YARRGH! Writing this chapter was a BEEE-YAAATCH! There was a particularly
stubborn section right smack in the middle of this episode that was proving to
be a major problem in production. Well, after kicking it a bit, I think I've
cobbled together a somewhat acceptible expository section. It should be obvious
where it is, and remember that input is appreciated, especially how to handle
that particular section. Enjoy!

===============================================================================

The universe stood still for a brief, terrifying moment. Uncertain of her
partner's fate, Lina pressed her fists under her chin and prepared mentally for
Gourry's bloody demise. She expected any kind of reaction from Mel...

  A berserker rage...
  A devastating verbal counterattack...
  A gift of the 'finger'...
  A fall into a deep festering pit of depression...
  A snide comment on the mental illness that had afflicted her partner...
  Even a mature brushing off the insult...

  Well, actually Lina didn't expect ANY kind of reaction from Mel; there was
was one response that Lina didn't expect, and had in fact ruled it out
completely. That response was joy. There was no way in the Sea of Chaos that
Mel would react positively to an insult like that.

  "You _SEE_ them?! You _ACTUALLY SEE_ my breasts?!"

  Lina knew from long observation of the male ego that men are very adverse to
being called women. This is especially true of epic hero types, and Mel's
appearance said 'epic hero'... although it also said 'pretty boy', but even
pretty boys don't like being called girls. Well, not most of the time, at
least, but certainly not for Mel. [1]

  "Well, yeah!"

  There was no way a tough adventurer-type such as Mel would burst out into
joyous tears, or thank Gourry for finally noticing his feminine attributes, or
hug him tightly, or give him a deep kiss on the lips...

  Wait a minute.

***************************

Demented Gerbil Productions
 presents

 BLESSED

Chapter Two
 Who is that Girl?

***************************
(Guest star: Hibiki Ryouga)
***************************

  Lina stared in absolute shock as she watched Mel shower kisses onto Gourry.
For his part, Gourry didn't look the least bit disgusted, only flabbergasted.
Lina's heart hit the bottom of her deep stomach [2] and shattered like glass,
as her knees collapsed from under her in despair. "Waaannnn! It's truuueeee!
You ARE gay!" the distraught sorceress keened.

  "Huh? I'm not gay. Just confused," Gourry said in his confused way. [3]

  Despair was displaced by hope. "*sniff* You-You mean you aren't sure if
you're gay or not?" Lina asked, tears dancing in her eyes and hope burning in
her heart. "Please don't be gay... or at least be bi," Lina pleaded, then
braced herself to finally say those three little words, "'cuz I... I lo... I
love y--"

  Nodding to himself, Gourry continued (thereby interrupting Lina's
half-formed declaration of love), "Nope, I'm definitely not gay. After all, I
don't feel like celebrating, or smiling, or anything like that."

  The three little words froze in Lina's throat, and her eyes went wide and
slightly out of focus with her confusion.

  Then she understood, and a familiar sensation grew in Lina's heart to deal
with the situation.

  *WHANG!*

  "Iteeee..." Gourry whined.

  "Not _that_ kind of 'gay', spam for brains!" Lina seethed in the familiar
sensation-- annoyance. "I meant 'gay' as in 'sexually attracted to your own
gender'!"

  Gourry blinked. "Huh?"

  Lina blinked, then slapped her forehead when incomprehension gave way to
understanding. "Right. My bad," she grumbled. "It means (in your case) that you
want to kiss, fondle, and do the nasty with another guy."

  "EEEEYYYYWWWW!!!!" Gourry's face scrunched up and his jaw wiggled from side
to side to draw out the disgusted utterance. "Lina, I'm not like that!"

  "Says the guy who let another guy kiss him!" Lina completed Gourry's
statement.

  Blink. "What guy?"

  Lina pointed to Mel. "THAT guy!" Lina was almost to the point of shrieking
now. "So let's hear it, Gourry: Why did you let _HIM_ kiss you?!"

  Gourry glanced at Mel. He looked over the very voluptuous figure that
somehow Lina couldn't see... or saw as belonging to a man, and not a woman.
"'Cuz _SHE_'s a *very* pretty girl!" Gourry said, failing completely to
comprehend why Lina was finding it so difficult to connect the concept of
'woman' with Mel's womanly frame.

  "This again..." Lina snarled. Things were very rapidly becoming weird and
weirdness annoyed her. And Gourry's stupidity/delusion was beginning to hack
her off as well. "Look, Gou--" Lina got no further.

  "NOOOOO!!!!" a scream interrupted. From out of the brush she used as cover,
Zoe jogged up to the group. "It can't be true! It can't be! You _can't_ be a
woman!" she wailed, almost pleadingly. "Say it ain't so, Anata! Say it ain't
so!" she begged Mel. [4]

  Katelin poked her head out of the same bush. "Whaddya mean, 'anata', you
lovestruck twit!" she snapped. "You only laid eyes on him a few hours ago! And
you and he haven't even met properly to boot!"

  Zoe ignored Katelin, kneeling in front of Mel pleadingly, her eyes begging
that Mel deny the accusation.

  Meanwhile, 'G' rejoiced as someone had finally penetrated the 'M' seeming
around her. Someone had finally seen her true self! [5] Mel/'G' was all smiles
even as she delivered the bad news to Zoe, "I'm afraid I can't help you there,
Miss. I really am a woman."

  Lina twitched an eyebrow menacingly. /* L-sama, they're SERIOUS! */ she
thought. "I was right, Gourry! You _are_ nuts!" She glared at Mel, adding,
"BOTH of you are nuts!"

  "I'm afraid not," Mel replied. "This body," she began, indicating her own
body, "is that of a woman, although almost everyone sees it as belonging to a
man because of an enchantment I'm under. However, your boyfriend here has
penetrated that enchantment and sees me as I truly am." Mel prepared for the
eventual argument.

  Zoe burst into tears. "WAAAHHHH, my love thinks he's a _girl_!"

  Gourry scratched his head. "What is their problem? It's not like it isn't
obvious you're a girl, Mel. Those breasts are hard to miss."

  "You'd think..." Mel sighed.

  "Gourry, HE does _not_ have breasts!" Lina shouted.

  "Yes, SHE does!"

  "No. *He*. Does. Not!" Obviously, Gourry wasn't going to give on this point
without a massacre. "Look, I'll show you! (A-Atta)" Lina said, as she ducked
behind Mel and started fooling with the armor's breastplate.

  Mel's eyes went wide. "H-hey! What are you _doing_?!"

  "Oh, just showing jellyfish brains here that you do *not* have breasts via
direct proof," Lina answered glibly, as she finally unlatched and pulled off
Mel's breastplate and backplate armor, then began working on the tunic
underneath it.

  It didn't take Mel half a second to figure out what Lina was up to.
"KYAAHHHH!! Stoppit!" the fighter screamed in feminine outrage, "Hentai!
Chikan! Sukebe! Help! Help! I'm being undressed!" Mel began a desperate
struggle to escape Lina's grasp. However, Lina was surprisingly strong for her
size, [6] and easily kept Mel under control. Mel looked pleadingly at Gourry.

  Eyes wide in trepidation, the swordsman shook his head vigorously in the
negative. "Hey, don't look at me! If I try to stop her, she'll cream me!"

  "Get your filthy hands off my love, you little minx!" Zoe shrieked, but was
restrained by Katelin. "Katelin, let me go! My love needs me."

  Katelin did not release her hold on Zoe. "Hey, even _I_ know better than to
screw with Lina fucking Inverse!" she replied hotly.

