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Please piece me back together! :-D
[Sorry I had to do this, but listbot said my fic was 17k to large]


                         Ranma Dead:
                      (The Whole Story)
                         [Part Two]
                              
                             by                              
                              
                       Nicholas Stone

                                                        
     It was amazing how many police cars had appeared around
Furinkan High School.  Several teams of cops roved around
the grounds, the school faculty joining in the search for
Ranma and his friends.  Out of a group of bushes Ukyo pushed
her head up checking to see if anyone was in the immediate
vicinity.
     "Well?" whispered Tatewaki.
     She crouched back down.  "What did they do?  Put a neon
sign on the school flashing `Murder Here'?"
     "Looks like a cops convention," commented Tsubasa.  "We
are cooked!  You hear me, coo-."
     Nabiki placed a hand across his mouth.  "We're not
cooked yet," she said to them.
     "But Nabiki, how are we going to get across the grounds
without being seen?" asked Akane.
     "All these cops can't know it was all of us in that
room!"
     [Woo, woo. tehst, tehst, wan, too, tree,] called
Principle Kuno's voice over the schools announcing system.
[Dis is da'principle talk'n heh.  Will da following kiekies
cahm to my office pronto like.  Nahbiki Tendo-.]
     "And he would name me first," Nabiki said in disbelief.
     [Tachi, Kochi, Ahkane Tendo, Girly-Boy Kurenai, and
Ooukioh Kuonji."
     Ukyo smacked Hikaru upside the head.  "He didn't even
mention your name!" she scowled at him.
     "I'm usually missed in a crowd."
     "Try sharing some of that invisibility with us," said
Tatewaki.
     [Oh, yah.  And Saotome, you cahm too.]
     Akane began to whimper lightly.  "Ooo, they want to see
Ranma," she whined.
     "Well they won't get much of a conversation from him,"
commented Kodachi.  Tatewaki smirked, cuffing his sister on
the back of her head.
     [Now lis'n up, kids.  I give you one half of ten
minutes to cahm to my office.  See you soon.  Principal Kuno
out.]
     "That's it.  That's it!" said Tsubasa.  "Let's go and
face facts.  If were lucky, it will be only ten short years
out of our lives."
     He started to rise, but Ukyo grabbed him by the collar
and jerked him back down.
     "Nobodies surrendering, you here me?" she said.
     Tsubasa peered down at the body beneath them.  "We're
sitting on a stiff, hiding in the bushes, with cops just
waiting to make an arrest, and you say no surrender?"
     Akane's sobs picked up.  "He not a stiff," she cried.
     "Akane, this bush doesn't need anymore watering," said
Nabiki.
     "WellIcan'thelpiiiittt.waaahhh.Ranmaallblglibignandbaba
bgubaBBBWWWAAHHH!"
     "What did she just say?" asked Tatewaki.
     "Oh, she's broken into the family tongue," Nabiki told
them.  "Hope you guys have your rain gear handy."
     "Nabiki!" shouted Ukyo.
     "Yes, our dilemma."  Nabiki pressed her way up through
the protective canopy of the bushes and looked carefully
around.  The coast was clear and she stepped out, the others
following.
     "Okay, here's what we're going to do."
     "Go inside and give up?" said Tsubasa hopefully.  A
sharp kick to the rear silenced him.
     "We'll heft Ranma's body over the wall.  Tatewaki,
Gosunkugi, you guys climb over and wait for the rest of us."
     "Where are we going?" asked Tsubasa.
     Nabiki smiled confidently.  "Out the front," she told
him.
     "There are cops waiting for us there!" exclaimed Ukyo.
     "No, they're all inside looking for us.  Now we've not
much time.  Kuno-baby, eh. Tsubasa, grab Ranma and throw him
over the wall."
     Tatewaki grabbed one side of Ranma; Tsubasa grumbling
something about insanity under his breath as he grabbed the
other side.
     "Nabiki," called Akane.  "If they throw Ranma over,
won't that like, uh, break something?"
     Nabiki cast a supportive look on her sister.  "Akane,
my sweet little sister, let's face facts here.  He's dead
and he won't feel a thing."
     "BBBBBWWWAAAAHHHH!"
     "She's worse than a rain cloud," commented Kodachi.
     Tatewaki told Tsubasa to follow his lead.  They built
up some momentum, and then on the count of three, tossed
Ranma's body up over the top of the wall.
     BOP!
     OW!
     Both Ukyo and Akane pressed their fist to their mouths
in shock, Kodachi giggling deviously as she turned to a
stunned Nabiki.
     "Not feel a thing, eh?" she said.
     "But, but, but-."
     "Hey, get off'a me whoever this is!" shouted a voice
from the other side.
     "Wait a minute.  I know that voice," said Akane.
     "So do I," Tatewaki said.  "Gosunkugi, come here."
     Hikaru came over and he told him and Tsubasa to link
their hands together.  The two frowned wondering what he had
in mind, but did as instructed.  Tatewaki placed a foot in
their hands.
     "Lift, you weaklings!" he ordered amidst their grunts
and groans.
     Tatewaki grabbed the top and pull himself up.  On the
sidewalk lay Ranma's body and flailing blindly underneath it
was Mousse.  Shampoo sat on her delivery bike watching the
scene, not really sure if she should intervene or not.
     "Ranma, why you play with silly Mousse like that?" she
said.
     "Ranma?" cried Mousse.  "Ooo, when I get up from here,
Ranma, I'm going to kill you!"
     "Uh, that would be a waste of energy, Mousse," Tatewaki
said.
     Shampoo looked up.  "Kuno, what you doing up there?"
     "I was, ah, helping Saotome climb the wall shall we
say."
     "You say.  Why Ranma climb wall?  Stupid Akane chasing
Shampoo's husband again?"
     "Nnnot exactly."
     "Tatewaki," grunted Tsubasa, reminding him of their
situation.
     "Oh, yes.  Shampoo, will you do us a small favor and
watch Saotome until we get there, hm?"
     Shampoo dismounted.  She scratched her head, wondering
why Tatewaki Kuno was concerned about his bitter rival.  "I
watch," she said, picking up Mousse's glasses form the
pavement.
     "Thank you."
     "Is strange, but Ranma look different.  Like stiff
board of wood."
      "Heh, heh, heh, heh. yes."
     "Kuno-baby," called Nabiki impatiently.
     "We'll be around shortly," Tatewaki said, dropping back
down behind the wall.
     A few short minutes latter, the slowly growing band of
fugitives appeared, heated debates raging between them as
they drew closer.
     ".and he's not being cut up, embalmed, stuffed, or, or
anything other than given a proper funeral!" raged Akane.
     "And you're going to stop all of us?" said Kodachi.
     "He's bought and paid for," snarled Tatewaki.
     "Uh, we have to talk about that paid stuff," said
