Heading into the final segment...

At 01:10 PM 9/16/01 -0400, DB Sommer wrote:

And continuing onward:

>
> Nothing could keep him from exacting his righteous vengeance now.
>
>                     ******************************
>
> Ukyo felt an irrepressible sneeze suddenly assault her nose, a small
> explosion of air erupting from her lungs that distracted her at a
> critical moment.  There came the distinctive clang of flattened steel
> impacting against the bones of her skull, knocking her to the ground.

Heh. One of the rare times a 'someone's talking about me sneeze' ends up
having a price. :)

I couldn't resist the scene.  ^_^

>
> A grinning Yumi was quick to admonish her niece.  "You've been acting
> cocky all afternoon, thinking those other girls don't hold a candle to
> your fighting skills.  But it's a mistake to underestimate an opponent
> before facing them.

Yumi: Just look at the way Juri walked right over you. Of course that was a
case of mistaken identity, and she did have righteous anger on her side, but
she still beat you.

Ukyo: (whining) A ninja isn't trained for a straight up fight.  We attack from surprise.

 If you truly think Ranma Saotome is a prize worth
> fighting for, then I want you to show these other girls that they have
> no chance against you.  You are a Kuonji Ninja, the heir to our clan's
> teachings and techniques, and I will help you as best I can.

Yumi: It's time for the 'Special Kuonji School of Seduction' to begin today.
By the time I'm through with you, you'll have Ranma begging for your hand in
marriage with only the lightest of carresses.

Ukyou: If it's so great, why aren't you married?

Yumi: (smacks Ukyou in the head with a spatula) Stop asking stupid questions
and prepare for your first lesson. Repeat after me, "Why yes, honey, you
were the best I ever had, and your tool is the biggest I have ever seen.'
He'll be eating out of your hand after that one.

Actually, I have some fun ideas in mind for Ukyo and her dealings with the guys.

>
> "I'm not going to lose my fianc� to any of those city-bred girls," Ukyo
> stated defiantly.  "He's mine, and I've never lost a fight in my life
> when it really counted.

Heh. Nice to see we throw in that qualifier.

Well, it was a Ranma-esque thing for her to say.

  Ever.  I'll show those other girls that I'm
> going to be the one that Ranchan is going to marry, and nobody better
> stand in my way!"  To punctuate her point, Ukyo formed a tight fist
> with her hand, causing the tendons to crack and pop menacingly

through the skin.

"Better get that checked out," Yumi said as she grabbed some bandages.

Owie

>
> Yumi nodded.  She had come up during a brief break after the initial
> dinner rush to see how her niece was doing.  The girl had been up here
> training all day, practicing on her polearm techniques with the Kuonji
> Clan's preferred weapon.

The javelin.

>
> Admittedly, striking an opponent from behind in the midst of a sneeze
> had been a sneaky thing to do, but Ukyo had to be prepared to deal with
> any and all eventualities that could happen in a fight.  It was amusing
> in a way that her niece was just like she had been at that age, full of
> confidence that she could take on the world.  Yumi only hoped that Ukyo
> found the happiness that she never had.

Sure, there had been plenty of sex, violence, and money, but no real
happiness. Just a lot of fun.

Yumi: Exactly.

>                     ******************************
>
> "More tea, Tendo-san?"
>
> Nabiki nodded in reply to Kenseiko's primly polite question from her
> place at the dinner table, seated across from Tatewaki and next to a
> simmering Kodachi.

Heh. Surpried Tachi didn't try to get her seated next to him.

Protocol demanded certain seating arrangments.

Taking a brief break from eating the sumptuous meal
> that had been set out before her, she observed one of the Kuno family
> servants quickly hurrying to pour more tea for her.

already used 'her'. I'd say 'more tea in her cup.' or something.

> Having been rather

I'd drop this 'rather'

> unexpectedly invited along with Ranma to dine with the Kuno's had been
> testing her diplomatic skills a bit, especially since she could not
> manage to ignore

'since she was unable to ignore ' perhaps. Way you have it sounds awkward to
me.

 ignore the unmistakable vibes of hostility that she was
> getting from both Kodachi and Lady Kuno, hidden beneath their polite
> manners.  As to the lust-filled glances she was getting from Tatewaki,
> even less needed to be said about how disturbed they made her feel.

Disturbingly exicted, that was.

Nabiki: They do not!

>
> getting from the young noblewoman, who had spent the entire meal gazing
> at him just barely within the modicums of politeness.  Each one of her
> smoldering glances kept causing him to make errors now and then in his
> mental calculations and forcing him to start over.

Ranma's in his head: Damnit man, try harder to be as sexually unmotivated as
we are!

Ranma: I'm trying, but it's tough when I seem to have ten times the hormones you
guys do.

  At the same time,
> he was also quickly consuming plate after plate of the delicious meal
> set before him with polite gusto,

Is there such a thing as 'polite gusto'

I dunno, but it does conjure up a certain imagery.

> attention, only to arrive at the wholly unwelcome sight of the middle
> Tendo girl seated next to her, causing her fingers to whiten slightly
> as their grip on her chopsticks tightened.

At least they didn't snap in her hands.

Not yet.

>
> so captivated by the lowly knave now seated to his right?  What madness
> filled these wonderful members of the fairer sex, that they would all
> set their sights on such an ill-mannered peasant as Ranma Saotome?  It
> was utterly inconceivable.

Appropriate, since he can't understand.

Tatewaki: That my true loves, Akane and Nabiki Tendo, should prefer that lump
of flesh to my divine magnificence.  'Tis madness!

> obvious that she had fallen in love with him.  And they made quite a
> nice-looking couple together, which made the odd telephone call she had
> received from Lady Karou even more puzzling.  The woman had somehow
> become even more vacuous over the years, and she had gone on for some
> time about inanities before finally coming to the point.  Even talking
> with Nodoka had been less irritating,

Now that's saying something.

Indeed.

> dealings among the nobility, she had found herself unable to simply say
> no.  To do so would be to risk alienating an ally, and that she was not
> prepared to do.
>
> What was puzzling about the request was the indication that Kodachi and
> Miki had already been spending time together, and Miki desired to spend
> some more with her.

Kenseiko: Obviously my little Dachi is learning the art of seducing men and
twisting them around her finger. Good for her.

Kodachi: The art of seduction is mine to command!  OHOHOHOHOHO!!!

  It was all being done according to protocol, but
> there had also been an undercurrent of threat to the matter.

Obviously Kozue wasn't invovled, or the threat would have gone the other way
in telling her to leave Miki alone. :)

That comes later.

 Since
> Kodachi was not officially engaged yet, it would not be considered a
> breach of decorum for her to attend a function with another young man,
> so Kenseiko had eventually given her permission.  It was possible that
> the Karou's were seeking to formalize their alliance with the Kuno's
> through marriage, but the timing was inconvenient.

Although she might also think that it might light a fire under Ranma's
bottom if he thought someone else was putting the moves on Kodachi. Kenseiko
would probably realize that and might try probing him to see how he might
react to the matter. Likewise an errent thought about how well Miki and
Kodachi
got along as children might be worth throwing in.

Ranma: I'll kill him!

Kodachi: Miki is a good friend, Saotome-kun, and I forbid you to harm him.

Miki: Yes, Saotome.  Now toddle off and leave Kodachi to me.  We're going to
the symphony.

> with the way he treated Kodachi, and she knew he would make a fine
> addition to the family as a future Kuno.  She could tell that he would
> defend Kodachi if need be, and that was a great comfort to a mother who
> loved her daughter like she did her precious Dachi-chan.  But it was
> still astonishing how such a one as Ranma could have ever sprung from
> the ill-mannered thug that Nodoka had always carried on like in her
> youth, and most likely still was.

Heh. Cute. Love the acidity between them.

It's fun to write, too.

 But the boy carried a great deal of
> her in his facial features and the structure of his frame.

Lord knows he doesn't look overmuch like Genma.

Ranma: Thanks heavens!

>
> Kenseiko had been noticing the looks being exchanged by her daughter
> and the Tendo girl, and she found it a pity that a daughter born of
> grace and blue-blooded nobility should have to put up with interference
> to her desires from such a one.

'one' seems a bit tame. Might want to add something appropriately derogatory
about Nabby from Kenseiko's thoughts.

Ok.

> have been capable.  She mused with a slight smile on the memories of
> her three greatest nemeses in those past, gloriously misspent days of
> their youth: Nodoka Himura, Achika Masaki, and Kimiko Nakakami.  How
> she had despised Nodoka and Achika, and still did.  Only the soldier
> cadet, Kimiko, had been an occasional ally at times, in innumerable
> doomed plots seeking to finally crush Nodoka, schemes that always
> seemed to unravel at the very brink of victory.