  *ZWOOP!*

  The two halves of the tunic were pulled open roughly, and Mel blushed
fifteen shades of red as his-- correction, HER breasts were exposed to the
world, only covered by a rather lacy white bra. [7]

  Gourry blushed and turned away. Zoe and Katelin's eyes grew as large as
dinner plates. Lina glared at Gourry, thinking that his blushing and turning
away meant that there was egg on his face. "There! You see? He doesn't have
any... ah... oh..." *piki piki* Lina blinked, staring in astonishment at the
rather... sizable payload she had just uncovered. "...jeez, they really ARE
bigger than mine!" she noted with a blush.

  ** B A - K A N G ! **

  Just like another character with her voice actor, Lina Inverse found herself
flattened underneath a very large wooden mallet, which bore the inscription
[ (B)ig (A)ss (M)allet ] and was wielded by a newly-revealed-as-female and very
pissed Mel Gabriev. "Baka!" the Gabriev girl ground out, banishing the mallet,
and began buttoning up her tunic again.

  /* Woah! Deja vu! */ thought Lina. Like a woollen cowling being lifted from
her eyes, she saw now that this figure was actually an attractive woman, and
not the attractive man who she first thought she saw. /* No wonder Gourry was
staring at her like that! She's beautiful! */ Lina thought, /* But why couldn't
_I_ --or anyone else, for that matter-- see her as a woman? */

  A horrifying thought struck her. /* That's the THIRD time Gourry noticed
something before I did! Masaka! Could it be that, in some ways, Gourry is
actually... _more intelligent_ than I am?!?! */

  Meanwhile, Katelin could no longer hold in her laughter. "KYAAAHAHAHA!!!"
she roared, "Zoe-chan no bishounen ga... ONNA desu wa-hahahahaaaa!!!" [8]

  Zoe sniffed, "Katelin-chan, hidoi...." [9]

  Grinning like a cat, Katelin obnoxiously mimicked one of Zoe's earlier
lines: "'I'm in love!' 'I'm in love!' 'I'm in love!'" This obnoxious mimicry
was accompanied by equally obnoxious acting.

  Zoe shuddered, then burst into tears wailing, "WAAAH, I'm so-o-o
embarrassed!" Hiding her face in her hands, she beat a trail back to Jurai. Her
so-called friend followed her, teasing her all the way.

  Mel glanced at the rapidly retreating pair. "Good riddance!" she snorted,
then smiled at the two remaining people. "Some reintroductions are in order,
don't you think?" she asked cheerfully. Suddenly, a transformation came over
her. It was not a transformation of body, but of attitude; planting her feet
shoulder-width, the woman in white stood before the sorceress-swordsman pair
with arms akimbo. Puffing out her chest in pride (FAN SERVICE!), she
proclaimed:

  "I am Melsia Gabriev, Warrior-Priestess of the Order of Vestias!"

---------
(1) Lina fancied herself as a pretty good judge of character, and she was
pretty sure this particular pretty boy didn't like to be referred to as
womanly.
(2) That's a long way down!
(3) Gourry has a lot of confusion in his life.
(4) anata: (lit) "you"; (coll) used by wives to address their husbands.
(5) C'mon! You knew it was her all along, didn't you!
(6) Lina, after all, had a habit of taking Gourry down and pinning him on a
regular basis.
(7) How a priestess came to wear lacy underwear is a story in itself, but sadly
beyond the scope of this fanfic.
(8) Trans. "Zoe's 'beautiful boy'... is a _girl_!!"
(9) Trans. "You're so cruel, Katelin!"

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

  The Temple of Uxelplex.

  Cold.
  Grim.
  Vile.
  Poorly lighted.

  *BONK!*

  "OUCH!" cursed one of the cult members. "Damn flying buttress!"

  "Quiet, you!" the cult leader snarled, "This is the critical phase of the
ceremony!"

  "I still don't see why we have to do this ceremony in the dark!" griped the
subordinate cult member.

  The cult leader cast an unseen, but very nasty look at his right-hand man.
"The text says to perform the ceremony 'bathed in dark', and by the Dark Lord,
that's what we're going to do!"

  "I still think that doesn't make sense! How are we supposed to follow the
path if we can't even _see_ the damned thing?!"

  "Who's the cult leader here? That's right, it's me! Now shut up and resume
your path and chanting, lackey!"

  "Prick..." murmured the subordinate.

  "I HEARD THAT!!"

  Cringing, the follower resumes his path and dark chanting.

  The Temple of Uxelplex was a dark and foreboding place, as these temples to
ultimate evil are wont to be. Decaying stone crumbled now and then, sending a
hail of rock and dust onto the floor. The walls and ceilings were caked with
ashes and smoke, and the floor was sticky from the bat guano and miscellenious
rotting corpses and carcasses that had one time perished in this festering
temple.

  Maintainance and renovations hadn't been in the temple's budget for over
three millennia. Considering the once proud Cult of Uxelplex was down to a mere
fifteen members, this should not be surprising.

  These fifteen members, one leader and fourteen subordinates, were now
gathered in the inner sanctum of the temple. Their mouths uttering dark chants,
the fourteen circled the leader, who was leading the summoning ceremony and
chanting in some long-forgotten language. Being a cult of a monster meant that
you first had to summon the thing, which was what they were doing right now...
or at least, that was what they were trying to do.

  *DOINK!*

  "YARG! My toe! I think I stubbed my toe!" whined another subordinate member
of the group.

  "Get back on the path, lackey!"

  "But..."

  "NOW!!" roared the leader, allowing for no argument. Whimpering, the
subordinate returned to his path and chanting, limping all the way.

  All members were focused on a unifying goal, to summon their patron monster
to this world... A monster of great, horrifying power lay sealed in this
ancient temple.

  The Demon Beast, Uxelplex.

  A great many legends of this great and abominable beast have been told. A
servant of Shabranigdo, it is said that the beast was a monster with the power
of Zanaffar, a limitless cauldron of demonic energy, made even more alarming by
the fact that it was an independent, thinking being. They say it could not be
slain by even the most powerful of sorceries. Only the efforts of a group of
the most powerful wielders of holy magic remaining in this world had any hope
to completely seal away this terrifying beast.

  Soon the monster would be summoned, terror shall rule the land, and the Cult
of Uxelplex will reign supreme...

  *WHUMP!*

  "Itetete..."

  ...if only they could get the ceremony right.

  "Get back up!" snapped the leader.

  "Yessir!"

  The unsealing ceremony was simple. As they chanted some arcane chant, the
followers were to walk counterclockwise around the intricately engraved pattern
in the floor, the only pattern that looked anything approaching new in the
entire temple. It was the seal that the Vestian Order used to lock away the
Demon Beast three millennia ago. It was this event that precipitated the
downfall of the cult. It doesn't do much for a patriarchal cult's image to have
one's patron demon be sealed away by an all-female holy order. Membership
dwindled after that until only a few core families were left. For three
millennia, the remaining cult members expended great effort to break the seal
on their lord.

  *SPLAT!*

  "AIEE! I've fallen and I can't get up!!" cried another cult member.

  Needless to say, they had not been successful as of yet.
  The seal was, as yet, very uncooperative.

  "You better get up, Thurgison, else I'll drop you in the Pit of Peril!"
growled the leader. He wondered why he never got rid of the old coot, for he
was too much trouble than his worth.

  "I can't find my cane..." whimpered the old decrepit follower.

  The leader exploded, "That's it! I hereby eject you from the order!" With
that, the leader punched one of the glyphs engraved upon the altar. A trapdoor
opened up beneath the decrepit follower, who with a scream of terror fell into
the carnivorous antelope pit beneath the temple and thus became savannah chow.

  "Great! _Now_ how are we going to complete the ritual?" the leader's
right-hand man asked.

  "Bah, he was redundant anyway!" the leader replied. "Continue the ceremony!"
the exasperated leader growled, and the cult returned to their dark verses.

