the nightmare was reality;
the horrified expression on the truck-driver's face,
the sickening crunch when the front grille of the
truck hit his ribs, the shriek of pain as he flew
through the air....

        /Stop it.  It's over,/ I told myself.  But I
needed to see for myself.

        I slipped quietly out of the house, and
roofhopped my way to the hospital.  The night-nurse
looked at me oddly as I asked for his room number, but
she was just going off-duty and didn't ask too many
questions, once I'd sworn blind I would behave myself
and not get in anybody's way.  Maybe she was being
sympathetic, maybe she didn't want to think of Ryouga
alone in his hospital room, or maybe she just didn't
care.  I didn't either, so long as I got to be with
him.

        He lay in the bed, his tanned flesh dark and
somehow living and inappropriate against the sheets.  
He was unconscious, and a white bandage encircled his
brow, his left arm, and his right shoulder.  I
couldn't see the rest of his body.

        I pulled up the chair, so that as I sat in it,
I could cross my arms on the bed.  Leaning my head on
my arms, I turned my face up to his.  And that's how I
fell asleep.

******

        I woke when Ryouga kicked me.

        It wasn't deliberate or anything - he was in
the process of waking, and his feet were wriggling.  A
particularly energetic wriggle fetched his toes
against my cheek, and the shock woke me.

        He blinked, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

        "Hey, Ryouga," I said cheerfully.

        Those beautiful, blank brown eyes swiveled
towards me.  "Um, who's Ryouga?  Who are you?  Why's
it so dark in here?"  Then his voice began to rise in
panic.  "Where's here?  Who am I?  What's going on? 
Please?"

        I stepped back in shock.  "Nurse?"  My voice
wavered.  "NURSE!"

        A nurse came in, took one look at Ryouga, and
hit a keypad beside the bed.  A bunch more nurses and
a
couple of doctors came running in.  They pushed me out
of the way, but I wouldn't leave the room.  I
couldn't.

        The litany began in my thoughts as I watched
the doctors and nurses begin to fuss over him. /'Who's
Ryouga?'  'Where's here?'  'Who am I?'  'Who are you?'
 'Why's it so dark in here?'  'What's going on?' 
'Where's here?'  'Who am I?'  'Who's Ryouga?'  'Who
are you?'/

        My best friend lay in that hospital bed, and
he
couldn't even remember my name.

******

        Over the next three hours, some things became
clear.

        Ryouga was blind and amnesiac.  He could not
see.  According to the doctors, he would never see
again.

        His memory, on the other hand, wasn't
permanently fried.  He would remember me, in time. 
Just... not now.

        But he would never see again.

        Japan is not a kind land to those who are
imperfect.  Our society is geared to the warrior, to
the fighter, to the normal.  Not the crippled.

        Ryouga would never fight with me again.

        I ran from the hospital.  I couldn't stay. 
Ryouga was crippled.  Ryouga would never be a warrior
again.  Ryouga would never be a *person* again.  And
it was all my fault.

        It was all my fault.

******

        "Ranma!"  

        "Yes, Kasumi?" I asked, absent-mindedly
slamming the panda into the pond.  Early morning
scrimmage aside, it was peaceful.

        Too peaceful.

        /Ryouga..../

        "I wish to speak to you privately."  Kasumi
was
frowning.  It must be serious.  What did she want? 
Had she learnt that a crippler was living in her
house?  I couldn't even kill cleanly, and the man I
loved lay in a hospital bed, dying by degrees, because
I couldn't even do the damn thing properly....

        "Ranma?"  Kasumi looked at me seriously.  "Dr.
Toufuu tells me that you were there when Ryouga first
recovered consciousness."

        "Yeah," I replied.  "I was."

        "He's been asking for you."

        I stared at her in shock.

        "Of course," Kasumi continued, "he doesn't yet
remember you, as you.  But he has been asking about
'the guy who was there when I woke up'.  I believe you
should visit him."

        I nodded, in a daze.  "Yeah," I agreed
quietly.

******

        So I stood outside the door again.

        /Ryouga..../

        I hadn't stayed to meet him in that final duel
when we were fourteen.

        I hadn't understood his pain that made him
take
refuge in Akane's arms.

        I hadn't pushed him out of the way of the
truck.

        I had failed him so many times... too many
times.

        Not this time.

        I pushed open the door and went in.

******

        "Hey."

        "Hey, Ryouga," I said.  I couldn't keep the
shake out of my voice.  "How are ya, buddy?"

        He didn't respond to the greeting - or rather,
not the way I thought he would.  "Am I?" he asked,
seriously.

        "Are ya what?"

        "Your buddy."  He was frowning as he said it. 
"You haven't been to see me since I woke up."

        I glanced down.  He couldn't see my face. 
Would never see it again.  

        "Yes," I said calmly.  "I am.  I ain't always
acted like it - in fact, I've been a prime jackass a
lot of the time, as you'll remember.  This past week,
I
shoulda been here.  But you're my best bud, an' when
they let you outta here, you're - you're gonna stay
with me."

