RANMA 1/2 -- The Contract
Chapter 6: The Ultimate Trial! Who is Akane's New Fiance?
Ryoga and Kuno stood side by side before Akane as if awaiting
inspection. Ranma paced back and forth in front of them, while Nabiki
punched buttons on her calculator expectantly. Suddenly, Ranma stopped
and jabbed his finger into Ryoga's face. "Where were you on the night of
August 27th?"
"Like I would know that!" retorted Ryoga, pushing Ranma's hand away.
"And what does it have to do with any of this anyway?"
Ranma shrugged. "I don't know. But it made more sense than admitting
that I have no idea what to do."
"Made more sense to who?" asked Akane.
"Hey, I'm trying to help you out here!" snapped Ranma.
"Well, you're not doing a very good job!" Akane turned to Nabiki.
"Do you have any ideas?"
Nabiki put her calculator away in her pocket. "We don't know much
about the contracts, but we know they have an effect on kissing."
Akane gagged. "No way! I'm not going to kiss them! There has to be
some other way!"
"There's only one other thing I can think of," said Ranma. "When
Ukyo hit me with her spatula, she felt the pain from it. So if you pound
one of them, and you feel the pain, then that's the one who signed the
contract."
"You mean... Akane might get hurt?" Ryoga crossed his arms. "No way!
I can't go along with that! If I signed the contract, she'll hurt
herself!"
"Then you hit me," said Akane. "If you signed it, then you'll hurt
yourself and not me."
"But then if he didn't sign it, you'll get hurt again," Nabiki
pointed out.
"Why not just do something that doesn't hurt much, like pinching
her?" asked Ranma. "That way, she won't get hurt too badly even if it
was Kuno who signed the contract."
Ryoga's nose began to bleed. "P- Pinch Akane? I... I..."
"I shall do it!" cried Kuno. "Though it breaks my heart, I shall
deliver the fateful pinch!" He raised his hand toward Akane's chest,
holding his thumb and index fingers in an incomplete circle.
"No you don't!" shouted Akane, bringing her fist down rapidly on
Kuno's head. Ranma intercepted the blow and pounded Kuno on her behalf.
"What was that for, Ranma?" demanded Akane.
"In case you forgot, there's a fifty percent chance you'd have
bashed yourself in the head instead of Kuno!" Ranma reminded her.
"At least then we'd know who signed the contract," said Akane.
Ranma hauled Kuno to his feet and held him in front of her. "Go
ahead, then. Smack him a good one," he invited her.
Akane hesitated. "Not now... he already got hurt enough."
"Figures. Well, there's only one other way to know."
"But we don't know what will happen if I kiss one of them!"
protested Akane. "None of us have Jusenkyo curses!"
"Ranma honey!" called Ukyo from the gate. "Did you get the contract
yet?"
"Sort of," replied Ranma. "Akane got it... and one of these two
signed it."
Ukyo didn't know whether to be thrilled or disappointed. On the one
hand, Ranma was still going to have to marry her! But on the other hand,
he still didn't want to... Ukyo carefully kept her face devoid of
emotion and simply nodded. "'One of these two?' Which one?"
"We don't know," replied Nabiki. "None of them are willing to risk
hurting Akane, and we don't know what will happen if she kisses the
wrong one."
"Nothing much," said Ukyo. "They'll both just be terrified of each
other for a few seconds and then everything will go back to normal."
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad," said Akane. Then, she did a
double take. "How did you know that?"
"Just after Ranma honey left, Tsubasa tried to kiss me." She stuck
out her tongue. "At least the kiss managed to scare the little freak off
for a while. He doesn't know anything about the contracts, so I don't
think he'll be coming back for a long time!"
"Well, I guess if it's the only way..." began Akane.
"What was wrong with just pinchi-" asked Nabiki, before Kuno clamped
a hand over her mouth to silence her.