  For some reason, the ceremony had to take place in the dark, which explained
the high number of accidents thus far.

  *CRACK!*

  "Owie-Owie-Owie! WAAAAHHHH!!!!" wailed a blond girl with her hair set in two
buns and ponytails on either side.

  The leader felt a headache coming on. "Damn, there goes Selene. She's
useless after she hurts herself... not that she's much use otherwise," he
sighed, finally deciding that he was fighting a losing battle as the last of
his will evaporated. "Might as well pack up now." He clapped his hands, halting
the ceremony. "Okay folks, time to go. We'll gather tomorrow to practice your
moves until you can do them in your sleep." The cult followers shuffled about
gratefully. "Someone untie the goat and lead it back to the stable."

  "Um, the goat got away. We got a rabbit instead," one of the cult followers
said nervously.

  There was a ghastly silence.

  "You *absolute* MORON!!" the leader bellowed in outrage. "We can't use a
rabbit in the ritual!"

  "It's a _cute_ rabbit!" whined the follower.

  "I don't care how bleedin' cute it is! A rabbit just won't cut it!"
explained the cult leader, "How would YOU like to wake up and find your
promised Inverse-sized breakfast special had been replaced by a small bowl of
nuts and grain?"

  And so the dread Cult of Uxelplex packed up to call it quits for the night.
The hasenpfeffer was returned to its rightful place, and arrangements were made
to get another goat. Unfortunately for the great and powerful Demon Beast
Uxelplex, it's followers tended to be terminally incompetent, which is the main
reason why Zanaffar took all of the credit in the evil Demon Beast department.

  *BONK!*

  "ARGH!" the cult leader yelped, "Will _somebody_ light those damn
torches?!!"

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

  "Sugoi!! You're a Vestian Maiden?!?!" Lina gasped in wonder. Here, before
her very eyes, was a member of the famous Order of Vestias. Lina's eyes
sparkled as if Melsia was a superstar, or an idol singer... or a very valuable
yet easy-to-carry piece of loot.

  Melsia suddenly felt a bit uneasy at Lina's appraisal, but brushed the
feeling off. After all, it wasn't like Lina was going to kidnap her... was she?

  "Huh? Are Vest Maidens well-known or something?" Guess who.

  Lina facefaulted into the dirt. Melsia twitched an eyebrow in annoyance as
she took a cleansing breath. She was a Gabriev, so she had to put up with
moronic brothers, fathers and miscellaneous male relatives while she was
growing up. "That's 'Vestian', my friend..."

  "L-sama, Gourry!" Lina shouted as she rebounded from impacting the ground.
"They're only the most famous, yet most elusive and exclusive sects in the
world. Jeez, even three year olds know about them!"

  Gourry smacked a fist in his palm in something resembling comprehension.
"Oh! Kind of like I didn't know about that Rizzo guy at first!" He blinked.
"What was he famous for, again?"

  Lina smacked her face in chagrin. "That's 'Rezo', you dumb cluck! I'll
explain later," she growled. Gourry had opened his mouth to once again shove
his foot into it. She calmly restrained herself from turning what was a
figurative description of Gourry's state-of-being into a literal one. Lina then
remembered the chain of thought that was about to take place prior to Gourry's
most recent interruption. [10] "Wait a minute! You say you're a Vestian
Maiden?"

  "Yes," Melsia answered, matter-of-factly.

  "AND a Gabriev?"

  "Yes." Mel leveled an even gaze at Lina, "Why? You have something against
Gabrievs?"

  "No, no! Of course not!" Lina answered quickly, "In fact, my boyfr-- I mean,
my _associate_, Gourry, is a Gabriev." She hiked her thumb at Gourry, who
smiled and waved. "It's just that, with only Gourry to go by I kinda got the
impression that all Gabrievs were jellyfish brains," Lina said, then added
quickly, "No offense, Melsia-san."

  "None taken."

  "Now, the question is whether you're the exception or the rule," Lina mused
aloud.

  "The rule. The Gabriev family has been one of the major backbones of the
Order since before the War of Resurrection," Melsia declared proudly. "Gabriev
women have traditionally joined the Order if they can, and they usually can. My
mother was a Vestian, and so was her mother before her."

  "Wow!" Gourry exclaimed, truly amazed. [11]

  Lina smirked, nudging Gourry. [12] "So I guess that makes you the family
idiot, Gourry!"

  "Not quite." The priestess tapped her skull. "Gabriev women get the brains,
you see," she said proudly, winking. "On the other hand, Gabriev men get...
well--"

  "Boiled cabbage?"

  "Exactly," sighed Melsia.

  "Speaking of the difference between Gabriev men and women," Lina began, "For
some reason no one but Gourry was able to identify you as a woman until I...
er..." Lina hesitated, grasping for a genteel way to describe her particular
social gaff. She gave up and moved on. "Well, anyway! Why were people confusing
you with a man?"

  "What's so hard about it?" Gourry asked. He was having a hard time
understanding how anyone could confuse a girl with a guy. "All you got to do is
check for boobs." After a glancing at Lina, he corrected himself. "No wait,
that might not work with Lina." He felt he was beginning to understand how one
could confuse a girl and a guy. [13]

  Lina begged to differ with Gourry's assessment, as she began to stomp the
blond idiot savant into a fine paste.

  "When you're through pummeling my cousin..." Melsia began. Lina got the
message and stopped pounding on Gourry. Melsia smiled; now that Lina had
already pierced her glamour, the binding preventing her from divulging her
secret was not an issue. She instructed the two to take a seat on the
conveniently placed stones at the side of the road, then took one herself.

  A small wyrm swam through the air behind them, pulling along a pair of
linked banners with the following messages:

  [ ***** Warning: Long expository dialogue ahead. ***** ]

  None but Gourry spotted the wyrm, and the said swordsman couldn't make any
sense of it, so he ignored it. Melsia took a deep breath.

  Melsia pulled out a canteen and took a swig. "Mine is one of the Seven Great
Blessings of the Order -- the 'Blessing of Hidden Femininity'," the white-clad
priestess began. Lina could *hear* the capitals. "Simply put, this Blessing
hides the fact of your womanhood from all those who don't know your true sex
already."

  "Oh! Like Lina?" Gourry said, a sudden surge of dullance flashing through
his brain. [14]

  Lina kicked Gourry in the shin. "JELLYFISH BRAIN!!" Lina snarled. "I am NOT
hiding my femininity!"

  Gourry scratched his head, then brightened. "Oh yeah. You just don't have
much there to begin with," he said, nodding. Within milliseconds, Gourry found
himself in a world of hurt as Lina began thoroughly tenderizing him for the
evening's stew.

  A jellyfish floated by the screen, pulling after it another screen which
shielded the progressing violence from view. On the screen was written:

  [**** There shall now be a brief intermission. -Tj ****]

  Since this was just a visual device to indicate that a lot of time passed,
it was not noticed. Gourry would've noticed had he not been busy being beaten
up, and would probably have ignored the sign in any case.

  The priestess turned another page of her mystery novel as she waited
patiently for Lina to finish pounding on Gourry so she could continue her
explanation. Finally, Lina plopped herself on her stone and smiled cheerfully
at the Vestian. "Sorry. Continue?"

  Melsia stared at Lina for a second, then glanced down at the bloody mass of
flesh and raw bone that was her cousin. A giant sweatdrop formed on the back of
her head as she wondered what kind of woman Gourry had gotten involved with.
She sighed, marking her place in the novel, as there seemed to be no permanent
damage to Gourry.

  /* Oh well, */ Melsia sighed, closing the book and reengaged Lina and
Gourry. (Well... Just Lina, really; Gourry was pulp at the moment.) "Okay, now
where was I?"

