I am posting this for the delightful Ms. Thatcher, who was unable to send
this to the list herself.  Please, please, *please* send all C&C to her
(misha@cybergal.com) or to the list, but not to me.  :)



-Anand





Authors notes:



This is a story containing characters and situations from the

beautiful and compelling manga series by CLAMP: Card Captor Sakura.  In case
you were wondering, these characters and situations do not belong to me.



This story contains ***SPOILERS*** for anything past volume five of the
manga.



If you read this story anyway, I'd really love to hear from you and learn
what you thought of the characterization, mechanics, plot, or anything else
you would like to send comments or criticisms about.





--------------------------------------------------



Persephone's Dilemma

A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction

By Michelle Thatcher

www.akane.org/michelle



--------------------------------------------------



Turning.  The leaves were turning.  Yellow, red, orange.  And

soon it would snow and soon it would thaw and soon it would be

Summer again.  Soon.  Too soon.



Professor Kinomoto Sakura had nothing against the turning of

the seasons, per se.  It was just that on this particular

autumn day she was feeling the passage of the years more

keenly than she usually did.  And on the long walk from work

to the house, she'd have plenty of time for needed meditation.



It was sometimes like this in the fall.  There were years when

she just couldn't watch so many things die without a surge of

melancholy longing for the loved ones that time and the perils

of mortality had taken from her.  Friends, lovers, ... family.

You didn't get to be the most powerful magician on the Eastern

Hemisphere without developing a healthy respect for the cycles

of natural life.  That, however, didn't stop it from hurting

when your best friend since first grade looks up at you

through her ever thicker lenses and gives you that same smile

of absolute adoration that's warmed you your entire life while

your internal sense of the workings of fate tells you that her

heart will give out in less than a month.  It doesn't stop the

sense of longing you have to gently seize her hand, to feel

the wrinkled skin against yours, still as smooth as it was

seventy years ago and will the life back into her

deteriorating body.



But magic doesn't work that way.  It doesn't keep time from

passing.  At least not for long.  It can protect those around

you from fire and famine and flood, but not from fate.  And

not from the frailties of humanity.  One by one, they fell.



And now her father's time was coming.  Not after taking a

stand against the darkness like her beautiful Syaoran or after

a sudden and peaceful fall like Tomoyo-chan or a lingering

illness like onii-chan, but by his own choice.



He'd come to visit her at work bringing the home-made sweet

bean treats she'd once loved so much to this same college

where he himself had taught archeology for fifty years.  She'd

known immediately that something in him had changed.  He had

always carried with him a sense of serenity, but today it had

seemed deeper than ever.  A wave of calm that washed over her

as the man who had always taken such good care of her walked

in to her office for what would almost certainly be the last

time.



"I'm tired, Sakura-san," he had said.  "And Nadeshiko-san is

waiting for me."



She had cried then.  She'd been unable to keep herself from

shaking as he held her and silently begged for her

understanding.



And she did understand.  More and more as she lost her loved

ones she understood what he must feel having the power, but

not the will to extend his life into centuries.  The

overwhelming sense of weariness that flowed through those who

watched virtually unchanging as the world went on turning and

turning.



But she'd be so lonely without him.



She turned the key automatically, barely even aware that she'd

reached home.  It was a traditional and necessarily large

Japanese home full of color and memory and the tools of her

life's work.  More importantly at this moment, however, was

the fact that it was full of love.  Full of friendship.

Besides which, her slippers and her favorite chair were

expecting her, and she didn't want to keep them waiting.



She was almost glad that the house was somewhat chill when she

walked into her personal study.  It gave her an excuse to

point authoritatively at the fireplace and watch the flames

snap to attention.  It was a little trick that Syaoran had

taught her when they were both children.  One that she'd

improved upon a little.  A nice gentle fire.  Something

cheerful to help her get over this gloom.



Keroberus poked his nose through the door, then padded over

and put his head solidly in her lap.  She absently reached

over to scratch his ears as he looked at her in concern.  He

waited, gave her time to volunteer her feelings, but when she

continued to sit silently staring into the flames, he raised

his head and spoke.  "What is it, Sakura-chan?"



Slowly, her eyes drifted away from the fire and down to meet

his.  She wanted to speak, but at first it was too much.  Too

much loss.  Too much sudden loneliness.  But there was

sympathy in his golden eyes, and eventually the necessity of

passing on the news was able to make its way to the surface.



"Kero-chan," she said quietly.  "Would you bring Yue here?  I

need to talk to both of you."



He padded back two steps, made the deep subservient bow that

he knew she'd never have required of him, and backed out of

the room.



She sat back a little further and sighed, Hard as this was

going to be, she couldn't help feeling a rush of gratitude for

her sun guardian.  His cheerful and friendly nature helped her

to keep her own outlook positive and warm, and supported her

in times like these.



He returned long moments later and pressed his head back into

her lap purring loudly.  Subtle, she thought, almost laughing

as new tears began to gather in her eyes.  When Yue walked in,

his posture as straight and proud as ever, she had begun

weeping again.



As much as she hated burdening them with the extent of her

pain, she couldn't seem to stop the shining tears that fell

onto her shirt as her second guardian walked slowly to her

side.



"What is it, master?" he asked calmly.  His composure was as

thorough as ever, but more than a century of his company had

taught her better than to believe him apathetic.  He showed

his love differently than her Kero-chan, but it was always

just as strong.  Always just as absolute.  And as she met his

eyes through the tears, the same gratitude for him made its

presence felt in her heart.  For a moment, though, it was

accompanied by another sensation.  An echo of longing.  Old

pain that seemed somehow magnified by the loss she was already

feeling.  Seconds later she dismissed it in favor of the

matter at hand.



