This is pretty pointless and doesn't really go 
anywhere. Monkey D Luffy, Usop, Sanji, Zorro,
Vi Vi, Chopper and Nami belong to Eiichiro Oda.
The other characters belong to me. I hate them.

Blarghor!

Sanji almost chuckled as practically everyone drooled
over the dish he had prepared. It had taken quite some
time to find the fish, not to mention the preparation
which lasted for nearly seven hours, but it would be worth
it. The aroma, the texture, it was truly the perfect
meal.

The entire crew had come outside to the hastily assembled
dinner table to gaze at his culinary masterpiece. Chopper
, Monkey and Usopp's mouths were gaping wide open as saliva 
threatened to come out. Nami and Vivi were licking their lips
as well at the sight of the glorious fish. And Zorro... was
asleep on the floor.

"WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!" Sanji said as he laid a vicious axe
which drove through the floor where Zorro's head had been.
Cracking his neck Zorro yawned and looked over at the
table and smiled.

"Aa? Food!" the swordsman said before running over to the
table. Sanji managed to pry his foot from the jagged hole
in the ship's floor and walked back to the group. He coughed
into his hand trying to get everyone's attention and promptly
failed at that so he settled for yelling.

"Take your eyes off the food and bring them to me!" That
didn't work. Violence, the solution to all of life's problems,
took its rightful place as the final step in getting their
attention. Bringing his foot up Sanji performed a powerful
kick on the back of Monkey, Chopper and Usopp's skulls
while carefully avoiding to hit the two ladies, Vivi and
Nami. Usopp and Chopper flew over to the other side of
the deck from the force of the devistating blow and Luffy
, well Luffy just flew.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the would be pirate king yelled
as the kick propelled him well into the stratosphere. Taking
their attention away from the food everyone gawked as Luffy
continued to glide helplessly through the air.

"Luffy! My hand!" Zorro shouted as he thrust his hand out
for Luffy to grab. Luffy's arm stretched out from his 
soaring body all the way down to
the ship where it promptly grabbed the fish. Zorro's jaw 
dropped as he looked at the appendage currently 
wrapped around the gilled creature. "I've got your 
hand Zorro! Pull me in!" was all Zorro could hear 
before the hand snapped back to its owner with the 
fish in tow.

"Luffy!" they all shouted as the meat 
slapped into his distant body. The last thing
they heard before Luffy was totally out of sight 
was, "THIS MEAT IS DELICIOUS!!!"

---

Luffy licked his fingers and reveled in the wonderful
taste of the meal he had just finished. It had been
one of the best meals he had ever had and it took all
he had in him not to shout out, "THAT MEAL WAS BRILLIANT!"
Blinking Luffy realized that he already had shouted
it out. Looking down the boy saw that he was still zooming
over the ocean. He had reached the apex of the kick a few
seconds ago and was now coming down to hit the water.

That didn't really bother Luffy as he knew that his rubber
enhanced body could take practically any impact. The only
thing it really couldn't do was swim. Once again Luffy blinked
and looked down at the steadily approaching water. Taking
in a deep breath he screamed.

Thrashing his arms and legs from side to side Luffy continued
to bellow as he was coming closer and closer to his watery
grave. Out of the corner of his eye Luffy saw a small island
lying about a mile away from him. Quickly stretching his right
arm to the land mass the pirate prayed that he could reach it
in time.

The water closed in on him and nearly splashed on his 
face as he felt his hand gained purchase with something
sturdy. Screaming, "Gum Gum's Rocket!" Luffy's body snapped
forward jetting over the water towards the island at sub
sonic speeds. 

His body flew straight and sure into the beach where his 
head planted itself firmly into the sand. Letting go over
whatever had directed him to the island Luffy used
both his hands to pry his skull from the sand. Coughing
up a glob of the dirt Luffy looked up to see a huge 
bear standing on its hind legs glaring down at him.