  "You'd just told us about your Blessing hiding your femininity."

  Melsia's fist smacked into her hand. "Oh, yes! That's what triggered
Gourry's crack, wasn't it?" she asked perkily.

  Lina cast a dirty look at the lump of goo. "Yes," the sorceress agreed, "He
tends to eat foot a lot."

  Melsia laid a hand on Lina's shoulder in sympathy. "Believe me, Lina-chan, I
_know_."

  And so Melsia continued her explanation of what she knew about the
Blessings. Lina asked some questions, and Melsia answered them, and by the time
the priestess's explanation was finished, Lina had a pretty good grasp on the
Blessing. However, for brevity's sake it will be summarized briefly here.

  The Blessing of Hidden Femininity is a Veil Blessing, which cloaks the
Vestian in a mystical Veil to alter how others perceive her. The Veil doesn't
actually change her appearance, only the perception of others. In the case of
Melsia's Blessing, it renders onlookers unable to connect Melsia's profile with
the concept of 'woman' in their minds. These minds would then be driven to
other conclusions until they are presented with very strong evidence of
Melsia's femininity. (Such as exposing her breasts, which Lina did to prove
that Melsia was NOT a woman... an attempt which failed.)

  Certain rare individuals are immune to the effect of the Veil, as well as
all Vestian Maidens. Gourry appeared to be one of the former, which makes sense
since his family is one of the backbones of the order. This means that Gourry
could see Melsia for what she was immediately, whereas it took a peepshow to
convince Lina that Melsia was a woman.

  For Melsia, the Blessing's effects did not end with a virtual cross-dressing
habit. [15] In Melsia's case the Blessing's effects extended to making people
seeing her actual bishounen beauty as an unnaturally-alluring bishounen
handsomeness. This meant being hit on a lot by amorous fangirls, and being hit
a lot by their jealous boyfriends.

  This wouldn't be so bad if Melsia could tell these pursuers, 'I'm a girl!
Bug off!' However, the Vestian Order bestows on its members a number of geas,
one of which blocks any purposeful attempt by the Maiden to reveal her Blessing
to others. When Gourry stated directly that Melsia was female, that geas
binding her from discussing her Blessing was released, and she was able to talk
freely about her Blessing with both Gourry and Lina.

  Gourry, who by the end of this discussion had reconstituted, summarized
Melsia's situation this way: "So, everyone who looks at you will think they see
a guy even though you're really a girl, unless they already know about your
being a girl in which case they would see a girl, but you can't tell them that
you are really a girl unless they already know or someone like me says you're a
girl because this thingy keeps you from revealing that you are a girl to those
who don't already know."

  The two women STARED at Gourry. Bigsweats grew on their heads. "That's...
basically correct."

  "Scary," commented Lina.

  "Of course, there are some Blessings you simply can't see through, even if
you are a Vestian. In those cases, you would need to bring the Vestian back to
the Temple of Vestias, because all Blessings are deactivated inside the temple;
or you can have another Vestian cast a special spell which deactivates the
Blessing for a few hours. The only way to permanently dispell the Blessing is
to either fulfill your 'Fated Quest', or leave the order."

  "Geez, that bites. So what _is_ your Fated Quest?" Lina asked.

  Melsia gave her a shrug. "Don't know. You _never_ know what your Fated Quest
is until you've done it and found your Blessing lifted."

  "So why not hide away in the temple?" Lina asked. "That way no one would
confuse you for a man."

  "What's the point of a curse if it doesn't affect the way you live?" Melsia
asked rhetorically. "Besides, I have an assignment."

  "Which is?" Lina prompted.

  "I'm looking for a fellow temple sister," the priestess answered. She looked
up toward sky, striking a dramatic figure. Lina groaned silently at the blatant
dramatics. "The temple has recalled all active priestesses. All have answered
that summons, save one. It won't be an easy task, as they only know that a
sister is missing."

  "They don't know who it is?" Gourry asked.

  Melsia shook her head. "Nope. All they could perform was a headcount by the
time I left. For all I know, it could be my sister."

  The wyrm again swam through the air behind them, going in the opposite
direction, pulling along a different banner:

  [ ***** All Clear: Long explanation finished. -Tj ***** ]

  Again only Gourry noticed, and again he ignored it. Instead, Gourry leaned
over to whisper into Lina's ear. "Hey, Lina? Why did we spend all that time
talkin' about all that stuff?"

  The two switched off for Lina's reply. "Because, Gourry, the Author needed
to do a bit of exposition to provide important background material to the
readers, and this was the slot in which he decided to put it."

  *CRASH*

  Lina was clobbered by a stone tablet that fell out of the sky to land
squarely on her head. This stone tablet was shaped somewhat like the Claire
Bible manuscript they had found in Rezo's laboratory, but in truth it looked
more like something you would see in a Charlton Heston movie.

  "*mmph!*" groaned Lina from under the tablet, "...ow!" She shoved the tablet
off her head and sat up. "Jeez, that hurt!" she griped.

  "Are you okay, Lina?" Gourry asked.

  "I've just been clobbered by a freakin' falling stone tablet! OF COURSE I'm
not okay!!" Lina snapped before glaring at the stone tablet, and noticed that
the tablet bore an inscription:

  [ LINA, GOURRY-- Thou shalt mind the fourth wall! -Tj ]

  "I know, Author-san! I know!" she grumbled and followed Melsia, who had
continued on even after the tablet beaned Lina.

  "Hey! You two coming or not?" Melsia called.

  Lina looked up to see that Melsia some ways up the road. "Yeah! Just give us
a moment!" the sorceress replied, tossing the tablet away.

  *GONG!*

  Off Gourry's head. "Oooo! Pretty birdies!" Gourry mumbled drunkly. He
quickly shooed said birdies off. "Lina, why did you do that?" the blond
swordsman whined.

  Lina gave him a genuinely embarrassed smile. "Aheh! Sorry, Gourry. Didn't
mean it. Just wasn't watching where I was throwing it. C'mon, let's go!" Lina
grabbed Gourry's and dragged him along as they pulled up next to Melsia.

  "So that missing Vestain Maiden could be your little sister, huh?" Lina
paused as she tried to fit with what Melsia had said before. "Hey, wait a
minute... Isn't she the ditz? I mean if you go by what you said just before
fighting the Generic Universal Bandit Gang..." Lina trailed off, then blinked
as Melsia looked straight up into the sky.

  The dynamic duo suddenly become aware of a strange whistling sound coming
from above them, and looked up as well. "'(...teeeeeee-eeeemmmmmmm)'!!!!!!" the
charred form of a familiar-looking bandit screamed as he fell from the sky in
exactly the way Vogon ships don't. [16] With a mighty **CRASH!** the bandit
type dude was buried in the soil up to his ankles. Too bad he was upside down
at the time. He failed to take any of the three adventures with him for his
troubles, as all easily dodge out of the way before impact.

  Lina blinked as she stared at the recent arrival, then yelled in sudden
recognition, "Hey, I remember this guy! I fireballed him into the stratosphere
for correcting me the last time." [17]

  Fortunately for his continued existence, the bandit was still buried
face-first in the dirt, so his muffled reply was unintelligible. He was thus
unmolested as the trio moved off.

  "Anyway, back to your sister..." Lina began again. "I thought you said your
sister was a ditz."

  "So I did, and that's what we've always believed," mused Melsia aloud, "In
fact, Fiona-chan's inanity was almost the stuff of urban legend in my town,
which means that the town was shocked when she was admitted as a neonate into
the Order. Maybe she was smarter than she was letting on." Melsia let out a
sigh. "Still, if that 'airhead' schtick was an act, Fiona-chan certainly played
the it to the hilt. A bandit franchise is certainly worthy of a genuine
Fiona-ism."

