Third Labor chapter 9
"Meanwhile Back At The Ranch"
WHAT'S TRANSPIRED: Grey & Ami set out to accomplish Grey's
third labor- correction of a timeline that had been altered
by both the forces of Hell and the Knights of The True
Continuua. They got sidetracked. Not once but several times.
The fiancees/wives scattered, Grey's attempts to correct
things were put further on hiatus by his "quantum leap" into
a recently drowned Akane Tendo where he's become "stuck."
Determined to make the best of a bad situation, "Akane" has
become the star pupil of Kreiger in Martial Arts Ranching
and is unaware of the plots and plans of the Indian
Wrestling sensei Sitting Pretty, or of Kasumi's plans, or of
who this extra Ranma is. She also has (from previous
incarnations/analogues) the spellcasting abilities of a
cleric (Frostbite), the knowledge of a variant of Ranma
(Amazon wu shu and Anything Goes), some weapon and combat
skills (incl the "Whatever Works style of Engineering
Martial Arts") from the identity of Grey. Meanwhile the
identities of several other Aspects have gathered in the
marionette known as Ginseng.
Jared (Pheonix Mage) Saotome is fleeing some well
intentioned but not really competent (and in some cases
sadistic) nurses and has been hidden in the shape of "a"
Ranma. Ranma-n (native) and Genma have been glamouried to
believe that Ranma-Jared (Ranma-j) is actually Ranma's twin.
However, having seen the power of the Martial Arts Ranching
(a subdiscipline within Martial Arts Old West) -
particularly the warpspace technique of "Little Homestead On
The Prairie" - both Ranmas are currently interested in
learning more.
Oh, and a certain panda has gotten hogtied and branded.
--------------------
Looking out into the dark where a huge warrior had vanished,
Kreiger blinked a couple of times. "Oh well, Akane, it's
getting late."
"Yeh, ah better mosey on home 'afore my folks git all
worrisome." Akane picked up her hat and cocked it at a
rakish angle. "Say there, young ladies. Y'all welcome to
stay out here if'n you like."
"How was this place constructed anyway," the elven looking
version of Ranma said, looking about. Even with the current
low power level, Jared could tell that folded space was in
use.
"Why that's the Master technique of Old West style Martial
Arts," said Kreiger with a wink. Then he nodded proudly
towards his newest pupil. "The technique's called 'Little
Homestead on the Prairie'. Akane just learned the Old West
manuever called Cattlepunching, so she'll be ready to learn
Cowpoke any day now. At her rate, she might be ready for
Mastery in another five years!"
Ranma couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Bet I could learn it in
a week."
Akane had been holding herself up a little straighter at the
praise, then slumped and gave a dirty look to Ranma at the
comment.
"What are those other manuevers," Jared asked, curious and
not really wanting to see yet another Akane vs Ranma fight.
"Cattlepunching is a massive powerpunch, one blow can stop a
raging bull. Cowpoke is both a speed and strength training
technique." Kreiger turned his attention to Akane. "The
training must be accomplished at night, Akane. You must come
back when the herd's asleep and be able to push over a cow
with one hand."
"'Cow-tipping?'" Jared wasn't sure she had heard right, then
she understood. "I get it. Strength technique because you
have to be able to push over a steer with one hand,
concentrating more and more strength until you've done it.
Speed because when the bull's woke up you've got to get out
of the pasture before you get trompled or gored."
Kreiger tipped his hat. "You've got it one, miss. Not bad."
"See y'all tomorrow then," said Akane, wheeling her horse up
and around.
"That's not a real horse," Ranma-j said, the feeling that
something was wrong about Akane's horse finally going click.
"Sadly, no," agreed Kreiger. "We only got a couple of horses
around to spare, and Akane said she didn't feel right about
putting nobody out 'cause she needed something to ride.
Well, that young filly done put together a shop in that
there shed, then she pulled an all nighter and darn if she
hadn't *built* herself that horse."
Jared's eyes widened and she *almost* charged into the
indicated building. Only the certain knowledge that there
would be some sort of anti-theft/anti-tampering device
prevented her. "Uhm, I don't suppose she left you a key."
"Yup, but she be back tomorrow after school. Think she'd be
right happy to give ya a look." Kreiger seemed to consider
the two briefly, then went back to checking the fire.
---------
"Howdy, Kasumi," Akane took off her hat and bowed
respectfully, the cowboy boots were put aside a moment later
and the slippers/uwabaki were donned. "Brought y'all a
little something."
"Oh, what?"
"Ah had a chance to do some cookin', ran into some folks who
was lost, and got 'em settled in up at the Ranch." Akane
handed a large iron kettle with a lid to her sister who eyed
it uncertainly.
Nabiki stared a moment too. "You cooked?"
"Well sure. Mind ya, it ain't nothing fancy. Just a beef
stew." Akane shrugged. "Y'all know ah don't care fer beef
meself, and even with two of them eatin' like that, they
didn't finish it. Landsakes they must have been starvin' to
put away that much."
"Errr. And they're OK?" Nabiki continued to eye the kettle
as if she expected tentacles to shove aside the lid and
start groping around.
"Why, sure. Say, Nabiki-CHAN, i think y'all could probably
help me with it."
"Nononononono!" Nabiki backed away, shaking her head.
Kasumi set the container down, opened the lid, and took a
deep breath of the odors. Then, puzzled, sniffed at it
again. Taking a spoon she scooped a little of the still-warm
mixture up.
Nabiki saw this and almost panicked. "No, Kasumi! You'll
die! Errr." The hurt look on Akane's face was horrible to
see. "Uhm, wait Akane, I didn't mean."
Kasumi's eyes got large. "Akane! This... this is good."
"Well, it ain't nothing on your cooking, oneechan!" Akane
acknowledged the braver of her two sisters.
Nabiki tried it and stared anew at her sister. Akane had
cooked. It was not only edible, but fairly tasty. Probably
be decent as a rice topping. "Akane, YOU made this."
"Yeah," Akane looked sad for a moment. "Oh well, ah might've
made a couple more friends today. Have to go back to the
Ranch tomorrow after school and see how they's doing."
"Don't forget you've got to go with me to the doctor
tomorrow, Akane," Kasumi spent a few moments staring at the
kettle of stew then back to her sister.
"Yup, that's right. Okay, AFTER we visit the sawbones."
Akane nodded. "Gonna use the furo now, sis. It's been a long
ride on a dusty trail today, y'hear?"
Nabiki waited for Akane to get out of sight. "Sis. She
cooked! And it's not making me sick! What does this mean?"
"That Akane may be having these mental problems, but they're
not entirely bad?" Kasumi frowned ever so slightly. "We'll
see what the nice Doctor says tomorrow, ne, Nabiki?"
---------
Ranma-chan for once was feeling a little intimidated.
No sooner was it determined they were going to stay the
night than her more attractive twin had set out with an
empty pail and come back with it full of frothy milk. This
had been worth some amount of drool on Ranma's part. But
instead of drinking it her twin had poured it into this
wooden bucket-thingy with a pole sticking out of it and
began plunging away.
Kreiger had put his boots up and watched this with an eye of
fascination as the girl had churned butter, ground wheat,
baked a few loaves of bread (somehow acquiring a long dress
with a hoop skirt, apron, gloves and western bonnet in the
middle of this) and was now making soap out of grease left
over from cooking and ashes from the fire, pouring the mix
in a mold and setting it up on a shelf out of the way to
set.
The old rancher just played with his mustache and nodded.
Jared sat down, smoothed her skirts, and began to card wool.
Kreiger just kept nodding to himself all the while.