"What blissful times may men's hearts make leap to attention,"
spouted Kuno, "and in so demanding that Akane would kiss the man she is
to wed, would turn this gesture of noble beauty into a test! Ah, such
cruel fate that when comes the kiss of the virtuous to these lips, she
should be forced into such by a paper signed and sealed with blood! But
nevertheless, I shall do it!" He stopped in mid-speech, realizing that
no one was listening to him, and drew his bokken in preparation for a
tirade about paying attention when Upperclassman Kuno spoke. Before he
could begin his new speech, however, Nabiki's foot dealt his ankle a
sharp nudge, tripping him to the ground.
Meanwhile, Ryoga had shaken off the distraction from Kuno and turned
to Akane to see her standing right in front of him. She wrapped her arms
around his waist and rested her head gently on his shoulder.
"Kiss me, Ryoga," she whispered softly and sweetly into his ear.
"Akane... are you sure it's what you want? I thought you wanted your
first kiss to be from Ranma." He stopped, remembering the results of a
Naresome no Shiatsu gone awry. "Well, your first VOLUNTARY kiss, at
least..."
"But this is our moment, Ryoga," breathed Akane. "We mustn't
hesitate any longer. I want you, Ryoga. Let Ranma have his Ucchan. Our
love is pure and true."
"Oh, Akane..." Ryoga placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed
her away just far enough to allow him to stare deep into her eyes.
"Ryoga..." Akane stared back, her arms slowly tightening their grip
on Ryoga.
"Akane..." Ryoga let his arms encircle Akane, drawing her closer.
"Ryoga..." Akane closed her eyes and pursed her lips.
"Akane..." Ryoga closed his own eyes and leaned down, bringing his
face to within inches of Akane's. Yes, he was going to kiss her. He was
going to... wait, wasn't there some reason that he couldn't? "Akane, I
don't think this is right."
"Just shut up and let's get this over with," snapped Akane. Ryoga's
eyes flew open. That didn't sound like the same Akane who he'd been
about to kiss! Suddenly, the bubbles that floated around them in the
pink background of Ryoga's fantasy popped, returning him to the real
world. He was standing in the Tendo yard, and Akane had grabbed him by
the sides of the head to kiss him.
"Ah, Akane..." he began.
"Look, I'm not too thrilled about this either, but it's the only way
to know for sure who signed the contract!"
A movement from over Akane's shoulder caught Ryoga's eye. Ranma was
waving frantically at him, making throat-slitting gestures and "no"
signals. Ryoga smiled. Ranma was jealous! "Don't worry, Akane," said
Ryoga snidely. "I'll be gentle." He placed his hands on either side of
her head, closed his eyes, and bent down to kiss her.
Before their lips could touch, however, Ryoga heard a tiny noise
that reminded him of a squealing pig. Where could it have been coming
from? No matter, he decided. It was probably just Ranma, trying to...
to... P-CHAN! Ryoga's mind finally grasped the meaning of Ranma's
signals. He pushed Akane away. "Akane, we can't!"
"We have to," replied Akane. "Don't tell me you're scared."
"Well, I suppose I am, just a little," he admitted. "Why don't you
kiss Kuno first?"
"That creep?" Akane made a disgusted face. "I wouldn't kiss him even
if I knew he was the one who signed the contract!"
"But... but..." protested Ryoga.
"What's the matter, Ryoga?" asked Akane. "You have a problem with
kissing me? Just once?"
"No! I just... you don't want to..."
"I don't like it any more than you do, Ryoga," said Akane, "but
trying to hurt someone is too risky." She reached up, grabbed the sides
of Ryoga's head, and lightly pressed her lips to his. Ryoga screamed
until Akane's lips firmly pressed his own together, at which point he
started a frantic but futile effort to separate himself from her.
"He's not the one," said Ukyo. "Look at how terrified he is!"
"He is the one," Ranma corrected her. "Trust me on this."
Akane released the kiss and backed away quickly. "I didn't feel
terrified... just a little nervous."
"That confirms it," said Ranma. "Ryoga's the one."
"I guess you were right, Ranma honey," conceded Ukyo. "But why was
he so scared?"
Ryoga's unconscious form collapsed to the ground. "That's probably
why," said Ranma.
"He just couldn't stay conscious through a kiss," explained Nabiki.
"Poor guy."
"But at least it means I'm NOT engaged to Kuno!" said Akane.
