Hi, Latin D!
Heya, Morgan! Here I am, spending all my money in one
of these oh-so-addictive cybercafes at the beach (yeah,
I'm on vacations until March. Envious? :-p), and look
what I find in between all the spam: public C&C! ^_^
Sorry for the late reply (I'm saying that a lot,
these days...), but this
is the fastest I could get back to you. Suffice to
say that I will never,
never go on vacation for so long without making sure
there's a computer
waiting for me when I get there. :p
Heh. Firstly, don't worry. Secondly, one word:
cybercafes. :-p
Kill me, kill me now.
Ahh... Let's wait and see how the fic turned out
before forming the lynch
mob, shall we? ^_^
I appreciate you don't encourage my suicidal
tendencies. ^_^
Sorry for the double post, but I forgot to word-wrap
the fic. Won't happen again, I hope. Thanks to all
of
you who pointed it out.
Personally, I try not to worry too much about an
honest mistake. Lord knows
I've made my share of them in the two years I've been
here. Double posted a
couple of times, too. Most of us here on the list are
fairly forgiving and
easygoing folk, so you shouldn't be in serious
trouble.
Maybe it wasn't that big a deal, but I believed an
apology was in order. I myself hate unnecessary spam
(or mass posts), even though it's true I've never
criticized someone for spamming the list.
Well, just in time before the end of the year, I
managed to finish this
little fic. For those of you who wonder why this
took so long and where
is the next chapter of Silent Battles
Took the words right out of my mouth, pal!
Heh. I've met my fair share of "author prods" lately.
They're a force to be reckoned with, trust me.
So, where IS it? ^_^
Right now? I have no idea... It _used_ to be in my HD.
^_^
(plug, yes, but it's better
than a status report), I'll inform that a couple of
weeks ago my HD
decided to go on a trip, unfortunately taking with
it the draft for
SB 7 and this fic. I've finally finished rewriting
this one, but
SB 7 will be delayed till February. Sorry.
Ouch. I've had that happen a few times on my series,
as well. Always
brutal, especially when you've already promised to be
done by the end
of the week...
Ouch indeed. I lost a number of things, but my fics
were the most painful. Actually, the SB7 draft was only
a partial one (very much so), so it wasn't that
important. Rewriting this story did take me a lot of
time, though.
Now, for all of the DBZ fans out there, know that
this story is based on
DBZ, _not_ in DBGT.
So noted. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
I didn't use GT canon for two reasons. First, I haven't
seen the entire series; I missed a number of episodes.
Second, I really think Z is superior--I didn't enjoy GT
all that much. At the beginning, I liked GT, as it sort
of reminded me of the original DB. But then, it
degenerated in _another_ long fight--which didn't even
have the appeal of the Z sagas.
BTW, in case anyone is wondering, the GT element I
mentioned was Bra, Vegeta's daughter. ...No one was?
Aw...
Begging time. Please, people, send comments.
Private, public, both...
everything is fine with me, and will be deeply
appreciated. I crave for
the stuff; I _need_ it. Send me a mail, if only to
say DBZ sucks and
that all the characters need new haircuts (though
kind words of
encouragement are okay with me, too).
Now, now... a lot of the characters DID get new
haircuts (Yamcha and Gohan
come to mind, as does Bulma). It just didn't help. ^_^
Heheh. Now I remember Gohan's haircut during the Freeza
saga... Poor boy.
After these rather long-winded notes (which I'm
sure _someone_ will
mention), let's move on. Enjoy!
Who me? Sorry, I was busy wondering when we'd get to
the actual story. ^_~
You could always look for the word "enjoy" and snip the
rest. ^_^
Just kidding, of course. Considering the way I ramble
on in my AN, I can
hardly fault anybody else without looking like a
hypocrite or an idiot.
Um, then I guess I won't mention their length again...
^_^
And I can do that on my own time. Just do me a
favour, and remember that
anything I say is entirely IMHO, okay? If you
disagree with something,
then heat up some tar and start gathering feathers.