Hikaru.
     "Keep talking, Gosunkugi, keep talking!" shouted Ukyo.
     They arrived to find Shampoo holding Ranma up in her
arms, hugging his head tight to her bosom.  Mousse stood
glaring angrily down at them, fist flexing as his fury grew.
     "Shampoo, will you get out of the way so I can smash
Ranma into grist!" he shouted.
     "Feh!" snapped Shampoo, waving him off.  "You not
capable of hurting Ranma, so go way and leave me with
husband."
     "What is this `husband' stuff, hmm?" asked Kodachi.
     Shampoo ignored her.  "It all right, Ranma.  Shampoo
keep you safe and warm."  She looked up at them.  "He very
cold, and heavier than I remember."
     "There's a really good reason behind that," said
Nabiki.
     Shampoo gazed down at Ranma's face, reflecting lovingly
upon his handsome features.  "He still have nice smile.
Shampoo kiss."
     "Ah!  Shampoo, no!" cried Akane.
     Shampoo giggled, lowering her head closer to Ranma's.
"Silly Akane jealous."
     POP!
     Scant inches from Ranma's lips, Shampoo paused cutting
her eyes over at Tsubasa crouching curiously next to her.
     "What you want?"
     "Nothing.  Never seen anyone kiss a cadaver before.
Thought it might be interesting."
     Shampoo blinked then looked back down at Ranma again.
She drew back, eyeing him noting the pale complexion of his
skin, the odd way his arms and legs had been secured
together.  Carefully, Shampoo placed a palm to the side of
his cheek and let out a yelp feeling the calmness.
     "Ah, aH, AH. OOOYYIIIII!" she cried.  "RANMA DEAD!"
     "Will you lower your voice!" said Nabiki.
     Mousse knelt down in a flash, taking a closer look at
Ranma.  He lifted his glasses, jaw dropping open in
disbelief.
     "OH YES!" he exclaimed joyously.  "YES, YES, YES, YES,
YES!"
     "Mousse, keep it down!" said Ukyo.
     But Mousse's heart was full of joy.  He danced in the
street, proclaiming the news to the world.  Nabiki rubbed
her forehead trying to dull the sudden headache she had.
     "Oh, this is getting out of hand again.  Should have
expected it," she muttered.
     Mousse suddenly whirled around.  "Who did it?" he
asked.  "Tatewaki?"
     "Unfortunately, no."
     "No?  Akane?"
     Akane burst out into tears again.
     "No, not her.  Well who did it?"
     Gosunkugi raised a timid hand.  "I guess I should take
credit for this," he said.
     Mousse stared at him for a moment.  "Put'er there,
Gos!" he cried, extending a hand.
     Shampoo shot to her feet.  "Gosunkugi?  Impossible!"
     "Not impossible," replied Ukyo.  "Ranma drank down one
of his experiments."
     A dark glower covered Shampoo's face, and she started
walking towards him cracking her knuckles.  "You kill
Ranma," she said.
     Gosunkugi dropped to his knees.  "I swear, I swear it
was an accident, Shampoo!  I swear!"
     "So you taking body away."  She stopped, looking around
at the others.  "Where you taking Ranma anyway?"
     "My Home," said Akane.
     "My Taxidermist," said Tatewaki.
     "My Bedroom," said Kodachi.
     Shampoo frowned.  "Ranma dead and you-."  She paused,
smirking at Kodachi for a second.  "So Ranma is-."  She
flinched, looking back at Kodachi once more.  Kodachi let
out a light chuckle and Shampoo slowly drew away from her.
     "Demented.  Truly Demented," said Tatewaki.
     "We're taking Ranma home to the dojo where I can give
him his last (gulp) rights," Akane said.
     Shampoo looked sadly down at Ranma's lifeless body.
She sniffed, tears misting her eyes and then shook her head.
     "No.  I take him."
     "Oh no not another one!" said Nabiki.
     "I'm afraid that is not possible," Tatewaki told her.
"You see I've already bought and paid for Ranma's body.  He
will adorn my trophy room along side my other various
conquest."
     "You mean that undersized carp you landed last year at
the school beach outing?" asked Nabiki.
     Tatewaki's eyes cut over at her.  "It still was a
victory, and a fine one at that."
     "No!" Shampoo suddenly shouted.  "Ranma go to great
grandma and, and she preserve him for Shampoo."
     "Mmm, pickled Ranma, what an addition to the Nekohatten
menu that will be," joked Tsubasa.
     "That's a great idea!" cried Mousse.  "Then every once
in a while I can go by and smack him around at leisure."
     "You not smack nothing!" Shampoo said.
     "Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, and you call me demented,"
said Kodachi.
     In a flash Akane was up in Shampoo's face.  "Ranma is
not going anywhere but back to the dojo, Shampoo!"
     "No, he go with me!"
     "I have to differ with both of you!" Tatewaki cut in.
"Saotome is mine, bought and paid for!"
     "Uh, Upper-classman Kuno," called Gosunkugi.
     BAMPH!
     Tatewaki anticipated Hikaru's words, holding out yet
again another roll of money to him.  Gosunkugi stared at it
then sighed realizing it would be useless to fight fate.  He
took the roll, passing it smoothly along to a suddenly
appearing Nabiki standing next to him.
     The heated argument increased in volume, being cut
short by a loud yell from Ukyo.
     "HEY!  If I can interrupt for a second here, we still
are in front of the school, remember?  We need to be getting
this stiff, I mean Ranma, away from here before the cops
find us!"
     "Oh?  That's what all the sirens were for," said
Mousse.  "We thought there was a fire or something."
     [OH-KAY, HOLD'DIT RIGHT DEH!] called a loud voice from
behind them.  Everyone flinched looking back up at the
school building.  Principle Kuno and several police officers
peered out open windows of the upper floors at them.
     "Jiggers, it's the Gestapo!" Nabiki said.
     Principle Kuno said something to the police and raised
the bullhorn in his hand up again.  [YOU NO CAN EH'SCAPE ME,
KEIKEIS.  I DA'PRINCIPLE.  NOW COME BACK INSIDE, WE WANT ONE
TALK WIT YOU ALL!]
     "Be right there!" called Tsubasa.  Ukyo caught him up
by the back of the collar, dragging him along down the
street.
     "Kuno, help me pick him up," said Mousse, reaching down
to grab Ranma by his ankles.
     "Why you helping them?" asked Shampoo.
     "Are you kidding?  And pass up an opportunity to see
the final end of Ranma?  I just wish I had a video camera."
     "There are plenty at the Kuno estate." Tatewaki told
him.
     "We're there!"
     "We're not there!" shouted Akane.  "We're going back to
my home, and that's that!"
     "Wherever the hell we're going, let's get moving before
the cops get down here," added Ukyo.
     [EH!  STOP!  YOU NOY HEAR ME?  WHERE YOU GOING?]
     Hikaru spun around.  "I think we're going too-."  The
rest of his words were muffed by Kodachi's hand as she
quickly silenced him.
     "You are worse than an idiot," she grumbled as they ran
to catch up with the others.