Pulling together her strength, she addressed them.  "My father

has asked for my help," she confided.  "He wishes to put all

of his business and personal concerns in the best order

possible.  There are a few loose ends to be dealt with

before..."



How tight her throat suddenly felt.  How her voice wavered.

She stopped for a moment to gather what she could of her

composure.  Keroberus closed his eyes in understanding, his

purring resumed gently.  Yue knelt and placed one hand quietly

on her shoulder.  She felt strength flowing into her and

didn't know if it was a natural reaction to their show of

support, or if they were truly sending power through their

mystical connections to her.  Whatever the cause, it gave her

the courage to continue.



"I think we all knew this day would eventually come.  As

strong as he is, his heart has never been focused on power or

influence.  More and more these last few years, we've seen

glimpses of how tired he's become. I know that he wants to be

with mother."



Her hands clenched for a moment and she closed her eyes

tightly.  "I want to be selfish.  I want to cry and complain

and convince him that I need him."



Yue's grip tightened a little.  Friendship.  That was what

would get her through this.  On the day that Yue had

acknowledged her as his new master, she'd told him that she

didn't want a servant.  That she hoped instead that they could

all be friends.  And her friends would see her through even

this.



"I know some of what he must be feeling."  She couldn't afford

to think about Syaoran.  Not now.  There'd be time to relive

that loss along with the others when this crisis was over.

Time to feel it all and put it into the perspective that the

years allowed her.  Mountains of time.  "He  deserves my

support.  He needs me, and I won't let him down.  I can't."



She looked at both of them in turn and the calm was much

easier to find this time.  "I know that I can count on both of

you.  I just hope..."  She smiled weakly.  Ironically.  "I

just hope that I'm up to this."



"Of course you are," said Yue.  "You've always been up to

whatever you needed to be."



She sighed.  "I've felt pretty helpless from time to time.

Like when..."



Almost without meaning to, she looked into Yue's eyes.

Searching...



The shadow was still there.  The longing for something lost

long ago.  He remembered.  Her greatest failure.  The biggest

regret of her life.  They had both suffered so much from the

loss of her older brother.  For Sakura it had been more than

just a great personal tragedy, it had been a painful reminder

of her history of magical failures.  She had learned much from

those days, but at a truly high cost.  And because she hadn't

been strong enough back then, he had faded away.  The one man

whose power might easily have surpassed her own.  The person

who should be standing beside her facing the difficult tasks

ahead.  And Yue had lost much more...



"But it's never felt like this," she said, breaking free of

another painful reflection.  "I know it's silly, but I feel so

... abandoned.  Like some lost child.  At my age!"



"You'll be fine, Sakura-chan.  You're just in shock." said

Keroberus resettling his enormous white wings.  Such

impractical things for inside buildings, she mused briefly,

but they certainly were beautiful.  Just the thing for her sun

powered lion warrior.  Her predecessor Clow Reed had certainly

had a flare for the dramatic.



And he too had lived for centuries and spent the end of his

days setting his affairs in order.  But oh, how much there had

been to set in order.  Events far in the future he'd had to

foresee with amazing clairvoyance.  Necessity driven, but

still frightening and terrible to the people whose lives they

had affected years and years after his death.  But that was

the price for creating such new magics.  Magics that had

become eternal just as his creations the guardians had become

eternal.  His own eventual mortality demanded that he prepare

for the proper use of his creations.



It was an awesome and terrible stewardship.  One that weighed

upon her more heavily every day of her life.  But worst of all

was the knowledge that whether in weeks or centuries, her own

mortality would some day begin to make itself felt.  And

though she knew that the idea of greeting her own death was

becoming more and more welcome with the passing of each new

year, the prospect of arranging the details of finding her own

successor was incredibly intimidating.  Just thinking about it

made her weary from scalp to toenails.



Necessity.



And so her own time of relief would have to wait, because on

the day her brother had died, she'd made a deep and binding

promise.  A promise that before she gave in to mortality, she

would be ready to resettle the burden of her legacy and Clow's

as painlessly as possible upon her heir.  It would probably

take centuries of work and worry, but she was more determined

at this moment than she had ever been before.  She'd miss her

father, but she wouldn't follow him.  Not until ...



_Syaoran,_ she vowed.  _Tomoyo-chan, Onii-chan.  I won't fail.

I won't let anyone else suffer what we suffered.  No one will

have to face the fear or the loss that took away our

childhood.  I won't allow it.  I promise.  I'll see you all

again one day, but there are some things I have to do first._



She smiled through her tears as a feeling of peace welled up

inside her.  They knew.  They understood.  And her confidence

surged.



Looking down at her guardians once more, she wondered how much

they understood.  Whether or not they knew what fire it was

that would drive her work from now on.   "Thank you both," she

said.  "Thank you for everything.  I know I can count on you."



It wouldn't be easy, but she wouldn't be alone.  She would

never be alone.



And that made all the difference.



--------------------------------------------------



The end.



--------------------------------------------------



I would like to send a huge thank you to my wonderfully

insightful and encouraging pre-readers for this story so

far: Krista Perry (of course) Anand Rao (who can hardly

stand shoujo, but still agreed to help) and Donny Cheng

(who saw it before anyone else and convinced me not to

throw it out all together.) Thanks also to Michael Austin

and Rachael Whitman who saw an incomplete version and

encouraged me to finish it.



C&C very welcome.  Please send any and all constructive

comments to misha@cybergal.com

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