I know I'm jumping ahead of the 'to do' list on this. Bite me. :P
Frantic orders and running footsteps filled the air,
frequently punctuated by the sounds of large objects rolling by.
In one of many full hospital rooms inside Nerv, a young man lay
strapped in a bed. Heavy plastic straps
Just used 'strapped' before. I'd say 'bound' for the first.
strained over his body,
pulled taught
taut
near to the point of breaking. Several IVs and
electrical patches ran from his body to the monitors, while others
had been scraped off as he twisted and fought.
Luckily, the nurse was a three hundred powerlifter that was able to hold him
down with one hand while yawning with the other.
Her pale attempts to sooth him failed to penetrate his
fogged mind,
So she gave him a huge right cross to the jaw which settled him down most
effectively.
and Fei continued to strain at the straps he now
could feel holding him down.
"Stop it!" she shrieked, shaking him roughly. "Be still!
Be still! Be still! It's your fault!" she continued to scream,
punctuating each yell with a slap or a punch.
Eh? What is?
Fei's head jerked roughly, blearily focusing on her wild-
eyed face, even as she continued to hit him. He barely heard the
running footsteps over her screams, but he did see the orderly
that stepped up behind her with a pressure injector.
Well, well, well. That was a surprise.
A single gunshot startled him,
Oops. Looks like they couldn't calm her down after all.
driving him deeper into
panic. Focusing all his desire to escape, he wrenched his arms,
tearing his tendons and muscles as he stretched the plastic to the
limit, then with a soft, gradual tear they separated, freeing his
arms.
He's going to be feeling that in the morning.
It took several moments for his shaking, bleeding hands to
undo the rest of the straps, allowing him to set up.
sit up
He ripped
the wires and IVs from himself as he shakily stood and walked into
the hall. Behind him, the monitors beeped alarms.
Out in the hall he could see commotion at the administrative
desk at the end
end of what? the hall?
"Blood..." he said, realizing what that must be. "Blood, so
much blood..." Everything felt unreal to him, even the pain in his
arms. He looked down to see several drops of his own blood
splatter into
onto
the floor beneath his wrists. Looking back up, he
noticed the dripping spray across the wall opposite the desk.
So distracted was he by the gore, the
that the
doctor rushing his way
caught him by surprise.
"You're not supposed to be out of your room!" the doctor
admonished, bringing out a capped syringe.
What, no pressure injector for him?
****************
This time, Fei awoke calmly. There was a person sitting in
his room.
Blinking several times, he sat up in bed, noticing that he
was back in his hospital room he'd first woken up
I'd just say 'awakened' rather than 'woken up'
Citan sighed and slid his glasses back up on his nose,
preparing his emotions, if not his words. "Fei, you fought
valiantly, and in the end you did destroy all of the seraphs." He
paused. "Fei, you did the best you could, but the angels
destroyed much of Tokyo-3. We're being forced to relocate to
America within the month."
Wow! He certainly didn't come through as expected.
Fei gaped in astonishment. "America?! Doc, you can't be
serious!"
"There are foreigners there. The whole country's full of them."
"What about everyone outside the city? Are you going to
just leave them here?" Fei protested, getting angry. "You're
just going to quit and abandon them?"
Citan's face creased in anger, but he calmed himself. "We
are making provisions for a mass evacuation, and with the
casualties from disease and angel attacks, we will be able to move
everyone that is willing.
In other words, a whole lot of people are dead.
Fei sat quietly, studying his commander's face. In a very
small voice, he asked one question burning in his mind. "How many
people died?"
Citan: After the first twenty million, who keeps count?
"I'd hardly call this _winning_,"
Beats being dead. :P
****************
The soft plastic covering of the punching bag started
growing thin and no longer sprang back into place when he hit it,
giving it a slightly lumpy look.
Mike Tyson, eat your heart out.
Fei blinked as sweat ran in his eyes, stinging and further
driving the rage that he felt. (I was too strong,) he thought,
(and I nearly killed my friend. Too weak, and he died anyway.)
That's irony for ya'.
