===========================
The Usual Delinquents
=================
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction
Generally by Speed-Chan
And Makoto-Chan
===========================
"This is a setup" decried Ranma. "I didn't do nothin!"
Ranma sat, along with four of his "Friends", in
an empty classroom at Furinkan high school.
"What I want to know is, who broke the statue?"
asked one boy.
Four heads turned his way.
"You mean you didn't break the statue?"
"Come on, Ranma usually breaks these things"
"That's true, Saotome Ranma usually is the culprit..."
"Yeah, Saotome. If I find it was you, you'll pay
dearly for this..."
There was the incongruous element. Ranma heard
"You'll pay for this!" a lot, his lifestyle
being what it was (Engaged to four beautiful
women, 3 of whom have jealous parties out to kill him)
but still, it was pretty common for this phrase
to be directed rather at his wallet than say, his heart
or other equally vital organs.
"I'm telling you, Nabiki, I didn't break the statue"
"Look, who cares about that. All I care about is
revenge"
"I'm not talking about it in here"
"oh do be quiet." added Tendo Nabiki.
"Grrr..."
"What was that you said about revenge?" I asked.
"I said can it" replied Nabiki Tendo. "I'm not going
to get in trouble because I sat here and
listened to your hairbrained revenge schemes"
"Look, who asked you?" replied Saotome Ranma. "I'm
sure the rest of these guys are interested."
"Yeah" replied Hibiki Ryoga.
"Yes" I added.
"Fine" added the chinese stranger.
--------------
And that was how it got started. It was their fault.
You don't put guys in a room like that together.
Usually, it blows up the building they were in, but
this was probably worse. It certainly stirred up
school life more.
Saotome Ranma had been grabbed in gym class....
"Next!" cried the gym teacher.
Saotome Ranma ran towards the obstacle. Ranma waited
until he had already passed the springboard to
make his jump- he was, after all, a compulsive show
off.
"Delinquent!" cried miss Hinako, as she burst through
the door.
Ranma's head turned, and he floated that way, in
midair, as miss Hinako sucked him dry.
She strode over and pulled his head up- she had
drained him particularly dry today- and spoke.
"You know what happens if I send you to the hall
again?"
"I buy you an ice cream?" replied Ranma smartly.
the faint sounds of a gurgling cry of horror could be
heard as the comely miss Hinako dragged off
her prey.
I mean, putting us all in a room like that. What
did they think was going to happen. That we'd
all just decide to stop being deliquents or
whatever? really...
"You're not really a school disciplinarian. you're
just an old pervert" replied Hibiki Ryoga.
"WHo are you calling a pervert?"
"you. Look, I am trying to find Ranma. Tell me
where he is."
"Show some respect to your master!"
"You are not my master. The only thing you master
is..."
*Clunk* >Thwack< >Thwuump<
"Little ingrate." replied Happosai, dragging the
unconscious martial artist off.
They questioned us, which was pretty ridiculous.
I mean, I hadn't known these guys for long, but I
knew, that there was nothing these people could
do to make them crack.
"Come on, Miss Tendo, we know you did it!" asked
a teacher, his arms covered in black pads.
"I told you already. I didn't steal any coconuts.
Now go ask Ranma"
"Ranma confessed, and said you were his accomplice!"
"Uh-huh. Now why would he want to do that? I've
seen cop shows, before. What are you, good cop
with schizophrenia?"
If they could hold out, I could hold out...
"All right, kid. Tell us everything."
"All right, I'll tell you everything I know!" I
gushed.
----------------------
I caught up to Tendo Nabiki after we were let out.
"Come on, Tendo-San." I pleaded. "They won't let
me in without you!"
"So? WHat do I care?"
"I could pay..."
"So, who do you want to know first?" replied Nabiki.
A grin spread across my face.
Saotome Ranma was on a light post, throwing a
considerably heavy glance my direction. Hibiki
Ryoga
stood by a newsstand. The chinese boy stood
under Saotome's lamp post, also staring.
I smiled back.
----------------
"Rob's Hawaiian products inc." Said Tendo Nabiki.
"So, they're the ones that are always bringing
the nutcase his pineapples, huh?"
"Yeah. No doubt instead of schoolbooks for me"
"I dunno. He's pretty rich." replied Tendo Nabiki.