  "So how *did* your sister get into the Order with a reputation like _that_?"

  "Ahhh! Now THAT'S a story in itself!" Melsia proclaimed with a wink.

  And it is here we must leave Lina and the Gabrievs for the time being, as
another character is about to be introduced to the cast. We shall thus have to
miss Fiona Gabriev's origin story. [18]

---------
(10) Gourry's interjections tend to divert Lina's regular chain of thought. She
made great pains to not leave Gourry too far behind, although she knew that her
goal was impossible.
(11) Then again, amazing Gourry is not a difficult task.
(12) "Nudge, nudge! Say no more, say no more! Nudge, nudge! Nudge, nudge!"
(13) Note, Gourry *felt* as if he was beginning to understand, not that he
actually *was* beginning to understand.
(14) It's not like we can call what flashed through Gourry's brain
'brilliance', can we?
(15) Not a virtual sex-change. At least with a sex-change Melsia would no
longer have to worry about 'ano hi'.
(16) And thus, the bandit fell in exactly the way that bricks do.
(17) See Slayers BLESSED, Ch 1.
(18) Ain't I a bastard?

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

  A weary figure in dirty traveling clothes crested the hill. The checked
bandanna around his forehead kept his sweat-soaked black hair out of his eyes.
The young man --a boy really-- wiped his brow and shifted his heavy backpack
off his shoulders as he sat down to rest.

  "You know... I never thought I'd say this, but you're an even worse
traveling companion than Lina," came a snide remark from just over the hill.

  The boy snarled, glaring at his unseen companion. Moments later, a humanoid
in beige clothes and cape also crested the hill. This humanoid would be a man
if you consider blue stone skin, pointy ears and hair of steel to be within the
normal range of human variability. Which, needless to say, it is not. The
humanoid was, of course, that chimeric wonder, Zelgadis "Chuckles" Greywers.

  "And since when have I ever been referred to as 'Chuckles', Author-san?" the
chimera asked wryly.

  A gust of wind blew a paper flier into his face. It read: [ ZEL-- You have a
point. -Tj ]

  Crumpling the paper and pocketing it for eventual disposal in a proper waste
receptacle, [19] Zelgadis eyed the boy with annoyance. "I'll hand it to you,
though," Zelgadis continued, "You get to visit the most... interesting places."

  The boy growled.

  "I mean," continued the chimera, "take that desert that we passed through...
The one with the gold man who was fluent in 6 million forms of communication
and the self-propelled white metal barrel trodding along, which seemed to only
be capable of beeping. And here I thought the Desert of Destruction was a
wasteland. The double sun didn't help much either."

  "Oh shut up," the boy snapped. "This is all Ranma's fault anyway!"

  "So you always claim," replied the chimera. "If this 'Ranma' person you keep
ranting about is responsible for even *half* of the stuff you blame him for,
then--"

  Zelgadis stopped when the bandanna-ed boy picked up a rock and poked it,
which shattered and sent shards of stone scattering everywhere. Ryouga glared
at Zelgadis with a look that said, 'That could have been you.'

  "Forget I said anything..."

  Hibiki Ryouga seemed satisfied, turning back to his silent stewing.

  Several minutes passed before a quiet rustling noise caught Zelgadis's
attention. He did nothing for several more minutes, however, as he listened to
a large group of people surrounding the clearing, surrounding them. "You can
come out now," he called out. "I hear you hiding in those bushes!"

  A couple of dozen sweatdrops appeared on the bushes surrounding the
clearing, then from out behind those bushes leapt the members of the Yet
Another Bandit Gang (tm), the chief rivals to the Generic Universal Bandit Gang
(tm). They were of various shapes and sizes, and all pretty dirty and smelly,
yet oddly uniform despite their appearances.

  One of them, the meanest, nastiest Yet Another Bandit (tm) of all, who had
been assigned the role of Yet Another Bandit Boss (tm), approached the duo.
"Heh heh!" the bandit boss sneered. "Give us all your precious metals, and we
won't hurtcha!"

  Neither Ryouga nor Zelgadis looked particularly impressed. Ryouga simply
snarled as he unhooked the umbrella from his backpack, "Who are these jerks?"

  Zelgadis actually grinned. At last he could let out all of that frustration
built up over traveling with the Lost Boy. "They're called 'bandits', my
friend," he said, drawing his wicked sword. "Looks like I'm back home."

---------
(19)[ Don't mess with Texas! ]

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

[Some time before]

  Lina held her hand high above her head. She glanced to each side, noting
that Gourry and Melsia were facing off against each other, their figures tense
and ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. The two fighters were
about to spar against each other. And it was Lina's fault.

  It had started innocently enough. As the trio approached Ifurita, Lina and
Melsia had been walking, side by side, chatting away like old friends as they
discussed various subjects such as cute boys, clothes, jewelry, magic, and
politics. [20] Gourry had felt very much out of his element with the two young
women just ahead of him discussing (or just plain gossiping about) various
unfamiliar subjects. A normal person would have been plodding behind them in
these situations, but since almost everything was out of Gourry's element, this
state of affairs was not cause for him to plod about. Instead, he was simply
lost in his own little world.

  It was this lazy state of affairs that was interrupted as they neared
Ifurita. They were 'ambushed' by the Ifurita branch of the Generic Universal
Bandit Gang (tm), but with an excellent swordfighter, an equally excellent
warrior-priestess, and a kick-ass sorceress/swordswoman, the trio made short
work of the gang.

  It was just after this scuffle that Lina thought aloud it would be cool to
have Gourry and Melsia test their swordsmanship skills against each other. The
Gabrievs agreed, only not in the way that Lina was expecting.

  "Hey, I'm game!" chirped the priestess. With that, Melsia drew her sword.
"Gourry Gabriev, I challenge you to a test of skill."

  Gourry grinned, drawing his own sword. Now THIS was something he knew about.
"I accept."

  "Lina, if you'll do the honors," Melsia offered.

  Lina's eyes bugged out. "Hey, wait a minute!" the sorceress boggled. "You
aren't going to do this with LIVE BLADES, are you?!"

  "As a matter of fact," Melsia replied. At Lina's alarmed look, Melsia gave
her the Gabriev smile to reassure her. "Relax, Lina. We're both good enough to
stop all of our strikes in time. Besides, we _are_ wearing armor."

  "Um, right... Okay," came Lina's tentative reply. Despite Melsia's
assurances, Lina felt very apprehensive about this bout that was about to
commence. The two fighters took their positions across from each other, each's
stance almost exactly mirroring the other, with Lina between them.

  Thus bringing us back to the point whence we rejoined the three adventurers.

  Lina lifted her hand. The redheaded sorceress glanced at each fighter, then
brought her hand down in a chopping motion as she screamed, "FIGHT!" She
scooted backwards, quickly leaving the designated fighting area.

  At the moment Lina finished her signal to begin the match, the two fighters
lunged at each other. Twin flashes of deadly steel rang the first exchange of
blows.

  Melsia's eyes widened. /* The feel of that strike... */

  She wheeled around in time to parry Gourry's powerful swinging strike aimed
at her torso, then pulled the blade down to block an Achilles-Slayer strike,
[21] followed by a series of sword strikes and parries. The Swordsman of Light
had the Vestian Maiden on the defensive. Gourry pounded into Melsia's defense,
probing for an opening. Although it was all-out, her defense was solid; all
Gourry could do was hack at her and wait for her to screw up.