        I honestly don't know why I said that, but
when I did, I knew immediately that it was the right
thing to do.  The right thing to say.  Duty.

        He nodded calmly. "Okay."  Then he cocked his
head to one side.  "Your voice sounds kinda hoarse. 
Want a drink?"

        "Sure," I said, and watched as he got up out
of the bed, pulled on a white yukata over striped
pajamas,
and effortlessly walked over to the door.

        "You... you know where the door is," I said,
without disguising the wonder in my voice.

        Ryouga shrugged.  "If there's nothing else to
listen to, it's easy to hear where people are.  Their
footsteps, breathing, heartbeats... why is your heart
beating so fast... I'm sorry, I don't remember your
name?"

        "Ranma, I'm Ranma," I muttered, using the
reply to cover my shock.  Ryouga had lost his sight
and gained a sense of direction.

        What a poor bargain!

        As I followed him out the door, I smiled at
the image that occurred to me.  Of myself and Ryouga,
walking along like this, friends, but at Mr. Tendo's
and Pop's age.

        I liked it.  But what I liked more was that he
was here and alive to fulfil it.  I was going to make
sure he stayed that way.

************

Author's Notes:

        1) I know it's generally accepted that Ranma
is not the brightest light on the Ginza, but I
personally
believe he must be very intelligent.  High school in
Japan is optional, and students must pass an entrance
exam to be considered for entry.  This exam is NEVER
easy (although there are varying degrees of
difficulty) and it is entirely possible for a student
to simply be unable to pass ANY high school's entry
exam.  Ranma has had very little formal schooling, yet
he managed to pass Furinkan High's entry exam.

        2) Technically, I know that the (purposefully
vague) description of Ryouga's injury would not have
had this effect; the only *real* things that can
interfere with vision are a physical problem with the
eyeball, severing of the optical nerve, physical
injury to the 'vision' portion of the brain, or a
psychosomatic 'refusal' to accept that the physical
components of vision are intact and working.  The blow
to the head Ryouga suffers could very well cause
*temporary* loss of sight, but permanent loss is very
unlikely.
        I ask that readers suspend their disbelief and
accept this scenario anyway; or, if you can't, just
say a spike of truck grille pierced Ryouga's skull,
entered
the 'vision' area of his brain and caused permanent
damage.

        3) It's *hard* to write levels of politeness
in
English!  There's just... too much contained in the
phrasing to translate easily.  If I may explain?
        There are, to my (limited, remember that)
knowledge, at least six ways of saying 'you' in
Japanese. Each one has its own connotations far beyond
the meaning.  For example, one would never say
'kisama', 'anata', 'kimi' and 'temee' to the same
person (unless one was subject to MASSIVE mood
swings), although all these words, shorn of
connotations, mean the same thing: 'you'.  They mean
'you' at different levels of politeness.  But how does
one say, 'You, who are so low in comparison to me that
you offend me simply by being in my range of vision,'
in English?
        One doesn't, of course, but it is for that
reason I have written in English slang; it is the
closest I can come in English to the Japanese 'levels
of politeness'.

        4) 'Duty', as described in this fic, is
'giri'.  Yet another uniquely Japanese concept, and
the reason why Ranma can't tell any of his fiancees to
stuff it and run off with Ryouga, why Ukyou can't tell
Ranma that Konatsu is way better than he is in every
way and
marry the guy/girl and why Akane can't just go seduce
Shampoo and have done with it.
        'Giri' is probably best translated as 'duty'
because that is what it usually is interpreted as; the
duty of the child to accept the obligations thrust
upon them, usually by their elders but sometimes (as
in this
case) by themselves. 
        The reason why Ranma *always* accepts giri is
simple; refusing giri means an incredible drop in
personal honour, if not its outright loss. 
Furthermore, honour lost through refusal of giri is
irretrievable.  As his honour is very important to
Ranma, he will not countenance any action that would
injure it, much less one that would destroy it.

=============================================

A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW
Pet Shop Boys  (Tennant/Lowe)
Published by EMI 10 Music Ltd/Cage Music Ltd

When I'm sitting so close to you
There's only one thing that I wanna do
But I know what you're likely to say
That I'm going about it the wrong way

We can't agree about anything
Where to go or even where we've been
And I know what you're likely to do
Say that I've never cared about you

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view

You don't believe a single word I say
If I'd say black was white, you'd say it was grey
But in spite of being treated this way
I still dream of you all night and day

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view

Just this once
Just say yes
Please

You've got a clever way of haunting me
I'm never scared, but you're still daunting me
'Cause I know what you're likely to say
And I know that you'll get your own way

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view

=====
raye_j@yahoo.com
http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html

"It 'went away'? 'I dwell in darkness without you'
and it WENT AWAY?"
   - Sorcha, "Willow"

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