                          * * * * *
                              
     An exhausting sprint found the fugitives pausing to
catch their breaths in a narrow side street.  As they
rested, the howl of sirens filled the air.  Nabiki peered
around the corner searching the area then stepped back.
     "How did we get in such a mess?" she said to the
others.
     "By listening to Akane," replied Ukyo.
     "Hikaru does not deserve to go to prison because of a
small mistake like this," Akane replied.
     Tsubasa gaped at her.  "He's dead," he said.  "And if
I'm not mistaken, murder's a crime here in Japan!"
     "It will not mater once my darling is safe and sound in
my room," commented Kodachi.
     "He come with me!" shouted Shampoo.
     "Okay, okay, hold on," said Nabiki.  She spread her
arms wide to separate the two.  "We'll worry about that once
we get Ranma to our dojo."
     Mousse, leering happily down at Ranma's inert body,
suddenly looked over.  "Akane, after you read him his last
rites, what then?"
     Akane nibbled nervously on her bottom lip.  She gazed
sadly down upon Ranma, the threatening hint of tears
shimmering in her eyes.
     "Well. after the ceremony, we'll have to burn the
body."
     Mousse was kneeling at her feet, one hand held tight in
his. "Please, Akane," he said in his humblest voice,
"Please, please allow me to conduct such an honor.  Oh,
please."
     "Burn?" said Tatewaki.  "Do I have to reiterate the
fact that I now own Ranma!"
     "He needs a decent funeral, and since I am his. wife. I
should be the one to light his fire."
     "What you mean you his wife?" exclaimed Shampoo.  "I
not know of any ceremony, and I Ranma's wife!"
     "Both of you are wrong!" Kodachi cut in.  "I am the
rightful wife to my beloved Ranma!  Therefore I should be
the one who gets finial possession of him!"
     Ukyo, not believing what she was hearing, broke into
the conversation.  "Ranma never married any of you bitches!
If anyone gets him, its me because I've known him the
longest!"
     "Who you calling bitch!" shouted Shampoo.
     "You, you, and you!"
     Tsubasa nudge Hikaru lightly on the arm.  "Hey, I'm
kind'a glad you guys did bring me along.  This looks like a
good fight brewing here."
     "Its all my fault.  Akane is about to be hurt by these
women, and I'm unable to stop them. I should have chopped
Ranma up first."
     The four angry women paused, turning slowly around to
glare at them with death in their eyes.
     "Shampoo!" called Mousse.  "You don't need Ranma
anymore.  He's dead, and now there's nothing in our way to
stop our marriage."
     The dark glares panned around on him.
     "Well he is dead," Mousse pointed out again.
     Four sorrowed cries rose up into the sky; Akane, Ukyo,
Kodachi, and Shampoo dropping to their knees around Ranma's
body crying incessantly over him.  Nabiki pulled fitfully on
her hair, trying to maintain some sort of mental stability
in this crazy mixed-up scenario.
     "Stop," she called out to them.  The whines ceased,
Nabiki taking in the scene for a second.  "We're still
behind enemy lines folks, so let's try to think about
getting Ranma home first, okay?"
     The others traded looks then nodded.
     "Good.  You four, up!"
     The girls stood up.  Nabiki came over, pausing briefly
as a siren screamed close by, and then gazed down at Ranma.
She rubbed her chin in thought.
     "Tatewaki, Mousse, you guys carry him and-."
     "No." replied Tatewaki.
     "No?"
     "Yes, no.  Ranma is not light, and I have been carrying
him all this time.  I need a break."
     Nabiki pursed her lips tight, thinking more.  As she
pondered, her eyes roved around coming to a sudden stop on
Shampoo's delivery bike.
     "That," she said, pointing at it.
     "That what?" asked Shampoo.
     "Your bike. We'll put Ranma on it and wheel him the
rest of the way to the dojo."
     "Another brilliant scene drifting down the streets of
Nerima," said Tsubasa.  "Ranma, stiff as a board, lying on a
delivery bike.  The calls the police will be getting, I can
hear'em now."
     "Hm, you might be right, Kurenai," replied Nabiki.
"We'll have to sit him on it."
     "He's stiff, Nabiki," said Ukyo.
     "So?  We put him in this position we can put him back.
Stand him up."
     Mousse pulled Ranma up to his feet.
     "Tatewaki, untie his ankles and force his legs apart."
     "Why me?"
     Nabiki rolled her eyes.  "Again, you are the strongest
here."
     "Oh.  Oh yes, so I am."
     Tatewaki knelt and began undoing the knots.
     "Uh, Upperclassman Kuno, I don't think you should be
kneeling in front of Ranma's leg like that," Gosunkugi
warned.
     "And why not?  Ranma's leg should be-."
     The line came loose, Ranma's left leg immediately
springing up into its former seated position smacking
Tatewaki squarely beneath the jaw.  It stood him straight
up, but the leg was not finished as the lower part decided
to extend straight back out.  Pained expressions covered
everyone's faces; Tatewaki drawing in a high-pitched squeal
as he slowly, very slowly, doubled over.  They rushed to his
side.
     "Tatewaki?" Nabiki said, worry in her voice.
     Tatewaki's agony filled eyes turned up to her.  He let
out a tiny gasp.  "(eeep). uh, i'm fine. nabiki," he managed
to say in a thin voice.  Carefully, Kuno backed off Ranma's
extended leg. "i'm just going to go and. watch the street.
yes, that's what i'll do."
     He waddled away leaving the others staring stunned and
amused.
     "He sound like Kodachi now," said Shampoo, giggling.
     Nabiki shot her a brief look.  "Put Ranma on the bike,"
she told them, following after Tatewaki.
     "Okay, let's get this over with," said Mousse.  "You
guys lift him up."
     The rest of the group took Ranma by each arm and
lifted.  Shampoo pushed her bike up under him, and they set
him down on the seat.  Mouse grabbed the outstretched leg.
     "This is going to take some work," he said, straining
to force it into position.
     Shampoo moved up behind Ranma's back.  "Hmm," she
sounded.  "Ranma all stiff in legs.  We need to give him
special blow to back to loosen things up."
     Akane, fighting to force the fingers of Ranma's left
hand around the handle bar, looked up.  "You think he'll
respond to such a thing in his current condition?"
     "The human body still can transmit electrical impulses
even after death, Akane," Hikaru explained to her.
     "Hikaru!  Please pick your words better," said Ukyo as
Akane broke out into sobs.
     Meanwhile, Shampoo felt up and down Ranma's backside.
"Ooo, this give me Goosebumps," she said with a smile.
"Ranma's body still feel firm and muscular even if dead."
     "Hoh, hoh, hoh!  I can't wait until I get him too my
room," declared Kodachi.
     "Let's not get started again," said Ukyo.
     "Shampoo, if you can bypass your cheap feel, please do
what you are going to do," added Mousse.
     Shampoo smirked at him.  "Silly blind-boy," she huffed,
giving Ranma a firm blow to the lower part of his spine.