  Unfortunately, Melsia was only on the defensive because she was far more
interested in Gourry's sword style than in fighting him. Thus she was
countering Gourry more more by reflex than by tactical planing. As they fought,
she contemplated Gourry's form. /* Ceiphied-sama! Gourry's sword signature is
_weird_!! */ the puzzled Vestian thought. /* It's certainly the Vestias-Gabriev
school of Swordsmanship, though being a Gabriev that shouldn't be surprising.
The way Gourry moves... it's like he first learned to fight in a lighter,
faster body. */

  /* I suppose it could be because he started training early, then had to
change his style when puberty hit, */ she supposed. /* Still, there's something
very _odd_ about it. Something I can't quite put my finger on... */

  /* Well, whatever... */ With a mental shrug, Melsia put her mind back into
actually being a serious opponent for Gourry.

  Gourry saw Melsia pleased smile a split second before he found himself
stumbling backwards, his hands empty. He managed to regain his balance just in
time to feel the cold steel of Melsia's sword touch his throat. Gourry's sword
hit the ground blade first, leaving it standing straight up in the soil.

  "The match is mine, ne?" asked the maiden slyly. Gourry nodded in agreement.

  "WOW! That was great!" Lina cheered.

  Gourry agreed, "Yeah!" Smiling sincerely, he continued, "You're pretty good
with that sword." Unlike other people, Gourry was not one to entertain petty
grudges for very long. However, this is mostly due to the fact that he can't
remember them than because he's a nice guy, although he's that too.

  "Yeah, I guess I'm okay..." the Vestian modestly accepted to complement.

  "'OKAY'?!" Lina boggled. "You're the best I've ever seen! Heck, until you,
Gourry was the best I've ever seen!"

  Blushing demurely, Melsia waved her off. "Oh, you flatterer!" She drew her
attention back to Gourry. "You're good, Gourry. You're very good," Melsia told
the swordsman, "In fact, with enough practice, you could become better than
me... you might even become a match for Fiona-chan."

  Lina's eyes bugged out in disbelief. There was someone _better_ than Melsia?
Even Gourry's skill with the sword seemed ungodly to her, but to know that
there might be someone even better than someone better than Gourry completely
blew her mind. It was... inconceivable! "You mean, your Fiona is _better_?"

  Sighing, Melsia smiled wistfully. "Fiona-chan's a natural swordswoman,
that's for certain. By the time she was ten, she was already beating most of
the senior Maidens," she said as she reminisced about her long lost sister.
"Certainly beat the tights off of me plenty of times," she added with a
chuckle. "In fact, she was already an Armsmaster by the time I left on my
pilgrimage just after being initiated." A proud grin stretched from ear-to-ear.
"Heh! An Armsmaster at sweet-sixteen; imagine that."

  "Sugoi!" [22] Lina whispered in awe. Gourry simply whistled in admiration.

  A smile still firmly plastered on her face, Melsia held a hand out to
Gourry, who accepted it. Pulling him up, Melsia said, "I'll start teaching you
after we make camp, okay?"

  Nodding his head eagerly, Gourry replied, "Sure!"

  Lina blinked, then groaned as she realized what the Author was doing. "Jeez!
Author no baka! Enough sappy feelgood happiness for one episode... or at least
this one section, huh?" Lina snarled at the clear sky, which promptly blasted
her with a lightning bolt. "EEYAAYAAYAAYAAYAAYAAH!!!" Part of the electricity
arced to one side, scorching a nearby patch of grass, a la Kami-sama sending an
Urd-gram, with the following words:

  [ LINA-- You _did_ ask for an end to the happiness for this section, did you
not?  ^,^  -Tj ]

  "Right..." Lina groaned.

  The Gabrievs looked at Lina. "Did you say something, Lina?" Gourry asked.

  "Betsu ni..." [23] Lina groaned.

---------
(20) Y'know, the normal stuff girls gossip about. ^_^
(21) Ie, a strike sweeping low to strike the Achilles' tendon. Yes, I _am_
making this up.
(22) sugoi: /intj./ "Awesome!"
(23) Trans. "Nothing..."

-  ---    -----      -----    ---  -

[A little later]

  As they climbed the hill, Gourry's sharp ears picked up the clang of metal
on metal. There was a swordfight going on somewhere around here. "Hey, Melsia,"
he asked, stopping, "Are we still fighting?"

  The two women stopped and looked at Gourry. Lina gave him a flat look. "And
what prompted you to ask a stupid question like that?" she asked in a
disbelieving tone... disbelief that Gourry had even asked the question, that
is.

  "'Cuz I still hear a swordfight going on," he answered frankly.

  Both sorceress and priestess listened carefully.

  "Hey, I hear one too!" confirmed Lina.

  "So do I," agreed Melsia.

  Lina grinned at Gourry, a very wide grin she got only when she was about to
eat food or blast bandits. "You know what this means, don't you Gourry?" she
singsonged.

  Gourry looked confused for a second, but only a second. Then he grinned
himself, a grin that mirrored Lina's own grin, indicating a complete
synchronization of their thoughts.

  "Bandits!" they said as one.

  The Dynamic Duo was instantly in motion, leaving a certain Vestian Maiden in
their proverbial dust. "H-Hey! Wait up!" Melsia shouted as she raced after
them.

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

[Meanwhile]

  It had been a few minutes (in real time) whence we last saw Zelgadis and
Ryouga, when they were about to be attacked by a group of bandits. Or more
precisely, _they_ were about to attack the group of bandits. At the moment, the
two were now fighting the group of bandits... or rather, a much smaller subset
of those bandits, as in the meantime some had been taken down by either
Zelgadis's sword or Ryouga's depleted uranium umbrella.

  As all good things come to an end, so too did this fight, as Ryouga took
down the last of the bandits with a smart knock to the noggin'. Little birdies
surrounded the Yet Another Bandit's (tm) head.

  As they crested the hill, Gourry and Lina recognized the characteristic
beige outfit at about the same time, surrounded by KO-ed bandits and in the
company of some other fellow. "Hey, isn't that...?" Gourry started.

  "It is! Zel! Zel!" Lina called to the chimera cheerfully, waving at the
beige-clad figure as they approached.

  Zelgadis, hearing his nickname being called, turned towards the source of
the call to find a spunky little redhead and a big, dumb blond guy rushing up
to greet him, followed by another guy [24] who looked like he was trying to
catch up with the other two. "Oh. Hello, Lina," he greeted the redhead in his
usual, flat voice.

  Lina frowned at the lack of enthusiasm. "'Hello, Lina'? Is _that_ all you
have to say for yourself?" she asked in mock annoyance.

  "What am I supposed to say, Lina?"

  "How 'bout not sayin' anything and giving me a big hug, tall, blue, and
handsome?" Lina asked with a wink. Zelgadis laughed at that and the two shared
a hug. Gourry twitched at their open display of affection, which did not go
unnoticed by his cousin.

  Ryouga finally caught his breath and glanced toward his friend, traveling
partner, and sparring partner for the past few weeks, and found him to be
holding a VERY cute girl in his arms. /* Is that his girlfriend? */ he thought
with curiosity, so he decided to ask about it. "Hey, Zel! Who's your cute
friend?"

  Releasing Zelgadis from the Glomp, Lina put on her brightest and cutest
greeting smile, secretly delighted to be awarded the term 'cute' by this
handsome fellow. "Hi! I'm Lina," the sorceress greeted Zelgadis's companion.
"Nice to meecha!" she added, presenting her hand for him to shake.

  Ryouga was about to take the hand, but stopped. "Wait, that voice! That
_hair_! They're just like..." Suddenly, the young man's face gained a _very_
unwelcoming snarl. Downright murderous, in fact. "RRRRRAAAAANNNNMMMMAAAAA!!!!!"
the boy bellowed, causing Lina to hop back a couple of yards, eyes wide with
startlement at Ryouga's wild-eyed look. "PREPARE TO DIEEEEE!!!!" Unhooking his
combat umbrella, he charged Lina, closing the distance between them.