Typical for that sort of humor.

Yes.

>
> It was perhaps ironic that Kimiko's ghost was still frustrating her
> plans from beyond the grave, in the personage of her daughters.  Her
> old ally was having one last laugh at her expense, but Kenseiko would
> turn the tables if she had any say in the matter.  Ranma would marry
> her beloved Dachi-chan, completing her revenge against Nodoka by taking
> the boy's names from the Saotome register when he became a Kuno.

Heh. Good luck. Although would Nodoka really feel that strongly about it
since she alrady changed her name and Kensaiko changed hers. It would be a
moral victory, but not much of one.

Kenseiko: A moral victory is still a victory.  OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

Nodoka: Gah!  Not that laugh....

 And
> as for Nabiki Tendo, she would be wise to leave Ranma to Kodachi.

Which means she'll stay involved with him up to her neck. :)

True.

>
> Kenseiko studied Ranma speculatively between bites of her meal, her
> thoughts on her daughter's recent request.  The Kuno's maintained a
> fairly sizable pineapple plantation in the Prefecture

should 'Prefecture' be capitalized there?

Not sure.

 of Hawaii, and
> Kodachi had asked if she could take Ranma there on a vacation during
> the upcoming class break in a month or so.  A romantic getaway in an
> island paradise would give her daughter time to cement her hold on the
> Saotome boy, likely by Kodachi seducing him into her bed.  It was a
> bold scheme, and she was secretly proud of Kodachi for having come up
> with it.

Hehehehe. We'll see how that goes.

Yep.  ^_^

>
> Ranma came near to swallowing his chopsticks when Kenseiko suddenly
> burst out into a loud gale of evil, feminine laughter.  He glanced at
> Kodachi, thinking it was her at first, but she was eating her food as
> if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  A glance at Tatewaki and
> Lord Kuno showed the same calmness.

Evidently this happens frequently.

Would show where Kodachi gets it from, even if this one doesn't act that way.

>
> Lord Kuno looked down the table and smiled at his wife affectionately.
> It was always nice to hear Kenseiko laugh like that, and it usually
> meant she was plotting something fun.

One person's fun is another person's pain in the butt. :)

Nodoka: You have no idea how annoying she was, too.

>                     ******************************
>
> A staccato pattern of heavy thudding sounds resounded from one of the
> exercise rooms in Furinkan's gymnasium.  The sound occasionally sped up
> in its rhythm and then slowed back down, but it never stopped.  And on
> the lower edge of audibility was a single muttered word, like a mantra.
>
> Shampoo.

Something Mina, Pink, Perfume, and Sakura now have in common: someone they
want to destroy. And Shamp's still hasn't met Ranma and pissed off his girls
yet. :)

Shampoo: And Shampoo is ready for them.

> on the bus with Akane.  She had only half-listened to Akane's happy
> babbling about how much fun it had been to visit the Arena during the
> long trip back, contributing the occasional grunt for her part of the
> conversation.

Yeah. I'm surpsied Sakura maintained her composure considering Ryu will now
be trapped in the Arena for sometime.

It was tough for her.  Believe me.

> "Shampoo."  Picturing it as the other girl's face, Sakura drove her
> fists hard into the punching bag with all of her strength, again and
> again, trying in vain to distract herself from the ache filling her
> heart.  Her hands, toughened over the years from her training, were
> starting to go numb from her efforts, but Sakura didn't care.

but she didn't care.

>
> Her beloved Ryu-senpai would be fighting in the Arena for the next six
> months, unless he had been crippled during his fight with that Chinese
> bimbo.

Nah. She didn't beat on him that bad. She's learned how much it takes to
knock them out and how much to break them in her time there.

True.  Something Ranma will appreciate as they both take each other to the limits.

 Nobody would tell her anything when she had left Akane to try
> and find out how he was, and she had been tempted to start breaking
> heads until someone did.  And it was all that damned Amazon's fault!

Well, she's right about that.

True.

>
> If she hadn't run across that nice doctor who had been treating her
> Ryu-senpai, she was not sure what she might have done.  He had calmed
> her down enough to allow her to reclaim her focus enough to continue

two 'enough's. Change second to 'focus and continue'

continue
> calming on her own, or she might have gotten herself into some real
> trouble.  Unlike Akane, she did not have any family to pull strings if
> she had given into her impulses and started trouble.

End two sentences in a row with 'trouble'. I'd change one of them

>
> "Shampoo," Sakura growled, low in her throat like an animal.  Her feet
> slammed into the bag, rocking it back and forth on its chain as she
> spun back and forth to add power.  She would start by smashing into
> pulp Shampoo's pretty features, so that no man would ever desire her
> again.  She would break every one of the Amazon's limbs into so many
> places that she would never be able to fight again.  When Sakura was
> through, that damned Shampoo would be lucky if she could still eat
> through a tube.

Shampoo: Gee, that sound vaguely familiar. Perhaps Sakura is channeling Link
spirit.

Heh

>
>
> Ryu Kumon's return to consciousness was a slow process, and he

I'd make this into two sentences. 'process. He'

 blinked
> his eyes open to behold a plain ceiling overhead, in a room dimly lit
> by light leaking under a door.

He can make the details of the ceiling out with only light from under the
door coming through?

Good eyes.  *cough*

>
> fuzzy and disjointed, like his brain was wrapped in cotton batting or
> something.  His face also felt oddly numb, and his nose appeared to be
> plugged up, as he quickly discovered when he made an attempt to take a
> shallow breath.  Feeling a throbbing pain in his ribs, experience told
> him that a deeper one would be a definite mistake.

Had his chest kicked in before, I see. :)

Once or twice.  His training was rough.

 Various areas of
> his body were bandaged, an intravenous tube was hooked to one of his
> arms, and he was attached to a monitoring device by several wires.  It
> gave off a gentle beeping sound in time with his heart rate.

My. Shampoo worked him over all right.

Just a bit.

>
> The memory of his fight with Shampoo suddenly blossomed in his brain,
> and he hung his head in angry dismay, almost gnashing his teeth.  He
> had failed!

Resoundingly so.

Ryu: And that damn Amazon would pay for this, too.

> left of his family legacy, and he had now dishonored it by his absolute
> failure to defeat the Amazon, a loss that had been seen by countless
> millions of people across the globe.  He could almost feel his father's
> spirit staring at him disapprovingly from the shadows, adding to his
> tremendous feelings of grief.

Actually his father's spirit was haunting a high school girls locker room in
Hokkaido. The man had been something of a lech, and being a disembodied
spirit, the opportunity seemed to good to pass up.

Hehehehe

>
> Why had he failed?  Why had he weakened in his resolve?

Heh. Nice to see the idea that she was simply better than him isn't
conceivable.

Ryu: A girl better than me?  Inconceivable!

The answer was
> galling to him when it came.  Having finally come face to face with the
> famed Amazon, after studying numerous tapes of her fights for weeks in
> search of the slightest flaws to exploit, he had discovered in himself
> an unexpectedly strong desire for her, and his carefully cultivated
> focus had been lost.

Oh? I thought he was hot and horny for her before the match. Could have
sworn that was why Sakura originally didn't like Shamp's

Sakura was more perceptive of Ryu's motivations that Ryu himself was.

 All of his many sparring matches against Sakura
> Kasugano, in order to inure himself against any sort of hesitations
> when fighting against a girl, had apparently been for nothing.  He had
> felt similar pangs of desire for Sakura, but not quite as strongly as
> those he had felt for Shampoo on the floor of the Arena.

Curious.

Sakura: Another reason to hate that damn Amazon.

  Simple lust
> for the barbarian girl had cost him his victory, as well as his chance
> to glorify his family's name, and he found himself hating Shampoo for
> that, with a level of passion that he had never before felt for any
> opponent.

Shampoo: Great now Shampoo have new name to add to 'People that want to Kill
Shampoo' list. Is bigger than Ranma's by now.

Ranma: Just wait.  I haven't hit my running stride yet.  I'm sure my list will be longer still.

>
> "Shampoo," whispered Ryu into the quiet darkness of his room, his voice
> dripping with barely-suppressed rage.  "I will see you defeated for
> what you have done to me,

Well, he might end up being right in the first part, but definitely not for
the second.

True.

as utterly humbled as you have left me, and
> then, when I have attained that revenge, the barbaric customs of your
> own tribe will make you my bride."  He laughed softly at that pleasant
> thought, salving his wounded ego with thoughts

two 'thought's close together. Second could be 'fantasies'

>
> Ryu lapsed once more into silence, his mood darkening even further for
> several moments.  Then a wolfish smile crossed his face.  The challenge
> of defeating a strong opponent was all that he had ever lived for, an
> attitude that his father had gone to great lengths to beat into him

Oh, I have a feeling he'll have plenty of people like that around to play
with.