"Never fear, my sweet!" shouted Kuno. "Though this fallen oaf may be
he whose blood stained your rite of marriage, I shall fight for your
hand and -" Akane kicked him, sending him flying into the atmosphere to
land several minutes later in a far distant part of the city. As soon as
her foot came down to rest on the ground, she stumbled and fell.
"Yo, Akane, what happened?" asked Ranma as he extended a hand to
help her up.
"I think my foot fell asleep," replied Akane as she took Ranma's
hand. As soon as they touched, sharp spears of pain ran through Ranma
and Akane's arms, and they quickly broke contact.
"What the heck was that?" asked Ranma. "You wearing a joy buzzer?"
Akane shook her head. "That was the same feeling that I had in my
foot after I kicked Kuno, but a lot more powerful."
"You don't think this has anything to do with the contracts, do
you?" asked Ukyo.
"Give it a try," suggested Ranma. "Try touching Ryoga."
Ukyo knelt beside Ryoga and carefully tapped him with a finger,
wincing as she made contact with his shirt sleeve. "Ouch! That stings!"
"Looks like you guys can't even touch anyone of the opposite sex
now, except your partner," said Nabiki. "I wonder..." She placed a hand
on Ranma's back, eliciting a horrific scream from him.
"Don't do that!" shouted Ranma angrily.
"Hm..." Nabiki examined her palm thoughtfully. "It only hurts the
one who's signed the contract."
"Well, I'm sure that's great news for you," said Ranma.
"It sure is," replied Nabiki, massaging Ranma's shoulders. Ranma
whirled on her angrily, barely able to stop himself from hitting her.
"Quit touching me!" he shouted. "It hurts!"
"Oh, really?" asked Nabiki. "Yet I seem to remember that you were
unable to keep your hands off of me recently, when Kuno and his sister
were chasing you..."
Ranma gave a start. "You remember that?"
"I never forget a debt," said Nabiki darkly.
"Hey, come on! It was a joke!" protested Ranma, backing away slowly.
"You're not still mad about THAT, are you?"
"What, the tiny, forgivable, completely innocent lapse on your
part?" asked Nabiki. Ranma stopped and stared uncomprehendingly at her,
whereupon Nabiki threw her arms around Ranma and held them there for a
count of ten before letting him go. Ranma fell to the ground, twitching
slightly but otherwise completely paralyzed. "Nope," said Nabiki,
smiling sweetly. "I'm not mad at all!"
"Ouch," said Ukyo sympathetically. "I hope Shampoo and Razor are
getting along okay..."
*************************************************
Mousse dropped from the rooftops to land in front of his target.
"There you are, Shampoo! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"Excuse me," said the woman Mousse had mistakenly addressed as she
carefully stepped around him and walked on.
"What stupid Mousse want?" asked Shampoo from behind him.
Mousse put his glasses on and cleared his throat. "I overheard Ukyo
as she left her restaurant a short time ago. She said something about
screwing up your life and Ranma's by signing his contract. Do you know
anything about that?"
Shampoo nodded. "Is true. Okonomiyaki girl sign Ranma contract. Now
Ranma have to marry Ukyo."
Mousse started to rant once again about the foul Saotome's habits,
but stopped himself as he realized what that meant. If Ranma had to
marry Ukyo, then he couldn't marry Shampoo! But as for Shampoo... "What
about your contract with Razor? Did you manage to break that?"
"That what Ranma contract supposed to be for," replied Shampoo
sadly. Things just weren't going her way! First Razor signed her
contract - which was partly her own fault - and then Ukyo signed the
contract that Ranma was going to use to release Shampoo from her own
contract. Now Ranma was probably hard at work getting another contract
to break his own engagement... and what about Shampoo? Would he still
remember her once his own contract was broken? Or would he leave her to
suffer for the rest of her life married to the incredible backwards boy?
"Don't worry, Shampoo!" Mousse assured her. "I'll figure out how to
break your contract!"
"Stupid Mousse no understand!" shouted Shampoo. "Even if you help
break contract, Shampoo still not want marry you!"
"Would you prefer to marry Razor?" asked Mousse.
"Razor not annoying like you!" Shampoo gave a start. Why was she
defending Razor?
