All new! As I havn't sent it to prereaders yet, it's a bit rough
too. Give a guy a hand, point out my errors. Any and all C&C is
appreciated, especially on this chapter.
Kichigai
Oh, come on, Honey, it'll only take a minute! - not a line to
use while begging for sex.
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: 2tol4.txt
Two Types of Liars.
Chapter four.
I'm going to terrorize Ranma when I get back, Ryoga thought
bitterly, dodging a hail of knives. I know this is his fault,
somehow.
Ryoga used his tentacles as springs to bounce over the meaty
hand of his adversary, landing on his white chef's hat and forcing
it down over his eyes.
From there he jumped and grabbed onto a hanging rack, using
five arms to run along it and the rest to pelt the chef with pots
and pans as he headed for the door.
How he'd ended up on tonight's menu he'd never know.
Ryoga skidded into the dining area of the formal restaurant
with the chef hot on his trail and scanned the crowd for an
escape.
No one would ever accuse Ryoga of having a quick wit. But
when it came down to a flight or fight situation, he had an
excellent tactical mind.
Spying a waiter's trolley, he dove through underneath,
leaving the crouched and running chef to plough into it, sending
food and drink flying. Ryoga ducked under a low-hanging
tablecloth and hid.
Now, while everyone is looking at him, I've got to get to a
better hiding place, Ryoga thought.
Peeking out from under the tablecloth, Ryoga looked for
another hiding place. Spotting his chance, he fairly flew over
the floor, careful not to run into anyone as darted from table to
table. In this way he was able to make it to the other side of
the restaurant, although he wasn't able to find the door.
Where? Where? Where? he thought frantically. Ah! There!
That's the lowest tablecloth yet! He lost no time scooting
beneath it.
Mindful of his tentacles hanging out, he grabbed a leg and
climbed to the top, just below the surface of the table.
Yui was having a wonderful time tonight. Her date was
wonderful, charming, handsome, and had already asked her for a
second date. If he continued to play his cards right, he just
might get invited up to her place afterward.
They'd both gotten a giggle out of the absurd sight of the
chef running out of the kitchen and crashing into a cart of food.
Her date was finally calming down, as was the rest of the
rrestaurant, when she spoke. "I wonder what he thought he was
doing?" she asked, wiping her eyes.
"Maybe he realized he'd messed an order up and wanted to
stop it?" he replied with a smile.
Yui took a drink of water and started to reply when the
strangest look crossed her face.
"Yui? Is there something the matter?"
Moving mechanicly, she slid back from the table and looked
down.
A large bulge the size of a basketball was on her lap.
Slowly, she reached down and pulled up her skirt, heedless
of the decency. She stared at the eldritch tentacle monster on
her lap in horror.
Ryoga stared back. "Gllick!"
"EEEEKKKK!" With a frantic shriek she ripped him from
herself and flung him across the table, smack into the face of
another diner.
Ryoga's instincts kicked in and he latched on, wrapping his
tentacles behind the poor man's head and holding on tightly.
Although his veiw was now upside down and his attention was
skightly diverted by the approaching yells, he still had the most
remarkable veiw.
Across the table, the woman was momentarily taken aback.
The
strage creature had landed in such a way that it looked almost
like a natural extension of her boyfriend's face. Even the eyes
were in the right place. In fact, they appeared to be staring
down the front of her low-cut dress...
*POW*
Ryoga's tentacles flared out in a circle around his head,
which was smashed from the force of her punch. Her boyfriend was
knocked cold.
Ryoga slid to the table, stunned, but moved quickly to avoid
the large knife that stuck where he had been lying. He looked up
to see the chef pulling back the knife for another try.
Once again, Ryoga found himself running. This time it was
across the tables, trying to cause as much havoc as possible to
delay his pursuer. Startled screams echoed in his wake.
Akari Unryu had been having a bad week. First, she'd
botched a minor summoning and the resulting storm of mystical
energies had cost her a perfectly good follower. Other witches
and warlocks were still laughing at her. Then her loyal familiar,
Katsunishiki, had been killed by a crazy local demon hunter. That
had been even worse. And finally, that snooty little bitch Miyo
had claimed that was a sign that her power was weakening and had
tried to make a move.
It was enough to drive anyone nuts, even one who had looked
upon things from beyond and survived.
So Akari had decided to treat herself to a nice dinner at a
fancy restaurant. Why she'd chosen this place she didn't know,
but when she saw the mass of tentacles that practicly radiated
eldritch perversion, she knew she'd been guided by the gods.