All I ask for is a
few minutes' head start. ^_^
Me, disagree? Please; you know all I do is follow your
suggestion and write "okay, I'll fix it" after every
comment.
...Though the tar and the feathers don't sound half
bad, to tell the truth. ^_~
<SNIP>
The last lonely stars silently faded out,
as the world
readied itself for a new autumnal day. The darkness
receded, long
shadows lingering with obstinacy on every rock and
tree, and nature
promptly dressed up in smoldering reds and ancient
golds as it
impatiently waited for the sun's arrival. Out of
the shadow cast by an
old, barren oak, like a wraith, he came.
I like this opening. It's descriptive, yet still
leaves the readers
wondering exactly what's going on. Who is the man?
What does he want?
Thanks. Though the man's identity won't be a secret for
long; I'm not very fond of "shockfics", as I heard them
called before. I like to keep it a mystery for a
paragraph or two, though. All things in moderation, as
my doctor likes to say... ^_^
Walking slowly across the dark-green
slopes, the old man
You don't have to hyphenate the words "dark green".
In fact, if I were
you, I wouldn't. Just a tiny nitpick. (The first
one's always the
hardest... I feel much better now...) ^_~
You've just been "dehyphenated"!
Ah, the first nitpick early in the mail... Tradition is
everything, eh? ^_~
stood out in the pale light, his steps secure and
his deportment proud,
almost regal.
I'm guessing either Vegeta, or Piccolo. Only two guys
I can think of who
would be described as "regal" in their deportment.
The list has been narrowed down very quickly, it seems.
Mystery is not my turf, methinks. BTW, Vegeta is
supposed to be regal in his deportment--I mean, he's a
prince, for Pete's sake! And Piccolo, of course, was a
god... Is there such thing as "holy" deportment? ^_^
Only his gray hair betrayed his advanced age, for
his body
Okay, not Piccolo. Unless he's taken to wearing a
toupee that I don't
know about, and that might interfere with his little
antennae. ^_^
Heheh. Crazy image, m'friend. A toupee with two little
holes would fix the antennae issue, though... Maybe
it's a new fad? ^_^
was still fit and healthy, primed for battle. And
though his eyes were
old and tired, and his gaze had lost most of its
once distinctive
belligerence, a hard, savage glint lived on in
their depths.
Vegeta, then. In DBZ, Vegeta is the living definition
of belligerance. And
arrogance, and fury, and... ^_^
...pride, and impatience, and psychotic impulses, and
brutality, and... ^_^
Following some unheard order, he halted
his advance. A signal
was sent then, subtle and powerful at the same
time.
He blew up the forest. ^_^
Hey, in DBZ, that counts as subtle!
Heh. True. Heck, in DBZ, obliterating the moon was an
everyday occurrence. ^_^
Tilting his head
back, he serenely regarded the deep blue sky and
the small, purple
clouds.
> "I'm here, Kakkarot," he whispered to
himself, his breath
steaming in the cool morning. "Don't keep me
waiting."
Goku:(sighs) Y'know, we've known each other for a
really long time by
now. Can't you just call me by my Earth name? You
know, the one I like?
Vegeta: No! I will never call you by that vile Earth
name!
Goku: Why not?
Vegeta: BECAUSE IT WOULD BE OOC! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I
SAID IT!
NOW GET OVER HERE AND START FIGHTING, BEFORE I...
GOKU: C'mon, Vegeta, you can't fool me. You never cared
about OOCness before. Why now?
VEGETA: BECAUSE... because... Oh, okay, OKAY! I CANNOT
REMEMBER IT! For some darned reason I can never
remember that stupid name! Are you happy now, Kakkarot?!
GOKU: Huh? You can't remember it? Why?
VEGETA: How should _I_ know? Some human doctor said
something about "arteriosclerosis"--before I blasted
him. Can you believe it, Kakkarot? We Saiyan never go
senile!
GOKU: Excuse me, kind sir. Do I know you?
Vegeta gazed at the beloved specter, and
his chest
tightened. Bulma's face was wrinkled, the years
having taken their toll
on her once stunning features. However, in her
eyes, her soul still
burned fiercely, untamed; in them, he saw his own
past.