Ranma-chan was feeling mystified. Breaking stuff she could
handle, this was something else, and it felt like it was WAY
outta her league. Jared broke into her train of thoughts.
"Ranma, this is why it was once said: A woman's work is
never done. She has to keep the entire family fed and
clothed, and make most of her own tools and ingredients from
scratch. She makes her own lace, turns wool into cloth then
into garments and blankets, makes her own soap for washing,
grows herbs in a garden for flavorings and for medicine..."
She leveled her eyes in a challenge to the other Ranma.
"Truly, it is a grueling regimen of strict endurance and
toughness training."
Ranma's eye's sparkled in defiance. She pointed a thumb
toward her chest. "Oh yeah? I'm ready for anything!"
~Got ya!~ Blue eyes twinkled merrily. She cocked her head.
"Well, evening has set in. What say we have a cloth making
contest?"
Ranma stared at the wide wicker basket full of wool and had
doubts. "Uh, okay sure. Um, how do you, uh..."
Jared-chan checked the room. "Well, we have only one set of
carding boards and one spinning wheel, so instead of a
contest how about a game? I'll show you how to card wool,
then you see if you can do that faster than I can spin it.
Deal? I'm no expert, but the basics are worth learning.
We'll see if you can stay ahead of me. Loser works the
Weasel."
Ranma-chan sweatdropped.
"That thing." Jared pointed to a wooden contraption set up
in the corner whose purpose and use totally mystified Ranma.
"Children can do it, you'll be fine. Or maybe I'll be fine
if you card faster than I spin. But you've heard the nusery
rhyme: Round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chased
the weasel? That's the weasel they were talking about, and
the monkey referred to the child that would turn it. That
song was meant to time their work, and when all ten verses
were done they had a skein of yarn. Now look here, you hold
the carding boards so their bristles rub against each other,
with the wool held between. Then with long, smooth strokes
you pull the wool so the fibers all align with each other,
like you were brushing hair. It takes some time, but the
better you do it, the smoother the yarn I spin will be. With
yarn we can knit it into clothing directly or spread it on
the loom, which is that thing over there, to make cloth like
you're more familiar with, but we'll probably want to dye
it first. Mint makes a nice green color."
Ranma moved her chair over and knocked over a thing that
looked like a wooden ginger bread man holding a rope in each
hand. Jared looked up. "Oh, Ranma-chan, could you please
hang that on the wall? It really doesn't belong on the
table."
The perplexed redhead was staring at it dubiously. "What is
it?"
"It's a toy used to teach children how to milk cows. I could
show you how to use it."
Kreiger hid a grin and got up to go out, putting on his hat.
"I'll go check on the herd. You gals stay here and make
yourselves to home."
-------------
"Why are we doing this?" Ranma-chan asked, as the two girls
walked up from the stream bed holding a wide tub of water
between them.
Jared raised her eyes to look at the brightening glow of the
sunrise. "Because Ranma, a man can hold practically
everything he needs in his mind except food and pants.
Besides, and more to the point, these are the skills to make
something out of nothing, and a man who can do that can
never be poor. Here we have dirt, and water and trees. If we
don't know more than Genma or a modern world teaches us
those remain fairly useless, but a little bit of skill makes
those into food, warm homes, furniture, metal, clothing,
even decorations and pretty things." She paused and bent
down to scoop up a handful of sand, letting it dribble
between their fingers as they walked. "Take this for an
example. What use is sand? Pops would have us train on it,
most people would spread a blanket or a beach umbrella over
it. But give me a little fire and this is glass. Glass can
be made into bottles, windows and even musical instruments.
A few glass jars and we can preserve food so that spring
berries last us all winter long as jam. A glass window and
we have light in our homes without summer's hot breezes or
winter's chill storms. Music makes the days roll spritely
by, gladdening our hearts and making us merry. All from a
handful of sand."
The pair of them reached the farmhouse and set down the tub
of water. Jared pointed over to a red hill. "See that rock?
There's iron ore in that. That green rock's copper. Over
there, if you'll look down in that valley, that's a hint of
coal. If you and I take that dead tree over there I could
make a fire with just a few branches that would start some
coal, using coal we'd melt the metals out of those rocks.
using a little more fire we could make anything you could
imagine: Copper cookware, iron stoves, horseshoes, tools and
so many things I could scarcely *name* them! The first CARS
were made by blacksmiths pounding metal together, and
lightbulbs were fashioned of a hint of copper, a simple
filament, and a bulb of clear, blown glass from a
glassblower. There is scarcely a spot on this earth that
doesn't have something a knowledgable person can use to make
wealth, and by that I mean those things that make life
easier or worth living." The redhead held her arms wide and
spread them, swinging wide in a circle. "The *entire world*
is a place FULL of those things that a person with knowledge
can turn to their benefit and the betterment of others! How
many times did Genma use the excuse that we had nothing as
justification for stealing something? Well, the only excuse
for having nothing is knowing nothing. It is a lowly worm
that spins the threads from which we make silk, an ugly rock
is polished and cut to make a diamond!"
She stopped spinning and turned to face her twin. "If you
know how to make things then you can lose *everything* and
start again! And ranching is one of those areas that teaches
you to make things." She smiled. "Here's a quote I think
you'll like: To the extent to which we are dependant on
others for our daily living, is the extent to which we have
lost our freedom." She shrugged. "Good quote. Because if you
*have* to have a paycheck to meet your bills then you are a
slave to the one who gives that check. If you lay down a
credit card then you are in bondage to that company until
that debt is paid off, because there are choices we can't
make until that is done. Freedom is nothing more than the
ability to make your own choices. Do we want to have that
right and then let Genma make them for us?"
Ranma's eyes were so wide it was a wonder she didn't catch
bugs in them.
Jared turned away from her and began to fill a water pot
from the tub they'd carried. "In ranching it's women who
make the clothes, so for now we'll learn that. Then from
that point on if you're washed up naked on a beach somewhere
you can take fiber of any kind and make your tools and make
your cloth and have clothes. As men we'll come back and
learn farming, blacksmithing, carpentry and probably a
passel load of other things." She gestured inside with the
now full cooking pot. "I'm going to make soup, we can talk
in there. Anyway, in our martial art we learn to do without
the crutch of weapons, using skill to replace the need for
them. Well, in ranching we learn to do without the crutch of
things made *for* us, using skill to make our own. What a
wonderful independence that is! Being able to say: I have no
need of that from you. Yet knowing you also won't do
without. It brings back the ability to make choices, rather
than simply paying whatever price the vendor asks."
She laughed. "You could go into bondage to get a cooking
pot, or simply make your own. It's that easy, and you'll
probably be happier with the one you make because it's
YOURS."
-----------
The horse looked up as Akane came out to "feed" the horse in
the morning.
"How y'all doing, Fess?"
"Systems operational and values are within tolerable levels.
Though the dew makes my skin itchy."
"Well we can't have that." Akane started sluicing water off
the marionette horse's artificial hide. "You wanna head up
to the Ranch for the day, keep an eye on the Ranma Twins?"
"Affirmative, mistress." Fess didn't notice Akane's flinch
at that term. "Though earlier you indicated that there would
be only one Ranma."
Akane completely dropped the Western-speak, after all, it
was only her and Fess. "Only thing i can think of is that
the original Ranma fell in Spring Of Drowned Girl, then
Spring of Drowned Twins - resulting in nearly identical
Ranma twins. Though that *still* doesn't cover all the
questions. Why is one so much better looking? Why does the
good looking one have pointed ears? Where was that flash of
demonic presence coming from and how did it manage to hide
again? Why is one Ranma about what i'd expect, and the other
seems to have a touch more grace and speed?"