And it will make him into a more dangerous foe than he was before.

> over their many years of wandering the Empire together, while his sire
> trained him to be the greatest martial artist that the world had ever
> known.  And he would show everyone that he was the best, or all of that
> pain and effort would have been for nothing.  So if the Amazon desired
> a man to conquer her,

Shampoo: No, actually Shampoo would rather never lose, win tournament, and
just sleep with whoever she like.

Hehehe

>
> "I'm pleased to see that you're already awake, Kumon-san," said the man
> cheerfully as he walked closer, setting aside a clipboard.  "I'm Doctor
> Tofu Ono.

The only physician that will be appearing in this fic. (He does get around)
^_^

True.  It's those l33t doctoring skillz he has.  ^_^

>
> "I'm all right, Ono-sensei?" Ryu asked, curious.
>
> Tofu smiled again.  "Well, I wouldn't say you're all right.  When they
> brought you in, you had a moderate concussion and some deep contusion
> damage, not to mention quite a few bruised and cracked ribs.

And testicular cancer. The balls have to come off, I'm afraid.

Ewww

"  Tofu
> paused for a moment, and then he pressed several points on Ryu's torso
> in rapid succession.  He then began removing the IV drip and cardiac
> sensors.  "However, your concussion's already faded after only a couple
> of hours of rest, which is quite good, and I've done what I can to
> relieve your pain and speed healing of your other wounds.  But you're
> still going to be injured for some time yet."  Tofu suddenly paused a
>moment

You had 'Tofu paused for a moment' earlier in the paragraph. I'd get rid of
this one.

Ok

>
> "I guess the Amazon proved to be a bit too much for you, eh, new meat?"
> suddenly

You're using a few too many 'suddenly's in this. I'd really use different
adverbs, or just cut a lot of them. This one I would cut and just start with
'said' for instance.

Yeah, it is my favorite word this chapter.

said a coolly sardonic voice from the doorway.  Both Ryu and
> Tofu glanced over to see an athletically-built youth with pretty-boy
> handsome features casually standing there in the opening, leaning one
> shoulder against the door frame as he stood posed with arms folded and
> hip half-cocked.  He was dressed well, in black silken pants and shoes,
> and a silver leather vest of costly material.

And only a vest, flashing his abs for any girl to see "Brad Pitt ain't got
nothing on me' he said with a smile.

Heh.  And he's going to be a bit miffed when Ranma comes in and steals his
thunder, let me tell you.

>
> "I'm sort of the welcome wagon around here, new meat," casually sneered
> the stranger.  "The name's Tarou, and it's a name you'd be well-advised
> to remember from now on with respect.  After all, in just a few months
> I'm going to be the crowned champion at the upcoming annual tournament,
> so consider yourself pretty lucky to be meeting me, especially outside
> of an Arena match.

"I wouldn't have gone easy on you, like Shampoo did."

^_^

> Tarou disdainfully puffed out a brief burst of air after Tofu had gone
> past him.  He glared intently at the doctor's departing form, incensed
> that anyone would ever try and ignore him.

And incensed that so many did.

Tarou: It's not fair, I tell you.

But he quickly calmed
> himself by casually slipping a hand inside one of his pants pockets,
> his fingers fondling the sheer silk of one of his latest acquisitions.
> The touch of pantyhose was his secret pleasure, but it was one that no
> one could ever discover or reveal.

Heh. Was going to ask you if he would have a pantyhose fetish here since his
name isn't Pantyhose.

And here it is...   ^_^

After all, he was known in the
> Arena rolls as Ikasu Tarou (Cool Guy Tarou).

Thought most people called him 'Slime Guy' Tarou, though never to his face.

Tarou: I killed the one guy who did.

 He had carefully chosen
> that name for himself when he had first started out in the dog pits,
> where every Arena legend had begun.  It reflected a certain image he
> wished to present to the world,

That he was a cool guy. 'Loser' Tarou just didn't have the same ring to it.

Exactly.

>
> When Ryu did not join Tarou quickly enough for his tastes, the Chinese
> boy smiled coldly and went into the room.  Ryu glanced up just as Tarou
> came near, and he was surprised when the other boy suddenly grasped him
> by the front of his shirt and hauled him to his feet.  His ribs flared
> with pain at the sudden movement.

Lucky he didn't just give him a rabbit punch in the ribs or something.

Tarou was feeling merciful.

>
> "When I tell someone to move, new meat," said Tarou in a conversational
> tone of voice, "I expect them to be quicker."  Seeing the defiant look
> in Ryu's eyes, Tarou smiled even more.  "I'd teach you proper respect
> for your betters, Citizen Boy, but the Director's waiting for you.  So
> get going!"

Tarou: I'll kick the !#$ out of you later.

Ryu: Great.

> When they arrived at the outer office of the Arena Director, Tarou had
> Ryu sit in a chair by the simple expedience of shoving him down into
> it.

Tarou: And mind you, I'm treating you nice. Just wait and see what I do when
you tick me off.

Ryu: Another thing I can blame on the Amazon.

 He went over to the secretary, an attractive woman with red hair
> pulled back into a ponytail, dressed in a conservative business suit.
> The name on the desk plaque read "Mai Shiranui."

Sounds familiar. What's she from?

Fatal Fury, the ninja girl.

>
> "Go right in, Tarou-san."  She nodded primly at the set of double doors
> leading into the inner office.  "You know how the Director hates to be
> kept waiting."  She then turned her head back to her work with a sniff,
> pointedly ignoring the Chinese boy.

Tarou: I'm starting to get the impression people don't like me around here.

Ranma: I'm sure it's just your imagination.

>
> Grinning, Tarou stood up straight and glanced at Ryu.  "Follow me," he
> commanded.  He glanced back at Mai briefly.  "When I'm done in there,
> how about you and I going out for some tea, gorgeous?"
>
> "I don't think so, Tarou-san," replied Mai coolly, as if it was a line
> she had delivered often enough to have grown tired of it.  Noting Ryu's
> regard of her,

Ryu staring lecherously too?

Well, Mai is pretty stacked.

>she added, "You know I don't date younger men."

Or violent jerks with pantyhose fetishes.

Tarou: I'm hurt.

>
> "Your loss, sweetie."  Tarou grabbed Ryu by the back of his collar to
> hurry him along and opened the door to the Arena Director's office.
> "She wants me," he whispered so that only Ryu heard.  "It's only a
> matter of time until I break down her resistance."

Yeah. It'll probably get her about the time he grabs her and ties her down
to the bed, then her resistance might be gone. :P

Tarou: Mina always likes that.

Mina: Shut up, Tarou!

>
> Stepping into the Arena Director's office, the first thing that caught
> Ryu's attention was the decor.

A giant ant farm filled one entire side of the room.

> shoulder, lithely muscular, and well-endowed.  They each wore their
> long manes of hair pulled back into a single thick braid that ran down
> almost to the small of their back.  The single distinctive feature
> between them, aside from their catlike ears, were their catlike eyes.
> Both of them had mismatched eye colors, one eye blue and the other
> green, but one had a blue left eye and the other had a green left eye.

Hmm. Wonder if that's particuarly common.

Nope... just with these two.

>
> Dressed in short-sleeved dark-green uniforms similar to those worn by
> the Imperial Arena's security forces, they stood with arms folded
> beneath their breasts, solemn expressions on their faces.  From where
> he was standing, he could just barely make out the names stenciled into
> patches on the right-front breasts of their uniforms, "Ana" and "Uni."

Heh. Neat cameo.

Thanks.  They work well in this spot.

>
> "Come in, Kumon-san," said the man with gruff affability.  "I'm sure
> that you've guessed who I am by now.  I am Kakedo Sasaki, the Director
> of this facility.  Please, come in and have a seat.  You and I have a
> few items to discuss regarding your fulfillment of the specified terms
> of your contract.  Tarou, you're dismissed."

Well, at least he didn't ignore Tarou. Wonder if Sasaki specifically sent
Tarou so he could treat Ryu so roughly.

Sasaki: Psychological warfare?  Perhaps.

>
> At a nod from the Director, both Ana and Uni broke ranks and strolled
> over to the door, one Puma less than gently shoving a surprised Tarou
> back out the door before closing it in his face,

My. A bit abrupt.

The Director is a busy man.

and the other grabbing
> Ryu up by the back of his collar and almost frog-marching him towards
> the chair in front of the desk.  She then shoved him down into the
> seat.

Heh. And here I thought Tarou had treated him shoddily. Now that with Ryu's
current dark thoughts I feel all that sympathy for him.

Ryu: My life sucks right now.

 >
> hear the sounds of a raucous party drifting across the hall, and he was
> a little tempted to join in the festivities.  After his interview with
> Furinkan's new headmaster,

The one that could freeze the blood in a man's veins just by staring.

