charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200
X-archive-position: 17010
X-listar-version: Listar v0.128a
Sender: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
Errors-To: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
X-original-sender: sommer@3rdm.net
Precedence: bulk
X-list: ffml
[The following text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set]
[Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set]
[Some characters may be displayed incorrectly]
Gary Kleppe wrote:
Good Plans
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Ukyo, Kodachi, and Shampoo band together in a plot to do away with Akane
once and for all... and from there, it gets complicated.
Just a wee bit. :)
Overall, I liked it quite a lot. A tightly-plotted storiy with a lot of
intrigue and surprises.
Thanks. As linear as it was, the plot was easy to do, surprises were in iffy
thing for each person. Nice to see they worked for you.
My gut feeling after reading is that the ending is too heavy with
explanations. To some extent, these are necessary to get the readers to
accept the final twists, but after a certain point it comes down to each
reader either accepting them or not.
Yeah. I'll be doing my best to at least cut down on the length of each one.
Not sure if I can eliminate any altogether, but I had the same feeling when
I was finished with it. Definitely too explanitory.
On another matter, the constant references to "the figure" (and
referring to this person as "it") didn't really sit well with me,
You're not the only one that felt that either.
especially when we're seeing the scene through this selfsame person's
perceptions and/or an omniscient narrator. IMO, you could have used
"her" and not really lost much of the mystery, considering that just
about every character with a significant role in this story happens to
be female.
The more I think about it, the more I think you're right with this. No one
is going to think it's Ryouga. Kunou is slightly less unlikely than him as
are with Genny and Soun. Mousse is out in the first scene, and no one thinks
of Konatsu period. :). Since Ranma can shift to female form, it techincally
wouldn't eliminate him from the 'Who is she?' bits in the first part. I'll
probably be going with what you suggested.
or something like that.
These are just minor issues; all in all, a very good work.
Thanks. Glad you liked it. Appreciate the recommendations.
D.B. Sommer