Mousse echoed her surprise. "You almost sound like you WANT to marry
him!"
Shampoo slapped Mousse in the face, knocking his glasses off of one
ear. "No say that!" Her hand tingled from the contact. Was that the
feeling of guilt at having lost her temper at Mousse? No... she didn't
experience guilt often, but when she did, it was more like a weight on
her heart than a tingle in her hand. She reached down to help him up.
Mousse adjusted his glasses and gratefully accepted her helping hand. As
soon as his fingers closed about hers, Shampoo's entire arm was wracked
by the painful sensation of having poked a paper clip into an electrical
outlet. She quickly pulled her hand away, letting Mousse fall back onto
the ground. "What you do to Shampoo? That hurt!"
"What hurt?" asked Mousse. "I didn't do anything!"
Shampoo slowly extended her arm and placed her hand on Mousse's
shoulder. The intense pain that shot through her arm forced her to
immediately remove her hand from him. "Why it hurt when Shampoo touch
you?" She gasped. "You think... maybe is because of contract?"
"It must be Saotome's fault!" shouted Mousse. "I'll kill him!"
Shampoo bent down over Mousse and gave him a quick peck on the lips,
leaving him a duck once she had assumed cat form and returned to human.
"Mousse... shut up." Shampoo moved on, leaving Mousse quacking angrily
at her retreating back.
*************************************************
Kodachi removed the pan from the oven and breathed in the delightful
aroma of cinnamon. "Delicious! Ranma darling will never be able to
resist these!"
"I know something he'll be even more powerless to resist," said a
voice from behind her. Kodachi wasted no time in drawing her ribbon and
snapping it at the intruder. The ribbon passed effortlessly through the
stranger's cloak without disturbing it in the slightest. A hand holding
a sheet of paper emerged from the cloak. "Simply get him to sign this
marriage contract in his own blood, and he will be yours forever."
"Truly? Is that all I must do?" She grabbed the paper from the
stranger. "It couldn't be easier! Cookies be damned! This contract will
secure my happy future!"
"Exactly," agreed the man. "You won't mind if I take the cookies as
payment for my service?"
"Not at all," said Kodachi, grabbing a knife from the rack above the
stove. "For this contract, no price could be too great!" She pricked her
fingertip with the blade and let a drop of blood fall onto the contract,
indifferent to the departure of the man in the cloak.
"Too bad Ranma's blood will never fall on that contract," said the
man to himself as he left.
*************************************************
Shampoo paused at the door of the Cat Cafe. "Razor sure to be
inside," she whispered to herself. She edged past the door and peered in
through the window. The restaurant was nearly empty - it was a slow time
of day for business - but there was a family enjoying the house special
at a table near the kitchen door, and... there he was, in the opposite
corner. Shampoo watched as he twisted a napkin around his neck, using
his knives to secure the knot in back, then used a second pair of knives
as if they were two-handed chopsticks to eat his ramen.
"So stupid," said Shampoo. "He no can even use chopsticks unless
they are knives." She watched him deftly spear the fish cake and pop it
into his mouth. "It almost funny to watch him eat." Yet she could hardly
help feeling sorry for him as she watched him scoop the noodles out of
the bowl between the blades. The poor boy had to use knives to do
everything, even the simplest of tasks. He even slept on a bed of
knives! Shampoo imagined the pain he must have had to endure, learning
how to sleep that way. But it was the only way he could sleep... no
matter how tired he got. What courage it must have taken him to learn to
cope with his backwards curse... eating, sleeping, dressing, fighting...
everything he had ever done, he had had to relearn with his new tools.
And that was only AFTER he had found the curse-breaking knife that he
now wore in his hair like a piece of cheap jewelry. How much he must
have suffered before then, taunted by his fellow Amazons and unable to
strike back... how lonely he must be... how alone... There was something
about him, calmly eating his lunch with his knives, that Shampoo had
never noticed when she was close to him. Something small; pathetic;
needy; perhaps, even... cute.
*************************************************
When, truly, does love begin between two people? Is it when they
first meet, or even before, as if they were destined for each other,
simply growing with time until it becomes powerful enough to be noticed?