Gendo: It's a gift.

> Besides, if he did well, it would likely mean a promotion.  A higher
> rank would bring with it the opportunity to move into a much larger
> apartment by means of a greater subsidy allowance, and it would finally
> enable him to satisfy his parents' urgings for him to settle down with
> a good woman.

As opposed to the bad ones he had in his relationship.

True.

  As things stood now, Yusaku had very little to offer a
> woman, other than an embarrassingly small apartment in a dumpy little
> rooming house, with a shared bath down the hall.

Heh. And some things remain the same.

Keeping some things the same, and twisting others is part of the fun with this world.

>
>
> Slumping up against the inside of the door, Yusaku smiled in a rather
> self-deprecating fashion.  Maybe he really was only a tin soldier, but
> he was also a man of dreams and ambitions.  Someday, he would realize
> them.

Right around when Hell froze over.

Mara: It could happen.

>
> As he began walking deeper into the light gloom of his apartment, he
> turned on the lights with an absent flick of his finger against the
> wall switch.  He pulled off his jacket and carefully hung it up in his
> closet, briefly recalling the proud look in his father's eyes when a
> not much younger Yusaku Godai had first returned home, dressed in the
> uniform of an Imperial officer.

Father: In that thing, most people won't think you're a loser on sight.
They'll only think it when they get to know you.

Godai: Thanks, Dad.

>
>
> "Congratulations, Godai-san," said the anonymous female voice.  "You
> have been selected to receive a wondrous gift, and I am authorized to
> bestow it upon you at your earliest convenience, should you choose to
> accept it.  You can be assured that there is no obligation involved,
> and I will be available at any hour of the day to deliver your gift in
> person."  The voice went on to recite a fourteen-digit telephone code
> that he could use to reply to this message, before wishing him a good
> evening and hanging up.

Heh. I think I know what this is. Very interesting way of getting your wish.
:)

Yeah... I thought it was a fun idea.

>
> Shrugging his shoulders, figuring he had nothing to lose, Godai played
> the message back a second time and quickly scribbled down the telephone
> code.  He idly wondered who the voice represented, not to mention why
> they were going to give him a gift, but maybe it was a sign that his
> luck was about to change.

Oh, I'd say that's a given. It's just a question of if it's changing for
better or for worse.

Godai: It couldn't get much worse.

>
> He was still staring at the telephone in his hand when he suddenly
> noticed a faint glimmering coming from the mirror on his closet door.

Godai: Odd, I didn't think it was magical. The only time I thought it talked
to me was the one time I did the brown acid.

Heh

> her tresses were held in place by a scarf.  She poked her head clear of
> the surface of the mirror and smiled innocently at him.

Bell has no other kind of smile. :)

True.  Kasumi has that way about her, too.

>                     ******************************
> "And the fates of both Heaven and Earth shall become intertwined," she
> whispered, ever so softly.

Godai: Intertwined? Yahoo! I'm going to score for once in my life.

Belldandy: Maybe.  Maybe not.

>
> Yusaku stared for several moments at the unexpected vision that had so
> suddenly appeared in his room, but then his training took over.

He curled into a fetal ball and shouted, "Don't hurt me! I give up!"

Ah, the Shinji Ikari School of dealing with life.

 His
> hand dropped to close on the butt of his sidearm, still holstered at
> his waist, even as he felt an odd reluctance to draw it.  He gazed in
> awed rapture at the sight laid before his eyes, before

two 'before's close together. Could probably drop the second.

 slowly removing
> his hand from the weapon.  A sensation of peace filled his soul as he
> beheld the beautiful girl finally emerge fully from the glass to hover
> in mid-air before him, her feet suspended several centimeters above the
> floor.

Godai failed to notice the wires dangling upward from her limbs, which was
why she was suspended off the floor. It turned out it really wasn't an
Angel, but a giant marrionette Yotsua, Akemi, and the others had whipped up
to play with Godai's mind. And it had worked like a charm since he fell for
it, and was about to make a 'wish'.

Hehehe

>
> The vision before him smiled gently, bowed her head slightly, and she
> replied, "Good evening, Godai-san.  My name is Belldandy, and I am a
> goddess.  You have been chosen from among all other mortals to receive
> a great gift, a wish for anything that your heart might desire."

Godai: I can't dance, so therefore I wish to have rhythm.

Some things even wishes can't grant.

>
> Yusaku's brain came close to stalling out for several moments as it
> attempted to process that particular input.  A wish?  For anything he
> desired?  Anything at all?  Instantly, visions of fame, power, and
> wealth, not to mention crowds of adoring women, washed across his mind
> for a brief moment.

Fool. Should have kept ahold of them. Now you'll wish for something stupid,
like true love.

Belldandy: It is the most precious thing in all the world.

The entire world had just been offered to him, and
> his imagination savored the possibilities.  But then he quickly shook
> his head.  This could not be real.  He was just an ordinary man living
> an ordinary life in an ordinary world, and such things as goddesses
> appearing and offering wishes did not happen to men like himself.

She was probably a foreign agent sent by some sinsiter power to bend him to
her will. Obviously time to call the Mobius Institute and get her put under
lock and key.

Exactly.

>
> "You're wrong, Godai-san," reproved Belldandy gently, still smiling her
> sweet smile.  "Any of your desires could be met.  You have been offered
> this gift as a reward for having a good heart and a kind nature.  All
> you have to do is wish for it, and whatever you desire shall be yours."

Godai: I want you to be my sex slave.

Belldandy: Too late. Twoflowers already wrote that story, though with
Keichii. Try an original wish.

Godai: Darn.  How about making every good-looking woman want to be my
sex slave?

Belldandy: That's more Ranma's territory right now.

>
> "A-are you reading my mind?" Yusaku stammered out.  A thought suddenly
> occurred to him.

Then he realized she could read it, so he then stopped thinking altogether.

"He looks so cute, just sitting there and drooling,' Belldandy remarked.

It is how he seems to be a fair number of times.

Perhaps the woman was an agent sent from the Mobius
> Institute for some obscure purpose.

 Heh. yep. A logical conclusion.

Indeed.

  That could explain her abilities.
> Perhaps this _was_ some sort of Security Directorate test.  He saw a
> look of mild consternation lightly brush across Belldandy's beautiful
> features, and he smiled suddenly.  He was certain he knew just how to
> turn this situation around and show this woman from the Institute just
> what he was made of.

And thereby having the meaningful results from this act based on a stupid
assumption on his part.

Exactly.  ^_^

>
> Yusaku pointed at Belldandy and said with a smile, "I know what I want
> for my wish.  I wish that a beautiful girl like you would fall in love
> with me and stay with me forever."  He lowered his pointing finger and
> waited for the strange woman's act to end.

Belldandy slapped him. "I am not some trollop that's going to have sex with
some complete stranger just because he wished for it. Call CanCan Bunny or
one of those other hentei wish granters if that's what you want!"

And he better pray that a certain goddess with a fondness for flowers from the
Rival Office doesn't get involved.

>
> After looking quite startled for a moment, Belldandy's smile returned,
> but now with an added element of shyness added into it.  The marks on
> her face flared brightly, and an aura of divine power suddenly surged
> up around her.

Godai said, "Oh my gosh. It's real. I change my mind. Give me billions of
yen and a small island of my own, like Austrailia."

Heh.

  Yusaku quickly averted his gaze from the intense burst
> of brilliance, trying to shield his face from the light with upraised
> hands.  What was happening now?

Might want to throw something in about him wondering if he had passed the
'test'.

Ok

>
> Within the Mobius Institute, a young woman with pale hair, barely more
> than a girl really, blinked her eyes open suddenly

More suddenly's. I'd drop this one too.

> The sorceress known as Frost would know what it was, and if it was a
> threat to the Empire she had sworn upon her honor to serve.

Interesting addition to the cast.

It's to balance a certain fiery sorceress.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> Ayaka Kisaragi blinked in pain at the sudden headache exploding behind
> her eyes, abruptly halting her drifting off into sleep.  She cursed out
> loud from the pain, immediately regretting having spent another weekend
> of drinking and partying with her three best friends in the world: Yui
> Ikari, Natsumi Tsujimoto, and Miyuki Kobayakawa.

The group affectionately known as 'Sluts Incorperated' throughout the
Empire.

Ayaka: I'm not _that_ easy!  Close, but not quite.  ^_^

>
> As the pain in her head gradually receded, she sensed that the brief
> surge in the local ambient ethereal energies was already beginning to
> fade away.  Ayaka lurched out of her bed to her feet, weaving only
> slightly, her body clothed in one of her favorite silken nightgowns.

One with only a handful of stains on it.