Immediately, his legs snapped together; Mousse letting out a
cry as his arm was pinned between them and the frame of the
delivery bike.
     "OW, OH OW OW!  Shampoo, Shampoo, arm, my arm!"
     "Oops," she said, tapping Ranma's back higher.
     His arm came free and Mousse shot to his feet shaking
it around.
     "Dead my ass!" he growled, glaring at Ranma.  "You did
that on purpose!  C'mere!"
     Before he could yank Ranma from the seat, Akane
interposed herself between them.
     "Stop it, Mousse!  Ranma had nothing to do with that.
Blame your girlfriend!"
     "I not his girlfriend!"
     "No, no, no!" said Ukyo.  "No arguing until we're
someplace safe."
     Ranma was finally positioned and they stood looking
over their work.  He sat upright, hands gripping the
handlebars with his legs slightly spread apart, feet barely
up off the ground.
     "Boy, doesn't he look like a dork," said Tsubasa.
     "Yeah.  That silly smile has just got to go," said
Mousse.
     Akane moved closer staring up in his face.  "Ooo!" she
let out.  "His eyes are starting to roll back," she said.
     "That will give us away if anyone gets a good look at
him," said Hikaru.
     "Not a problem," replied Tsubasa.
     He stepped in front of the bike; arms held out, hands
held up with the tips of his thumbs together, centering
Ranma's face between them.  The others watched as Tsubasa
tipped his head from side to side, switching eyes back and
forth.  He reached into the top of his blouse pulling out a
pair of dark round sunglasses and slipped them onto Ranma's
face.
     "Fixed," he said.
     "All that for a pair of glasses!" shouted Akane.
     "Hey, I could have used the Raybands or the Gargoyles,"
he answered, producing a pair of each.
     Akane stared at him speechless for a moment.  "Nabiki,
we're ready to go!" she finally said.
     Nabiki stood behind Tatewaki waiting for him to
sufficiently recover.
     "Kuno-baby, are you going to be all right?" she asked.
     Tatewaki drew in a breath.  "I'm fine now," he replied.
"It takes more than a simple ill-received blow to put down
`Blue Thunder'."
     "Blue Thunder sounded more like Squeaky White Mouse,"
Shampoo whispered to Kodachi, both women suppressing their
chuckles with difficulty.
     Nabiki peered around the corner and found the street
devoid of any police.  She stepped out, taking a longer look
around before signaling all clear to them.
     "Tsubasa, you guide the bike," Ukyo said.
     "I don't want this cadaver next to me."
     "Take the bike!  You're the only one who won't do
anything stupid like try and ride off with Ranma's body!"
     "You have ESP, Ukyo Kuonji," said Kodachi.  "Very good
perception."
     "No, I know you and Shampoo are just chomping at the
bit to wisk him away at the first opportunity, so get you
sneaky tails back here with the rest of us."
     With Kurenai pushing Ranma in the lead, they headed
down the street.
     "Okay, which way now?" asked Hikaru.
     "This way," answered Tatewaki, pointing to a street on
their right.  "It is a shorter route to the Tendo Dojo."
     "No you don't, Tatewaki Kuno," said Akane.  "I know
perfectly well where we are and where my home is.  That way
will take us to your stuffer."
     "What.  Accuse me of being deceitful?  Why that's-."
He turned clutching a fist before him.  "Curses!"
     "Down the street, down the hill, across to the next
side street and we're there," said Nabiki.  "That should
keep us off the main routes."
     "And away from any other distractions," finished Akane,
cutting suspicious eyes at Kodachi and Shampoo.
     They continued on, an odd looking group ignoring the
looks and stares from the people as they passed.  The street
began to dip as they reached the last corner and it appeared
they would get to the dojo without any difficulties.
Unfortunately, fate was not about to allow such an easy
path.
     Tires screeched behind them, a police car coming to a
stop in the middle of the street.  From the drivers side
stepped a police sergeant, and out the back Principle Kuno,
Mrs. Sajika, and another police officer appeared.
     [HO'KAY, KEIKEIS!  YOU NO TRY EH'SCAPE PRINCIPAL KUNO
AGAIN.  WE FIND YOU ONCE, WE FIND YOU EV'Y TIME!]
     "Are we like so busted or what!" said Kurenai.
     "Dogs!" said Nabiki.  "Like Dogs on a hunt they found
us!"
     Tatewaki chuckled lightly.  "Our esteemed Police
Department is rated as the best around, Nabiki."
     "And with a Kuno assisting them, discovery was
eventual," added Kodachi.
     The Sergeant snatched Principle Kuno's bullhorn from
his hands.  "Stop screaming at everyone!" he growled at him.
"Alright, kids.  We only want to talk with you about a
report of a murder at your school."
     "Well everything you need is right here, officer,"
replied Gosunkugi.
     Ukyo jerked him back behind them.
     The Sergeant took a menacing step towards them.  "So,
there was a murder at your school, eh?"
     "They were throttling that nice young man, Ranma
Saotome," said Mrs. Sajika.
     "Probah'bly stun him wit dat gahbage deh called
miuzac," added Principal Kuno.
     "I see," continued the Sergeant.  He made a slight
gesture to his partner.  "Looks like you kids will be coming
down to the station with us for questioning."
     "I'm innocent!" exclaimed Tsubasa, holding up his
hands.  "They kidnapped me and forced me to come along!"
     "Traitor!" grumbled Ukyo.
     "No you're not," countered Mrs. Sajika.  "I saw you
holding that poor boy's legs while the rest of you ruffians
beat him!"
     "We were not beating him," said Kodachi.  "We were
forcing Ranma into position."
     A hard kick from her brother brought a yelp from
Kodachi.
     "So you all admit to assaulting this Ranma Saotome,"
said the Sergeant.
     "Not Shampoo.  We just outside and catch body when it
come over wall."
     "So, a planned murder it was."
     Mousse turned to Shampoo.  "Uh, that was not a wise
thing to be saying there, Shampoo."
     Nabiki stepped up.  "We can explain all of this,
officer."
     "Yes you can. down before the magistrate.  I'm sure he
will be- You, on the bicycle!  Stop!"
     Huh? Wondered the rest of the group.  In his panic,
Kurenai did not realize that he had allowed gravity to play
its part in this tragedy.  Shampoo's bike rolled down the
sloping street carrying Ranma merrily along.  Several gasp
came from them as it picked up speed.
     Ukyo swatted Kurenai on the shoulder.  "You can't even
control one simple bike!"
      "Hey, dat Saotome," Principle Kuno said.  "He try one
eh'scape.  He get good buzz cut fo'dat."
     "Nice job balancing him, Mousse," said Hikaru.
     The Sergeant looked at Mrs. Sajika with a frown.  "I
thought you said Saotome was dead?"
     Akane spun around.  "He is dead!" she cried.  Her hands
slapped across her mouth, realizing how stupid of a mistake
that was.  She turned and frantically gestured to the others
to get after Ranma before they lost him.
     "STOP!" cried the Sergeant as together the band of
fugitives dashed off in pursuit.