Vegeta: (winces) Ooh! I really should have learned
how to duck when I was
younger... That one MUST have hurt... Can we skip
past most of the time
I spent on Namek?
Heh. Nah, it'd be more like this:
VEGETA: Oh, that was a nice ki-blast... Hey, I didn't
remember destroying that one planet! That was one hell
of a job, if I said so myself... See 'em fall! I kick
ass, dammit!
^_^
Many people stood around the bed; some
were relatives, even
more were friends. Kakkarot was there, holding
Chichi to himself and
smiling vacantly in a vain attempt to calm her.
This is mainly being narrated by Vegeta, right? Well,
I doubt the mighty
Prince of the Saiyans would bother calling Chichi by
her name. Maybe just
say something more like :
"Kakkarot was there, holding his mate and smiling
vacantly in a
foolish attempt to calm the stupid woman."
Right you are. I should've seen this--perhaps I like
Chichi so much my subconscious mind didn't let me call
her "stupid". ^_^
Vegeta has pretty much no respect for anyone, IIRC.
Yep. The only one I think he has a grudging respect for
is Goku (and Bulma, of course), and he sure needed to
lose a lot of battles before granting it. ^_^
Death had long since
lost much of its meaning to him. How could you
grieve the departure of a
loved one when you yourself had spent decades in
the afterworld? Idiot.
He didn't understand...
See? This is a bit more like Vegeta. Everyone but him
is an idiot, a fool,
or a coward. He barely even needs to learn anybody's
names, he uses those
three so often. ^_^
Heh. You forgot "pest". That would be his kid. ^_^
Kakkarot's child, Gohan, was also among
those present, next
to his human mate. Any other day, he would have
sneered at the sight of
the bespectacled Saiyan.
Might want to change that "he" to "Vegeta".
Otherwise, you're saying that
Gohan would have sneered at the sight of himself
(Gohan being the last
person you named, and all...) ^_~
Rats! I don't use to make this mistake any more... But
skimming over the comments, I see this isn't so true.
It won't happen again, sir!
Talking about "sight", I always wondered why did Gohan
wear glasses on GT... A shortsighted Saiyan? Puh-leeze.
Gohan, who had once been the most powerful of
his kin, a prodigy by his own right, stood serene
now, domesticated and
docile. How he was able to ignore the call for
battle, Vegeta would
never know. Unforgivable.
This is very well done, my friend. I like the way you
mix a description
of who is at Bulma's deathbed with Vegeta's
impressions of them all. It's
kind of a good way to see what kind of person Vegeta
is, by seeing how
he views and judges those closest to him.
That was my intention, yes. I wanted to establish
Vegeta's characterization early on the story, as it did
vary from his during the Majin-Buu saga. Vegeta is old,
and he has changed... only not that much. The point I
wanted to make was that only a few people had reached
Vegeta's heart, no matter his age.
More familiar faces milled around. His
children, both
holding one of their mother's hands in their own.
Trunks was crying,
Vegeta noted with disgust. Wasn't he a grownup
warrior, a member of the
strongest race?
Uh, I just can't see Vegeta using the
phrase "grownup". Also, it's not
usually a good idea to use contractions in narrative.
Oh, I tend to avoid them. This one eluded my laser
vision, though.
Maybe cut out the one word, and expand the "Wasn't"
into:
"Was the boy not a warrior? A member of the Saiyan
race?"
I also changed the "he" because it refers to Vegeta,
not Trunks.
However, by saying "boy", something Vegeta is not, it
clarifies
that Trunks is who you mean.
Only one problem: by that time, Trunks is not a boy any
more. Um, I'll rephrase the whole thing, all right.
Thanks for the catch, BTW.
Bra was a woman; it was different. His
grandchildren
GT element right here. Kudos for any DB fan who noticed
it.
were behind them... Human brats, with little spirit
in their bodies.
Wow. Dissing his own grandkids. Well, that's Vegeta
for you: blow up a
planet with one gesture, or go home.