Ewww

> Something major had just happened, and it was nearby.  She stumbled
> over to her window

and fell out, dying when she hit her head. Thus ended Ayaka's place in this
fic.

Heh

> just as her cellular telephone rang shrilly.

Grabbing and ripping out her eardrum in the process, since that was what all
phones did when one had a bad hangover.

Never had one, so I'll have to take your word for it.

>
> Ayaka replied, "Yes, sir."  She heard an acknowledging grunt from the
> other end of the phone and then it was abruptly hung up.  She clicked
> off the cellphone with her thumb, her attentions still probing outwards
> into the surrounding night.  She would discover the source of that odd
> energy and determine if it was malevolent or not.  If it was, then she
> would destroy it.  It was part of her job, after all.

Along with sleepin with the Director. That seemed to be part of the job for
all of the attractive female members and some of the younger boys, though.

Errr... right.

>
> Going over to her nightstand, Ayaka opened the drawer and pulled out
> several items: a small bottle of pills, a gun, and a metal cylinder.

Filled to the brim with 150 proof liquor. Couldn't go out on a job the least
bit sober, after all.

Of course not.

> She gingerly popped open the bottle and quickly shook out a couple of
> pills from within.  She dry-swallowed them and braced herself.  As the
> chemical concoction abruptly hit her system, she snapped fully upright,
> feeling her body burning off the toxins remaining within her.  The
> experience quickly passed, leaving her mind clear and her body ready
> for action.  Combat drugs were a wonderful invention, but she knew in
> the back of her mind that she was going to regret this later.  Still,
> for an hour or so, she would be at the top of her abilities.

As long as there are drawback to this quick cure.

Yeah.

>
> Ayaka continued her preparations, feeling her stomach burble once or
> twice in complaint, but she ignored it.  The pistol she picked up was a
> short-barreled 9mm automatic in blued steel, standard Institute-issue
> for an undercover operative like herself.  However, the cylinder was a
> family heirloom, the Red Dragon Spirit Capture Star Sword.

Which only looked like a tube of lipstick.

Exactly.  Just the thing the fashion-conscious Ghost Sweeper carries.

 After
> quickly ejecting the magazine currently in the gun, she reached into
> the drawer and pulled out a different one.  The bullets contained in
> this magazine were special-issue ammunition made by the Institute, the
> tips composed of a unique alloy of silver and orichalcum.  Very faint
> runic traceries added to their lethality to supernatural beings.  Each
> round was very expensive to create and was only meant to be used in
> emergencies.  However, the current situation seemed to warrant it.

Since she doens't really know the current situation, might want to rephrase
it as 'given the lack of information, it seemed a wise precaution' or
somesuch.

Ok.

>
> Ayaka slapped the magazine into her pistol and worked the slide, easily
> chambering a round.  Flicking the safety on with her thumb, she set it
> down on her bed with the sword pommel and went over to her closet to
> find something appropriate to wear.

Something that showed a lot of skin, save her thighs, which were fat.

Ayaka: They are not!

>                     ******************************
>
> Ghost Sweeper Minami blinked and gasped suddenly, her attention yanked
> from the textbook spread open in front of her.  Something big had just
> happened nearby, and that spelled an opportunity in her eyes.  Other
> than Kisaragi-sensei, she was the only Ghost Sweeper (albeit still a
> trainee) in the local area.

That she's aware of, unless she can sense them all. Obviously they engage in
some undercover work from time to time.

Very true.

 So it was her duty to investigate whatever
> had caused such a disturbance, and she hoped that it was something a
> little bit challenging.

Since you use 'bit' in the opening sentence of the next paragraph, I'd
reword this as 'something challenging'

Ok

>
> "Uh, hello?  Mano residence," came the distracted-sounding voice of
> Yohko Mano.
>
> "Yohko, this is Minami.  Get dressed and bring your stuff.  I'll be
> waiting at the corner near your house.  We've got a case."

Heh. And all the Dogs converge on the same spot.

Exactly.

>
> "Your wish has been accepted by Yggdrasil, Godai-san," said Belldandy
> pleasantly.  "I knew you would make a good wish."

Godai: you mean I can have hot sex with you?

Bell: Only after we've spent several months in an awkward relationship
before it blossoms to one of true love.

Godai: So, I have to wait several months before hot sex?

Bell: Yes.

Godai: (wailing) I am such a loser.

Kyoko: Yes, you are.  I'm not getting any younger, so you'd better hurry up and
meet me!

>
> Belldandy smiled her shy smile

'smile's too close together. 'unleashed' for the first doesn't feel right,
but nothing's coming to mind right now.

Unleashed is an interesting turn of phrase.

>
> "I think that might be for me," said Belldandy thoughtfully.  She went
> over to the telephone and picked it up.  "Hello?"

The voice on the other end said, "You've just been granted a wish,
Belldandy. A wish to leave that loser. Take it before it's too late."

"Skuld, is that you?" Belldandy asked.

Heh.  Sounds like Skuld.

>
> "That was Kami-sama," replied Belldandy in a matter of fact tone.  "He
> had some instructions for me, so that I might best fulfill your wish
> and also take care of another task he wishes for me to do while I am
> here on Earth."

Heh. Killing two birds with one stone.

Exactly.

> Ayaka paused on a street corner and looked around.  The night air was
> cool against her skin, typical for spring weather, and she was grateful
> that she had dressed more warmly than was her usual wont.  She belted
> her trenchcoat shut for a little more warmth and grunted.  While a low-
> cut evening dress was her preferred outfit when the weather was warmer,

To fight in? My, she is quite the fashion bitch. :)

Ayaka: I gotta be me.

> she was glad she had opted for practicality over style in her present
> situation.  That was also why she was presently

two 'present's near each other. Drop this one.

wearing a light suit of
> body armor under her coat, just in case.  Not only was it quite
> comfortably warm on such a cool night, but Ayaka would be the first to
> admit that she struck an attractive figure in it.

Since it hid hips that looked like she could give birth to cow.

Ayaka: Again with the fat jokes.  I'm not really fat, am I?  I exercise regularly.

>
> The source of the etheric disturbance had been nearby, of that much she
> was certain.  However, the trail she had been following, the dwindling
> echoes of the initial immense pulse of energy, had finally faded away
> almost completely.

'away to almost nothing' sounds better to me.

>She had gotten here as quickly as she could, but
> still

was still

 too late.  Her quarry was proving to be more elusive than she had
> been expecting.  Still, if she was lucky, perhaps it would give itself
> away again.
>
> It was at that moment that

think you can drop this 'that'

>something else suddenly

another suddenly. I'd drop it.

>
> Frost alighted softly on a rooftop as she paused to cast her senses
> about.  The white silken robes she wore billowed slightly in the faint
> breeze, giving her a ghostly appearance.  The glowing staff she held in
> one dainty fist

Heh. Don't hear 'dainty fist' too often. It's all right. Just unusual.

Frost: My hands are dainty, unlike the ham-hands of a certain Ghost Sweeper
I could mention.

Minami: I'm as feminine and dainty as the next girl, you iceberg!  Tell her, Hikaru-kun!

Gosunkugi: I'm going to sit this one out.

Ranma: Take it from me.  It won't work.

Gosunkugi: Damn you, Saotome!  This is all your fault!

 > The normally bland expression she wore on her face took on the faintest
> note of perturbance as she looked back and forth without sensing her
> target.  Her powers were not as well refined in such things as sensing
> as she was in her mastery of other magics, but she would begin working
> harder to overcome that flaw at her earliest opportunity.  Luckily, she
> had the resources of the Institute to draw upon for improvement, adding
> to her already impressive capabilities as a sorceress.  With perhaps
> one or two exceptions, she was far superior to anyone else near her age
> when it came to the mystic arts.

And would soon become 'Sorceress Supreme' and take over the world.

Frost: Exactly.

>
> Minami gazed in mild surprise at the unexpected figure walking up with
> a battle-ready Yohko and blinked.  "Uh, what are you doing here?"
>
> "Oh, Kasuga-kun was at my house when you called," quickly declared
> Yohko in explanation,

Yohko quickly declared in explanation (sounds better)

And I wonder what he was doing with, or should I say, to, her? :)

Or she to him?  ^_^

>
> "Yes, that's right.  I was studying with Mano-san.  She and I have a
> big test tomorrow."  However, the fact that he and Yohko had not been
> studying right at the moment Minami called went unspoken.  It had just
> been a brief break from the books, but one innocent kiss had quickly
> led to much more passionate ones.  If duty had not called in the form
> of Minami, who knew what might have happened between himself and Yohko?

They might have made the 110th generation of Devil Hunter. :)

A possibility, all right.

>
> Madoka Ayukawa, even while he was kissing with her.

Ohh. Yohko finds out about that, it's over for him for good.