                          * * * * *
                              
Disneyland!

                          * * * * *
                              
     The odd sight of a runaway bike being pursued greeted
the citizens' fortunate enough to bear witness on this day
of days.  Momentum built up as the delivery bike topped the
crest of the next street rocketing along, to be followed
seconds later by the cries from Ranma's friends as they ran
at full tilt hoping to catch up with it before Ranma, or
anyone else, got hurt.
     A tip over a rock put the bike up on the sidewalk,
roaring through awnings, tables, banners, and anything else
in its way before careening back out into the street to
continue its flight.  Ranma looked like a Chinese New Years
Dragon minus the head, a long trail of tablecloths and
streamers fluttering in the wind behind him.  His frozen
smile never wavered as the bike approached a turn in the
road, and with a slight skip, velocity carried it up over
the railing.
     Akane's cry startled everyone as it disappeared from
view.  The reached the turn and peered over the side fearing
what they might see.  Below ran another road, Ranma with
bike continuing on without a hitch.
     "Wow.  For dead man, Ranma ride bike real good," said
Shampoo.
     The distant warble of a siren caught their ears.
     "This way before the police catch up to us," said
Nabiki, leading them down the street.
     They found some steps leading down, and soon were back
in pursuit of Ranma's body.  By then, the delivery bike had
reached the end of the street racing headlong towards a high
stone embankment.  This time there was not enough speed or
clearance for the bike to make it's way over, but Ranma had
plenty of room as it collided with a loud crash.
     "Oh no!" exclaimed Akane watching his body sail up
through the air.
     "At least he's heading in the right direction,"
commented Nabiki.
     Over several rooftops flew Ranma with the gang racing
along after him.  He finally came down in another side
street.
     KLA-DUNG!
     Shampoo held out her arms stopping them all upon
hearing the sound.
     "Skull!" she told them.  "Ranma hit someone!"
     "Well let's go see how much damage was done," replied
Ukyo.
     They raced around the corner coming to an abrupt stop
upon seeing who it was Ranma had landed on.  Ryoga Hibiki
lay face down in the alley, Ranma latched tight on his back,
their faces pressed cheek to cheek.
     "Ranma what are you doing?  Get off me!" cried Ryoga,
struggling with no success to dislodge the body.  "You
better get that strange grin off your face, I'm not like
that!"
     "Ryoga?" called Akane as they ran over to them.
     Mousse and Hikaru pulled Ranma from Ryoga's back and he
sat up.
     "Hey, guys," he said gazing around.  "What are you
doing here?"
     "I was about to ask you the same thing.  I thought you
said you were going to Okinawa?"
     "I am in Okinawa.  Strange how it looks so much like
Nerima?  What are you guys doing here anyway?"
     A brief silence followed, broken by the laughter from
his friends.
     "Let me guess. I'm not in Okinawa?"
     Their laughs increased.  Ryoga slapped a knee angrily.
"Damn it.  Knew I should have turned left at Hofu.  Now look
at me.  I'm in Seoul."
     Ukyo dropped to her knees clutching her midsection.
"Stop, Ryoga.  You're killing me, and we don't need another
body right now."
     Ryoga stood up.  He scratched the side of his head in
wonder.  "Hey Ranma, what's going on?" he asked.
     When Ranma did not reply, Ryoga walked over to him.  He
smirked, peering from side to side at him, arching a brow in
confusion.  Then it hit him.
     "Hey, Ranma's-!"
     "Yes, he's dead," said Mousse.  "Isn't it wonderful?"
     Ryoga glanced from Mousse to Ranma then back to Mousse
again.
     "Who did it?"
     "I'll give you three guesses, and you still won't get
it right."
     Ryoga paused.  "You?"
     "AANNNTTT!  Try again."
     He thought a second then turned to Tatewaki.  "Kuno?"
     Tatewaki had his face pressed into the fence behind
them, laughing uncontrollably.  "Okinawa!" he exclaimed.
     "Nope, one last guess," said Mousse.
     "Akane?" Ryoga said.
     Akane shifted between chuckles and sobs, shaking her
head.
     "Wrong again!  Ready for a shock?"
     Ryoga nodded, and Mousse pointed over at Hikaru.
"Killer," he said.
     "Gosunkugi?"
     Hikaru shrugged.  "Yeah, I'm at fault here."
     In disbelief, Ryoga stood staring at the underling.
"Wow.  I didn't think you had it in you."
     "Oh it was nothing really."
     Akane snatched Hikaru up, shaking him around.
"Nothing, nothing!" she shouted.  "You did kill him on
purpose!"
     Tsubasa and Kodachi pried her off Gosunkugi before he
got snapped in two.  Meanwhile, Ryoga stared at Ranma's
lifeless face shaking his head.
     "Man!  What an operation this had to be," he finally
said.  "Look at that smile.  Boy, Gos, you are one tough
cookie I tell you.  And to get him all the way here to Korea
for disposal. what a mind!"
     Tatewaki's fist beat repeatedly against the fence.
"Okinawa!" he cried again.
     "Hoo, hoo, hoo, if the police catch us now, I'm done,"
added Kodachi.  "I've not the strength to run any further
after such delightful entertainment."
     Nabiki staggered out into the center of the group.
"All, all right!" she managed to say.  "We're not far from
the Dojo and-."
     "You brought the Dojo along too?" said Ryoga.
     Nabiki lowered her head for a second, shoulders
heaving.  "Ah. Lets gather up Ranma and get there so we can
burn him and be done with this mess."
     "Burn?" said Ryoga, eyes going wide.
     "Don't even think about it," Mousse said to him.  "I
got dibs on that part."
     Ryoga frowned.  "Kerosene?" he asked.
     "Eh, I guess you can do that."
     Ryoga grinned.  "I get to pour the Kerosene, I get to
pour the Kerosene," he chanted, doing a small jig in front
of Ranma's body.
     "Oh what's the use," said Nabiki.  "Guys, grab Ranma.
Shampoo; help Ukyo up if you would please.  Come' on
Chuckles!"
     Nabiki grabbed Tatewaki by the back of his collar,
pulling him along down the side street.

                          * * * * *
                              
     "Get in there!"
     "Me?  This isn't my home, it's yours!"
     "Get in there and take a look around!"
     "No!  I'm not the one who's at fault here!"
     Kurenai staggered to a stop in the back portion of the
Tendo yard rubbing the side of his leg.  He glared back at
Nabiki waiting impatiently from the doorway.
     "You don't have to be so damn rough, Nabiki," he
whispered to her.
     "Stop whining and look!" she shot back.
     Tsubasa gazed across the backyard.  He saw nothing out
of the ordinary, but in the Tendo-verse, anything was
possible.  Carefully, he took a few steps further into the
yard, paused, stepped back then forwards once more.
     "Kurenai!" Nabiki angrily whispered, startling him.  He
turned and she held up her hands gesturing quizzically.
     "What am I looking for?"
     "Will you stop playing around!  Is there anyone there?"
     "No!"
     The fugitives hurriedly filed inside.  They ran over to
the side of the Tendo training hall and pressed up against
it.
     "Well, so far so good, Madame Bond," joked Mousse.
"Next move is?"
     Nabiki peeked around the corner.  There in front was
her father, Soun Tendo, and Ranma's father, Genma, busy
tending to the grounds.  She inched back out of sight.
     "Daddy and Mister Saotome are working in the yard," she
said to Akane.
     "Great.  Now we can take Ranma inside and prepare him
for his funeral."
     "Where's the Kerosene?" asked Ryoga."
     Shampoo smacked him on the head.  "You and silly Mousse
to anxious to burn Ranma," she snapped.  "I still have claim
to him."
     "He is mine!" growled Tatewaki.
     "We're not going to start that again!" said Ukyo,
cutting off the argument.  "Nabiki, lets get Ranma in the
Dojo before you dads decide to saunter out this way."
     They pulled Ranma off of Shampoo's bike and went around
to the back door of the dojo.  Akane peeked in and found the
vestibule empty.  It looked like laundry day, several
bundles of clothes nested around the two washing machines.
     "We'll leave Ranma here," she told them.  "I'll go and
find his good clothes, the rest of you can wait in the
living room."
     "I know where they are!" exclaimed Ryoga.  "I get'em.
You can keep an eye on winkin, blinkin, and nod here so they
can't run off with the guest of honor."
     Ryoga dashed on ahead.
     "He is just getting too much excitement out of this,"
said Nabiki.
     "Him?" replied Mousse.  "I've got a strange twitch in
my Zippo thumb just waiting to be used."
     "In the living room!  Everybody in the living room!"
exclaimed Akane.
     "Yes.  Let us all adjourn to your living room," said
Tatewaki.  "We need better surroundings for our
negotiations."
     Akane pushed him forward, followed by the rest of the
group.  The door was barely closed behind them when though
the entrance across the room Kasumi Tendo entered carrying
another large bundle of clothes.  She went about her work,
briefly glancing over at Ranma while loading one of the
washers.
     "Hello, Ranma.  Home early today?"
     The question went unanswered, Kasumi pausing from her
task to look over at him.  He sat smiling at her, nestled
happily in the corner looking like the manekineko outside
the front door.  She could not help but smile back at him.
     "You look very comfortable, Ranma," she said, "but I
don't think your chair is going to be there for long."
     Still no reply, Kasumi moved closer towards him.
"Ranma?  Are you asleep?"
     Not a flinch or sign of life came from the boy.  Kasumi
let out a light huff and carefully lifted the shades
covering his eyes.  The whites of Ranma's eyes were all that
she could see, and calmly Kasumi stepped back.  She stared
at Ranma placing a hand to her chin.
     "Oh my," gasped Kasumi.
     She turned; no sense in panicking used to such
calamities around the dojo, and headed for the living room.
When she opened the sliding door, Kasumi stopped not
expecting what awaited her.  Akane stood brandishing a broom
in her hands pointing the end menacingly at Tatewaki,
Shampoo, and Kodachi like a beleaguered solider in a
hopeless battle.  Behind her next to the phone, Tsubasa and
Ukyo struggled with the receiver while Hikaru, Mousse and
Nabiki sat on the floor watching the growing confrontation.
     "None of you are taking Ranma out of here!" shouted
Akane.
     "You have forgotten that I have paid for his body three
times over!" shouted Tatewaki.
     "So?"
     "You think you can stop all of us!" said Shampoo.  "We
take you out, then I take Ranma to great grandma!"
     "Not before I have my way with him first," Kodachi
said.
     "Nobody is getting Ranma!" growled Akane.
     The broomstick came around driving the trio back.
     "Will you let go of the phone, Ukyo!" cried Tsubasa.
"I'm only calling the airport!"
     "And where do you think you're going to fly off too!"
     "France!  They don't have extradition laws there so at
least I can stay and finish my studies in peace!"
     "Give me that receiver, Tsubasa!"
     "Aren't you even going to try and stop this, Nabiki,"
Gosunkugi asked.
     "Are you kidding?  This mess was going to happen
eventually.  Might as well let them get it out of their
systems."
     "I still would like to have a video of this," said
Mousse.  "Entertaining nevertheless."
     Kasumi blinked and then walked past Akane to the phone.
Her appearance stopped everyone and they watched as she took
the phone from Ukyo's hands and began dialing.
     "Who are you called, Kasumi?" asked Akane.
     "The police," she answered.
     CLICK!
     Ukyo's finger stopped the call, Kasumi finding herself
suddenly surrounded by the rest of the gang.  She placed the
receiver back in its cradle and then turned to Akane.
     "Little sister, there is a cadaver in my laundry room.
I don't know why, I don't know who-."
     "It's Ranma," Hikaru told her.
     Kasumi let the comment pass, pausing a second.  ",or
how, but I would like it out of my house."
     Akane started blubbering.  She felt her cheeks finding
them dry and headed for the kitchen whining all the way.
Ryoga returned.
     "I found them!" he exclaimed.  "Which pair do you think
will burn the best?  Black or. oops!  Ha, ha, hello Kasumi.
Here for the bonfire?"
     Again, Kasumi paused briefly.  "Nabiki, I think a small
explanation is now needed."
     "Well big sister, Akane's sympathetic side wants to
spare Hikaru any undue pain and penetration by giving Ranma
a funeral, followed by cremation."
     "And I get to light the fire!" Mousse cheerfully said.
     As he groaned beneath Shampoo's furious pinch, Kasumi
thought about the explanation.  She nodded, looking around
at them, then let out a hum.
     "I see you all have quite a busy agenda, so I'll just
go upstairs and. make up the beds!"
     "Oh ho ho no, big sister," replied Nabiki.  She placed
a firm arm around Kasumi's shoulders guiding her away from
the stairs.  "I know there's another phone up in your room,
so lets just say that you've become a special guest for our
little ceremony."
     "Welcome to the kidnapped club," Tsubasa said.  "Good
to see that it's growing in unwilling popularity."
     "Nabiki!  You would hold me hostage like this?"
     "Yep.  Police don't know where we are, and once Ranma's
interned, things will mostly be alright."
     "Black it is!" cried Ryoga.  "Where's that cadaver at?"
     "I'll get it!" said Kodachi, dashing for the door.
     A body tackle from Shampoo had them tussling across the
floor.  Akane reappeared, stepping over the struggling
women, drinking water from a large glass in her hands.
     "At least she stopped crying," said Ukyo.
     Akane brought the glass down and drew in a breath.
"I'm just reloading," she said.
     "Akane!  Nabiki is telling me that Ranma is to be
burned because of you.  Is this true?" asked Kasumi.
     She nodded, lips quivering.  "YYYEEEESSSSS!" she cried.
     "Must not take much to rejuvenate those tear glands,"
Tatewaki said.
     "Nabiki!" exclaimed Kasumi.
     "Funerals in ten minutes, sis.  You want to go change
into something more formal?  Naw, forget it.  This won't
take long at all."
     "Nabiki!"
     "But I want Saotome's body!" shouted Tatewaki.
     Mousse smirked at him.  "Kinky.  Will you settle for
the ashes?"
     "We better get a move on," said Ukyo.  "Nothing to stop
this now."
     The patio door suddenly slid open.  There, glaring
angrily at them stood the police Sergeant and several cops.
Genma and Soun were beside him, Principal Kuno and Mrs.
Sajika bringing up the rear.  A tense silence followed.
     "Uh, looks like we're on hold," commented Tsubasa, as
the Sergeant stepped inside.

                          * * * * *
                              
I'm hungry.