"Did you use any of your spells?" Fess had trouble with the
whole magic concept, but had to admit that Akane was able to
do *something* that did not fit into any other explanation.
The very thought made his central processor hurt.
"Only one. Spellcasting on people without their permission
is pretty impolite at the very least. i used 'Detect Evil'
and neither came back as bearing more than normal taint.
Though the pretty one is *carrying* something with a dark
aura. Not enough of a reading to indicate more. i had to do
it pretty subtle, if one *had* been a demon then i'd have
needed to prepare better to fight it. i still remember being
that cyborg when i fought alongside the Pheonix Mage. Only
magic or some *major* firepower can injure a youma. i tried
depleted uranium rounds against a youma and i might as well
have been throwing rocks."
Fess nodded as Akane finished wiping him off. "I shall
endeavor to keep an eye on them while you are at school. If
one turns out to be demonic, than I shall inform you."
"Good enough," Akane said, "i'd trade you if i could.
Japanese history test today and that's one of my major
problem subjects."
------------
The bishonen lad on the train took the letter out and reread
it again. It didn't matter that much, it had been read so
many times that it was practically burned into memory. The
black pen marks were firm and straight, somehow seeming
masculine in their structure.
To:Ukyo Kuonji
9-53-104 Shinonome-cho
Izumiootu City, Osaka 595
Please read this letter in its entirity before engaging
in rash acts, Kuonji-san.
It has come to my attention that a grievous breach of
honor has been used to harm you. A decade ago, Ranma Saotome
was engaged to you without his knowledge.
That's right. Without his knowledge. As a shrine maiden,
i understand the importance of maintaining one's karma. He
needs to find a way of making reperations for the tangle of
obligations that his father inflicted upon him.
He is engaged to my eldest sister due to a pre-existing
arrangement. Your engagement is also a concern, as the dowry
that his father stole roughly equals the strength of the
claim that he should marry a Tendo. There is one other
claimant with a roughly equal claim, and in addition another
six that i have learned of through fire readings.
Even with all my skills in fire reading and speaking with
the spirits, i have not found an easy solution. It is my
hope that i can confer with you and the others and find a
solution that satisfies all.
By Tuesday, Ranma and his father will be in Nerima at the
Tendo Dojo. Take what vengeance you will on the guilty, to
follow your own karma, but first be certain of who is truly
guilty.
Akane Tendo
Tendo dojo
31, Takahashi
Furin-ken, Nerima-shi
Tokyo 260-801
Ukyo fidgeted slightly. Akane Tendo, the shrine maiden. Oh
yes, she'd heard of her. Some said she was mad. Others spoke
of a 'divine madness' where she healed the sick with a touch
or viewed the future within the shadows of a flame. It was
talked of everywhere. Prior to getting this letter, she'd
thought of visiting anyway. If this Akane could see things
like that, maybe she could have found her targets.
And now, now, she had a chance of closing the circle by this
girl's intervention.
Well, shrine priestesses tend to be meek and ladylike, (or
so she'd heard) so Ukyo wouldn't do anything too upsetting
where the girl could see.
---------
"Are you sure about this, Great Grandmother?"
"That's what the letter says, and it is certainly
*possible*, Shampoo. If it is as this 'Akane Tendo' says,
then your strategy will have to be rethought."
Shampoo frowned then brightened. "Maybe he's better looking
than Mousse?"
"Well, we'll see. Fortunately you hadn't left the village
for pursuing him when the letter came." Cologne looked on
the city they were approaching and smiled. And if this
'Akane' had *those* sorts of psychic talents, well, maybe
she'd have to make her an honorary Amazon.
There were all kinds of strength, after all.
---------
The crowds avoided Akane. Even boys that were willing to
throw themselves onto her fists a mere two weeks previously
were loathe to approach her.
The *old* Akane would have hit them for trying to grab or
defeat her. The *old* Akane would have accepted the idea
that one of them beating her then got to date her. The *old*
Akane acted cute and smiled and was a typical cute Japanese
girl - but with that fierce and violent nature that promised
she'd be an especially passionate lover.
That Akane had died. Killed, or so Nabiki spun the tale, by
their enthusiasm and Kuno's ideas of the fierce descendent
of samurai ancestors that Akane was.
The *new* Akane would... well. Daisuke had groped her,
assuming that Akane had been sufficiently depressed that she
wouldn't even notice. The good news was that the surgical
reattachment *had* been successful and Daisuke would not be
sterile. The *new* Akane had threatened to shove a hot
branding iron up the butt of the next person who tried
something like that. If it was a bluff, it was a darn good
one. The *new* Akane rarely smiled at school and had an
intense air about her. And she was a powerful shrine
priestess. One who performed miracles regularly.
The girls avoided her too. Unless they needed or wanted
something. Even then they did not approach Akane until
*after* school. DURING school everyone got the impression of
a caged and restless and not entirely sane tiger.
AFTER hours, well, if she was in Shrine Maiden garb they'd
approach her. The Red Rider would be avoided like the
plague.
Akane bided her time, took the damn classes, ignored the
idiocy and found herself wondering if anyone ever expected
this stuff to get used in real life. And even after a
lifetime *as* a Japanese- a lot of this kanji still gave the
being known as Grey trouble.
Grey wondered *why* he couldn't leap into Dragon Shiryu or
Phoenix Ikki or Detonator Orgun Tomoru or someone whose
skills he could use in the upcoming labor. Heck, just
someone in the right timeframe would have been logical. No,
he got one of the anime characters he most disliked. And now
he was beginning to suspect that Akane *wasn't* dead-
further complicating things.
During lunch, Akane tried a quick spell and confirmed it.
Akane had come near death. Another five seconds of breathing
water and she would have drowned. Then Grey had found
himself assuming her form and identity. And more and more of
Akane seemed to be awakening but was held under by Grey's
presence. So there was an Akane Tendo slumbering within.
The problem was, what to do. As far as clerical spells went,
about the top she could manage was Abjure. Even if using
some form of exorcism, which one would be dispelled? If
someone external could do it, it would likely be Grey. If HE
did it, it would likely be Akane. Killing the body was no
longer a consideration because the original Akane may have
merely had Rage Disorder or be something besides an evil
psychobitch. Well, that and she'd promised.
This was rather like the time he'd been on a mission in a
fusion timeline where the heroes of "Sailor Moon" had been
up against the villains of "Saint Saeya." Usagi hadn't
lasted long at all. The feeling of helplessness was similar,
though it seemed unlikely that he'd have to go around
burying friends. Grey hoped.
He'd died at least ten times on that timeline. If it were
possible to will the Binding over to someone else so that
they would resurrect instead of him, it would have happened
there. There were nights he could close his eyes and still
see... Akane shuddered. She expected that memory to be one
of those that would become erased by the Binding to keep the
madness at bay.
Now as Akane, she was trying to learn skills that would be
useful in the Labor (providing he could ever reach it). The
Old West style of Martial Arts had several special manuevers
that would be *incredibly* useful in Colonial America. "Boom
Town" allowed buildings to be erected overnight (though
they'd fall apart within a few years), "Infinite Six Gun"
could... well maybe it could be adapted to muzzleloaders.
Once adapted to the idea of being stuck here, doing
something to at least prepare for rescue had seemed logical.
Hence the marionette workshop and Martial Arts Ranching and
attempting to research the period. Though the Furinkan
Library had darn little that dealt with American History,
and what little she could find was likely skewed by the
alterations in timelines.