Or is it at the moment when one of them realizes their feeling for the
other, when love builds a bridge between a man and a woman - be it
one-way or two - from the emotionless void, created from nothing? Or
does love wait for that decision to be made by the people involved,
letting them grow closer and closer before deciding to settle in and
prove that their feelings for each other were true all along?
Whenever they may have begun, Shampoo could never mistake the
feelings that rose in her breast as she watched Razor fish the last
noodles out of his ramen with his knives; that twisted the corners of
her mouth upwards like a dying worm; that cast a sheet of tears over her
eyes that she could not bear to brush away; that convinced her that any
attempt to take a single step in any direction would bring her crashing
to the ground; that were unmistakably greater - and truer - than
anything she had ever felt toward Ranma. Shampoo deliriously pictured
herself sitting down next to Razor and pouring her heart out to him...
and despite her inner voice telling her that it was wrong, she wanted
nothing more than to do just that.
Shampoo, warrior maiden of the Joketsuzoku tribe of Nyuchezu, China,
had fallen helplessly in love with Razor.
*************************************************
Razor uneasily grasped his knives in preparation to finish off the
broth in the bottom of the bowl. "This doing liking not I," he said to
himself. "With my knives the bowl scratching always I." He sighed deeply
and lowered his knives to the sides of the bowl. Someone sat down in the
seat next to his, and a pair of silky-smooth hands lifted the bowl from
the table, pushing his knives away.
"Here. Let Shampoo help with that." Razor looked up into Shampoo's
admiring face. She smiled coyly and turned toward the center of the
table. "Is good, no? Shampoo can help feed, if want." She blushed,
suddenly ashamed of something she had said.
"Okay," said Razor. Shampoo let out her held breath and raised the
bowl toward his lips. "But..." She paused, panic beginning to cross her
face. "Backward," he finished.
Shampoo's entire body seemed to glow as her face gleamed with
understanding. "Try to stop Shampoo from helping, then!" She tilted the
bowl, and the warm broth poured down Razor's throat. It was good to be
able to enjoy the hot soup without worrying about spilling any on
himself and triggering his backwards Jusenkyo curse - even though he was
undoubtedly a master of knives, round surfaces tended to be difficult to
manipulate with sharp blades. Even after he had completely drained the
bowl, the warmth was still there, lingering all through his body like...
like...
Shampoo set the bowl down on the table and stared at Razor as if
expecting something further from him. Razor coughed. "Shampoo..."
"Shut up, stupid," said Shampoo, her voice filled with affection.
"Just look away from eyes." Shampoo grabbed Razor's head and held it
level with her own, staring deep into the white pupils as if searching
for any signs of the emotion he might have for her. Far from being
repulsed by his off-colored eyes, as most people were - hence his
traditional squint even in the darkest of places - Shampoo seemed to be
drinking from the milky centers of his eyes with her own dark pupils,
drawing out of him something that he wouldn't even miss - although to
Shampoo it was like nectar, filling not only her stomach and her heart,
but her entire body, with a sensation of total safety, bliss...
Razor abruptly stood up. "You thanking I, Shampoo," he said. "But
going now must I."
"No! Stay! No, go!" said Shampoo frantically, desperate to convince
Razor to stay.
"With you staying loving would I," replied Razor, "but right being
not with you staying now I." He reached for the empty ramen bowl.
"Leave bowl on table," commanded Shampoo. "I take care of it for
you." Razor carried the bowl into the kitchen with him, leaving behind a
girl who five minutes ago had never experienced an emotion like that one
before, but now, felt as if she would die unless she experienced it
again... and soon. If only Razor could understand her need! Or maybe he
did, and was purposefully denying her his love to avoid hurting her...
Shampoo began to cry, splitting the silence of the near-empty
restaurant. First Ranma, and now this - would she ever fall in love with
a man who could love her back?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Yes, I know I have violated the rule that established characters
shouldn't fall in love with new characters, and it indeed seems a bit
hasty. That thinking was what gave rise to the events of Chapter 7,
which I hope you will read before judging this turn of events.
- Nidoking
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" where we make things up as we go
along, whether they make sense or badger.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp