--
Jack and Jill Staik
(Yes, we know...)
http://home.earthlink.net/~jstaik1043/otaku.htm
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: owd07.txt
DISCLAIMER: Nabiki is innocent of any and all wrong-doing.
(She paid me to say that.)
--------------------
Ranma 1/2: "Our Wedding Day" pt. 7
by Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
--------------------
Ranma passed by the door on his way to go upstairs when the
doorbell rang again. He went to get it, finding Jiro on the
other side.
"Hey, oniichan! Emphasis on 'oni'," Ranma greeted him. "What
are ya' doin' over here?"
Jiro forced a smile. Not exactly 'forced' - somehow, he was
finding it easier to get along with his smartass half-
brother now (but he'd be damned before he admitted it). "To
see Kasumi-chan, you dip. Is she here?"
"Yep, in the dining room. She'll probably be glad to see you
- can't imagine why." He smirked, "Watch out for the Estrogen
Brigade."
Jiro raised his eyebrow in puzzlement and wandered into the
dining room. He noted the hole in the wall and decided not
to ask; 'Mind-Your-Own-Business' is a good policy on the road.
The visitors looked up at the
*gorgeous* not-much-older guy
who just came in. The schoolgirls took deep breaths, stuck
out their chests, and smiled sweetly.
"Jiro-kun!" Kasumi cried, getting up. "So good to see you
again! Come in, would you like some tea?"
"Hi, Kasumi-chan," Jiro answered politely. "If I'm
interrupting -"
"Not at all - have a seat!"
The girls exhaled, hauled in their weaponry, and the smiles
became just polite. <Damn - taken!> they thought ruefully.
He looked around, seeing an empty space between Kasumi's
seat and Ranko, and settled in next to his sister.
He waved at the baby, "Hiya, Old Fa-"
"Watch language!" Shampoo shook a finger at Jiro, making
chills run down his spine. <Damn - she looks just like Mom
when she does that!> he thought.
Ranko turned and swatted him in the head with a kimono pattern.
"Hey, what was that for?" he asked, annoyed.
"Shut up, you ...
*male*!" she hissed.
"Who pissed in her canteen?"
"Behave yourself," Akane asked politely. "She and Doctor Tofu
just had a fight."
"Aww, poor Imouto-chan!" he cooed sarcastically, placing an
arm around her. "Old family secret - Forget the relationships;
one-night stands are the best way to go. They always work for
me."
A mallet appeared out of nowhere, landing on Jiro's head.
Kasumi held the other end of it, a look of stern disapproval
on her sweet face.
"Ah, Kasumi-chan," he stated. "Imagine meetng you here of
all places ..."
"Yes," she said in a sweet-yet-acidic tone. "Just imagine."
As she turned and left, Jiro followed pleading. "It wasn't
what it sounded like - honest! I would never think of you as
a sex object! You're nothing like those young, pretty girls!"
"So I'm old and ugly?" she snapped.
"No! You're not old at all!" he answered in panic.
"So I'm ugly!!"
"Only when you're mad - hey wait!"
Kasumi stomped to the kitchen, not listening as Jiro dug his
own grave.
Shampoo shook her head. "Foot-in-mouth disease hereditary,"
she commented.
"Seems to point that way," Akane agreed.
"That's the first time I ever saw Kasumi get mad like that,"
Nabiki commented. "Must be love."
Sayuri asked, "Ranko, did he just call you 'little sister'?"
"Yeah," she said, stuffing some hors d'oeuvres in her mouth.
"The jerk's my brother."
"I thought you were Ranma's sister."
"I am," Ranko clarified. "I'm also that butthead's sister.
Life sucks."
"You must be very proud, Saotome-san," Kikuko said to
Nodoka, "To have two sons as handsome as Ranma and Jiro."
"Jiro isn't my son," Nodoka answered. "I only had Ranma and
Ranko."
The schoolgirls got
*very* interested.
"Tell," they said to Nabiki.
Nabiki just smiled. "Sorry, I've found better work. Get your
information from someone else."
Sayuri and Yuka looked at Kikuko.
"I'll pay thirty thousand for the whole story," she said to
Nabiki.
Nabiki grinned. "Actually, I'm in negotiations with TokyoTV
to have it turned into an anime. You'll have to dig for
information."