Actually, I think Vegeta'd blow up the planet, and
_then_ he'd go home. ^_^
Seriously now, I heard about an OVA that shows the
story of one descendant of Goku. Never seen it myself,
but it depicts a Goku look-alike through an adventure
which helps him to discover his hidden powers (and,
IIRC, he fights Vegeta's great-great-great-etc.-
grandson at the end). But, with so little Saiyan blood
left in him, could he be considered a Saiyan? I don't
think so, and IMO, that's how Vegeta would see his
grandchildren. Blood bonds only reach so far.
...I shall vanquish you with the power of my rambling!
^_^
<SNIP>
BTW, the angle brackets weren't added automatically,
right? I hate it when that happens--thanks for taking
the time to quote manually.
"It's okay; don't worry. I'll be fine,
you'll see." Bulma
closed her eyes, and continued in a tone so soft
only Vegeta could have
heard, "Thank you."
I know what you're going for, here, and it DOES work -
Vegeta at a
vulnerable moment, losing the woman he loves and
leaving before
anyone can see how much it hurts- but I admit I'm a
bit surprised
he was so docile. I expected him to rant that no
human female
was going to tell him what to do, and whether she
liked it or not
he was staying right where he was until HE decided it
was
time to go. Then again, I guess that in his old age,
he may have
mellowed a bit.
I debated with myself about this scene at the moment.
On the one hand, Vegeta might do something like that,
yes. On the other, not only did he indeed mellow a bit,
but he also _didn't want_ to be there. Thus, my take is
that he was looking for an excuse to leave the room.
Bulma realized this, and when Vegeta saw just how much
she knew him, he couldn't control his feelings for once.
The old warrior waited, his arms crossed
across his chest,
ignoring the subtle aroma of dried nature
permeating the breeze,
disregarding the dawn, which bathed him in eerie,
cold light. It can't
be long, he thought. Right at that moment,
something pulled at his
senses, and he spun around, witnessing his oldest
rival materializing
before his eyes.
Ah! A nice way to avoid the usual "flying" entrance.
I like it! It's
surprising how many authors forget that Goku knows
how to teleport.
Thanks! I have no clue why this technique isn't used
more often. After all, Goku uses it many times in the
anime, and it's most useful. Hey, if _I_ could
teleport, I'd use it all the time. You need to go to
the refrigerator to grab a snack? Teleport. You have to
get to College fast? Teleport. Bahamas? Miami? Cuba?
You guessed. ^_^
"What're you doing, Vegeta?" Kakkarot
asked, puzzled.
"What'd you want?"
"You know what I want," Vegeta
snarled, "what I demand: a
fight."
Hehehehe. I'm surprised Goku even bothered asking. I
mean, what else has
Vegeta EVER wanted? ^_^
Um, take a look at the last flashback in this story,
and find the answer to this question. ^_^
"But why? I haven't seen you in days,
since--"
"Because," Vegeta cut in, scowling at
him, "I'm a warrior,
and I'll be one till the day I die. Nothing will
change that, nothing!"
"till" is wrong. I think you mean "'til", which is
the short form of
"until". "till" means to turn over soil.
Yes... and no. "Till" does mean to turn over soil,
and "'til" is the short form of "until".
However, "till" _is_ also a synonym of "until".
If you find it jarring, though, I'll change it.
<SNIP>
He glared at the sterile wall in front
of him, hearing the
old wooden clock hanging from one of the walls at
the far end of the
hall as it clicked incessantly, signaling the
seconds that slowly went
I think you might want to change that "hall"
to "corridor" or something.
Otherwise, the way it rhymes with "wall" could ruin
the flow of your
sentence.
Ah, I hadn't noticed that. I'll use your suggestion,
thanks.
by. It was driving him insane.
And many people would argue that it was a very short
trip. I'm betting he
blows something up soon.
Gee, am I getting predictable? Or is Vegeta's fault? I
mean, it's not like he _always_ blows thing for little
to... no... reason... Oh, never mind.
"You have exactly," Vegeta growled, his
voice low and
dangerous, "one second to get into that room and
find out what's going
on, human, or I'll destroy this hospital and the
whole wretched city
around it. Understood?" Seeing the nurse, who
couldn't be older than
thirty, nodding vigorously, he let him go. "Now
go!"