She waited to see if it would change course, knowing it
wouldn't. As it passed by, her hand flashed out at incredible
speed, snatching Ryoga out of his path so quickly that his
pursuers thought he had disappeared.
Ryoga was surprised when he was suddenly stuffed under a
tablecloth and held in a firm, gentle grip. He was even more
surprised when the girl spoke.
"Keep quiet," she hissed, her face very close to the table.
"And quit squirming. I'll help you get out of here."
Though confused, Ryoga quickly did as told.
Akari sat back and pondered. How was she going to get the
both of them out of there unnoticed?
"Excuse me, Miss?"
"Ahh!" she yelled, startled. "Don't DO that!"
Underneath the table, Ryoga rubbed one tentacle across a
bump on his head and silently agreed.
I hope it has the sense to stay hidden, Akari thought,
reluctantly letting go and bringing her hands above the table.
Turning, she saw a waiter standing next to her.
"Sorry, Miss, but did you see an octopus run through here?"
"Octopus?" she asked, smiling at the misnomer. "Ah, yes, I
did, but I didn't see where he went."
The waiter frowned dubiously. "I see. Mind if I look under
your table?"
Uh, oh, she thought. "Eh, heh, no, not at all. I certainly
don't mind if you look under my table," she said loudly, hoping
the creature would understand.
The waiter gave her a strange look. "Umm, why are you
talking so loud?"
"Oh, am I?" she asked, feigning an innocent expression.
"It's just that you're going to look under my TABLE!" she said
even more loudly, her voice rising to a sudden shriek at the end.
"By all means," she continued at a lower level, pausing and taking
a sip of water." "Go ahead and look. I'm sure you won't find
anything."
The waiter knelt down beside her and lifted the tablecloth.
A shapely pair of spread legs were the only things that he
noticed.
Mentally shaking himself, he carefully searched the
underside of the table. Puzzeled, he looked around himself. He
could have sworn that it was here.
The hem of Akari's black dress caught his eye. Maybe...
Nah, he thought. Still, it couldn't hurt to check...
*SMACK* "Don't even think about it."
Okay, maybe it could hurt, he ammended ruefully. "Terribly
sorry, Miss. It won't happen again," he hastily apologized,
standing up and backing away.
Akari leveled a cold glare at him. "See that it doesn't,
and bring my bill." She studied his butt as he hurried away.
Sorry there cutie, normally I wouldn't have minded, she thought
ruefully. Well, that does solve one problem.
After settling her bill and leaving a generous tip as an
apology, she stood to leave. And immediately ran into a problem.
Ryoga squirmed uncomfortably as Akari nearly crushed him
between her thighs.
Akari bent double, clutching her middle in a desperate
attempt to stop the tickling, looking to everyone else like she
had a sudden case of stomach cramps.
Gasping a quick curse and an order to be still, she hastily
waddled to the bathroom, drawing stares and the occasional snicker
from other patrons.
Inside the bathroom, she quickly found an unoccupied stall
and eased inside, locking the door behind her. Then she hiked her
dress up to just below her breasts, exposing smooth, lightly
tanned skin, Ryoga, and of course, the _underwear_.
Depending on one's frame of mind, the basketball sized demon
with tentacles sticking out everywhere might have caught your eye
first, but anyone with even the slightest interest in females
would have noticed the _underwear_ first.
It Akari hadn't of been wearing any, that would have been
one thing. Ryoga might simply have passed out with a nosebleed in
that case. If they had been regular panties, or even lacy thongs,
he would have been horribly embarrassed and forced to look away,
lest he pass out from blood loss.
But these, these trancended lace. They were black, of
course, made of some sort of composite fabric that had silk's
shimmery, buttery texture, cotton's thicker, stiffer properties,
and some hard to identify ability to make the skin beneath seem
backlit by an expert erotic photographer. The _underwear_
promised dark nights, cool breezes, naughty secrets, and sensuous
rituals banned by most countries and all mainstream religions.
And all that was just in one soft crease of material that was just
barely clingy enough to outline one tentacle tip hooked into the
side. Tanned skin, translucent black cloth, and one greenish/grey
tentacle all made for pretty good contrasts in relation to one
another, especially to Ryoga three inches away.
They also trancended standard nosebleeds. Ryoga, having
gotten an eyefull, slid nerveless to to tiles.
Akari looked down bemusedly. While that wasn't exactly the
reaction she'd been expecting, it certainly gave her ego a boost.
Let's see Miyo be so sexy she knocks out an H-demon, she thought.
Deciding to act pregnant, she pulled Ryoga up and positioned
him around her stomach, solving the problem of getting him to stay
by tying a few of his tentacles into knots behind her back.