Akane smirked. At least her private life would just be the
subject of rumor and speculation, without the detailed
exposure (complete with photographs) it had in the past.
"Heck, I'll tell," Ranko stated. "That jerk, Ranma and I,
Ryoga, and another bunch of folks all have the same father -
a guy named Ichiro Hibiki."
"You'll never get anywhere in the information-brokering
market, Ko-chan," Nabiki commented.
"Feh," Ranko replied, too ticked off to care what Nabiki
thought.
"Sounds romantic," Kikuko sighed.
"It was," Nodoka sighed.
"I wish it would happen to me ... " Sayuri added.
"EWW! That's my father-in-law you're talking about!" Akane
pointed out sharply.
"Wouldn't stop him," Ranko mumbled.
"Wow," Yuka said in awe. "Where is he now?"
"I believe he said he was working along Sunset Road today,"
Nodoka informed her.
"My house is on Sunset Road!" Yuka said.
"Oh, my," Akane commented in place of the absent Kasumi.
Everyone else remained silent, then Shampoo asked, "You know
who father is?"
"Um ..." Yuka stammered nervously, blushing. "Well ... y'see
..."
"Crap!" Nabiki commented.
"By the way," Ranko asked, "What's your blood-type?"
"It's kind of exotic -"
"Double crap!" Akane added.
"Watch language in front of baby!" Shampoo exclaimed.
"Gomen. What type?"
"The doctor called it 'double-positive' -"
"BWAAAK!" Ranko, Shampoo, and Nabiki commented together.
"Oh, triple crap! With frosting." Nabiki sighed. "The Masked
Sperm-Donor strikes again!"
"Mebbe not." Ranko pulled out her blood-testing kit. "I can
clear this up in an hour or so. Your finger, Yuka-chan,
please?"
"Where'd you get that, Ko-chan?" Nabiki asked with interest.
"There are perks to working for a physician - even a rat-
bastard one," she grumbled through clenched teeth. "It seems
that the guys at Tokyo University Medical School developed a
simple test for detecting Ichiro-spawn - why they felt they
had to, I shudder to think. "
"You ain't stickin' *nothin'* in me!!!" Yuka explained to
her in a very shrill voice.
"I could just take your blood," Ranko said, letting her eyes
glow with battle aura. "But you want to cooperate, don't you?"
Yuka held out her hand.
"Nice technique," Nabiki said, smirking.
"I practiced it on vampire potatoes," Ranko replied absently.
No one knew how to reply to
*that*, so they allowed her to
draw a sample from the poor girl.
* * * * * * * * * *
No one could explain how it happened, nor where it came
from. All that anyone who witnessed the catastrophe could
say was "The light ... the light ... "
At Nerima General Hospital, not long after sunset, a
slightly-delirious (and much-medicated) Ina Sophia heard
something. Her sweet Ono-sama was hurt. He was admitted in
the emergency room of the hospital and then sent home the
next morning.
"Oh my!" she muttered, "I must go to my Ono-sama! He'll need
my tender loving care!"
A ripple passed over her as the glamour she had maintained
for so long slipped, letting her figure become slightly more
petite, and her hair change to a creamsicle-orange color.
"I'm sorry, Sophia-san," A nurse said comfortingly, trying
to persuade the girl to lay back down.
"FIRE-BALLLLL!!!"
The entire south wing of the hospital was shattered in a
blast of mystical force. Oddly enough, no one was seriously
injured.
She paused, looking down at her singed hospital shift and
scuffed black slippers.
"Oops. Maybe I should clean up before I visit my Ono-sama. I
must look a fright."
* * * * * * * * * *
After about an hour of apologies and promises for a date
later that week (to include dancing), Kasumi and Jiro were
talking in the living room about the impending wedding while
drinking lemonade. The door bell rang, and she excused
herself to answer it.
She opened the door and found a basket on the front step. In
the basket was a gurgling figure in a bonnet and diapers
with a note pinned to the blanket;
[Ranma,]
[You may not remember me but we met at a party nine
months ago. You promised to marry me, then never
called again. Please take care of our child.]
[Your Mystery Lover.]
Kasumi kicked the basket over.
"OW!" Genma protested.
"Honestly, Genma," Kasumi said. "Please don't insult my
intelligence."
"Er ... who's Genma?" the diaper-wearing man said.
<SPLASH!> Kasumi's lemonade left her glass.