Might want to change that "he" to "Vegeta", or "the
warrior", or even
"the Saiyan Prince". "he let him" sounds a bit
awkward.
Yes, it does sound a bit off. Changed already!
He basked on the sight for an instant,
careful not to
disturb the moment, but his eyes informed him of a
very important fact.
The lack of a tail?
Um, actually, I believe Trunks might have had one when
he was born, specially considering Gohan had one. Those
things have a tendency to not stay attached for long,
though... ^_~
Wasn't Trunks 1 year old by the time Bulma brought him
to the fight with the androids? Plenty of time to visit
Kami-sama. (Was he fusioned with Piccolo already? I
can't remember. Anyway, Piccolo could've done the job,
too.)
"What's this, woman?!" Vegeta exploded,
wildly swinging his
arms around. The fact that Bulma hadn't been
startled further angered
him, as it reminded him of the power she held over
him. "All Saiyans
have dark hair! How's this possible?!"
Oh, the hair. You know, I never even realised that
Trunks is the only
Saiyan without dark hair until just now?
IIRC, this fact _is_ mentioned in the series. Bulma's
genes must be stronger than Chichi's...
Dragon Ball Z standards. There's just nothing quite
like two Saiyans
going toe-to-toe and slugging at each other. ^_^
Only one thing could top that: two SS2 going toe-to-
toe. ^_^
Poised in the air, Kakkarot mirrored his
own stance, his
features grimly set. "Okay, Vegeta," he
conceded, "we'll fight. But then
we'll talk."
Nooo... I somehow don't think that ol' Goku is
getting the point, here...
I like Goku, but I must say this: Has he ever gotten
it? :-p
Vegeta shook his head. "There'll be
no 'then', Kakkarot."
Pretty much what I figured. Ah, well, it's about the
only way Vegeta
would be willing to go, I suppose.
I've read one too many fics where Vegeta suicides--
which I strongly disagree with. Vegeta's is ruled by
his pride, and it would never let him take his own life-
-at least not directly. ...IMHO. ^_~
<SNIP>
"Where do you think you're going,
mister?" Bulma asked, and
Vegeta heard the angry note in her voice. What was
it this time?
Cale Tucker: "Are you still bothering people? Go
away."
*WOOOOOOOOSH*
See that? It's the sound of this reference going _way_
over my head. >_<
"Leave me alone, woman," he grumbled,
thinking that perhaps
if he ignored her she would go away. "I don't have
time for this." He
was wrong.
Why does that never work? ^_^
Because Vegeta is a male, and we can never win. ^_^
<SNIP>
"Oh, shush." Bulma put a finger to his
lips, giggling
quietly. Vegeta's anger deflated like a burst
balloon, but he kept
scowling at her. "You're so fun to tease." She took
a step backwards,
and examined him critically. "To say the truth,
your body isn't half-
bad. I mean, sure, you're short--a midget, compared
to most people--"
"WHA--?!"
Hehehehehe. Only Bulma has ever -COULD ever- get away
with saying
things like that to Vegeta.
Correction. She's the only powerless one who could have
done it. Freeza treated him like dirt--but of course
Freeza was then killed by a Trunks with less tan half
the power of Vegeta by the end of Z... Heh. I can
imagine Vegeta taking a trip to HFIL (pphh!) just to
show his old boss how much he improved in all those
years. ^_^
That was one of Z's worst inconsistencies: both Freeza
and Cell (and I can't remember who else) kept their
bodies in the afterlife, when it was supposed to be a
gift given to "good guys" only...
<SNIP>
A primal, uncontrolled rage seized him
then, and his mind
raced with thousands of irrelevant memories of
pain, regret, and fury.
Amidst the confusion, his body mutated, and
although only a few changes
were noticeable in his outer shell, his core was
far more corrupted.
Liquid fire now flowed in his veins, his heart a
large furnace which
warmed his whole being. His eyes, once dark and
full of emotion, were
now deep blue pools, cold and calculating--and yet
equally menacing.