"Aw, it don't matter" interjected Saotome Ranma.
"Let's just get the nut back, okay?"
"I say we just bust the truck up, destroy
everything"
at this point, I interjected.
"I have a plan. No one gets hert, nothing gets
destroyed. Except the coconuts, that is."
"Huh? And what would that plan be?"
Hibiki Ryoga added menacingly.
"Just listen..."
-----------
The van rolled down the streets of Nerima towards
its most profitable delivery (And most valuable
customer), unaware of the devious plans that were
about to take place.
In an instant, a youth lunged out from nowhere,
and was plowed of the front of the vehicle,
rolling to a stop
6 meters away from the front of the van. The
driver quickly rushed out of the van, taking
in the boy's condition-he didn't look hurt,
but no one could be hit by a van and not be hurt.
All of a sudden, he was hit by girlish slaps.
He turned sideways to take in a teenage girl-
brown hair, crying.
"How could you hit my Keiichi!" she cried. She
slumped to the ground, taking his bandannaed
head in her lap.
"Look, you broke his umbrella. How are you
going to pay for all of this?!" Tendo Nabiki asked.
While he was in the front of the van, Ranma, myself
and the Chinese boy were at the back of the van.
The chinese youth was picking the locks with some
tools, while Ranma and I formed a screen, trying
to obscure what it was exactly he was doing.
"Got it" he said, popping open the back.
"Was that my van?" asked the driver.
"Who gives a damn about your van!" Nabiki sobbed.
When the driver turned around, Ryoga picked up his
umbrella, and popped him lightly on the back of the
head- returning to a limp position as the driver
whipped around.
"What was that for?"
"You have got to tell me your yearly wages, so I
can formulate an appropriate lien for your house
after I consider the garnish from your wages...."
"Awww..."
Ranma hopped into the back of the van. I pulled
out two garbage bags, but the chinese youth motioned
me aside. He stuck his arms out, letting the long
sleeves hang out in ovals beneath his arms, and
Ranma nodded in acknowledgement. WIth
a blur, Ranma filled the boy's sleeves with
coconuts- but instead of filling, the coconuts
just seemed to disappear...
With a sneer, Ranma dropped our little signature
on the back floor of the van, and began to close
the doors.
"Look, I'll be right back. I've got to check my
van!" exclaimed the driver.
"You can't!" Nabiki said, rising angrily to point
at him. Ryoga's head rapped off the ground.
"Umm... shouldn't you take care of him..." the
driver said, the back of his head covered in a
big sweatdrop.
He turned, and started to run to the back of the
van....
"Look, if he dies, I won't be responsible for the
settlement his family might require! And I am
their attorney!"
she threatened. "And all to check a bunch of
COCONUTS!"
the driver ran around to the back of the vehicle,
finding only the closed back of the rig.
"Aw well, false alarm" he said, strolling back
to the front.
The two kids were gone.
"What?" he exclaimed. he ran back, and opened
the back of the van.
on the inside, on the floor, was a cheque.
"Your payment, and a tip. -Kuno-baby."
the check was written out to Rob's Hawaiian products...
"Oh, hell."
----
The five of us sat at the Tendo Dojo, eating shaved
ice flavored with coconut milk. Life, as it was,
was sweet.
At least, as sweet as coconut milk.
"We should do this again, sometime" Saotome interjected.
"Oh no. Count me out." Nabiki said.
"hey, what's this?" the chinese boy, Mousse, said.
He held up his spoon, which had a piece of paper on it.
"'Get out of rules free', it says" Mousse finished.
"Oh no..."
---
And so it was that we found ourselves trying to prevent
a second shipment of coconuts from reaching Furinkan
high school. Mousse, the chinese boy, had been the
hardest to convince to go along- he had nothing to gain.
But Nabiki shylock'd him into believing that Shampoo,
his chinese dream girl, loved coconuts. Nabiki, once
we got her on board, had convinced Hibiki into going
along with it- to protect Akane's hair, it seems.
Ranma and I were all too eager to punish the nutcase...