[I'm a cute l'il baby,] read the panda-sign.
Kasumi rolled her eyes. "And to think I thought Ranma-kun was
exaggerating."
She slammed the door and went back to the living room.
"Who was that?" Jiro asked.
"A deadbeat," she replied, settling next to him. "Now, you
said something about acting as bouncer for the wedding?"
Outside, Soun was helping Genma-panda to his feet. "I
*told*
you it was a stupid idea, Saotome."
[Shut up, Tendo,] the sign replied.
* * * * * * * * * *
Akane dialed up the number given to her, waiting for the
other end to pick up.
"Moshi-moshi, Ohayi Photography Studio."
"Hi, my name is Akane Saotome and I would like a
photographer for my reception."
"All right. Just the reception?"
"Yes. The priest prefers no photography during the ceremony.
Oh, can you also do group portraits?"
"Of course."
Meanwhile, the rest of the ladies were starting on the
wedding kimonos. Ranko let the embroidered white satin slip
gently through her fingers as she measured out the lengths
for the panels of Akane's first wedding kimono.
"How beautiful ... " she murmured. "Reminds me of that Irish
dance we saw on video the other night, the one where that
woman with the really big red hair sang ...
"['I dreamt last night
that my true love came in
Softly he came up
his feet made no din
And I thought that he spoke of
to me he did say
It will not be long, love,
til our wedding day.']"
The rest of the women didn't understand English as well, but
they felt it.
"Sheesh, one wedding and you all go mushy on me," Nabiki
said sarcastically.
"Biki, be patient. You'll understand someday," Ranko replied.
"Sorry, Ko-chan, but I have other things to worry about than
finding a man to justify my existence," she stated, picking
up the scissors.
"To each their own way," her sister-in-law remarked.
Akane giggled.
"What's so funny?" Ranko asked.
"Mentioning that Irish dance tape we saw," Akane said, " And I
suddenly thought - Martial Arts Clogging."
The Tendo girls all laughed, picturing the gaijin gals playing
Morrigan and Colleen beating the crap out of each other by tap-
dancing.
"Don't tell Niichan," Ranko said, "He'll be in tap shoes
before you know it."
A fresh round of laughter burst out. Nabiki, imagining Ranma
in the high-heeled tap shoes worn by Irish dancers, laughed
hardest.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranma went back out to the dojo, feeling too much estrogen in
the air for his comfort.
He thought about what happened last night. Of Ranko breaking
in on his and Akane's intimate moment, then the quarrel in
the hall.
Ranma punched the air, kicking it into submission as the
emotions surfaced. He became a whirlwind of motion.
Ko-chan, right there, secreting the scent of aroused woman.
Her breasts flushed and her thighs pressed tightly together,
her hips moving gently. He saw Akane do the same things when
she became aroused.
His movements speeded, twirling through the air like a deadly
Dervish.
But why was Ko-chan turned on? Walking in on them like that?
Was she doing something else, something that Akane showed
him that women do?
The memory of her fragrantly wet flesh was vivid in his mind.
It only made him fight his invisible opponent faster, harder.
Forbidden Lust was its name. He fought like hell.
How
*could* he desire her? How
*dare* he even begin to want
to bed her? How dare he want to take her back to the attic
and take her like he should have when she first stepped out
of the mirror!
<But we really aren't brother and sister; I was born from
woman, she was born from a mirror - similar, but the doc
said that genetically - >
Ranma hit his fist into the floor, shattering the wood under
it. Damnit, he was letting
*It* think for him! Again! That
didn't used to be a problem until Akane ...
Akane ...
With a raging lust, he dashed into the house and located
Akane at the sewing machine.
"Excuse me," he asked, passing a glance at Ranko, then
grabbed Akane up and slung her over his shoulder as he raced
back out to the dojo.
The women remained silent, then Kikuko asked, "What was
*that* all about?"
"Makes the third time today," Nabiki yawned. "And it's not
even noon yet."
"Not bad, Shampoo take note," the Amazon chuckled. <After
all,> she thought, <Ryoga has much more stamina ...>
"Oh," Yuka and Sayuri stated together in realization.
Nodoka sighed. "My manly son," she said with pride.
Everyone got
*very* embarassed at that and went back to
working on the kimono.
Ranko stared after them for a long moment, replaying the look
on his face: Pure, unadulterated lust.