  "NYAAAAAHHH!!!!!" Lina squealed (yowled?), "NYAH! NYAH! NYAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

  Before Lina was skewered on Ryouga's umbrella, a large blur suddenly
interposed between him and her.

  *SLICE* *DICE* *PUREE*

  Suddenly, Ryouga's extra-heavy umbrella fell into extra-heavy pieces. Its
owner blinked once, then looked up to see Gourry standing protectively in front
of Ryouga's target. "HEY!" Ryouga protested.

  "Gourry!" Lina gasped in relief, and smiled.  ^_^  Once again, her
proverbial knight in shining armor [25] had indeed protected her. Hey, there
might be naught but yogurt between those ears, but she had to admit, he was
GOOD at protecting her.

  "Now hold on, pal! I don't know what's going on here, but I'm this girl's
protector," Gourry said, privately relieved as he finally entered familiar
territory... swordfighting and protecting Lina. Actually, his thoughts were
more along the lines of, /* Hey! I actually know how to do this stuff! Whee!!
^u^ */

  Instead of backing off, Ryouga continued to rave as he pulled off a couple
of his bandannas, spinning them up.  "Get outta the way, Blondie! This is a
man-to-man fight!" he snarled as the two moved to do battle, but Lina had other
ideas.

  "WHO YOU CALLIN' A *MAN*?!!?!" she roared, charging up a favorite attack
spell. "=FIREBALL!="

  ** BLAST! **

  "WAAAAGH!!!" Ryouga railed.

  "YAAAHHH!!!" Gourry wailed.

  The two landed heavily on the ground. Ryouga was stunned from the explosion,
but to Gourry it was a mere love-tap.

  "Linaaaa!" the blond swordsman whined pitifully. "Why did you blast _me_! It
was him who said you were a man!" Gourry mused aloud, "Although, I admit, I can
see where he might be mistaken..."

  A shame. He was doing so well, too.

  "=BURST RONDO!!="

  **CHU-CHU-CHU-CHU-CHU--**

  "AAAIIIEEEE!!!" Gourry screamed as he was toasted by multiple little
fireballs. Within seconds, he looked worse than Lina's original target.

  Speaking of Ryouga, the Lost Boy had just recovered from the Fireball, and
was now drawing himself up to confront Lina again. "RrrrraaaAANNNMAAAA!!!" he
growled, approaching menacingly, "How dare you--"

  Zelgadis glanced at Gourry, who was still out of action (although he knew
from past experience that he would be perfectly fine in a few minutes).
However, Zel took note of the now currently _very_ steamed Lina Inverse, and
knew she didn't need much protection in the immediate future.

  More for Ryouga's safety than for Lina's, he used his demon strength to
prevent Ryouga from doing something he WOULD regret. Therefore, Ryouga found
himself restrained from further approaching his target by his latest traveling
companion. Ryouga, however, didn't appreciate this helpful gesture. "Grrrr,
hands off me, Rock-Man! I know that voice, and that's definitely Ranma!" he
growled, in a wonderful imitation of a wolf. He even barked at Lina, "You
wrecked my life, Saotome! I shall have my REVENGE!!" Lina simply returned his
heated glare.

  Zelgadis silently marveled at the young man's strength. Ryouga was in fact
the strongest of his traveling companions, barring Filia and possibly Xellos.
So strong was he that restraining him was actually moderately difficult even
with his own demon strength. "Ryouga, calm down. This isn't Ranma. It's Lina
Inverse," he told Ryouga. "You know, Lina? The sorceress I was talking about?
The one who singlehandedly killed part of the major god of destruction of my
world, and helped kill ALL of the major god of destruction of another?"

  Finally, reason penetrated Ryouga's thick skull. [26] "Huh? Are you saying
that's HER?!" he asked incredulously. Seeing the chimera nod, he asked
tentatively, "Are you _sure_ she's not Ranma?"

  Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "_Quite_ sure."

  After being released from the chimera's hold, the Lost Boy approached Lina
with an inspecting eye. "Hmmm..." Finally, he said in a far more introspective
and calm tone, "I think you're right, Zelgadis. She can't be Saotome Ranma. He
has MUCH bigger breasts."

  It just goes to show that Saotome Ranma isn't the ONLY one who can stuff his
his own foot deep down his throat.

  "You're going to regret saying that, my friend..." Zelgadis sighed.

  "Huh?" Ryouga blink-blinked.

  *piku*

  A vein popped out on Lina's head. Soon others joined it.

  *piku* *piku* **PIKU**

  Suddenly, Lina's head grew to gargantuan sizes. Her scowling eyes gleamed
with naught but a menacing white. Her great maw belched fire from between
full-sized fangs. "'HE'?!?!?!!!" the thing roared. "'BIGGER BREASTS'??!!!!?!"
continued the sorceress for whom 'pissed off' would be a woefully inadequate
term to describe her current state of mind. The thing's voice shifted to such a
high register, that most of the energy wasn't even in the audible range.
"diiieeeee!!!!" she squeaked, and for miles around wolves started howling as
they heard the call of she who was about to go nuclear, in more ways than one.

  The little sorceress began chanting one of her bigger spells:

     "Darkness beyond twilight,
      Crimson beyond blood that flows..."

  These words were quite well known Gourry Gabriev, since he got to hear them
_very_ often, and if he wasn't careful, could result in a _very_ large amount
of pain. "Dr-Dragon Slave!! Run away! Run away!" he screamed, and hid like a
frightened cur behind some nearby boulders, BEHIND (very important!) Lina
Inverse.

  Although the words were not as familiar to Melsia as they were to Gourry,
being one of Ceiphied's followers she *did* know when her patron diety's blood
enemy was being called upon-- it sent chills down her spine, turned her blood
to ice water, made her hair stand on end, and gave her goosebumps something
awful. "KYAAAAAHHHH!!!!" she screamed in agreement, and also hid like a
frightened cur behind Gourry's boulders.

  "Now you've done it, boy," said Zelgadis, quite frankly.

  Ryouga looked around, trying to find the source of the danger he was
sensing. And there was a LOT of it. "Huh? What's happening?"

  Lina continued her chant:

     "Buried in the flow of time
        In thy great name,
      I pledge myself to darkness..."

  She cupped her hands. A small yet bright pinprick of power flashed between
her hands, and the began to grow as the sorceress drew the power of Lord Ruby
Eye, the King of Darkness of this world, into her hands.

  This sight caused the Lost Boy's eyes to bug out. "He-hey! She's *glowing*!"
he said redundantly, "And I don't think that's ki gathering between her hands!"

  "I assure you, it is not." Zelgadis nodded sagely. "Run, boy!" he warned,
"Run like a mother-fucker!" With that final warning, Zelgadis used his demon
speed to dash to the group of boulders claimed by the Gabrievs and dove behind
them to join his terrified companions.

  "Right!" Ryouga nodded, then grabbing his stuff ran off into the woods as
fast as his little feet could carry him, though not without some weaving.

  Meanwhile, Lina was adding the finishing touches on her Spell of Mass
Destruction:

     "Let the fools who stand before me
        Be destroyed
      By the power you and I possess!"

  Lina's eyes flashed open, pulling the angry-red ball of power that had been
gathering in her hands down and back, as if winding up for a pitch. Then, in a
gesture not unlike that of Son Goku throwing a Kame Hame Ha, she threw the ball
forward.

     "=DRAGON SLAVE!!="

  The ball exploded before her, angry red flaming death billowed out --almost
hesitating-- before suddenly exploding forth at like a rocket towards the Lost
Boy. Ryouga had barely entered the forest before he looked back and saw the
crimson column of destructive force screaming towards him, which caused him to
scream himself. Fortunately for Ryouga fans, his next step took him into a plot
hole, where he vanished from the story.