Akane rubbed her forehead. This hurt. Heck, even that test
on the Reformation period was looking better than this.
----------
"I don't get it. WHY do we have to remain GIRLS!" Ranma was
getting disgusted with all this, though he had to admit that
on some level he would find it difficult to listen to his
father talk about women being weak or pathetic. Keeping
house was HARD WORK.
"First, this is the Rocking Fist Ranch. Built as a dojo for
practicing all manner of Old West Martial Arts. No modern
plumbing. Effort to duration equation states that it's not
worth it to cart the water, heat it on a fire, use that,
then get splashed. This is Nerima. And, as I've told you
repeatedly, DON'T MAKE THE CURSE OBVIOUS!! If caught in a
situation where you are one gender, stay that gender until
you can leave, then do the switch out of possible sight."
"Yeah well..." Ranma grumbled.
"Because of it's very unusualness, people won't naturally
assume what is happening unless you grind their faces in it,
and here's the clincher - then they will pity you."
Ranma frowned. Pity wasn't something he was familiar with or
wanted.
"Consider it an exercise in Martial Arts Self Control. You
did a ton of other things that were unpleasant or even
downright nasty, and lived through them for training. This
is no different. Until it can be totally resolved, the
harder you fight, the worse it will hurt. So the hard thing
to do is actually let it happen without struggling, but to
control it at the same time. Think for a minute about
fighting the rush of a river. Even if you beat it for a few
minutes or even hours, the river doesn't ever tire and will
soon dash you on the rocks and snares downstream. But if you
ride with it you can get moments of rest and use your
strength to choose your path around the dangers. The Curse
has too much energy for us to will it not to change us, but
by accepting that and riding instead of fighting that power,
we can help keep it from changing our lives or destroying
us."
Jared gave Ranma a searching look. "Can you understand that?
View it like a battle. We can't beat this right now, so
we'll train until we CAN. Until then we just do the best we
can to minimize the damage."
"Yeah. But I still don't like it." Ranma grumbled and looked
to where his baka oyaji was heating some water.
"Oh, on *that* we can quite agree."
----------
Sabre Marionette Timeline:
Ginseng had thrown herself into developing techniques on
accelerating fetal development, artificial wombs and birth
creches. She'd redesigned marionette ligaments and muscle
cables. She'd pulled up new designs for artificial hearts
and lungs encountered in previous lives and did everything
else she could think of. One of which had increased the
efficiency of marionette construction so that a basic unit
with a fairly sophisticated neural network (able to perform
fairly complex commands and interpret involved commands)
could be popped out of the factory every half hour.
The kids were the real time consumer. After one month, over
thirty girls had been born using the new creche. While some
were going to be small and frail, the process would be
perfected in future births. Of that thirty, twelve had skin
the color of milk chocolate, white hair, amber eyes, and
lightly pointed ears. Another forty were planned for later.
The first such one, a little baby who had learned to gurgle
a giggle and tugged at Gennai's beard constantly, was named
Chocolatte (with two T's and pronounced as if it were a
French word) had become everyone's darling almost
immediately.
Ginseng expected Jared to pop a blood vessel on seeing
dozens of drow girls laughing and playing underfoot. If he
returned.
She'd run into the followers of Eilistraee before, and the
basic concepts that she knew were transferred to computer
files. Not her choice, but it was better than some of the
alternatives. She'd build a temple/gym later.
It was better than focussing on your current appearance.
It was better than acknowledging that by some weird twist of
spell or technology that you were now a completely
biological human woman, and just happened to be a dead
ringer for a walking disaster area named Mihoshi.
It was even worse to hear people talking about "biological
duty."
Yes, far better to concentrate on work.
-------------
Jared found her way into the workshop, with Kreiger
watching, and immediately gestured to keep Ranma silent.
Suspicions formed instantly.
Everything was constructed of native materials, which meant
roughhewn wooden tables, troughs made of hammered metal
plates, and three Mac computers cobbled together into a
strange mass. There were wires and scrapped parts from a
dozen sources.
Jared had learned enough about marionette construction to
divine most of the purposes, but her attention was really
riveted by the two costumes hanging from pegs. One was a
*very* ersatz Sailor Mars suit, one that incorporated karate
gear into it. The second was a replica of a Devilhunter
Yohko costume.
Jared looked around the equipment and further noted an
attempt to build an electronic doorframe. And that! That
looked like the beginnings of some Knight Sabre-like
powerarmor. Though the yen symbols were definitely NOT what
he expected. "Akane built all this?"
"Yup," indicated Kreiger. "Akane said something about
needing this space away from her home as her family getting
all sorts of ideas."
"One, two, three, four, five, six crossover elements." Jared
hmmmed and nodded. ~This confirms that Akane is *not* Akane.
But who? The time is obvious, a few days before my arrival
the first time, Nabiki had stated something about Akane
going nuts and trying to kill herself. So a dimension
traveller, one who's been around, one who dislikes Akane,
one who is gadget oriented, has some cooking skills, prone
to depression... Of course! Who ELSE has luck that bad?~
The native Ranma examined the odd suit of armor and wondered
who was supposed to wear THAT. Too big for his cursed form,
and the interior was definitely shaped for a female anatomy.
"Hmmm. Do ya think this is Akane's?"
"No, it's built for someone taller than Akane..." Jared
quickly matched the size up with individuals he'd met. "I'd
say that's for Sailor Mercenary!"
Nabiki sneezed abruptly in class and wondered if she was
getting a cold.
---------
An EVA crossover world:
"Let me get this straight," said Misato to the odd
holographic projection. "The person we knew as Shinji was
actually a dimension traveller named Grey. That we all have
these different Aspects like facets on a gem, and that each
of us is a seperate individual. Shinji vanished because he
was pulled OUT of this universe when this guy Grey was
summoned because he was the closest version of this guy to
where he was being summoned."
Edema nodded and responded with her soft Southern drawl.
"Yes. That's it."
"THAT'S CRAZY!"
Edema rolled her eyes. "Nonetheless, that's what happened.
Then Shinji died and was..."
Ami shrieked and fainted.
"He's DEAD?!" Misato asked, feeling a little faint herself.
"Yes, but he gets better very quickly." Edema wondered why
human women did that. It didn't seem to have a useful
function. "Oh well. So... he's alive on the same timeline,
but there's a complication."
"He died and he came back?" Makoto asked, then her eyes
rolled up and she fainted.
Edema stared for a moment. "Errr. Yeah. Anyway. Because of a
teensy tiny mistake on my part, he's now a girl in her mid
twenties."
"You turned him into a girl?!" Usagi leaned back as if she
was about to faint, then fell over and clunked her head into
the floor.
Edema had heard that humans made poor slaves. If they
reacted this way just to a simple explanation of Grey's
problems, no wonder this was the case. "Uhm... anyway. He's
supposed to be accomplishing Twelve Labors except he got
kinda messed up and we're still trying to find out where he
went. Or rather where half of him went."
"Eeeep!" Minako pictured all sorts of gory and disgusting
visions dealing with guys turned into girls and then ripped
in half. She didn't faint, but looked quite ill.
"Is something wrong?" Edema didn't get it for a moment.
THESE were the tough power armor troops who had fought
against the yoma? Or no... these girls had been normal and
thrown into battle against inhuman beings. They had thought
everything had settled and been done with. Now this.
"You tell us Shinji's dead and that Grey isn't just a
nickname that Ami gave him years ago but some sort of
alternate being, that he's been split into two beings and
the only one you can locate is a GIRL?! What kind of
reaction did you *think* you'd get?"