For a moment, she felt he was directing it
*at* her. Then
decided to ignore it; other things to do. A wedding to plan.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ukyo glanced through the paper's classified setion. She and
Konatsu were seated together at one of the numerous yatai that
travel around Tokyo. Between eating bento lunches, they were
scanning for a storefront for their new okonomiyaki restaurant.
"It's good the insurance gave you some extra money, huh,
Ukyo-sama?" he asked.
"It helped. Although I have to get new equipment now. Ah-HA!"
"What did you find?"
"The perfect place. It's just inside the city - perfect for
the OL crowd. I'm sure we can build our clientele again."
"What about your schooling?" Konatsu asked.
"What about it?"
"You'll need a high school diploma - and preferrably a
college degree."
She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "I've got my own
business - won't need it."
"Ukyo-sama!" Konatsu said sharply. "You
*will* need it! And
you
*will* finish your schooling!"
Ukyo looked up in surprise. The little transvestite had never
spoken to her like
*that* before. He'd never raised his voice
before.
Konatsu saw the shock in her eyes, and looked away in
embarassment. "Sorry, Ukyo-sama. But I feel strongly about
this."
"You - never spoke up before," she said. "I was surprised."
"I think that had a lot to do with your ... problems. If I'd
spoken up, tried to stop you -"
"I'd have hurt you."
Konatsu nodded.
Ukyo smiled at him. "Thanks for caring, Natsu-chan."
Konatsu froze. <She called me ... Natsu-chan??>
Ukyo gazed at the fainting kunoichi in puzzlement ... and
not a little bit of pride.
"I should thank Ranma for dumping me," she mused. "Konatsu's
a lot more fun to flirt with. Less labor-intensive, too."
* * * * * * * * * *
<knock-knock-knock>
Nabiki and Ranko looked at each other; someone was actually
knocking?
"Could you get that, Nabiki-chan?" Kasumi asked from the
living room. "I think it's for you."
"Sure, oneechan." She stood from the fabric cutting and
wandered into the front hall. Sasuke stood against the wall,
waiting for her. "What are you doing, short stuff?"
"In case they are assassins, Nabiki-sama."
"Lemme guess: Kuno-Baby thinks people would kill him on his
front step."
"Of course. Doesn't everyone want to kill him?"
Nabiki thought about it, then nodded. "Logical. So, let me
answer the door," Nabiki commanded as she pulled the door
open.
Outside on the step was a television reporter and cameraman.
The reporter had a lean and hungry look, with a gleam in her
eye that only vultures had.
Nabiki smiled, recognizing a sucker.
"Konnichi wa, I'm Sachiko Himamya from DNA News Japan - "
"Hi, I'm Nabiki Tendo; executor."
"Tendo-san! We hear that a Ranma Saotome came into
possession of billions of yen!"
"Really? Was it that much?" She tapped her temple, as if
attempting to remember such information.
"You did call yourself executor."
"Did I? Let me think ... oh, yes. Ranko Saotome."
"Ran*ma*!"
"No, Ranko," Nabiki confirmed.
"Ranko Saotome is the heir?"
"Ranko who?"
"Saotome. The heir to the billions of yen."
"What billions of yen?"
"The billions you're the executor to!"
Nabiki raised her eyebrows. "Who am I? Who are you?"
The camerman was chuckling to himself.
"Huh?"
"'Not yet, not yet
The song of stars
Drifting in deep mind
Tells you the time
Dreams to be found
On which stars?
Tears fall down
Purely reaching to you ... the song
Remember this color, don't you?'"
"Come on, Komida!" the reporter huffed, turning on one spike
heel and stomping away.
The cameraman released one quick chortle as he followed her,
glancing back and waving at an evilly-grinning Nabiki. She
waved back, closing the door.
Sasuke rubbed his eyes. "Did I just witness what I heard?"
"Sasuke-Baby, one thing you have to know about working for
me: it's okay to yank chains."
"Um ... "
"That means 'for shits and grins'."
"Ahhhhhhh."
--------------------
First set of lyrics (sung by Ranko) are from "Our Wedding
Day" from the Irish dance production "Lord of the Dance",
the inspiration for the title.
Second set of lyrics (sung by Nabiki) are from "A Song
Without a Song" from the anime "Please Save My Earth".