Beldar Conehead's Ranma 1/2 story of copyright infringement.
Subsection one, the disclaimer.
The fictional persons within this fic are the property of various sub
centers of business located on a large pacific island in a geographic
location known as Asia. The carbon-based life form performing the
narration of this fictional work of literature does not own any right or
claim upon ownership of said fictional characters. However, should this
fictional work be duplicated by any other person, and claimed as their
own fictional work. Then the carbon-based life form that originally
created the fictional work does have the right to take legal action
against the offender. At which time the offender shall be vaporized, as
per the statutes of the Morlak code within the Book of Grand Law,
subsection thirteen, paragraph three, line forty-two. That is all.
Subsection two, the iteration.
For reasons unknown to me, this information has become embedded within my
synaptic chord. I am writing them down with the hope of removing them
from my central nervous system so that finding a more peaceful slumber
upon my large flat row of springs and plant matter mixed with woven
fabric and performing the nightly ritual of rest in such a manner as to
satisfy my needs for energy reproduction. Thus my mate will be pleased
with my more restful demeanor; this shall lead to more frequent
performance of the mating ritual. It is also my hope to bring pleasurable
sensations to the nerve receptors of other carbon based life forms with
this pattern of ionized light particles projected upon a thick layer of
super heated and then shaped sand particles.
Subsection three, the telling of my tale.
The unit designated Ranma Saotome awoke from his large cushion within his
chamber. He rose himself from slumber and began his ritual of placing
garments made from the discharge of small insects and woven into a tight
fabric upon his body. "I shall now go to the facilities designated for
grooming and immerse myself in a mixture of hydrogen and oxygen in order
to cleanse the odors and build up of earth particles mixed with bodily
fluids from my body," he said.
Upon entering the room he found himself gazing upon the naked form of his
designated mate. She looked upon him and a large quantity of blood built
up within her facial structure causing a more reddened appearance of her
cheek muscles.
"I shall now perform the ritual punishment, because you have seen my
naked form before Klepthar. It is an embarrassment to our social
standing, and a perverse notion within our culture." The female then
produced a large bludgeoning object made from the plant fibers of a large
species of plant found within the region. With it she struck him upon his
cranial cavity in such a way as to propel him out of the bathing chamber
and through the supports of the dwelling.
In a laughably impossible performance of physical prowess the male unit
was thrown bodily through and then over the reinforced clay slabs used to
prevent leakage within the dwelling. He landed within a small decorative
pool of hydrogen and oxygen that housed a small aquatic animal native to
the region.
As the male unit emerged from his landing, the magical energy forced upon
his body changed his form into that of a human female.
"My mate has once again jumped to conclusions about another awkward
social interaction between us. I am most displeased."
His parental unit emerged from a large opening within the home used to
enter the grounds. "It is time to perform the ritual of practicing our
combat maneuvers! This is so our bodies are able to perform the actions
in time of attack so that we might better defend ourselves!"
The young human male moved his head in an agreeing gesture and began the
ritual.
After several time units had passed, the unit designated Kasumi Tendo
emerged from within the home and used her vocal chords in order to signal
the beginning of the morning meal. "It is time to consume our early day
meal of boiled grain and the charred flesh of aquatic animals.
Both males immediately joined their host units around a large flat
surface, on which where various containers of substance.
"My stomach muscles are prepared to consume this meal! I have not
consumed nourishment since the late evening meal!" said the Ranma unit.
However, his mate appeared with a large platter of unidentifiable
substance. "Ranma, I have labored long over the gas powered heating unit
to create this substance for your consumption. Consume mass quantities of
it in order to please me."
The Ranma unit looked upon the pile of protein and fiber before him. "I
cannot consume this. My stomach muscle is not equipped to properly break
down and distribute this substance into my bloodstream."
"You have upset my temper with your refusal to consume mass quantities. I
will punish you for such unruly behavior." The female once again produced
her large blunt instrument of plant fibers and proceeded to bludgeon her
betrothed upon his cranium in an attempt to cause a concussion.
The Ranma unit's nervous system was sending signals of pain into his
small and inadequate human brain. "You have caused me to find you
unattractive with your unruly temper. Your fat to muscle ratio is not
within normal standards."
This verbal assault displeased his mate, causing her to repeat her attack
pattern upon him again.
The large mammal took this in with his optical receivers and produced a
large flat surface used for the communication of written messages. "My
offspring is unworthy of my affection, and ungrateful for all I have done
in order to bring him to his adult stage."
Subsection four, the dissertation.
I find myself unable to continue due to my own amusement and the late
hour. I shall now retire into my chambers and attempt to hone with my
mate. Hopefully she will be receptive and I shall once again find the
lack of energy needed to rest myself once again.
If you have enjoyed this fabrication, please fell free to comment to this
electronic mail address. I would be most pleased to hear of your opinions
about my creative abilities.
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com