Edema waited idly until the others had awoken. She
especially wanted the one wearing the plain gold band on her
finger to hear this. "Look, there's something you should
know. I know Grey, and he'd gladly spend the rest of his
days being happily bored with any or all of you."
"...bored?" Makoto said, frowning
"gladly... happily?" Ami repeated, a little light coming
back into her eyes.
"Well, except for the age difference. Most of his Aspects
are older than yours by a couple of decades. Oh, and that
y'all's other selves been friends of his, in some cases
really close, but you've either dumped him later or died."
"Dumped him?" Makoto said, flinching for some reason.
"Died?" Ami frowned, shaking her head to clear it.
Setsuna stepped forward, bringing her staff up, the orb at
the top glowing. "Close your eyes and see for yourself."
They saw images of the Silver Millenium, where the Knight Of
Duty and the Princess Jupiter parted when the Princess saw
someone else who was cuter. And of the Knight then being
discarded by Princess Pluto, ironically enough for duty.
The images changed and where the earlier had been a montage,
this was a single scene from a different life.
"This is a timeline where he violated orders to stay by your
side. He became friends with all of you, and helped you
survive your earliest battles against the dark forces
arrayed against you. All to naught, however. That's a
variation of Ami dying in his arms, by the way." Setsuna
winced. She hadn't been too happy viewing this timeline
either.
Ami watched the seifuku-clad version of herself reach up and
wipe her friend's tears away, leaving a streak of blood.
Then, after her other self had fallen limp, the vision of
Grey laid her tenderly down, closed her eyes, and charged up
a set of broad stone steps.
"He only remembers bits and pieces of a number of previous
lives, though emotional memory is slightly more complete,"
Edema cautioned. "I'll tell y'all something up front, if you
go getting all competitive or too aggressive with him,
you'll frighten 'im off."
"Actually he liked me being aggressive with him," Ami said
in a quiet voice.
"Ohhhhh?" The chorus was from a number of girls suddenly
focussing on Ami.
"ah ahhhhhhh, I mean, that is, well...." Ami started
stuttering and playing with her fingers, turning cherry red
in the process.
Edema's image nodded approvingly. "Well, that's quite a bit
further than usual."
"In any case, there is a possibility of seperating the
Shinji-albino from the rest of him."
Ami interrupted, glad of something else to focus on. "You
know, Shinji Ikari was just his legal name. The real Shinji
was a little boy who died in childbirth. In OUR world at
least, Grey was genetically engineered from over a dozen
genetic sources including the Dark Angel 'Adama' much like
the second version that Gendo pulled out after Grey's
death."
"Yeah, but Sephiroth had *nothing* in common with him. Other
than some aspects of appearance, that is," Makoto said with
a growl. She'd never liked Sephiroth's holier-than-thou
attitude. Especially after his attempt to find and utilize
the Silver Crystal. "Hey, waitaminute, if Grey's out there
then..."
Edema nodded. "Oh yes, there is a version of Sephiroth out
there as well."
----------
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:
Akane traced the pattern in the dust, mumbling a prayer.
>From above, one could realize that it was a Seal Of Solomon.
Then making a gesture and channelling power, Akane cast the
spell.
"Twelve spirits guard the way,
Your assistance lend today,
Bypass barriers of time and space,
Come ye here to this place,
i call your name- TORIOHIME!"
A cute green haired girl in a red dress formed out of the
swirl of dust within the Seal, her wings fluttering behind
her. "Ah, Akane-kun! What is it? I'm rather busy at the
moment."
Akane prepared to reverse the spell and send her back. "Oh?
Fighting the Darkside?"
"Actually I was getting ready to watch the 'Skysaber'
episode for today. Today's episode has him trying to deal
with a telemarketer who won't take no for an answer."
"As fascinating as i'm sure that would be," Akane said
drily, "there's a brief need for you. Can you go up to the
Rocking Fist Ranch and take a look at the two Ranmas? Your
magical senses might see something Fess would miss."
"Doubtful. Wind's my ability. I'll look." The wind-princess
flew off and back a moment later. "You forgot there are
wards up around the Ranch."
"Eeh. You're right. i DID forget." Akane sighed and leaned
back against the wall. "Okay, well, maybe i can perfect the
D-Gate and get out of here before they marry me off to one
or both of the Ranmas."
"BOTH?! You're kidding..." Toriohime looked a bit distressed
at that thought.
"Trust me on this. With SOME people, two Ranmas mean they'd
BOTH end up married to Akane." Akane shook her head. "And as
it looks like there's a real Akane to take over, the sooner
i leave the sooner she gets her life back."
---------
She was the Ice Queen, the terror of Furinkan High, the
heartless Mercenary Girl, the soulless Iron Bitch. She had
been called all these and more and worse.
Ever since the death of her mother, she had been someone of
iron control. Someone who had worn an iron mask and
pretended she WAS the mask. A wonderful game where she held
all the cards and had proven her intellectual superiority
over the mass of students at Furinkan. Tiniest effort -
greatest reward. Her major joys had been in exercise,
eating, and her "game."
Between her sister's revelations, and seeing herself as part
of some Heavenly Host, and some serious soul searching...
Nabiki was uncertain of many things...
But she was sure she could be nice. She could be loveable!
And when this 'Ranma' showed up, she'd *prove* that she
could be just as kind and friendly and cute as EITHER of her
sisters!
---------
RIFTS Earth:
There were those who would say that in the future, with
advanced weapons technology, war would be eerily silent.
**BOOM!**
Then there are those who feel that in the future, there will
be no more wars, that a truly advanced civilization will
find other ways of resolving disputes. These persons will
also argue that technological advances will make it too
costly to pursue violence. Besides, violence never solved
anything.
**BOOM!** **FRAK!** **ZAP!**
The person confronted with the reality of something like a
squad of winged powerarmor who were more than willing to
shoot first and then examine the corpses for answers would
likely tell the first two groups that they were idiots.
**BOOM!**
Minako's Boomgun was considered a slow weapon, both for
purposes of actually hitting something and for reloading.
Each of the sonic-boom-producing shots that *did* connect,
however, crippled one of the SAMAS (Strategic Armor Military
Assault Suit) following.
**ZAP!**
Setsuna was a Mystic, a spellcaster with some odd
clairvoyant abilities. She threw lightning. And magic nets.
She also used a TechnoWizard enhancement on her staff that
threw sparkling blue missiles that chipped and gouged
cerametal armor. Unfortunately, her range was the least of
any of them, which led to her frustration at not being able
to contribute more. Especially as her own energy weapon was
being used by someone else.
**FRAK!**
And while Makoto Kino, aka Apple, aka Princess Jupiter
didn't know much about energy weapons, she was very
enthusiastic about the idea of not being killed. The
infrequent blast of Setsuna's (Wilk's 227 pulse) laser
pistol was heard more through burning the air in the path of
the blast than the cracking noise caused by the infrequent
hit.
Ami looked out the windshield of the battered truck and
gasped as the air seemed to split in front of them.
---------
Three figures rode out of the sunset and the afternoon
light.
On the left there was a bouncy redhead, wearing chaps and a
Stetson over her regular Chinese clothes, holding the reins
of her dappled mare and eyeing it as if afraid of what it
was going to do any moment.
In the center there was Akane, sitting easy in the saddle.
She rode on, ignoring the gasps and startled noises of the
few pedestrians as she passed them. She'd thought they'd
have gotten used to it by now.
"Hey, Akane! Would you like a cuppa..."
She'd also thought the various guys hitting on her would
have gotten the idea by now, but this *was* Nerima. The
periodic off-and-on drizzle was also ignored. It was the
whole purpose of Western clothes to be rugged.
