As they embraced outside the gate, Akane enjoyed the
warmth of Jo's lips on hers. Finally, he broke off the
kiss.
## Hmm... I dunno about the name. My personaly tastes say it's got a way too
American feel, which may be right, but... Oh well, it's your story.
"Try not to spend all day training, okay?" he said
then looked at his watch. " Oh boy, now I'm REALLY
late! I'll see you later! Bye!".
## he said, then looked
"Oh boy,
Bye!"
*I'd never get a reaction like that from--* A small
sigh escaped her lips at the memory of him.
*--Ranma.*
## But that kiss DID get a reaction from him...
The thought of her late fianc�e
## fiance. Females are fiancees, males are fiances.
*Damn it! Why do I keep bringing him up?! That
idiot... *
## idiot...*
She turned around and walked back into the front
yard. On her way, she saw the dojo.
## AKANE: Wow! I never noticed that before!
suggest: glanced at
Akane.
His Akane!
Kissing someone else.
## Yeah, that sucks, don't it?
It took a bit for him to gather his thoughts enough
to leave. He quickly jumped off the roof, and walked
away.
## Uh... I think I faintly remember him being on a roof in the prologue, but I
kinda thought he was hiding behind some bushes. I suggest you make it more clear
where he's watching from, in this chapter.
*How could she... Could she be under some sort of mind
control?* He shook his head. *No, I can't see Kuno or
Ryoga letting her be used like that. Unless they were
doing the using. *
## using.*
*I'm a fighter, not a waitress!* he thought
bitterly as he closed the cash register.
## Which is true, he's definitely not a waitress. A waiter, perhaps, but not a
waitress.
"<Of course, Love,>" His reply held no malice,
only admiration and affection.
## Great, another love-struck puppy...
Shampoo just rolled her eyes and went back
into the kitchen.
## And another unawed female. Sigh... Maybe if he flexed...
"Good afternoon, Ukyo," he said. "What brings
you here?"
## UKYO: My feet.
"Here you go," she said then set it on the
counter.
## said, then
"Tsubasa getting worse?" Reno asked as he started
making two cups of tea.
## UKYO: Yeah. I thought the exterminators get rid of him the first time, but
he's like a cockroach: he never dies...
"You'd better believe it, sugar! Yesterday, he
disguised himself as a bag of flour and jumped out
at me when I went into the pantry. And last night I
attacked my laundry because I thought it was him
in disguise!"
## UKYO <viciously beating pair of panties with spatula>: Damn you Tsubasa! I
know you're in there!
"Well, why don't you-- *KLANG!*"
## UKYO: I have, sugar, I have.
"Can talk and cook at same time! she said. "Stupid
male!"
## time!" she
"<There are better ways to get my attention, my
love.>"
## SHAMPOO: You right. Next time, use anvil!
"<I'm just greasing the spokes,> he replied.
## RENO: ...ifyouknowwhatImean, wink wink, nudge nudge.
As she walked past the various stores along the her
route home,
## along her route
A large part of the troubled martial artist
wanted to ignore the hunger,
## LARGE PART OF RANMA: Naw, I don't need anything to eat.
THE REST (see: stomach): Hey!
Her black hair was cut extremely short, like he'd seen on
a few US soldiers during his travels.
## Ukyo with a buzz cut?
Before Ranma realized it, he had shouted the nickname he
called her.
## suggest: the nickname he had designated for her.
or: the nickname he had given her.
A vaguely familiar voice dragged Ukyo from
her thoughts.
## More than vaguely familiar, I'd think.
*The bastard even got his voice right!*
## Yes, interesting fact, that...
*Has everyone gone crazy?!* he thought and dodged
another blow
## "Gone?" Interesting question...
She sat up and looked at her now broken weapon. She was
in shock over the ease that Tsubasa had destroyed it.
## ease with which
"Oh my god!" She blurted out "It's not a disguise!."
## Der.
"Nice of you to remember me!" he replied
sarcastically.
## I think he deserves that.
"You should have stayed away," the figure whispered. "Now
the die is cast."
## Snake eyes!
*What the... ? I know she had a thing for me but
this is just too much!I'm gonna have to have a long
talk with her.*
## too much! I'm
Once he set up her futon, the martial artist
carefully lifted up his childhood friend and tucked
her in .
## Extra space before period.
Ranma unconsciously nodded his head in
agreement.
## ... with himself. Odd.
There were three sets of clothing: A slightly torn
red leotard,
## Dangerous things to be slightly torn.
"UKYO! I LOVE YOU!"
## TSUBASA: Especially naked!
A pair of hands suddenly wrapped around her chest
in a tight embrace. Before he could react, Ranma froze
as a memory flashed across his mind....
## You use 'her' and 'he' here. Pick one and stick with it.
Renard Lacroix, her opponent in this match, was
good but nothing she normally couldn't handle. However,
ever since the fight started, the pigtailed girl had
been in a mental fog, unable to do more than defend
herself against him.
## What, he's drugged? Or tired?
"You... you're not Ukyo!"
## My, aren't we observant.
"Mmm.?"
## Don't need the period.
Ukyo shifted in her bed. Her ears barely picked
up the pounding sound from her furo. She almost
ignored it and went back to sleep when the chef
realized that she didn't remember how she had
gotten home.
## She's more concerned about how she got home than the pounding sound in her
bathroom? Weird...
"Hey, Ucchan," Ranma-chan said. "Sorry about the
mess."
## My, he has a way with words.
I like it. I do. I wanna see more. I wanna know more about the things in Ranma's
past you've vaguely hinted at. And I'll C&C it. Sound like a deal?
Leif Johnson
I have this strange aversion to extreme pain, okay?- Ranma Saotome
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.- Dark Helmet
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