Luffy stared at the bear that had a strange
bald spot on its head then he looked down at his 
hand which was holding a big clump of fur. Giving
a big smile Luffy said, "Hey! You were the one that
saved me! Thanks a-"

The bear interrupted Luffy by hitting him in the
head with his claw knocking the boy to the ground.
Luffy shook his head and stood up and said, "So you
wanna fight! Gum Gum's Spear!"

Stretching his leg back a good ten yards Luffy 
performed a sharp kick to the bear's stomach. Stepping
back a pace the bear collapsed to the ground. A 
growl was uttered from the bear as it tried to stand
up and fell on its back. Seeing the bear tumble caused
Luffy to roll around on the beach laughing.

"HA HA HA HA! Mr. Bear, you shouldn't challenge
someone you can't beat! I'll forgive you because
you look so funny, but don't fight me again or I'll
just you beat you up!"

"Mr. Bear!"

Luffy righted himself at the sound of another voice
and looked towards the jungle where there now stood
a bikini-clad woman. Her long blue hair fell across
her alabaster skin. A look of terror crossed her
face as she ran across the beach her sandals keeping
up clouds of dust. Running to the bear the woman 
craddled his head as a river of tears poured down
her eyes.

"Mr. Bear! Who could have done such a terrible thing
to you?!!" she cried and then heard a voice shout,"ME!
I was the one that beat up Mr. Bear!"

A surge of anger came over the woman and she turned
around shouting, "YOU DID WH-" But stopped herself
as she found herself staring at the most beautiful
man she had seen in her entire life. His lithe legs
were covered in tattered blue shorts and a maroon
vest cursedly hung to his torso. A straw hat sat
a top a mop of dark unruly hair, which covered his
handsome face. Under his right eye a small scar caught
her attention and the woman knew that if she
looked any longer at him she might faint. Turning
away from him she said, "Wh-who are you?"

"I'm Monkey D Luffy! I'm gonna be the pirate king!
But first I have to find One Piece! But I have to
go to Grand Line to do that! And then..." He trailed
off and the woman stopped listening as she once again
looked at him. He continued to rattle on and she 
resumed her examination of him. The most
incredible creature ever and he was standing in front
of her. He stopped talking and stared at her. She 
remembered that they were in the middle of introductions
and she steeled herself trying to find the will to
speak her name. She found that she couldn't. So 
intimidating was his beauty that her ability to
speak had been robbed of her.

Luffy waited for the woman to speak, but was 
puzzled when she just opened her mouth and gawked at
him. He waited for her to say something and when
she didn't he did the only reasonable thing a person
could do in such a situation.

He picked his nose.

The woman's eyes bulged as her dream man shoved his index
finger up his nostril. Closing her eyes she thought,
'To do such a thing in front of me! He's so bold! I
must have him!' Standing up she said in her most proud
voice, "I am Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the
Third! It's nice to meet you!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third Walked 
over to him she stuck her hand out. Luffy took
his finger out of his nose and shook her hand. Dark Jungle's
Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third looked at his hand with
disgust. 'Why must my one true love be so
unsanitary!' she thought to herself. 

A thought raced through Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan
the Third's mind and she asked,"How did you know Mr. Bear's
name?"

Luffy took his hand and scratched his head while smiling. 
"Well, he's a bear! It's natural that his name should be
Mr. Bear."

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's mouth 
dropped and in a startled voice she said, "That's *exactly*
what I thought when I named him."

Luffy's already huge grin became larger and he said,"Wow!
That's so cool!" 

Blushing Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan looked away
from Luffy as a rush of thoughts came to her. 'He's too 
perfect! I must know how he feels about me!'

"Luffy!" she shouted and the boy uttered a,'huh' in response.

"Will you marry me?!" she bellowed through closed eyes and
waited for his response. The clashing tides were the only
thing Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's ears
could hear as she nervously waited for Luffy to say something.