Nabiki had taken a significant amount of pleading and
convincing. After all, she said, her hair wasn't all
that special (I actually kind of like it) and that
everyone having their hair savaged would actually
make her look better by comparison. So we'd made a
couple calls, and it seems that quite a few students,
including Kuno, would be willing to
anonymously pay quite dearly to have their precious
locks protected. And Nabiki ever so hates to disappoint
her customers.
And so we found ourselves outside, hiding in the bushes.
Or at least, I was. Our positions were set. We couldn't
risk being seen again, so we made ourselves a special
plan. And now it went into action.
The van pulled up to a stop near the intersection. With
a near silent clink, Hibiki slid the manhole cover aside,
and lifted the rear end of the van from underneath.
The light turned, and the driver hit the gas- but the
wheels only spun while Hibiki held the van up.
The driver, sensing something was up, hopped out of
the van and went around to the fas side to check the wheel.
Just as I had planned, he left the door open and the
car running. Not that it matters if the van't running-
It's not like I can drive.
Nabiki and Mousse sprint over to the car, and hop
in through the open door. Their plan is to steal
the coconuts from the moving van, and escape while
we make a distraction two blocks down.
One block, two blocks. It's time for Ranma and I
to make our appearance.
Ranma, in girl form, strolls lustily up to the van as
it stops at the light. His part of this plan was the most
crucial part, and it had taken us hours to get him to
go along with this plan. but it was perfect. There was
no way it wouldn't work. I was dressed in a cop's outfit
I had rented the day before, and I was just going to go
up while Ranma was pretending to be a prostitute, and
detain them both while Nabiki and Mousse escaped out
the back.
Ranma knocks on the window, and blows the driver a kiss
as he turns his head. Poor guy.
he rolls down the window.
"Y..yeah?" he says, clearly entranced by Ranma's body.
"hey big fella. What say you and me hop back in there?"
"Well... this is an intersection!"
"So what? It gives us motivation!" Ranma said.
It was clear now that my plan hadn't included good
dialogue for Ranma.
I was strolling up, ready to give hell, when it broke
loose before me.
"Oh shit! A cop. Come here, baby!"
With that and a yelp, he flung open the door and hauled
the surprised Ranma across his lap, and started to drive off.
That was hell, right there.
I started to run after them, but there was no way I was
going to catch up to a moving van...
Ryoga saved the day. Right across the intersection, he
popped out of the van with his usual cry of
"Koko Wa Doko Da!" or "Now where am I?!"- and stopped
the approaching van with his two hands.
I ran up to the van and pulled the door open, where a red
headed Ranma was upside down between the seats, struggling
to try and kick the driver. Nabiki was screaming, Mousse
was yelling.
I punched him. The driver, that is.
His head moved perfectly into the path of one of Saotome's
kicks, and he was knocked straight unconscious.
Ranma righted himself and gave me a blank look.
Nabiki and Mousse's heads popped out, and gave me the same
look.
"What?" I said.
"You... _punched_ him!" Ranma exclaimed.
I shrugged, and we made our escape.
----
We were sitting around the Dojo. Mousse was there,
horribly beaten with coconuts, as was Hibiki. Ranma
and Nabiki were there, of course. We were eating
coconuts, all except Mousse, who nursed his wounds in silence.
Kasumi strolled in.
"Oh look, Ranma! you've just gotten a letter!"
"Lemme see" Ranma said politely, snatching the letter
from Kasumi.
his face grew white as he read it.
"somebody knows. And he's blackmailing us."
"Huh?" asked Nabiki in surprise. It seemed a deep irony of
the universe that she didn't get it. Of course, there was
a distinct possibility that she was actually just shocked
that anyone would have the balls- it would take big ones- to
blackmail her AND so many dangerous martial artists at the
same time.
Ranma pulled out several smaller envelopes. Each one had
a name on it.
I somehow knew I wouldn't like what was in the envelope.
So I picked up the envelope, and read the remaining
instructions.
"It says here that we are to steal the winning coconut
from a secret hiding space at the "Back to School Dance".
Failure to do so will result in an announcement of our
activites to the proper authorities.
I watched as visions of college flickered in the eyes of
my partners in crime... I watched Ranma especially, and
his eyes showed shame. He was probably ashamed of looking
bad in front of Akane, more than college.
We had to do it.