  An instant later, an innocent tree took the full force of a blast which was
by any definition overkill.

  * ** ( B O O M ) ** *

  After the main blast cleared, the head of a bespecticled young man with a
2ft long blond ponytail popped up like a human groundhog and had a look around.
"I've just GOT to stop leaving these things around!" the Author sighed, then
grabbed an edge and pulled the plot hole after him.

  Eventually, the reverberation of the blast faded, along with a great deal of
the heat produced. Finally, all three of Lina's companions gained enough
courage to peek over their pile of boulders to check on Lina.

  As expected, Lina was still around. After all, the Dark King doesn't want to
blow up one of his servants in blowing up little pieces of the world. She was
also wearing a relaxed grin on her face. "Aaahhhh!! I feel MUCH better," she
sighed.

  "I'm sorry about my friend, Lina. He has a chip on his shoulder from this
Ranma fellow," he apologized in Ryouga's stead. "Apparently, Ranma is under a
curse that turns him into a girl from time to time."

  Lina blinked with understanding and just a teensy bit of guilt. "Oh," she
said, now knowing that Ryouga's insult had far less weight than the took it
for. "Maybe I shouldn't have Dragon Slaved him," she mused aloud, "A Burst
Flare would've been enough."

  Zel sighed; against a single human, a Burst Flare wouldn't have been much
better than a Dragon Slave. To avoid dragging the argument any further, he
simply said, "Quite."

  Lina was not one to feel down forever, and quickly moved on to other
subjects. "Well, now that's over, let's get down to business," she announced.

  "Business?" Zelgadis asked, spocking an eyebrow.

  "Yeah! Business!" Stepping about the remains of the Yet Another Bandit Gang
(tm), Lina whistled a cute little ditty [27] as she quickly relieved the
bandits of their wealth... er, burdens. Besides, they were bandits, and Lina
cut bandits no slack whatsoever. "Ha-hah!" laughed Lina ash she hoisted a sack
of treasure, "What a haul!"

  The dark chimera allowed himself a small smile. He'd been traveling with her
long enough such that he really should've known what 'business' Lina was
referring to. "Still the same ol' Lina."

  "Together again, huh?" Lina said cheerfully, thumping him chummily with her
elbow. "Ow!" she yelped, rubbing her elbow. Stone wasn't soft, after all.

  "Seems so." The chimera let out a sigh. "You, of course, realize what _this_
means," Zelgadis said, directing his comment straight at the girl, "Don't you,
Lina?"

  "Uhhhh..." Lina thought hard, then shook her head. "No, I'm afraid I don't."

  "Oh, you know," Zelgadis elaborated with a slight sardonic tone, "*Every*
time we meet, there's always _some_ Dark Lord or major force of evil out there
who wants a piece of us."

  Lina frowned at the blue chimera. "Geez, Zel, don't be so pessimistic!" she
said, slightly annoyed at her friend's gloom-and-doom approach to life. /* Then
again, if _I_ had stone skin and wire hair, I'd be a bit depressed too. */

  Said stone guy LOOKED at Lina as if she had just crawled out of a cave
somewhere. "After tussling with Ruby Eye, Zanaffar, Gaav, Phibrizo, Valgaav,
and Dark Star, I've come to expect it from you," Zelgadis remarked.

  "Jeez, Zelgadis!" Lina huffed testily. "If you hate it so much, then why
don't you just stay out of these little adventures, anyway?"

  "Because there's safety in numbers," came his reply. "Whatever's after you
is also invariably after me too. Besides," he added, "if you happen to meet a
Dark Lord that you beat singlehandedly, then you'd never let me live it down. I
find that a worse fate than death."

  Lina rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't worry, Zel,
there won't be any such thing this time. We're just helping Mel here find one
her temple sisters," she said, hiking her thumb at Melsia.

  "I'll hold you to that..." Then he balked as he finished processing Lina's
statement and found something. "Wait a minute, 'HER'?!?!"

  "Yep!" the little sorceress chirped. Pulling Melsia to her side, Lina
introduced her to the chimera, "Zel, may I introduce you to Melsia Gabriev.
She's a Vestian Maiden. Ain't it cool?"

  Zelgadis squinted one eye and carefully scrutinized the aledged Vestian
Maiden before him. However, after carefully examining Melsia as close as he
dared, Zelgadis had failed to identify her as a woman. Zelgadis glanced
returned to Lina and said, in a very sceptical tone, "Giddouttahere!"

  "No, really!" Gourry was instantly behind Melsia, and before she could
react, Gourry had already stripped off the armor and cape and pulled open her
tunic. "See?!" Gourry said cheerfully.

  //.O  "Schwing!!" the chimera boggled as he got an eyeful of Melsia's chest.

  Melsia promptly malleted Gourry into the ground. "Baka!" she snarled,
rebuttoning her tunic and redonning her armor. That was twice in one
episode^H^H^H^H^H^H^H day that her assets had been exposed to a total stranger.

  Zelgadis sighed, puffing out a small mushroom cloud, as he recovered from
being the unwitting (although not necessarily ungrateful) recipient of an
impromptu peepshow. "As if this group wasn't weird enough as it was," he
muttered, knowing that once again his life had been entangled with the old
posse and a new chapter was about to be written.

  And he wanted to _strangle_ the author.

---------
(24) Actually, he _thought_ it was another guy, but it was actually Melsia.
(25) Actually, Gourry was her knight in dull grey armor, but let's not split
hairs, shall we?
(26) Imagine that!
(27) "Loot the bodies/Loot the bodies/Loot the bodies/Loot the
bodies/Bodieeessss..." (sung to the tune of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries")

-  ---    -----      -------      -----    ---  -

  In another part of the world, two young women made their way to Jurai: one
was calm and collected, the other... was not.

  "Oh, anata! Where are you?! Where are you?!" sniffled Zoe.

  "Oh, give it up!" Katelin grumbled.

===============================================================================

Well, that's it for this epi...

What? One more scene? Can't it wait 'till next time? No? Well, too bad! The
chapter is over and--

* ** B O O M ! ** * (Author is blasted with a fireball)

Iteee...

Lina: "Don't worry folks; he'll be alright! He just needs to take a breather.
Meanwhile, we'll just give you one more minute of Monty Python's... er, that
is, one more minute of Slayers: BLESSED!"

===============================================================================

  Suddenly, the redheaded sorceress remembered something. She turned to Gourry
with a sugary-sweet simile. "Oh, I've just remembered something, Gourry... Do
you remember saying not one hour ago that Melsia had bigger breasts than me?"
she asked in a sugary-sweet voice. [28]

  Gourry was suddenly very nervous. He knew all too well that this tone of
voice did not bode well for him. "Uh... No."

  Lina continued to grin; Gourry knew this was a BAAAD sign. "Well, you did.
And you know what _that_ means, doncha Gourry?"

  "I'm gonna get beat up?"

  "How very perceptive!" Lina ground out, and with that, she began beating the
living snot out of Gourry.

  Melsia sighed and smiled wistfully at their antics. "I'll say one thing,"
she remarked, "Gourry's certainly a Gabriev."

---------
(28) See Slayers: BLESSED #1

===============================================================================

Lina: "Now, that's over with. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

You done yet?

Lina: "Sure! I just owed Gourry a beating and I was going to give it to him. No
one gets away with callin' Lina Inverse flat chested!"

(Whispered) Even if it is true...

Lina: (dangerously) "What was that?"

Nothing.

Anyway, that's it for this chapter of Slayers: BLESSED. The next section should
come out faster, since it's almost complete, save for another annoying scene.