Fei left the personal combat room and walked down the hall
to a much larger room that showed damage from the battle. Large
cracks showed
just used 'showed' in the previous sentence. I'd change this one to 'ran the
length of the ceiling and floor' or something like that.
in the ceiling and floor, and one corner had been
completely crushed, spilling rubble out into the floor. Many of
the lights were either broken or cut off from a power source, and
now there were only several pools of direct light from the few
remaining fluorescent lights,
'bulbs' (Just used light)
It was onto this inner track that Fei stepped, settling into
an efficient distance run. He would run, and train, and fight
until he dropped. And then he would get up and destroy the
angels.
Well, you got to hand it to him. He is determined.
Rounding a corner, he nearly ran into
'collided into' sounds better to me
someone else.
Although he'd stopped in plenty of time, the other guy,
I'd make this 'guy' 'person' since you use guy just after this.
a black-
haired guy
"Man, I'm sorry," Bart apologized, offering his hand to Fei
and getting a good look at him.
It was love at first sight.
"Fei Wong," Fei replied. "Nice to meet you."
"I'm here looking for the jacuzzi, or hot tub, umm," Bart
trailed off, searching for the right word. His Japanese was fair,
but his vocabulary was still small. "Furo! That's it! I need a
bath, and quiet frankly, you do too. You reek."
Fei was too tired to be insulted.
Too smelly for it truly to be considered an insult as well. :)
"I think I saw one back
there in the showers."
"Great! Lets
Let's
"Why aren't you still there?"
Bart: Y'see, the Angels probably wouldn't go for it.
"Hey, listen, pal," Bart began, leaning over to lay one hand
on Fei's shoulder. "We're going to beat them. I'll personally
send every one I can back to hell, heaven or where ever the
bastards come from."
Detroit, actually.
Fei blinked, absorbing the words. "But what about all the
people I didn't save?" he returned angrily. "I wasn't good
enough!"
"So get better," Bart said simply. "Train harder, give it a
little extra push, come back and kick the crap out of them."
Hmm. A realist.
"Right. Sleep, get over it, and report to your commanding
officer." Then he grinned. "After all, it ain't right to make me
do all the heavy lifting." He rose out of the water, wrapping a
towel around himself.
Fei sat in the hot, buoyant water for a few moments longer,
then got out as well. "Hey," he called.
"What about hot sex?"
"Misato!" a much refreshed Fei called, yelling to attract
her attention from the rush of technicians and officers.
Misato looked up, spotting Fei. "Fei! I've been needing to
talk to you!" Hurriedly giving last minute instructions to her
gaggle of underlings, she rushed over to him. "Come on, I need to
go back to my office.
office."
Fei and Misato both jerked their heads around to see Sigurd
and Bart standing in the doorway. Bart shrugged and stepped away
slightly, indicating that it wasn't _his_ opinion.
He thought Misato was hot and that they should have sex. With Fei too, of
course.
"Oh, nothing, I just promised him a hot date if he'd take
care of a few little problems for me. Works wonders, you should
try it."
Somehow I doubt Sigurd offering to go on a hot date with Bart is going to
work. :)
Sigurd shook his head. "With the particle cannon in its
hands, I'm more than willing to trust Subcommander Black. He's
still a crack shot with both rifle and pistol."
Misato nodded appreciatively. "That old man's got more
spunk in him than most guys half his age."
"I should know, I've drained more than half of it out of him," Misato said
smoothly.
"Yes," Sigurd nodded. "But there will be one Eva on guard
at all times, even while carrying goods. Bart is familiar with
the process, and Fei will learn quickly. They will stand in eight
hour shifts starting tomorrow."
That would work. And judging by their mentioning it, I think its safe to
assume they're going to be attacked again soon.
Finally reaching the top, it turned around and grabbed the
Eva sized handles built onto the sides, pulling the container onto
its back. Although in a rather awkward, hunched over posture, it
was able to walk the distance to the ships, taking extra time to
avoid stepping through the lines of trucks and gears still hauling
materials.
Oh my, how suspicious.
Nice work. Look forward to seeing more.
D.B. Sommer