Kyosuke: I'm so dead if she does.

Yohko would have
> surely decked him, or worse, cried, had she known where his thoughts
> had been.  But it was almost as if the street-tough Madoka had cast a
> spell over his feelings of late.

 Obviously he shall have them both.

Kyosuke: Exactly.  Why didn't I think of that?  That solves everything!

>
> Yohko yawned in boredom, even as her longer legs easily kept pace with
> Minami's stride, regretting having been interrupted from her quality
> time with her boyfriend.  She eyed the redheaded Ghost Sweeper and
> wondered how much longer this was going to take.
>

Oh, I think their night's going to be nicely toasted after this. :)

True.

>
> "Well, it's about time," grumbled Yohko.  The sooner this was taken
> care of, the sooner she and Kyosuke could get back to more important
> matters, like some serious snuggling time.  A girl her age had certain
> needs,

like shopping, spending her boyfriend's money, etc.

Also true.

>
> The Ghost Sweeper paused and said dramatically, "A powerful presence
> disturbs the ether."  As she looked around, she was surprised to see
> Kisaragi-sensei going into one of the buildings, the very same one that
> she could sense spiritual emanations coming from!  Seeing her, Minami
> abruptly cursed in her thoughts in an un-ladylike fashion.  "Quick!
> This way!"  She grabbed Yohko by the arm and took off running as fast
> as she could, almost dragging the taller Devil Hunter.  Kyosuke kept up
> as best he could.

It's going to be a real shoot out now.

Yes, it is.  ^_^

>
>                     ******************************
>
> Frost happened to glance down and spotted Minami and her little posse

Heh. Very little, since she only has a posse of two.

Minami: At least I have a modicum of social skills, unlike a certain stuck-up
Amazon.

> as they made their way down the street towards one specific building.
> She cocked her head slightly to one side as she considered her options
> with this new development.  Minami was well-known in the Institute as a
> glory-hound and something of a hothead, her personality far from having
> the emotional reserve that a true mistress of spellcasting should have,
> like Frost herself had in abundance.

True. They are rather the opposite extremes.

And they will get along like fire and ice.

>                     ******************************
>
> Yusaku lazily blinked his eyes open, feeling a very pleasant warmth
> suffusing his body.  He glanced upwards and realized that his head had
> been resting in Belldandy's lap,

and that her skirt was hiked up and she wasn't wearing panties. It was a
dream come true.

Of course he then woke up for real.

Godai: I'm such a loser.

 a soft glow emanating from her hand.
> At that moment, she looked so kind and maternal that he could not bring
> himself to move from this position.  It was a perfect moment.

No doubt about to be lost forever in cries of pain and blasts of energy.

Heh

>
> This was a _goddess_ before her, and Ayaka was not sure how to act now.

drop 'now.'

>
>
> Not too far away from the apartment building, in a quiet section of a
> nearby park, a glowing sphere of energy swelled up and then just as
> quickly dissipated, revealing Mara, Demoness First Class.  She took a
> deep breath of the crisp air, doing impressive things for her figure,
> if anyone else had been around to notice.  An evil smile lit her face.

Does she have any other kind of smile.

Mara: I can also be seductive.

>
> "First order of business is to destroy Belldandy before she can get
> settled," Mara commented out loud to herself.  Her body rose into the
> air as she took a brief sniff of the air, sensing the faintly lingering
> traces of a recent etheric energy discharge.  Her skills at tracking
> prey had always been among the best of her kind, comparable to those of
> a shark sensing blood.

Makes sense. Nice comparison.

Thanks.

>
>
> "Uh, can I get up?" Yusaku asked the strange redhead, wondering if this
> utterly bizarre evening was going to end with him getting shot in his
> own apartment.

It's a possibility. I can see him taking a bullet for Bell.

Nah.  Not this chapter, at least.

>
> Ayaka glanced at Yusaku, suddenly feeling even more uncertain about her
> present circumstances.  She was in a strange man's apartment, holding a
> gun pointed at a goddess.

Which was perfectly normal for her. What was strange was that she didn't
have a drink with her at the time.

Ayaka: I hate my life.

>
> being forewarned as to her approaching doom.  Now, it was all going to
> be so easy.  With a laugh, she quickly began forming a ball of energy
> between her hands, feeling the power surging in strength within it as
> she fed all of her rage and hatred into it.

Hmm. She didn't bother too take a closer look at the human with the gun.
That's going to cost her.

Yeppers.

>
> "Damn!" cried Minami suddenly, sensing the power building up outside.
>
> Fortunately, prepared for combat as she had been, Ayaka's own senses
> gave her a moment's worth of warning that there was any danger,

I'd drop 'any'. Uneccessary.

>
> "Red Dragon Spirit Capture Star Sword!" shouted Ayaka, the blade of the
> weapon immediately igniting in response.  She desperately wove it in a
> pattern that erected a defensive rune in midair, praying it would be
> powerful enough to deal with what she sensed was coming.

But it won't be.

Almost, but not quite.

>
> Belldandy had been caught by surprise by Mara's merciless assault, and
> she could see the grinning demoness hovering in the air outside when
> the smoke quickly began to clear.  She cast a brief glance at Yusaku,
> grateful to see that he was only stunned.  She also noted that both of
> his arms were half-wrapped around the strange redhead.  Could this
> woman be the one to fulfill his wish?

Hmm. I had assumed it would be Bell again, as in OMG! Wonder if she's off or
not.

Well, the uncertainty factor will allow for some fun.

But now was not the time to
> dwell upon such things.

No. It isn't.

Uh huh.

>
> senses.  Things were becoming more serious, and the region could be
> severely damaged if the situation was not contained quickly.  Minami
> was in way over her head, along with the Director's grandson and the
> Devil Hunter, so it looked like it was up to her to rescue the Ghost
> Sweeper trainee from her own arrogance.

Why do I think Miss High and Mighty is going to get taken down a few pegs
here?

Oh, it's a possibility.  ^_^

>
>
> During the momentary lull, Yohko and Kyosuke entered the room, standing
> almost shoulder to shoulder.  Behind them, readying one of the wands
> from her kit was Minami.  All three had serious looks on their faces.

Heh. Good luck. Power level seems a bit much for them to handle.

Minami: I can handle anything.

>
> Yohko stepped forward and brandished her soulsword dramatically.  "I
> hold no enmity against those coerced into evil.  But to those vile
> beings who toy with the hearts and souls of men, since the time of the
> Ancient Gods, we have been your destroyers!  Now, the 109th Devil
> Hunter, Yohko, is here... Beware!"
>
> "Oh, how cute," taunted Mara.  "One of you human vermin still wishes to
> play.

Hmm. One would think Mara's heard of the Devil Hunters and would be at least
wary.

Or she thinks their rep is all for show and nothing of substance.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> Frost hovered outside, a spell of invisibility concealing her presence
> from both sides of the combat.  There was a second entity inside the
> building, apparently defending itself against the one hovering outside.
> She studied the situation, coolly analyzing her options.

Running for it seemed the best.

Frost: Fear is an illogical mindset for a true mistress of the mystic arts.

>
>
> "You ignore me at your peril, hellspawn!" shouted Minami, unleashing a
> blast of lightning from the wand she was carrying.  Mara danced lightly
> to one side in mid-air with a gleeful laugh, deflecting the lightning
> with one outstretched hand.  The Ghost Sweeper winced as her attack
> spell lanced downwards and blew up a second parked car.

Heh. The MI is going to be shelling out some cash.

Yep.

 > it flared to life in her hands once again.  She stepped back into the
> battle just as Yohko missed a parry with her soulsword, and a blast of
> lightning knocked the Devil Hunter out of the fight.

Mara is in a kick-ass mood, I see.

Exactly.

>
> "Yohko!" cried Kyosuke.  He ran forward to pick up the girl tenderly,
> noting her injuries.  Luckily, her Devil Hunter form seemed to add to
> her natural resiliency, and she did not appear seriously harmed, only
> knocked unconscious.  Sensing sudden danger, he redoubled the strength
> of his shield, a mere moment before another of Mara's blasts would have
> rendered the couple into ashes.

Very kick ass. :)

And she's just getting warmed up.

>
> Frost had finished her analysis of the situation, and things did not
> look promising if she did not enter into the combat.  She began a spell
> that would weaken the entity's defensive barrier before she launched
> into her own repertoire of attack spells.

 Attack from behind. Good thinking.

Frost: It is the logical point of assault against a strong opponent.