                          * * * * *
                              
     Downcast eyes made every attempt to avoid the
intimidating stare from the police Sergeant pacing around
the center of the Tendo living room.  He chuckled evilly,
hands clasped tight behind his back as he surveyed the band
of fugitives around him.
     "So," he began, "you thought the police would not be
able to find you, eh?  Heh, heh, heh, criminals will never
learn that the righteous will always prevail over their dark
deeds!"
     "We're not criminals!" said Ukyo.
     "Yes, they're just inadvertent accomplices," added
Gosunkugi.
     Akane muttered Hikaru's name, placing a hand to her
forehead in disbelief.
     "Well.  So you have all tried to hide the fact that
Mrs. Sajika here identified you as the murderers of Ranma
Saotome," continued the Sergeant.
     "What!" exclaimed Genma.  "Ranma is dead?"
     "They beat him up in Study Hall Three," said Mrs.
Sajika.
     "Dehn toss bahdy oveh de school wall to assistants,"
added Principle Kuno.
     Genma's jaw fell to the floor.  "How could you do such
a thing to my boy?  Akane, he was your husband!"
     "He my husband!" shouted Shampoo.
     Akane fought to keep back here tears, staring sadly
down at the floor.  She wrung her hands nervously together
and looked up at him.
     "You see, Mister Saotome. We all-."
     "Akane," called Nabiki, moving up next to her sister.
"What are you trying to do?  Get us sent away?" she
whispered.
     "It doesn't matter now, Nabiki.  We're caught."
     "Not if they can't-."
     A firm hand came down on Nabiki's shoulder.  She
grimaced, peering fearfully up into the dark eyes of the
Sergeant.
     "Away," he told her, and Nabiki gingerly backed over to
the far side of the room.
     "Now, Miss Tendo, please continue if you would."
     "Look at her, brother," Kodachi said low to Tatewaki.
"The little harpy has confession written all over her face."
     "Sad to see my future bride has no Kuno backbone," he
replied.
     "Don't worry, he won't get a thing," said Nabiki.
     "She's about too crack, Nabiki," said Mousse.  "Even I
can see that."
     "Just watch."
     Akane stood shaking before the Sergeant.  He arched a
brow knowing that her resolve was about to cave in.
     "BBBWWWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
     "What is happening!" cried the Sergeant, backing away
from the sudden deluge of tears.
     "Babublghdyr gydyertws-Ranmagbweqar bewahhhh!"
blubbered Akane, gesturing frantically towards the others
and around the room.
     "What, what?  What did you say?"
     "See," said Nabiki.  "Not a word."
     Unfortunately, Soun chose that moment to step up.
"Excuse my youngest daughter," he said to the Sergeant,
"she has broken into the family tongue.  Allow me to
translate for you."
     "No, daddy, no."
     "Hoo, hoo, hoo.  Not a word, eh?  You're striking out
quite well today, Nabiki Tendo."
     Soun took Akane gently by her shoulders and gazed deep
into her eyes.  "BWAAHH, BBUUBBBAAHHH BWWAHH BWAAHHH?"
     "BWAHHHH!!!!!  Bubbugublgubble Buhh boohoo bhuuh,
Bwahhahahaaaaa!!!"
     "Oh how horrible!" gasped Kasumi, fist pressing
fearfully to her chin.  Ryoga and Mousse started in surprise
at her, trading lost looks.
     "Hm," said Soun.  "I appears that Ranma inadvertently
downed one of Gosunkugi's experiments while at school and
killed him-WHAT?!"
     Hikaru dropped to his knees.  "It was an accident, I
swear!"
     "Bgady!  Mmumbahahagubahaha Gbbblighiberoooooo,"
continued Akane.
     ".and they brought him back here to receive his final
rites and cremation," finished Soun.
     "Go'head Akane," said Ukyo.  "Spill them guts why
don't'cha."
     "What about the beating I saw you all giving Ranma?"
said Mrs. Sajika.
     "Yeh, an rahning frahm me!  Da Principal!"
     The Sergeant hummed lightly, eyeing the fugitives for a
moment.  "This could be all a cover up," he finally said.
"Would have worked better if they had just stayed at the
school and reported it right away instead of trying to hide
the evidence."
     Several angry glowers locked down upon Akane and
Hikaru.
     "So where is Ranma anyway?" asked Genma.
     "Yes, where are you hiding the corpse?" said the
Sergeant.
     No immediate answer came, and then Hikaru raised a
timid hand up.
     "Yes?"
     "Uh, will it knock a few years off our sentences if we
told you?" he asked.
     A flurry of slaps and blows rained down on Gosunkugi's
head.
     "You see!  Look at them beating that poor boy like
that!" said Mrs. Sajika.  "A pack of ruffians and bullies,
that's what they are!"
     "Kids, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you all."
     "Hey, I didn't do anything!" said Ryoga.  "I was just
going to pour the Kerosene, damn not a good thing to be
saying!"
     "Everybody is going down to station."
     "Even me?" asked Kasumi.
     The Sergeant shrugged.
     "K-K-Kasumieee," whined Soun.  "You too?  How could
you?"
     "I think it's called `proximity'," said Hikaru.  More
slaps and blows rained down on him.
     "You should all come clean and tell me where Ranma's
body is."
     "What if there is no body?" asked Tsubasa.
     "Don't toy with me, son," replied the Sergeant.  "The
only way there is going to be no body is if Ranma Saotome is
alive and comes walking into this room.  That's the only way
you all are going to get out of this clean."
     Ranma pushed the door to the kitchen back, yawning
while stretching his arms high above his head.  He walked
in, gazing sleepily at the myriad of expressions staring
back at him.  Smacking his lips, he smiled.
     "Hey, guys, what's going on?"
     You could hear the footsteps of a cricket walking
across the floor from the following silence.  Nobody moved,
mixed expression locked on Ranma.  He stretched again and
gazed back at them.
     "Okay. maybe I have missed something here," he said.
     Tsubasa flopped over on his back in a dead faint.
     "Gee, I knew I could make an entrance, but I did not
expect it to be so great."
     Akane broke from her stupor walking over to Ranma.  She
held out a shaky hand and touched him on the chest.
Trembling hands lifted the shades from Ranma's eyes and he
blinked as the full light hit.
     "Oh, and here I was thinking it was nighttime or
something," he said.
     "GBWAHGIBAAAAHHH!" exclaimed Akane, tears gushing down
her cheeks.  She hugged Ranma and he looked down at her
wondering what was wrong.  All Akane could do was sob into
his chest.
     "Does somebody want to tell me what's going on here?
Nabiki-."
     "Deyehhhh," trailed Nabiki, walking stiffly across the
room towards the locked liquor cabinet.
     "Hm, guess not," continued Ranma.  "Guys-."
     Shampoo started to let out a long cry cut short by
Mousse's hand across her mouth, both of them going to the
floor as they stared terrified up at him.
     "A wrestling match, eh?  Well you two can't be doing
that in here.  You'll just have to take it out into the
dojo."
     A cough from the Sergeant caught Ranma's attention.  He
started slightly caught aback by his appearance.
     "Ranma Saotome?" said the Sergeant.
     "Uh, that's me."
     "OOOH, OOOH!" exclaimed Ryoga.  He clutched at his
heart, staggering to the center of the room.  After a few
small circles, Ryoga went into a crouch with his back turned
