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Sizing Things Up
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
by Ginrai
C&C appreciated - ranmafics@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and its characters are property of Rumiko
Takahashi.
Warning: The following was written during a period of temporary
insanity.
--------------------------------------------
Ranma was feeling great. He had finally married Akane without any
problems occurring. Some of the others were feeling bad, but not bad
enough to try and stop it. Right now, though, he had other things to
think of.
He and Akane were in their hotel rooms and, hopefully, for the next few
hours there would be only one thing that both would be thinking of. He
had already finished undressing and saw his wife slowly undressing. He
then noticed that she had suddenly stopped and was staring down at him.
"Akane, why did you stop?" he asked.
Akane was still staring down before she finally walked towards Ranma
and slapped him. "How could you?! Don't you find me attractive at
all?" Akane was on the verge of tears.
"Of course I find you attractive. Why do you think I married you?"
Ranma replied.
"Then... why is it so small? I thought it would react in some way if
you saw me." Having said that, Akane blushed a bit.
For a moment Ranma didn't understand what she was trying to say. When
he finally did, he also blushed. "Umm... it is reacting. Why couldn't
you notice that?" He then realized what she said earlier. "Small?!
What do you mean by that? I'll have you know that this is rather big."
"Maybe for a ten year old it is."
Ranma was stunned. "How so? I know for a fact that I'm bigger than my
father."
"So that's why Auntie Saotome allowed your father to leave for ten
years of training." Sighing, she continued "Ranma, I'm no longer in
the mood. Maybe sometime later. For now let's enjoy other things that
this area provides."
And so for the rest of the honeymoon they enjoyed the beach nearby and
the beautiful scene that the hotel room provided.
***
Ranma was confused. Ever since the first day of the honeymoon Akane
would avoid any topic about sex. She would always give some sort of
lame excuse like that he is too small for her to feel anything.
Whatever that meant. <I don't know what she's talking about. The
other girls would think that I'm manly enough for them.> With that in
mind he decided to go and ask the other girls.
***
Ranma decided to first go see Kodachi. <Better of that I ask her
first.> he thought as he walked up to her.
Upon seeing him, Kodachi was ecstatic. "Ranma-sama! So you found out
that the wicked Tendou girl wasn't worth your love! I knew you would
come to your senses soon."
"Actually I...." Seeing that he couldn't say anything, Ranma decided
to get it over with and dropped his pants.
Kodachi stared for a few minutes after which she got angry. "That
witch! How dare she defiles you as such! I'll show her no mercy!"
"Kodachi, Akane had nothing to do with this." Kodachi, though, wasn't
paying any attention as she was continuing the list of things she would
do to Akane. <At least it can't get any worse.>
That was when Kunou came in. "Sister, what is this about the lovely
Akane..." Anything else that he would have said was cut off as he saw
who it was with their pants off. "Pig-tailed girl!" he shouted as he
ran to hug him. "I know that your heart must be broken because of what
Saotome did, but why turn towards other girls when you have me?"
"Kunou, let go of me!" Ranma screamed in a voice not similar to that of
the pig-tailed girls.
At first Kunou was stunned. But then he realized what must have
happened. "So, Saotome, it seems that your sorcery with the girls came
with a price. I always knew that I'm twice the man you are."
Ranma decided that it would be best to leave while Kodachi was beating
up her brother.
***
Before Shampoo could glomp him, Ranma got to the point and dropped his
pants. This confused Shampoo. "Why Airen come see Shampoo in girl
form?"
"I'm not a girl right now," Ranma mumbled, almost tempted to scream it
out loud.
"Shampoo see. Akane not womanly enough for Airen so you come see
Shampoo, yes?" she asked, feeling rather giddy.
"Not really. Shampoo, I have this problem and.." Ranma pointed down.
"Shampoo see. Airen too too small so need Shampoo's help?" Seeing
Ranma nod, she put her hands around his waist. "Airen no worry.
Shampoo know old Amazon technique to fix this," she said in a rather
seductive voice.
"Saotome, how dare you try to seduce Shampoo!" Mousse screamed as he
ran into the room armed with every weapon he could find. All the
weapons were dropped once he saw Ranma. After which he ran to Shampoo
and hugged her. "See Shampoo, I'm more manly than Ranma would ever be!
Now that you know how big he is let's get marr..." Anything else that
he would have said was stopped as he was punched into LEO by Shampoo.
"Stupid Mousse, Shampoo no marry you even if hundred times as big as
Airen."
Ranma left right away seeing that if Mousse could overhear what was
happening, then Cologne could also. And if anything did happen between
him and Shampoo, they would be on the next boat to China.
***
<Good old Ucchan,> Ranma thought quite happily, <She'll give me some
words of encouragement.> With that he went inside Ucchan's.
"Ranchan!" Ukyou said with tone that seemed harsher than it should be
and a smile that seemed rather forced, "Where is your wife?"
"She's not with me at the moment. Ucchan, can we go to your room? I
need to ask you something important."
Ukyou didn't know whether to be happy or angry with what Ranma said.
She, instead, decided to wait and hear what he wanted to ask. Maybe it
could be amusing.
Once in her room, Ranma went up to her to ask the all-important
question. "Ucchan, what do you think of this?" Then, for the third
time in the day, he dropped his pants.
For a moment Ukyou looked like she could kill. Then, feeling defeated,
she began to cry. "Ranchan, why? I already accepted that you married
her. Why do you have to torture me by showing how much you don't like
me?"
Ranma tried to remember what he was going to say before Ukyou could cry
anymore. It was depressing him. "No, Ucchan. It's not like that.
This is as large as it usually gets."
Carefully looking at it and thinking what Ranma just said, Ukyou's
cries soon became laughter.
"Thanks, Ucchan, I _really_ needed that." Ranma said in a sarcastic
tone.
"Sorry, Ranchan, but you did come her for some sort of opinion.
Though, knowing you, it was for some way to inflate your ego. After
which you'll probably run back to your wife, leaving me alone again."
Saying this Ukyou had the urge to grab her spatula and bash him.
Before she could do anything, Konatsu barged into the room. "What are
you trying to do to Ukyou-sam..." When he saw Ranma, Konatsu's
expression became sad and it looked like he was about to cry. "So,
another guy is closer to being a woman than I'll ever be." As tears
slowly started to fall, he looked up and screamed, "Why did the gods
have to curse me with _THIS_?!" Konatsu then dropped his pants to show
everyone his 'curse'.
Upon seeing it, Ukyou turned her head away from Konatsu, her face
crimson from all the blushing. Ranma, on the other hand, began to
twitch slightly.
***
<*Sigh* I guess it'll be another day without anything special
happening.> With that depressing thought, Ranma walked into the
bedroom shared by him and his wife.
"Ranma, I was looking all over for you!" Akane shouted at her husband,
though she did seem to look happy.
"Why? It's not like we were going to do anything."
"Actually, today I felt that maybe we could.." Akane started to blush.
"I mean, we never did do it and I have such an urge to do so."
Ranma didn't care what the reason was. Just as long as they were going
to do something. "Great! When do we start?"
Akane took a glass of cold water and splashed him with it.
"What was that for?!" screamed Ranma-chan.
"Here," Akane said as she handed her an object. "It'll allow for more
pleasure. It's even double-sided so you can have fun."
Ranma-chan just stared at the object given to her and then looked back
at Akane, whose face was getting redder by the second. She then
shrugged. <Oh well. As long as I'll be getting some.> With that in
mind she started to undress for the big moment.
--------------------------------------------
One of these days I'll look back at this and feel ashamed for having
written it. Yes, one of these days.