>
> Mara was rapidly growing tired of these irritating humans with magic
> swords.  It was looking like it was time to get up close and personal
> in this battle, if she was going to be able to finish it anytime soon.
> She knew she could not afford to waste any more time and risk Belldandy
> coming awake again

Belldandy awakening (would be fine)

> Expecting a fresh round of fire from their enemy, Ayaka was surprised
> to see the demoness suddenly disappear from where she had been hovering
> outside, only to blink back into reality less than a meter from where
> the tall redhead was standing.  A lightning-fast swipe of Mara's hand
> removed Ayaka's weapon from her grip, and the Ghost Sweeper watched it
> spinning away with dismay.

Oops.

>
>
> At that moment, there was the distinctive sound of a pistol chambering
> a round.  Mara looked over at Yusaku with evident bemusement.

Wonder if it's Ayeka's gun.

Nope.

>
> "You're not hurting anyone!" cried Yusaku.  He quickly drew a bead on
> the center of Mara's body, aiming right at her chest.
>
> Angered by Mara's taunt, Yusaku squeezed the trigger three times in
> rapid succession.  However, each bullet was deflected away from Mara's
> body at the last instant, bouncing off of some sort of invisible shield
> around the demoness.

 Guess not.

>
> "Now it's my turn," said Mara calmly.  She fired off a blast of energy
> that forced Yusaku to dodge.  Smiling, she brought her aim closer with
> each succeeding blast.

Oops. Playing cat and mouse is going to be her downfall.

Mara: I would have won, too.  If it wasn't... err... you know the rest.

>
> "Deflect this," said Ayaka angrily, and she pulled the trigger.  She
> had sensed Mara's shields weaken, and the silver and orichalcum-tipped
> slug ripped through what was left like it wasn't even there.  A couple
> of centimeters further over to one side, and it would have taken a good
> portion of Mara's head with it.  As it was, it only managed to graze a
> shallow furrow across one side of her skull.  A second shot quickly
> rang out from Ayaka's gun before the echoes of the first had faded,
> narrowly missing Mara's chest as the first shot spun her around.

Heh. Mara's having a really bad day.

Mara: The worst.

>
>
> Frost hovered in the air outside, still invisible, allowing the attack
> spell she had been holding to dissipate.  Her first spell had weakened
> the demoness' shield without her presence being noticed, allowing the
> others to deal with it more effectively.  But the creature had escaped,
> and she was the only one with sufficient mobility to follow.  Her body
> streaked away into the night.
>

Off for round 2, I see.

Or something.

>                     ******************************
>
> In the aftermath, Yusaku sat a bit stunned, staring at the remnants of
> what had once been his apartment.  Belldandy sat next to him, looking
> quite exhausted as she slept.  She had managed to heal everyone, even a
> suspicious Minami and Yohko, before passing out.  It was a shame that
> she could not have done the same for his room.

Actually she might be able to in time. She is quite powerful.

The fight took a bit of the wind from her sails.

He saw Ayaka talking
> with someone on her cellphone, but the trio of teenagers had already
> left.  A sigh escaped his lips.  Where was he going to live now?  Why
> was this all happening to him?
>
> "Wow, Godai-kun," came Akemi's slurred voice from the doorway.  "No
> wonder you didn't want to come to my party."

Heh.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> Reappearing in an alleyway located in a somewhat disreputable section
> of Tokyo, Mara cursed the recent turn of events.  She sagged against a
> grimy wall as the pain in her head threatened to overwhelm her, and

not sure if you need that comma

> buckle, she struggled to stave off shock and forced herself to remain
> conscious by sheer will.  Her mind slowly cleared as her magics took
> hold, beginning the torturous process of knitting her tattered flesh
> back together.

Yeah. Destructive magic is easy for a demon, healing would be a bit more of
a drain though.

>
> "I would have won, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids,"

^_^

The Scooby Doo fan in me shows...

>
>
> The figure was silent as it stared at Mara, gazing dispassionately from
> out of the shadows as the last of her reserves finally gave out, her
> eyes rolled back in their sockets, and the demoness quietly slumped
> down unconscious against the wall.

Wonder what bad guy that was.

We shall see.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> The last syllables of the incantation rolled off of Hikaru's tongue,
> the tome he had been reading from laying spread out before him on his
> desk.  He was surprised when a sudden wave of weariness overcame him,
> for such a thing was not supposed to be part of the spell.

Heh. I wonder what else wasn't mentioned in the book.

It's all a setup.

 Even as his
> eyelids drooped, he somehow managed to stand up and take two faltering
> steps towards the door before falling unconscious.  His last thought
> was oddly of Minami, certain that the redheaded Ghost Sweeper would
> have berated him harshly for attempting something so risky.

Probably.

Minami: Hikaru no baka!

>
> As Hikaru's body collapsed limply to the floor of his room, it was
> silent for several moments, then a robed and cowled figure emerged
> soundlessly from the wall, translucent silver in coloring, its ethereal
> shape hovering slightly in the air.  Without any delay, the ghostly
> apparition dove into Hikaru's slumbering body, vanishing within his
> body and causing it to jerk once slightly before it fell still once
> again.

two 'once's close together. I'd get rid of the second.

> The tome resting on the desk shimmered slightly, swiftly transforming
> itself back into its true appearance, that of a more ordinary-looking
> book, the words on the open page reforming into a dry dissertation on
> the history of Gnosticism.

Heh. Cute.

Thanks.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> Frost had come up empty on her search of the nearby Tokyo area.  It was
> as if the demonic entity she was seeking had somehow been swallowed up
> by the city,

Probably.

Or something to that effect.

>
> The still figure on the bedroom floor suddenly began to move, blinking
> open his eyes.  Then, a throaty chuckling emerged from the throat as
> hands shifted to beneath the chest, slowly levering the body up from
> the floor.  Standing up shakily, the figure gazed about the room, a
> smirk adorning his face.  A faint glimmering could be discerned in the
> irises of Hikaru's eyes, like minute electrical storms.

Wonder what's in ole Hikaru now.

I should have set it up a little better.

>
> "At last," said the figure, an almost rapturous expression on his face
> as he moved about the room, somewhat clumsily at first.  He held one
> hand up before his face, sparkles of energy dancing from fingertip to
> fingertip.  "

Well, he's going to be a surprise for Ranma in his current state, all right.

True.

I know that you can't hear me right now in your slumbering
> state, Hikaru Gosunkugi, but I thank you for the loan of this body.  It
> will do nicely for my needs.  My apologies for the subterfuge, but even
> your will was too strong for me to overcome in my current state.  And I
> need the access your body will give me to the Mobius Institute.

They don't have wards that can detect possession, or is this guy powerful
enough to bypass them.

Not powerful, just clever.  He's had centuries of subjective time to perfect his
skills.

  This
> is a matter of life and death, Gosunkugi-san.  Mine, to be precise.  So
> know that you have the gratitude of Simon Magus, the Lord of Illusions

Not familliar with the name.

Book of Acts in the New Testament.

> and the greatest wizard who has ever lived.

And died, evidently.

With magic, not even death or time is a barrier.

Using this body, I will
> finally obtain the key to my long-sought victory, the Nanban Mirror,
> and Simon Magus will live again."

Heh. That old thing. We shall see.

Yeah.

>
> Frost paused on her way back to the Mobius Institute, suddenly sensing
> a surge in etheric energies nearby.  Banking sharply, she circled the
> building she had just passed, an apartment complex near the Institute.

Uh oh. Trouble for either her or Gos.

> She quickly zeroed in on one window in particular and swooped up to
> peak

peek

inside.  She hovered just outside the glass, holding her staff
> across her body to render it less visible, only her head rising high
> enough to see inside.

end two sentences on 'inside' I'd drop this one, I think'

>
>                     ******************************
>
> It was at that moment that Simon Magus chose to fling open the window
> to Hikaru's room for some fresh air.

Heh. Nice timing.

It's a Ranmaverse.

  He was quite astonished to see a
> white-robed albino girl with pretty Asian features and white-blonde
> hair hovering just outside the window.

That he would have ko'ed her by accident.

Not quite.

>
> Frost backed away from the window when Hikaru suddenly vanished from
> before her eyes, even as she raised a defensive screen.

Well, she is tensed for combat. She might have the edge.

 She could not
> tell if he had gone invisible or teleported.  But, either way, seeing
> the esper boy do such a thing had caught her off guard.  Her eyes
> scanned the air around her, seeking her foe.

She should be changing her own position. Remaining still might cost her .

Minami: Fighting comes from your gut.  Logic has no place in battle.

> Appearing behind the girl, Simon saw the globe of energies forming on
> the tip of her staff.  Good.  The albino girl

can drop this 'girl.'

still had some fight in
> her after all.  Casting a quick spell, he smirked and whistled to get
> her attention, waving when she turned his way.  Despite his cocky look,
> he could feel his energies beginning to lose cohesion.

Oops.

>
> >
> "Nice spell," remarked a familiar voice right behind her.  "You must be
> an elemental wizard."

