William J O'Halloran wrote:

   Akane suddenly realizes that what he was really trying to do was
chase off/fight/ stop P-Chan! (and to PROTECT her!!) and FINIALLY!,
Akane puts two and two (and two and two...) together and...... BLAM!,
pig in low earth orbit!

Or...  [warning: dark lime ahead]

---

Ranma looked, a little worried, at the contraption set up in the dojo.
The water-filled cauldron with firewood arranged over a bed of stones
underneath was standard fare, but the metal bar suspended above it, and
the sturdy-looking cage mounted in its middle, had him stumped.

So it was that he was about to ask Akane when she came in, until he saw
her cradling P-chan between her breasts, stroking him and cooing
soothingly.  "Err...Akane?"

"Just a minute, Ranma."  She continued to murmur sweet nothings at the
piglet until she reached the cauldron.  It was hard to tell, but it
looked like P-chan was almost asleep as she set him in the cage and
locked it tight.  "There.  Now, you were saying?"

Ranma had to force himself not to boggle at Akane's kimono, which was
almost falling open and giving quite a good view of her chest.  "What's
this?"

"Oh, simple.  I asked Kasumi to take our parents and Nabiki to the
beach for a while.  We've got the dojo all to ourselves for at least
three hours."  She winked at him, pulled out a match from her sleeve,
struck it along the ground to light, and began setting the kindling
aflame.  "I figured I couldn't mess up dinner if it cooks itself, so
we're going to be doing something else."

Ranma tried to puzzle this out, but in vain.

Akane finished lighting the fire, dumped the match into the flames, and
sauntered over to Ranma.  "Once the water boils, the steam will turn
the cage around so it cooks evenly.  I hope you're ok with steamed
pork."

P-chan started at that, now fully awake.  He soon began banging at the
lock, trying to free himself, but to no avail.  Akane seemed not to
even hear the piglet's struggles.

Ranma blinked.  "Uhh...sure, but do you have to cook P-chan?"

Akane grabbed him firmly, the smile on her face turning slightly
crazed.  "While he cooks, you will make me a woman.  I want his last
memory to be of me screaming your name in ecstasy."

Ranma struggled, but Akane's grip was too strong.  "You don't know what
you're doing!"

"Don't I?"  She licked her lips.  "Last night, he urinated in bed, just
as I was waking up."

"So why don't you just lock him out of your room?"

"Urine.  Warm water.  It seems they're close enough for Jusenkyo."

"..."

"He was still asleep at the time, so I doused him with cold water
before he could wake up.  I'm sure you have a good reason for never
telling me, but that can wait."  Her grip shifted, trying to force him
to the floor.  "Now, are you going to cooperate, or do I have to rape
you?"
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