-----------
The night of the dance... I'll skip over the obvious
fights and machinations that I and everyone else
participated in trying to be the one to go with Ranma or
Akane or stop someone else from same. In the end, we
were all there.
The hiding spot was in the dj's booth- which, by virtue
of our inside source, we knew to be only entereable from a
wooden maze.
Ranma was scurrying along into position above the entrance
to the maze. Ryoga had been forbidden from taking part in
the maze, so he was to safeguard the goods once they were
procured. He was outside a small window that let air into
the steaming Dj's booth.
Nabiki had placed me hiding near Ryoga. "Stay here. You
watch him, and make sure he doesn't wander off"
Nabiki was the one who had to navigate the maze and make
first contact. Mousse was nowhere to be seen.
At first it went perfectly. Nabiki strolled up to the
door, made idle chitchat with the chaperon standing by there.
He knocked on the door, and let her in. Ranma was supposed
to make a move and subdue the chaperon, making it safe for
Nabiki, who was to subdue and replace the DJ while Ranma
searched for the coconut. He did just as planned, but when he
opened the door, Nabiki was being held hostage by the
hawaiian nutcase himself.
"Ranma!" she screamed. "We've been sold out!"
As Ranma turned to begin talking to the principal, a
bright flash alerted me, and I imagine them as well, that
the sellout had been thourough- Ryoga was being drained
as we spoke by Miss Hinako, who had remained concealed
between dancing teens.
"Aloha, Keikis! Now you see dat da big kahuna be right
an' Smahtah dan' yous! now you gonna be gettin' da big
kahaircut!"
started the madman.
Then all hell broke loose. Right before me.
Ryoga decided that he'd had enough of this draining thing-
he made a leap straight skywayrds. Meanwhile, in the booth,
Ranma flicked a spare CD off of the ground, separating the
principal from his haircutters-with their threat to Nabiki's
hair gone, Nabiki fought like only nabiki would fight. She
grabbed a big fistful of balls and twisted, sending him to the
ground, howling in pain. Ryoga, now airborne, moved himself
off of the ceiling and smashed into the DJ booth. I made to
follow, but Miss Hinako changed firing path, so I stayed
down. Ranma booted the principal right in the face, sending
him flying up into Hibiki, who grabbed the fetal principal,
and blocked Miss Hinako's drain with him.
That was hell. You see, I have a confession to make.
I am the evil mastermind. I tricked them all. Even Tendo
Nabiki, cunning as she is.
"There he is, Ranma! Gosunkugi! He was the one who ratted
us out!"
That was her, of course. I sighed- she knew, probably from
my handwriting. Oh well. And if she knew that, she could
prove entrapment, and therefore all the threats to their
education were forfeit. And I was so looking forward to dating
Akane, too...
Oh well. My life sucked before, so it's not like I'll really
notice the difference.
I made my getaway, running as fast as I could. I actually
lost Ranma in the crowd, but I bumped into Hibiki at the
exit.
"Now where am I?" he said. "WHo... hey, you!" he yelled,
snatching my lapels and lifting me into the air.
"Hey, Ryoga. WHat are you doing with the pipsqueak?"
Kuonji Ukyou.
"HE was trying to get all of our hair cut, that's what!"
"Ryoga, you're not a furinkan student. He can't cut your
hair."
"Huh... Argh! GRrrr.... It doesn't matter. AKane's hair is
safe. You should be thanking me too- it's not like you
need to look any more boyish" Ryoga said.
"You JACKASS!" she screamed, bringing her mighty
war-spatula down on Ryoga's head.
!CLANG!< >!CLANG!<
"owww..." he said before crumpling to the ground.
"Thanks for saving my hair, Ryoga. not like I needed someone
like you to save me" she said with a twirl, whipping her
hair up into the air as she faced away from him.
"Glad to help" Ryoga said with a gurgle from the ground.
I took the opportunity to run. As I did, I took in the two.
She'd turned back around and was helping him to his feet.
FIN
All Ranma 1/2 Characters are the intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi, and the
resulting copyrights are owned by her various medium publishers.
RRP "Speed-Chan" January 9, 2001
Speed_Otaku@hotmail.com
Coming Next:
The aftermath! Ranma Flies! A completely new writing style with a lot less boring Narrative!
Http://Nav.To/Speedchan/