Wildly dancing and standing erect, his hair was no
longer gray, but
instead a clear blond which easily lost itself with
the golden aura that
pulsated around the warrior. This was the power he
had for so long
sought, the one that was his right. And yet, in
those moments of rare
reflection and nostalgia, he feared it. Because
this was the power that
had destroyed his planet, and slew friends and
family alike. No one
should be so powerful, no one. Not even him.
Okay, first of all, that is an awesome description of
the shift to Super
Saiyan.
Thanks, pal. That first transformation in Namek was one
of the most memorable moments in the whole DB and DBZ
series. Gohan becoming SS2 was also very cool, and
Goku's SS3 was so so. SS4 was disappointing, IMO, and
too much.
It's especially interesting to see a Vegeta old
enough -and maybe
wise enough- to realise that he possesses power that
nobody should. In his
youth, he wouldn't be happy until he was practically
a god. Maybe a few
decades with more than just battles to look forward
to changed his outlook
a little? ^_^
I bet the did. Besides, with the insight years provide,
he should've realized that a level power akin to that
of a SS was the one Freeza used to destroy his planet.
If he tried to become ever stronger in later years was
because of his rivalry with Goku, IMO. If that were
over... what would he need that power for?
The Vegeta that arrived at Earth isn't the same that
fought Buu, as we all know.
Vegeta let his arms hung at his sides,
and Kakkarot's
"hang", not "hung".
Ouch. Got it now, and it won't ever fool me again.
<SNIP>
"Vegeta..." Kakkarot's face was stricken
with sadness as he
gently held Vegeta's head upright.
"Y-You a-always were a s-sentimental
fool," he growled
softly. He coughed violently, spitting thick glob
of blood. Kakkarot's
eyes watered, and Vegeta glared at him, albeit with
none of the old
scorn. "T-this w-was not our l-last fight."
Heh. I can just see Vegeta waiting at the gates of
the afterlife, arms
crossed and foot tapping as he waits for Kakkarot to
show up.
About as well as he waited in that hospital, I wager.
^_^
Heh. That was exactly the scene I was imagining.
Considering how often Goku dies, he won't have to wait
all that much, anyway. ^_^
Many people commented that this was a sad fic (which it
certainly is), but they're not looking at the whole
picture. In DBZ's universe, the afterlife is fact a
very good place. ^_^
Kakkarot nodded solemnly, and Vegeta
closed his eyes.
"Farewell," Kakkarot whispered, "Vegeta,
King of the
Saiyan." He closed his eyes, and let his head rest
against his chest.
With a last blast of wind, a tree shook
loose its last
brittle brown leaf, twirling away from the forlorn
and gnarled old oak.
Oh, gee, what to say? This was brilliant. Vaguely
familiar to your
earlier DBZ character sketches on Chichi and Goku,
but much
longer and more detailed, with some very well written
fight scenes,
to boot.
Y'know, I think the similarity is caused because
they're all a bit angsty, and another bit WAFFy. In
fact, if you check, I'm slowly making them angstier and
larger... This is leading to a Dark DBZ series, perhaps.
About the fight scenes, I decided to write this fic
after C&Cing "Snakebite" (IIRC, that was the title of
the chapter in Dark Crusade where Naaza fights our
favorite lizard-like monster). It shows, eh? I was in a
kind of action/violence high while plotting the story.
^_^
In total, a very good read, and a great look into
Vegeta's character.
Keep up the good work, and I'm sorry to hear about
your HD troubles.
Not sorrier than myself at that moment, I assure you.
^_^
Thanks a lot for the kind words and the public C&C,
Morgan. I always look forward to your great comments.
So... any idea when you'll be finishing the next
chapter of Silent Battles?
^_^
Er... no. ^_^;;
SB7 will be either very big or very short, know that.
The date of its post will be affected by its length, of
course. But I must study... Zentraedi politics before
posting. ^_^
Well, this is it. Thank you very much again. I'll be
waiting for the next part of Dark Crusade, so get to
write!
Talk to you later!
Latin_D
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