Getting the dress back down over him proved to be a bigger
problem, but she preservered, flattening him with one hand and
tugging with the other, groaning and grunting from the strain.
The change in shape shortened the skirt considerably, and if she
didn't watch it she'd flash her panties, but she considered her
mission a success.
She walked out of the bathroom and restaurant as fast as she
could and not draw anymore attention to herself. She really
didn't want to try to explain her sudden gravid state to a curious
diner.
Maybe this week isn't so bad after all, she thought.
Nothing to do but get this baby home and call the acolytes. Let's
see Miyo claim my power is getting weak now! Not just anyone can
bring home a young great one, although I'd better figure out an
explaination of how I found it.
****************
See minor demon. Picture the legs, big black treelike
columns of muscle. Imagine the torso, a glistening wedge of flesh
studded with multiple tentacles at each shoulder and the groin.
Now look at the head, large jaw, sharp white teeth, long red
tounge lashing in anticipation. The piggish eyes set below a
prominent brow seem to be all pupil, they stare out with a dim
intelligence. The rest of the head appears to be covered with
small bony lumps. This is a minor demon.
Got all that? Good. Now, see minor demon invade a girls'
school. Watch it rip the very fabric of space from its starting
point to a hidden place in the school, stepping through in a neat
bypass to the ring of wards placed around the school grounds. It
appears in a broom closet with a slight ripple of reality.
Now it conceals itself, bending in ways no human could
comprehend, flowing up through airducts as it searches for a place
to hide for a while. The scent of magic hostile to it and its
kind is heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the consequences
of screwing up. These humans have fought demons before.
It waits, one hour, two, a day, a week. There was a bustle
of activity when it first arrived, a sharp tang of magic and of
hunting presences. Most of the humans left, leaving only the
hunters of its kind, but eventually even they thinned out, and the
rest of the humans started to return.
A less patient demon might have struck then. In fact,
others had. Less patient demons had also died for their troubles.
Not this one, having been carefully instructed on the best way to
infiltrate such a place. No, it waits for nearly a week, holding
its power in, almost in a state of hibernation, until the hunters
have gone and the humans have forgotten it.
Now, now is the time, it thinks. Slowly, cautiously, it
moves, hunting for its prey, preferrably a lone girl, although it
would settle for a couple.
AH! it thinks, flowing through small spaces in the ceiling.
Through one crack it can see a young girl, around 15 or 16 years
old, in a pink dress. She is very cute and innocent, although a
bit flatchested, and sets the demon's tentacles atwitching just
looking at her.
Cautiously, it extends its senses through the wall,
examining the room. Not versed in the ways of the human world,
most of what it finds baffles it. But that's not important. What
is important is that the cute girl is alone, not registering any
more than the usual background magic, and the room is small enough
that it can block the door and grab her at the same time.
It's perfect. The foolish girl won't even know what hits
her.
See minor demon strike. Its powerful body and ability to
warp itself around space make going through the tiny crack as easy
as going through a double doorway. Three tentacles enlongate to
nearly 15 feet, wrapping around the girl's neck and choking off
her startled scream, lifting her off the ground even as one
probing tip starts to force itself past her lips.
Not wasting time on preliminaries, several more tentacles
rip her clothes from her, tossing them to the side as others dive
in.
Only to halt, as something is clearly not right here. What
it had assumed to be underdeveloped breasts have turned out to be
pectoral muscles slightly enhanced by padding. The tentacles
around her throat relaxed, allowing her to breathe and spit the
tentacle out.
One tentacle pulls the 'Hello Kitty' panties down her legs
so that it could check. It closes its eyes in disgust as its
worst fear comes true. Yep, there was a penis.
Tsubasa smirked at it as confidently as was possible when
being held off the floor by a thing straight out of a girl's
nightmare. "Not what you were expecting, hmm?" he snickered.
It quickly unwrapped its tentacles, dropping him to the
floor and backing away in revulsion. A magically empowered ofuda
smacked it in the back of the head and dropped it writhing in pain
to the floor.
"OH HO HO HO HO HO!" a new voice broke in, cackling in
triumph. The demon writhed in even more pain from the horrendous
laugh. "So, the foul creature thinks it can invade the St.
Hebereke school for girls and get away with it? Not while I,
Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose, patrol its halls!" Kodachi stepped
through the now shattered door in time to see Tsubasa pull his
panties up.
"You know, I'd thought from the black rose bit that you
would be throwing roses at the thing or something," Tsubasa
commented, grabbing his dress and searching through it. Pulling a
few strips of paper out, he strode over to the prone demon and
gave it a viscious kick in the side. It started flooding the area
with magical energy.