On the right was the huge horse, one that reminded those
looking at it of the horse that Raoh rode a decade ago in a
television series called "Fist Of The Northstar." A
Clydesdale on hormones thirty hands tall if he was an inch,
and a stallion of glossy white coat with a black star patch
over one eye. He was also the meanest horse in these here
territories, he'd dang near killed the last eight men who'd
tried to ride 'im.
Now it'd been something of a local bet, the saloon'd give a
quart of whiskey and a pound o gold to anyone daring to make
the attempt.
This here redhead'd walked clear up to the thang wi' nary a
concern in her sweet little head and mounted him
straightaway, bareback even, and he'd been gentle as a
schoolgirl's kiss to her ever since.
Kreiger had gone on and on about how gawl dern *appropriate*
it was that a right fittin hero should have a horse that no
one else could ride, and adopted the sweet little chickadee
into the Old West School o Martial Art Ranching
straightaway. She now wore an outfit similar to Akane's,
though her skirt was longer and she had a blue bandana tied
over her face so as not to excite the locals with her
downright outrageous beauty.
Trailing behind, slung over the back of a jackass, Genma
moaned with a pillow tied to his rump, that end sticking in
the air. An empty quart jug o' whiskey trailed from the end
of his fingers.
Akane had been unsatisfied with the quality of the first
brand and had had to redo it.
The group pulled to a stop at a street corner as a yellow
blur buzzed by at several hundred miles per hour, followed
in seconds by a racing Thundertank full of a good half dozen
shapely female Thundercats and their theme song.
"What was THAT?!" Ranma-n in chaps and Chinese clothes
squeeked.
Ranma-j turned her head to look over at the Cat's Lair being
built where the old scrap yard had been. "Don't ask, they're
obviously looking for something." ~Specifically *ME*, but by
Thundara Snarf is the least medically fumble fingered of the
lot of them and he makes Akane seem coordinated with a
scalpel! When I can get back safely I'm going to see that
some of them get remedial first aid training, at least!~
"Ought to put up a Wanted poster." Akane snorted and
produced a guitar out of nowhere. "Hmmm. You know, i think
something nearly *demanded* by this scene? Y'all join in.
Audience participation section."
Ranma-j blinked. Ranma-n stared. Genma-h winced.
"Riding down a western trail,
under skies of blue,
swayin' in the saddle all day long,
life will always be a song,
Riding the range with you..."
Akane stopped when her companions kept a blank look. "Y'all
don't know that one, d'ye? How about something more upbeat:
Come a tie-yi-yipee-ai-o,
come along o' doodle-e-day,
o-whoa- oh doodly yay,
in old Oklahoma they tell of a land,
that's famous for lizards and white diamond sand,
they climb for their water and dig for their wood,
on 10 million acres that ain't any good,
Come along with me,
to a land that is fair,
where the ants and the grasshoppers nest in your hair,
where they drink from the jug and they shoot from the hip,
and they have lots of fun on the Cherokee Strip..."
Akane stopped strumming. "Y'all don't know 'Riding The Range
With You' or 'Cherokee Strip' eh? Well, we'll have a chance
tomorrow at school maybe."
"Maybe," agreed Jared.
"Well, this here's my home, y'all c'mon in," Akane said,
leading the three through the gates, under the sign that now
read "Tendo Dojo and Livery Stable." Though the "and Livery
Stable" was usually pried loose by Soun who didn't truck
with the idea of "corrupting" the pure style of Anything
Goes with such things. The gate had been redone and was now
of a style more suitable for riding through, though it gave
Kasumi some pangs as it was *not* Japanese.
The three rode through, dismounted and Akane showed the
native Ranma how to tie her mare to the hitching post that
had been conveniently set up in their front yard. "We'll
come out and set 'em up fer the night proper, but ah ain't
rightly sure iffn Kasumi needs us ta go out fer a spell and
pick her up some ingredients fer supper. We all'll go in an
see, ah reckon."
Native Ranma remained still for a moment and then guiltily
turned her back and began to flip through the Pocket
Dictionary of Old West Slang.
The *other* redhead had gone over to the jackass, removed
the pillow from the *other* jackass the horse-shaped one was
carrying, and gave him a mighty slap with her hand on his
rump. "Hey, paw!"
The bellowing scream of pain could be heard clearly three
blocks away over the noise of the raging Thundertank.
The gorgeous girl smiled prettily at the man while holding
the pillow to her chest. Inhaling, she bellowed. "Foolish
boy! A TRUE Martial Artist is willing to regard any
misfortune as training! The greater the pain, the greater
the anguish, the more suffering and toil, the more pure his
dedication to the Art."
Genma glared at her rebelliously with petulant little eyes.
Ranma-chan stared at all this, then snickered. "You got the
tone just right. Oyaji, how many times have you told *me*
that?"
The Tendo household had sprouted eyes. Soun came racing out
of the lower floor to embrace his dear friend, and ended up
accidentally forcing him back against the hitching post
where the wooden pole poked into his friend's hind end.
Fishermen in the Sea of Japan looked up and wondered what
that noise was, thunder?
Soun hadn't noticed, and continued holding his dear friend
as Genma began crying for some inexplicable reason. Well,
Soun could join him! What a happy meeting it was!
Nabiki removed her hands from her ears and waited for her
hair to settle down. Leaning out of her window, she asked.
"Hey Akane, who are your guests?" ~Could it be she's made
some friends at this ranching stuff?~ Nabiki tried to ponder
whether that was good or bad. Hopefully they didn't share
little sister's "hobby."
Kasumi was peering curiously out of the kitchen window
drying a dish with a towel. She also was wondering, but
concluded that Akane having friends couldn't be a bad thing
if it made her want to go on living.
Ranma-n was trying to untangle herself from the unfamiliar
accouterments, having gotten her spurs caught on the rope
that hung from the horse's saddle, and was now getting
caught up in the hitching reins. Quickly she removed the
spurs and tossed them aside on the grass, getting the rest
of the mess swiftly untangled.
Whimpering, Genma got Soun to release him and lowered
himself to a seat on the nice, soft grass, intending to ask
his friend for a pillow.
Jets passing in and out of Hong Kong airport were shuddered
in the unexpected turbulence of what sounded oddly like a
bellow of pain.
Genma was lying on his belly on the ground, crying softly
into the lawn as Ranma-chan's spurs stuck out of a tender
part of his anatomy. Ranma-j tossed the other two girls a
wink. "Y'all know them there spurs gotta come out?"
She was greeted by two nods. Akane smirked.
The trio turned to surround the panda-man. Ranma-j leaned
over to where she could see his face and remarked. "Hey
there, paw! Ain't ya always tellin mah sister and me that
REAL men don't ever cry?"
Genma glared hatefully at her and Ranma-n snickered into
full blown laughter. Akane took this opportunity to set her
boot on the rump and yanked them spurs out!
One Cosmonought turned to the other as their space station
unexpectedly vibrated. {Did you feel that?}
The other cosmonought shrugged. {Maybe something came loose?
It sounded like a scream of pain. We should check the
support struts.}
Genma was blubbering softly on the grass, having yanked up
double handfuls of it and twitching as he lay on his face.
Soun was looking on, wondering what was wrong. Both Ranmas
were feeling this warm glow of happiness deep in their
hearts.
Jared took off her hat, smoothed her long hair back out of
her eyes and replaced the headpiece. Hands folded demurely
before her, she bowed to Akane and shone brightly toward
her. "Thank you for inviting us out to your ranch. We had
great fun. We'd like to visit again, if we may. But for
right now we've got relatives we have to see in the area."
"We do?" Ranma-chan asked, only to get elbowed by Jared a
moment later.
"Sure." Akane mumbled, suspicious over why this Ranma was
making an exit speech when they'd just got here. They
weren't planning to bail this early, were they? What if she
were here to get Ranma and Kasumi together? And relatives in
the area? She hadn't seen *that* before. Well, except for
that timeline where Ranma had been related to the Emperor
(by a son that hadn't been there in other timelines three
generations back, and tied to one of the upper rank families
until Nodoka had defied her father by marrying Genma... oh
dear.)
Genma and Soun were both building up to questions, but the
perky redhead smoothly turned them off that course by taking
out of her purse a rolled up sheet of yellow paper, which
she handed to Genma. "Mr. Saotome, I was picking up my
reward for Wildhorn here when the saloon keeper gave me this
to give to you. He said he'd never seen a man who could
guzzle whiskey like you did and he wanted you to know that
if you're interested you've got the job, said he'd never
seen anyone more qualified." At Soun's prompting, Genma had
unrolled the scroll of paper. Inside it read:
---------EXPERIENCED VAGABOND WANTED---------
for position as Town Drunk,
Martial Arts Ranching Town.
Must be disreputable and unsavory looking
Able to remain drunk from noon until sundown
Odious personal habits, drunken rants required
Groveling necessary, but will train.
Costume and liquor provided.
Soun's eyes were round as he read with delight over his
friend's shoulder. "Why, that's *you*, Saotome!"
Gena was thoughtfully scratching his chin. "Liquor provided?
Hmm, I wonder what the pay's like..."
Kasumi and Nabiki, who'd come out to participate in the
discussion, gave each other a glance that plainly spoke
about their opinions to their father inviting a vagabond and
a drunk over. And their fiance(s) were such a person's sons?
Jared pivoted to take her sister by the hand as the two old
men were distracted. "Come on, Ranko."
"But I..." Ranma-chan stammered.
Jared fought the urge to sigh and wished she'd taught this
Ranma a little Battlesign. A simple 'Explanation after
action' signal could be passed so easily here without
arousing suspicion. As it was she had to lean close to
whisper. "I was thinking we could go and find ourselves a
couple of boys before we go where we have to be this
evening."
"WHAT??! NO WAY! I mmmmfrggghhh!" Ranma found her mouth
interrupted by her "sister's" hand and a few whispered
comments. Ranko's face spread wide and *beamed!* "Hey! I
think that's a *great* idea!" She even summoned the will to
giggle.
Akane's face was flat with doubt. Something was up here, and
it *wasn't* Genma's blood-alcohol level... yet, though from
the way their parents were going over that poster the two
would probably both show up together to apply. Too bad there
was only one slot open, don't need any more than one Town
Drunk, after all. Though Soun would probably get fleeced by
Gambler (practitioner and Heir to the Old West Style Of
Martial Arts Cardsharking.)
Ranko and her sister were up on her stallion and riding away
with waves of their hats before Akane realized that *she'd*
been distracted by this job for Genma, too. Long enough for
them to slip away at any rate.
"So, Akane, you've got friends now. That's so nice!" Nabiki,
the helpful and supportive sister that she was *trying* to
become, was nonetheless suspicious.
"Sort of," said Akane. She wouldn't bust their plans wide
open. Though the temptation was to do so was quite strong.
So instead she'd be a little less so. "Oy, Kasumi-oneechan.
Their Dad's here so ah would expect yer fiance to be showin'
right soon. Why don't y'all get that formal teaset ready?"
Nabiki and Kasumi blinked at this, startled by Akane's
solemn look.
"On the other hand, ah'll be setting up a ritual in the
backyard. Somethin' ah been thinkin' of for awhile." Akane
winked and cocked her hat at a rakish angle. "Y' might do it
up twice, after all, Nabiki might be gettin' engaged soon
herself."
"What exactly are you planning, Akane?" Nabiki asked her
sister.
"Well, sister, y'all know them clerical spells ah be castin'
lately?" Akane smiled slightly at Nabiki's vigorous nod.
"Well, one o' them is a curse removal spell, an' ah got's me
a feelin' that if ah do it exactly right, it'll make a darn
fine dowry for one of y'all."
-----------
*SHOOM*
Jared smiled and put the Pokeball containing Wildhorn in a
pocket. Typical of the Rival Relief Office tendency to
scavenge timelines for handy little things that they could
then use to address the dichotomy between their average
power level and the level of missions/other agencies. He
briefly wondered if the next youma he encountered could be
shoved in one.
Ranma disdained such things but kept an eye on them. You
never know. Some of this stuff might be handy, though
relying on them was obviously a weakness.
Jared finished that, begged two cups of hot water from a
vendor, and returned to the alley with Ranma. A double
splash quickly followed.
"Am I glad to finally get out of there!" Ranma was busily
divesting himself of anything remotely female, though as
he'd never acquired any to begin with this was a little
hard.
"I think what you really mean to say is that you're glad to
be able to shuck the disguise, and I don't blame you." Jared
said, as he made the switch between ladylike to masculine in
everything from attire to actual fact, also disposing of
Western gear in the process, getting into a more
Chinese costume, similar to Ranma's. "And I don't blame you,
it's unnatural and uncomfortable to be something you
aren't."
Ranma made a noise that more than backed that statement up.
Jared was lacing the ties of his sandals up his calf. "But
the way I understand it, there's a time share thing going on
with our curse that will only allow us to spend half our tim
e as our true gender. Since we've just put a day and a
fraction into that other role, we ought to have a
reasonably approximate time as ourselves before we become
water magnets."
"Huh?"
One twin met the other's puzzled eyes. "Ranma, do you
remember China? When we first *got* those curses we could
hardly spend a moment out of them. It would rain or drizzle
at the most unexpected moments, we'd get splashed by
shopkeepers and water would seemingly come out of nowhere to
get us. The curse is MAGIC! It doesn't obey normal rules.
According to normal science, if a thing has a trigger you
just fail to trigger that and you'll be okay. According to
magic, if a curse says that you will spend half of your time
female, then the trigger will appear all by itself to make
sure that you get your time quota in. Being careful won't
stop it, only more magic."
"So what we gotta find is more magic." Ranma reasoned,
flexing his muscled arm and enjoying the feel of being *him*
again!
"In martial arts there are a ton of special, esoteric
maneuvers that just any counter won't stop, you've got to
have the *right* one to do the trick. Rushing headlong isn't
going to help any, and the only magic we've encountered so
far is these curses. It seems likely there are more curses
out there. So rather than get another one lets be careful,
okay?"
Ranma unconsciously tugged on the end of his pigtail, victim
of a Dragon's Whisker Soup curse, and laughed
self-consciously. One could see some of his heedless haste
die.
Jared stood up, now wearing standard Ranma silks in yellow
and green, one of those wicker hats, and two swords that
most people would automatically convince themselves couldn't
*possibly* be sheathed in pearl, and it had to be white
enamel. He flung the other Ranma a key to the apartment he'd
just rented. "You go on ahead. That will break up the 'two
leave together, two
arrive together' connection, and make our disguise a little
easier. Don't let Genma blow the whole secret, and you
*know* he'll try to."
"Huh? Why would he do that?" Ranma asked, honestly puzzled,
catching the key one handed.