"What do you mean marry?"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's eyes 
opened and she gazed into his confused eyes. That was
not a response she had expected so she asked, "Don't
you know what getting married means?" A shake of
his head was her answer and she said,"Well, it means
that we would be together for a long time, and I 
would take care of you and you would take care of me."

Luffy scratched his chin and said,"Does that mean
you would cook for me?"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third blinked
and said, "Uh... Yes..."

Throwing his arms up into the air Luffy said, "Than let's
get married right away!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's glazed
over as she said, "Really?"

"Yes! I can't wait to get married!" Luffy said while
thinking about a huge ham being shoved into his mouth
by Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's
loving hands. A speck of drool dribbled out of his
mouth as he began to ate the imaginary pig.

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third 
blinked and said, "Luffy darling?"

Shaking his head out of his dream Luffy said
with conviction, "Let's get married now!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third
nodded her head and grabbed Luffy's hand as she
darted into the forest. Mr. Bear raised his
bruised head from the ground in time to see the two
running into the jungle and decided to give
chase. 

---

"ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! I'm soooooo hungry! Havent...
Eaten... in... ten minutes!!!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third
was biting at her nails looking at Luffy clawing
at his stomach as he rolled on his back. He looked
to be in the midst of intense hunger pangs so she
said, "I can make a vegetable stew for you!"

Luffy looked at her through his pain and said,"Just
so long as it has meat!"

Scratching her head she said, "But Luffy I'm a
vegetarian. I couldn't ethically go and kill
an animal simply because you're hungry."

"That's okay, you don't need to kill an animal.
You just have to get me some meat," he said
through a forced smile. One Dark Jungle's Emperor
Super Chan Chan the Third's eyebrow rose up 
and down at the statement. Sighing she tried to think
of a solution to the problem and couldn't find
one. 

They were in the middle of a grassless part of 
the jungle and as far as she knew there wasn't
really much in way of fruit or meat there. Looking
back at Luffy Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan
Chan the Third saw that he was unconscious.

She needed to think of something fast. A rustle
from the bushes caught her attention and Mr. Bear
walked out. Running over to Mr. Bear Dark Jungle's
Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third hugged the 
beast and said,"I don't know what to do Mr. Bear!
He's really hungry, but there's nothing to eat-"

A thought struck Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan
Chan the Third's mind and she eyed Mr. Bear who
gained a newfound look of aprehension. Hitting
herself Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan
the Third shouted,"I can't just turn my back on
my life time companion becaus that man wants
a snack!"

Mr. Bear uttered a sigh of relief, but then Luffy
moaned in his sleep, "Meat... Meat is the fruit
of life... Must have meat."

Mr. Bear looked back at Dark Jungle's Emperor 
Super Chan Chan the Third's face and was terrified
to see her looking at him in that strange way again. 

---

"THIS MEAT IS GREAT!!! It's tough, but that just
gives it texture! I give it forty five stars!" Luffy
said while a mouthful of fur and meat came out
of his mouth. Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan
Chan the Third had her back to him as she cried
bitter tears of fury.

"That was a good meal! Now let's go and get
married!" Hearing that Dark Jungle's Emperor Super
Chan Chan the Third's mood swiftly changed from
brooding to pure joy.

"Oh, you'll make such a good husband Luffy darling! 
But before we get married I have to tell you that
the Priest is a little strange," she said adding
emphasis to the last word.

Waving his hand at her Luffy said, "How strange
could he be?"

---

"So this is the man you chose to be your mate 
my dear? I must admit I find him to be rather
uncouth. Why exactly is his mouth open like that."

"You're- You're a"

"Oh, Mr. Monkey! Luffy darling is the best
man ever! Can we just get married now?"

"This is so cool! I thought I'd never see-"

"I told you my name is Reginald! I suppose
I can't change your mind so let us carry
out these proceedings. But I firmly believe 
you will live to regret this."

"A TALKING MONKEY IN A TUXEDO!"