Outside, students were beginning to gather, gawking at the
now immobile demon.
"I can't see why," Kodachi replied. "That would be silly.
The world is full of silly people, that's why it takes serious
people like me to keep them safe from this filth."
"Ah, a serious person. I see." Tsubasa kicked it again,
this time in the metaphorical nads. It whistled in pain and the
power stopped flowing from it briefly, only to start up again.
"You seem to be a fairly serious person yourself," Kodachi
said, examining the ofuda. "The ofuda seems to be crisping."
"Hmm," Tsubasa replied, stepping on one tentacle tip and
grinding it into the tile.
"Why do you persist in this petty torture?" she asked,
bemused. "Surely you cannot have the same hate of these things as
one of my own gender can."
Tsubasa looked up at her coldly. "Why? I'll tell you why.
Just LOOK at my dress! It's ruined! This rotten pile of crap
tore my favorite dress to shreds!" She kicked it again, just as
the ofuda burst into flames.
Instantly recovering, the demon's tentacles reached out and
grabbed Tsubasa's feet, turning him upside down in a flash. Four
more tentacles stiffened, preparing to drive through his chest.
Nearly as fast, Kodachi whipped out a ribbon and snapped it
twice, cutting off the threat and freeing Tsubasa, who tumbled to
the floor.
Turning with a roar, it pounded toward her, jaw agape. In
the hall girls scattered, screaming. Only a few stayed to watch.
One narrowed her eyes, quickly predicting the outcome.
Sidestepping its rush neatly, Kodachi threw several clubs to
bounce off of its head as she jumbed back.
It didn't so much turn as warp itself back in the other
direction, one powerful leg lashing out and striking her in the
stomach as it started regrowing tentacles.
Unfortunately for it, although powerful, it was no match for
two demon hunters. Tsubasa spoke so quickly it came out in a blur
of strange sylables, the ofudas in his hands igniting with magic
as he darted in an slapped them to the demon's skin.
Kodachi ignored the breif pain in her side and spoke words
of her own, charging an engraved razor-edged disk and hurling it
through the center of the demon's torso.
See minor demon die.
****************
Akari spoke rapidly into her phone, telling her pathetic
little assistant who to gather up for tonight's ceremony. The
entire congregation must be there to welcome their newest addition
properly. Due to the need for secrecy, none of the members of the
cult would admit to being there, and all would arrive in disguise
by secret paths. Gosunkugi would tell them all when to be there.
Hanging up the phone, Akari walked back through her house on
the outskirts of Tokyo. To the casual observer, it looked much
like a small farm. A carefully tended herb garden was close to
the house, and chicken coops and a small barn dominated the other
end.
The only thing that really spoiled the small farm look was
the large pool, sun deck, and jaccuzi. Being the head of your own
cult had its perks.
The house was large and homey looking, just the place to
relax after a hard night's summoning. The wards, runes, and
assorted magical paraphernalia hardly stood out at all.
Akari stopped and cautiously looked in one of the rooms. It
had been lavishly decorated, rich wall hangings depicted men and
women being tortured while small statues of assorted magical
beasts dominated the shelves. In the center was a large bed
covered in red velvet. In the center of the bed lay a silk
pillow, and on that pillow lay Ryoga, fast asleep.
Carefully shutting the door behind her, Akari left to
prepare. She'd breifly considered finding some cute maiden to
sacrifice, or maybe she'd just sacrifice her virginity to the
young demon. One couldn't afford to waste potential followers,
after all.
Sadly, she'd had to nix the idea. Gosunkugi was the only
virgin left in the cult, and she doubted it would feel honored to
have him for the night. Finding the appropriate virgins in the
wild was very difficult, and in the cult it was nigh impossible.
Of course, what do you expect from a group that has a
Tuesday night social and orgy?
With the virgin idea out, she reluctantly admitted to
herself that one of the more attractive members of the cult would
be needed to perform. And, as the sexiest and highest ranking
member, that duty fell to her. Rank may hath its priviliges, but
it also hath its duties.
Akari grinned. Tonight was going to be FUN! She'd best
prepare.
****************
Ryoga stretched luxuriously on his silken bed, tentacles
curling breifly as they unexpectedly stroked velvet. He felt as
warm and comfortable as he'd ever felt, almost like sleeping
beside Akane but without finding his tentacles braided in the
morning. Wonderful scents reached his senses, those of honey,
sweet oils, strange herbs and feminine musk. And for some reason,
chocolate? He opened both eyes.