away from Ranma shivering uncontrollably, arms around his
head.
     The Sergeant shook his head and continued.  "Mister
Saotome, you appear to be fairly alive and well."
     Ranma looked at Ukyo.  "What's he talking about?"
     Ukyo stood paralyzed with fear, a fist to her mouth
suppressing the scream building in her throat.  No answer
from her, Ranma turned to the Kuno siblings.  They appeared
calm, but with the first utterance of a word to them brought
a gasp from Tatewaki.
     "Ah!  No, the ghost. it, it has spoken to me!  I'm
cursed!  I'm following you, Nabiki!"
     Tatewaki staggered past Ranma.
     "Kodachi?"
     Kodachi let out a long laugh pressing back into the
furthest corner she could reach.  Just short out of the
ordinary, Ranma could see by the wild look in her eyes that
she might have finally gone over the deep end.
     "Gee, officer, I don't think there is any other way I
should be," Ranma replied.
     "We had a report that you had been waylaid and beaten
by a band of thugs."
     "In Study Room Three!" said Mrs. Sajika.
     "Study Room Three?  I haven't been down there?"  Ranma
smirked.  "Study?  Feh, it's too noisy to study at school,
and besides none of these bozos could take me anyway.
Tell'em, Akane."
     "BWAHHH!" cried Akane.
     "Pop, can you tell me why Akane's speaking Tendoese at
me?"
     "Not now boy.  I'm still trying to figure out what's
happening myself," answered Genma.
     Principle Kuno came up looking Ranma over closely.
"Hm, he no look pale like be'fo."  Principle Kuno suddenly
let out a loud scream into Ranma's ear.
     "OW, hey what are you doing!" he shouted, pulling away.
     "And he still hear good, too.  No dahmage fram Skinny
Pahpys."
     "Skinny Puppy?  Ew, yuck!  That crap will kill a
person!"
     "Move over, Tsubasa!" Ukyo shouted down at Kurenai's
inert form.  "I think I'm going to be joining you here very
soon!"
     "Wait a minute!" said the Sergeant.  "Something's not
right here.  You, wearing the binoculars!  Let that girl
speak."
     Mousse did as instructed, pulling his hand down.
     "OOOOOOOIIIIIYYYYYIIIIIIIIII," came Shampoo's piercing
cry.
     The Sergeant staggered back.
     "You, wearing the binoculars!  Shut her up!"
     "YYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIMRUMPH."
     "Ranma, Akane said you had been poisoned," said Soun.
     "Poisoned?  I don't remember eating any of her
cooking?"
     The scorching glare from Akane singed Ranma's chin.
     "But, uh, I'm sure that would not have happened unless
she had gotten some bad food to cook with," he quickly
added.
     "It was supposedly done by Gosunkugi."
     Across the room, Hikaru stood holding a pocket notepad
open in his hand mulling over something.  Hearing his name,
he looked up.
     "Gos!" said Ranma.
     "It was a mistake, Ranma!" cried Hikaru, dropping to
his knees.
     "What was?"
     "The drink!"
     "Oh, you mean that great glass of water you got for me?
     Hikaru blinked.  "You liked it?" he said, slowly rising
to his feet.
     "Yeah.  Best glass of water I've ever had.  Where did
it come from?  Fuji?"
     Hikaru frowned.  He looked back down at his notepad and
scratched his head.  "Hmm.  Must not have been enough curare
in the mix," he muttered to himself.
     "You know I could use another glass, Hikaru."
     Hikaru smiled at him.  "I'll get right on it, URK!"
     "E'scuse us," said Ukyo, dragging Gosunkugi to the
side.  "It appears that the lunch bell has just rang, isn't
that right, Hikaru?"
     "GEORGFFF!" he replied as Ukyo forced several pages of
his notepad into his mouth.
     "I can see that some minor mistake has been made here,"
said the Sergeant.  "We'll be leaving now.  Sorry to have
bothered you."
     The policemen exited, one last look from the Sergeant
had him shaking his head in wonder.
     "Cahm ahn, Mrs. Sajika," said Principle Kuno.  "We get
you down to one good eye dah'ctor.  Free, on da school."
     "But I was not seeing things!" shouted Mrs. Sajika as
she was pulled along.  "Those, those, THUGS, were beating up
on that poor boy!  They were!"
     Ranma could only stare in wonder.  He turned to his
father again and started to speak, but Genma raised up a
finger.
     "Don't ask me, and I really do not want to know.  Come,
Soun.  We still have work to do out in the back."
     The story could wait Soun figured, following Genma
outside.
     "Okay.  Somebody tell me what's going on!" exclaimed
Ranma.
     At the liquor cabinet, Nabiki fumbling hands finally
found her copy of the key, unlocking the doors.  She
appeared calm, but the rapid shaking of her fathers hard to
procure whiskey belied her true state.  Nabiki took out a
large glass, her jitters preventing her from pouring
straight.
     "Allow me," said Tatewaki taking her hands steadying
them.
     Nabiki started to bring it to her lips, but Tatewaki
gently took it away.
     "Let us not be greedy," he said, taking a long swallow.
     Nabiki stared at Tatewaki, and then joined him taking a
swig from the bottle.
     It looked like no help there, Ranma gazed down at
Ryoga.
     "Ryoga ol'buddy!"
     "Don't talk too me!" cried out Ryoga, holding a hand
up.  He whimpered lightly, eyes clinched shut.  "Don't talk
too me!  No, no, no, no. dead, yes, dead.  He was, yes,
dead. dead. oh yes, gone, yes, yes?"
     A quick peek, Ryoga tensed sharply closing his eyes
again.  "Dyarghh!  No!  Dead. dead. still standing there.
buthewasdead. oh yes, oh gosh, oh, oh, not dead, cheek to
cheek. dead."
     Ranma left Ryoga alone.  "Has everyone got sunstroke or
something?  Kodachi-."
     She let out a long laugh; fighting to press back
further into the corner she cowered in.  Ukyo and Gosunkugi
would be no help continuing their strange review of his
notebook.
     "And we were helping your ass stay out of jail," Ranma
heard Ukyo say as she tore out several more sheets of paper.
"I'll get right on it, I'll get right on it, he says.  Yeah,
you're going to get right on it all right!  Get right on
this!"
     "Gmorph!  Gaacckkk!"
     A look at the floor found Mousse and Shampoo following
Tsubasa's lead.
     "Are you hungry, Ranma?" Kasumi suddenly asked.
     "I. guess so.  Could use some more of that killer water
Hikaru made.  That was some good stuff.  Made me smile."
     "Oh, Ranma if you only knew," bawled Akane, hugging his
right arm tight.
     Kasumi smiled a nervous smile, teetering on the brink
of insanity.  "Too the kitchen?" she said gesturing for him
to follow.
     "What about them?"
     She stopped and looked around at the rest of the gang.
"Ah, no.  They probably will not be wanting to talk to you
for a long time."
     "To bad," replied Ranma.  He followed Kasumi, towing
Akane along.
     "Wanted to tell'em about this killer dream I had.
Started out at school, thought that's where I was, ended up
in Disneyland!"
     "You don't say?"
     "They were all in it too!  Missing a great story.  Best
thing about it was all I did was lay around like a corpse."
     "BWAHHH!"
     Kasumi giggled.  "Don't worry, Ranma.  I don't think
they're going to miss a thing."
     
     
                             Fin

[Yo folks, C&C are welcome, and please check the RAAF for a
 special from me to you folks about this story]


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