The dapper looking monkey in question turned
his head to look at Luffy who was busy waving
his hands all over the place. He had
not liked it when two people had
come to his mountain top cave demannding
a wedding, but found that he simply
couldn't turn the girl away. Reginald pushed
his wire rimmed glasses up his nose and 
said, "Rather sharp aren't we? Anyway this
is a rather momentous ocassion in-"

"Did you eat the Human Human Fruit like Chopper?"

Reginald frowned at the question and 
responded, "No, I did not. As I was
saying-"

"How'd you learn to talk?"

Stopping a hiss coming from his mouth Reginald
said, "I listened to humans speaking for several
years and picked it up. Now if we can just-"

"Could you do a back flip?"

A vein seemed to pop out of Reginald's head
, but retaining his calm he said, "If I do
a back flip would you please stop asking 
questions?"

Monkey didn't have to think it over and 
immediately shook his head up and down. Sighing
Reginald did a small back flip and landed back
on the rock he was standing on. 

"THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I EVER SAW!!! I
CAN NOW DIE A HAPPY MAN! TRULY THERE IS NOTHING
GREATER THAN SEEING A TALKING MONKEY IN A TUXEDO 
DOING A BACK FLIP! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Luffy
screamed at the top of the lungs as a torrent of
tears came flooding out of his eyes.

Reginald couldn't take it anymore. "Would you shut
the hell up you stupid git!"

Luffy stopped crying and smiled as he said, "Okay."

Reginald, wanting to leave the presence of this
-this-this oaf decided to get it over with as
quickly as possible, "doyoudarkjungle'semperorsuper
chanchanthethirdtakethismorontobeyourhusband?yesor
no."

"Yes."

"You. Same question names reversed."

Pondering it for a second Luffy said,"Sure."

"You two are now married. I am leaving here before
I have a coronary," Reginald said as he hopped
off the rock and began to walk back to his cave
when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned
to see the smiling idiot was the one grabbing
him. Growling Reginald said,"What?"

"I need an entertainer on my ship and your
back flip is so wonderful it makes me cry
just thinking about it. Want to join my
crew?!" Luffy asked innocently.

Reginald screamed and began to run down the
mountain into the jungle. Luffy looked at 
where the monkey had been then shouted
while running into the jungle, "Mr. Monkey!
Is that a yes?!!!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the
Third looked around herself and saw that 
she was alone. Something clicked in her brain
and she ran into the thick of the jungle
yelling, "Luffy darling wait for me!"

---

Luffy cursed to himself as he rushed past tree
after tree. He couldn't find Mr. Monkey and was
now, himself, lost. Running around Luffy tried
to figure out where he was. He looked to his
left. He looked to his right. He was in the 
jungle. He knew where he was again!

Dashing forward at inhuman speed Luffy burst through
the forest and found himself running straight
for the water. He tried to stop himself, but 
found that impossible as he was going to run
straight into the water. That is he would have
if a leg hadn't intercepted him.

Uttering an 'oomph' Luffy was propelled into 
the sand. Righting himself Luffy saw that the
upraised leg of a well dressed man who
said, "That's for taking Ms. Vi Vi and Ms.
Nami's dinner you cad."

"Sanji! What are you doing here?" Luffy asked
and saw the Going Merry close behind the chef.
The rest of the crew were standing on the
deck looking at Luffy.

Sanji set his foot back to the ground and
said, "We tried looking for you. Guess
you landed here. Let's go, Luffy. I've
got dinner ready."

"Really?" Luffy said as stars appeared
in front of his eyes. Raising his fist
forward he shouted, "My hunger will not
go unabated!"

---

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the
Third walked out onto the beach, but
found no sign of her husband. "Luffy darling?"

"Hey!" she heard and saw a ship sailing
away with her husband on it. He was waving
to her and screaming at the same time, "It
was really nice meeting you! Bye bye!"

The boat sailed off into the distance and
Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the
Third stared blankly. She remained that
way for several hours until the tide
threatened to drag her back into the ocean.
Narrowing her eyes she screamed, "Monkey
D Luffy! I'll get you for this!"



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