A girl about his own age stared back at him, eyes wide. She
held what looked kind of like a broad palm leaf, but on closer
inspection was revealed to be plastic, and was gently fanning
Ryoga with it. Oddly, she didn't have a shirt on and her breasts
were completely covered in a dark syrup.
Well, that explains the chocolate, he thought, blinking a
few times and stirring around to face her better. "Slurrgn?" he
asked, then smacked himself with one tentacle. She can't
understand me, he reminded himself.
Maguro was nervous. It wasn't just that the 'guest' was
some sort of perverted demon thing, oh no. She'd joined up with
this crazy cult specificly because she liked that kind of thing.
It wasn't just that alien wrongness dripped off of it, making her
skin crawl and hair stand on end. She'd pretty well got used to
that. No, Maguro was nervous because everyone else had been
scared to be the one to wake it, and as the second newest
inductee, that job had fell to her. Even she had been forced to
admit that Gosunkugi wasn't cut out for the job.
"Umm, your... Umm?" Oh, no, she thought. How do I address
this thing? "Your, your yourness?" she tried again. "We have a
welcoming ceremony planned," she continued, warming into the
speech she'd prepared. "I was instructed to help you prepare, and
provide for your every need." Here she gulped audibly. "Up to
and including my body and my life," she finally finished, dry
mouthed.
Ryoga's eyes widened. Where am I? he wondered. This can't
be happening. It's all a dream. He begain to grow more
confident. After all, he thought, it's a dream. I can't be hurt
in my own dream, can I? I can do anything I want, and no one can
stop me! He giggled slightly, a weird slurping sound that froze
Maguro in her tracks. Imperiously, he waved one tentacle. "Have
the fool known as Ranma Saotome brought to me, that I might have
my revenge!"
Only, it didn't quite come out quite like that.
"What?" Maguro asked.
Oops, forgot again, he thought. I wish I could talk to them
while I'm cursed.
Maguro walked back across the room and got a small wash bowl
and a bottle of oil and carried them back to the bed. "Please lay
back while I bathe you," she asked.
Ryoga complied, laying back and allowing her to gently wash
and oil his skin. He wriggled in delight as the soothing oil ran
along his skin, softening the dry areas. This had to be the best
dream he'd ever had.
When she was through, Maguro washed and dried her hands and
carried her supplies back across the room, all the while trying to
keep chocolate syrup from dripping on Mistress Akari's carpet.
"Umm," she inquired gently when she returned. Seeing Ryoga
open his eyes again she cupped her breasts and thrust them in his
direction. "Would you like some chocolate?"
Ryoga smacked thoughtfully, then shook his head.
Maguro raised her eyebrows in confusion. "But I was told
that your species of demon loved chocolate. By the head of
bioeldritch research no less!"
Ryoga blinked a few times then shrugged and shook his head
again.
"Oh," she replied, visibly disappointed. "Well, then, at
your leave I will fetch your honor guard and return to carry you
to the ceremony."
Ryoga waved a tentacle imperiously, imagining the look on
Ranma's face when he had him brought before him in chains. He
sniggered.
Outside, Maguro met Dr. Kanjiruii, the afformentioned
expert, just as she was rounding the corner away from the
bedroom. Ignoring the noisily silent robed figures
pseudoritualisticly marching down the hall to the meeting
chambers below, she testily flung a gob of chocolate at him.
"I take it the young demon did not care for your offering?"
he asked mildly.
"He flat out refused!" she said angrily. "You said the best
way to get in good with the little beast was to offer him
chocolate coated nipples! And the chocolate got all over the
floor, you know Mistress Akari is going to make me pay for the
cleaning!"
The doctor shook his head sadly. "That's too bad, but
them's the breaks." Looking up with a slightly maniacal gleam in
his eye, he continued. "Still, it'd be a shame to waste two
perfectly good chocolate covered nipples!" he said gleefully and
lunged in her direction.
Sidestepping deftly, she kneed him in the groin.
Author's notes: Yes I did originally intend for this to be a
humor oriented lemon series, but I wussed out on the sex and left
it lime. I didn't want it to be like the other lemon series I've
read, where the author threw in at least one gratuitous sex scene
per chapter. Not that I've a problem with that, but that's not
what this is about. This is a lemon series about people NOT
getting laid.
I believe I've already milked the Ranma situation here for
about all it's worth. This whole series started out as an excuse
to write dirty jokes, and while I've got many, many more, most of
them will work out better as spamfics than anything else. The
Ryoga/Akari/Kodachi/Tsubasa situation, now, I think that has humor
potential. Any future chapters will focus largely on them. But
for now, I'm going back to Xenogenesis exclusively. Thanks for
reading!