Heh. She's going to lose bad.

Not as bad as you might think.

>
> "I win, you lose," remarked Simon jauntily.  He had a moment to enjoy
> his victory, and then Frost's shields collapsed, discharging their
> energies into him.  The unexpected surge of power into his system had
> disrupted his astral form, and he could feel his soul coming apart at
> the seams.  The ground began rushing up, a moment of terrifying deja vu
> that enabled him to focus enough to teleport himself and the girl back
> to his room.

Oops. Too cocky for his own good as well, I see.

Unfortunately.

>
> Even as she slipped into unconsciousness, having been defeated through
> the basest of magical trickery, Frost still had the satisfaction of
> hearing her foe gasp as her defensive screens discharged into him, a
> special modification she had made to her shield spells long ago, just
> in case someone ever engaged her in melee combat.  Her body went limp
> in the arms of her conqueror as her staff went spinning away into the
> darkness to drive half of its length into the ground far below.  The
> finest Amazon sorceress in generations, bested by an outsider!  As her
> thoughts fell into darkness, she vaguely recalled that that should mean
> something to her.

Heh. Wonder if she'll care to be married to Gos, though. Especially since he
wasn't the one calling the shots.

Maybe.  Maybe not.

>
> Moments after reappearing in Hikaru's bedroom, Simon clasped his hands
> to his skull, feeling a tugging that rapidly grew stronger.  It wasn't
> fair!  He had won!  But his mental cries went unheeded by the universe,
> and he could feel his astral form beginning to be pulled back through
> the millennia, to when history recorded his death in the marble streets
> of Rome, having tried and failed to defeat the magics of Simon Peter,
> the Apostle.  He fought with all of his strength, latching every ounce
> of his magical powers into this body to hang on against the tides of
> history that pulled against him.  But that proved to be a mistake, and
> he felt his powers wrenched free of his astral form to lodge within the
> body he had sought to inhabit for a time.

Hmm. Almost anti-climatic with what Gos had originally been planning and how
long he wanted revenge on Ranma.

Yeah.  I will have to play with this section a bit.  Basically, Simon Magus has been
moving through time, possessing body after body in a frantic attempt to find a way to
rescue his own body before it slams into the streets of Rome after his failed duel of
magics with Peter the Apostle.  He has been limited in that he can only seem to move
forward, but he caught wind of the Nanban, and he knew that he needed to get into the
Institute.  So, with his abilities to timejump, he planted the illusion of an uber-spellbook
in Hikaru's mind, which was actually a trap to get Hikaru to lower his mental defenses.
Simon then skipped forward in time, since he can only remain out of a host for up to
24 hours of subjective time.  The rest went as you saw, centuries of scheming and
planning wasted by sheer bad luck, leaving Simon Magus's powers of illusion and a
small chunk of his personality in Hikaru's mind.

With his newfound powers of illusion, Hikaru will find out what Ranma Saotome fears.

>
>
> "Are you sure this is going to be all right?" Yusaku asked the redhead
> currently driving the vehicle he was riding in, a taxicab that had been
> commandeered for this trip.  Next to him in a small suitcase were the
> few pathetic remnants of his life that he had managed to salvage from
> his shattered apartment.  Luckily, his spare uniform had survived.

Heh. Nice to see he had his priorities straight.

Yep.

>
> Belldandy was still slumped unconsciously but apparently comfortably
> against his shoulder.  However, after seeing what the slumbering deity
> sleeping next to him had been capable of, her nearness was making him
> nervous, like sitting next to an armed nuclear warhead or something.

Hmm. Not a good foundation to a relationship.

True.  She is scary powerful when you think about it.

> from this point on, Lieutenant Godai.  My boss has arranged for some
> semi-permanent lodgings in the area for you and your... companion, and
> that's all you should be concerned about.  In a way, she's a visiting
> dignitary of sorts, and she's going to be treated as a special guest of
> the Mobius Institute."

Though I'm certain the MI thinks of her as merely an entity of another plan
of existance rather than divine. Perhaps a benevolent, very powerful plain,
but still not under any kind of actual celestial authority, since that would
imply a higher power that could conceivably order around with an authority
higher than that of the Emperor.

Exactly.  Still, there is probably precedent in the annals of the Institute.

>
> Realizing he was not going to win this argument, Yusaku settled back
> into his seat and waited to arrive at his destination.  He watched the
> streetlights going by, musing at how quickly his life had been turned
> upside down.  Why was this happening to him?

The author likes you and is going to make your life hell.

Pretty much.

>
> No, he had asked for none of these things.  All Yusaku Godai had wished
> for was for a woman to fall in love with him and stay with him forever.
> It had been a surprise to Ayaka to hear those words come out of a man's
> mouth.  Based on her experiences with men, that would have been about
> the very last thing she would have expected one to want above all other
> things in the world.

It's only because he's a wussbag. ^_^

Godai: Sigh.

>
> Dropping her gaze back to the road in front of the car, Ayaka shook her
> head.  Maybe it had all been as Yusaku had claimed, that he thought
> this was some sort of scam being run by the Institute.  Even if it had
> been some sort of loyalty test (and Ayaka found it hard to believe that
> the Mobius Institute did not have better uses for its resources), he
> could have asked for something else equally innocuous.  But all he had
> asked for was the love of a woman.  As she continued driving, she kept
> wondering why his asking for that kept nagging at her.

Heh. I see someone is going to have women nipping at his heels soon.

Just a few, not nearly as many as a certain Saotome.  ^_^

>
>                     ******************************
>
> "Tendo-san?  Ono-san?

Took me a moment to remember this is Kasumi's last name.

Heh

> shift at the Arena tonight, she knew that he would not return until
> morning, unless he used one of the cots at the hospital as he had been
> doing more often of late.

Definitely a marriage on the rocks.

Yes, unfortunately.

>
> It was odd that the Tendo household would be taking in a boarder on
> such short notice, but apparently it had something to do with some sort
> of Security Directorate business.  Kyoko found herself wondering what
> the young man who would be staying with them was like.  Perhaps he was
> some dashingly handsome agent of the Directorate, and the woman was a
> foreign spy defecting to the Empire.  She smiled at her brief fantasy
> as she gathered up the bedding materials.

Well, she's going to be in for a disappointment.

Well, a uniform can make many a plain man look more alluring to a woman.

>
>
> While she was finishing up the second room, she heard the sounds of the
> front gate opening and closing.  Kyoko hurried out into the hallway and
> down the stairs in order to meet their new guests properly.  Pausing
> before the hallway mirror, she checked her appearance for a moment.  A
> good first impression was important.

Hmm. History going to apparently repeat itself, I see.

Sort of.

>
>                     ******************************
>
> "Your guests are here, Father," said Kasumi, hearing footsteps on the
> front walk.  Kyoko was still upstairs working on getting the bedrooms
> ready, so she stood up.  "I'll go let them in, if that's all right."

Oh, my bad.

No problem.

>
>
> Yusaku shifted the small suitcase he was carrying to his other hand,
> worried about his first meeting with Assistant Director Soun Tendo.  He
> struggled to hide his nervousness, and a brief touch on his arm from
> Belldandy was surprisingly calming.  If only he could meet a mortal
> woman who was as kind and sweet.

And couldn't vaporize a city block if the mood suited her.

Where could he find a woman like that?  I wonder....

>
> That thought had barely registered when the door slid open and an angel
> stood there.  For a moment, Yusaku felt a sort of electric shock surge
> through his entire body, and an odd half-smile appeared on his face.
>
> The vision of immaculate loveliness then spoke, while smiling gently.
> "Welcome to the Tendo household.  My name is Kasumi.  Please, come
> inside and be welcome in my father's home."

Hehehehehe. Well now, this is a switch. And an interesting one too. I
approve.

Thanks.  I am enjoying playing with the relationships of the cast.  This is
where a lot of the fun in these stories comes from, after all.  ^_^

>
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>
> Well, it's been a long time between chapters, but another one is at
> last completed.  Between work and my recent addiction to Everquest my
> time spent writing has dwindled significantly, but I still kept poking
> away at this story.  This chapter ties up a few lingering plot threads
> and adds a few more.

Yep. Done much of both. One Gos plot thread tied up, but more troubles of a
different nature on it. Little bit more of everything across the board. At
160K, that's not surprising. Story flowed well, though I'd have released it
in two different parts. More characters introduced and some underused ones
appearing again. Lot of plot threads still around, so beware of using too
many, though I'm able to follow things pretty well. But then, I'm a big fan.
:)

Yeah, I have to watch the thread developments.  I tend to juggle more than I
should.  ^_^

Already looking forward for more. Definitely well worth the wait.

D.B. Sommmer

Hopefully, the next chapter won't be as long a wait.  Stay tuned for more.

Steve
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