Jared sighed, beginning to fit small objects into his sash
where they would be concealed, yet ready. "Because, Ranma,
he's going to get a wealthy retirement if he marries us off
to that man you saw's daughters. He's in 'Sell out my sons'
mode, and that means he's more his friend's
ally than ours. Oh, tuck that key on the inside of your
pigtail, would you? If you hide it anywhere else either
Genma or Nabiki is going to get ahold of it and we'll have
to change hiding holes."
Ranma slipped the key into the appropriate hiding place and
still looked puzzled.
Jared only sighed and shook his head as he busied himself
with other things. "Oh, Ranma. Just be on your guard when
you get there, alright? Genma will try and turn you into a
girl, they will *all* try and marry you to Akane, which you
must avoid or catastrophe will result, and generally stay on
your toes, okay? Trust me, you'll be glad if you did. If you
go into that situation trusting Genma will be nice you're in
for a few nasty shocks."
The native Ranma looked skeptical. "Well, okay. If you say
so." He hopped out of the window and was off, racing the two
blocks to get there.
Behind him Jared was waiting for a few (not many) moments,
intending to get there about a minute after Ranma did and
before they could hail him with two many questions he still
wasn't clever enough to answer.
Opening up a jewelry case, he selected a magic ring (a Ring
of Utmost Weapon Harm, come to think of it) and slid it on
the ring finger of his left hand, pausing a moment to admire
it. "Heh. I'm sorry, but I can't get engaged, I'm already
married."
Then he began to apply putty to his face to reduce his good
looks.
-------
Back at the ranch, errr, Tendo dojo, the residents had been
plying their guest with food and comfort and now the old man
was swaddled in cushions, just beginning to sip a cup of
delicious tea as he lay prostrate by the table with his old
friend.
Nabiki was feeling a trifle rebellious, as the pillow that
usually graced her behind was tucked in with the mass
surrounding that town-drunk-to-be, and while Kasumi wouldn't
mind ordinarily, going out of her way to make this
disreputable type of man at ease was something she might
well
develop a facial tick over.
"So Tendo," whimpered Genma when he'd recovered enough. My
sons..."
"Hey pops!" Ranma shouted, appearing in a leap over the wall
of the yard. Dodging instantly to the side as Genma (who had
feigned far more incapacity than he felt in order to achieve
more solace) charged him with a bucket of water.
"Foolish boy! Why did you run off and leave me like that?
Are you a coward?" He began to cry false crocodile tears as
he berated his offspring. "Or is it that I have FAILED!?!
Both of my sons are willing to abandon their only parent.
Surely I have failed to instill any kind of
honor." He dropped the crying act and began to shout in
Ranma's face. "Ranma! Running away from your
responsibilities isn't... Urk!" The elder Saotome found it
difficult to speak with his son's foot in his mouth.
"Isn't too unlike you, pops." Ranma completed dryly.
*Ding Dong*
"That must be the front door. I'll get it." Nabiki was off,
having beaten her older sister by virtue of not having been
holding a pot of tea when the bell rang.
The stranger at the door had his hat brim low so Nabiki
couldn't see his face, but he asked her. "I take it this is
the Tendo place? I trust Genma and my brother are already
here."
That was worth a moment of blinking. Nabiki cocked her head
aside (trying to get a look under that hat) and asked.
"Isn't Mr Saotome your father? Why do you refer to him by
his first name?"
"Because I do not respect him." Was her simple answer, as
the head came up to reveal a boy not unlike Ranma in
appearance, though something about that seemed out of place.
Shrugging, Nabiki stood aside to let him in. In moments
everyone was gathered around the dining room table.
Genma, still enthroned as a king in all of the cushions
available, cleared his throat and started. "My name is Genma
Saotome, and these are my sons..."
"Ranma Saotome." Ranma bowed from where he was seated.
"Jared Saotome." supplied Ranma-j.
"JARED?!" Akane yelped as if someone had branded *her*
posterior.
Jared merely raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're
alright, Akane? You look a little Grey. Still it'll be a
lovely Knight for Moonlight, wouldn't you say? Maybe that'll
give you a little extra Serenity, then we can all go Scout
out something to do. Maybe go Sailing, or I could show
you gals Mercury or Venus. I don't know if we'd have the
Time to do Pluto, but the Silver Moon is always nice." He
snapped his fingers as if in discovery of a new thought.
"Hey! I think they may even have that new Skysaber game in
the arcade!" ~And if they don't, I can *add* it.~
The look Akane shot Jared was full of meaning, one of which
was active displeasure. ~He KNEW?! And still put me through
all that? Damn elves!~
Nabiki was disappointed. There went her chance to prove that
she could be a nice supportive fiancee! One was an uncouth
brute, and the other had lost serious points with her by his
treatment of his father (though she had to admit, there was
a decent chance that it was deserved) and was now coming
onto her younger sister! Though Akane didn't look too happy
about it.
And she'd been hoping for cute, too.
"Oops," said Akane, flipping a cup of iced tea towards
Jared.
"Clumsy of you," said Jared, catching then redirecting the
cup with such skillful control that it caught all of its
original contents and was set down nicely on the table
without spilling a drop.
"Oops, sorry about that." Akane shook her head with a glower
toward Jared. "Well, y'all can git better acquainted while
ah busy myself in that there kitchen."
"So, son," Soun was preening. "It'll be my youngest daughter
then."
The boy mentioned took a calm drink from his glass of water
(he didn't drink tea, and by so saying he lost points with
Kasumi and was rapidly pacing himself out of this race -
which he felt was all for the best, really). "Sorry, Mr
Tendo. There's a very long list of things I'd rather do than
marry Akane. It includes leaping from the tallest structure
in Japan without any safety devices and being thrown in a
cage of wild maneaters, and both of those are toward the
*top* of the list. Arm wrestling with acidic slimes is down
further but still on there, and I
think she feels the same."
"Y'all got *that* right!" Came a voice from the kitchen,
accompanied by the momentary view of Akane's head, still
appearing slightly furious.
"Well, it's obvious," said Soun. "Akane is not well. That
leaves two daughters. You have two sons. The solution is
mandated by the Heavens themselves!"
"Wouldn't work. I'm already married." Jared lifted his hand
to show off the ring.
"And just where is this wife of yours, boy?" Genma
challenged. "We've been on the road. You've never even *met*
anybody! And don't tell me you got married without my
consent."
"You could annul that." Soun nodded seriously toward his
friend.
Jared was sending out little sweatdrops. ~Ooops! Can't call
on the wives, as they'd *nurse* me. Hmm, next course of
action... Uh, help?~
Ranma rolled his eyes and leaned back. "Nice try, bro."
Akane's head popped out, a wicked gleam forming in her eyes.
"Ah think i saw that in a fire readin'. Ain't there a little
filly named..."
Jared had a Silence 15' radius aimed at the kitchen before
he realized he was still out of spell points.
"...Ukyo Kuonji?" Akane finished.
"SAOTOME! What is the meaning of this?" Soun began going to
Demon Head.
Akane saw this and wondered what would happen if she threw a
few spirit wards at it. Hmmm...
"Uhm, well, gee. I haven't heard from Ukyo..." Genma began
throwing greasy little sweatdrops in all directions.
Ranma unexpectedly gave Genma an out. "Ucchan? Isn't Ucchan
a boy?"
"That's right! So we can just go ahead and engage your
daughters to my sons!" Genma finished.
"This does not bode well," said Jared.
"Yeah." Nabiki was beginning to think she was upset with
this person. She checked her clothes, one of her favorite
outfits- a two hearts sweater and some jeans that were tight
where they did the most good. Yet she'd been dismissed like
cafeteria food. "Very flattering." Or had her reputation
preceeded her here as well?
As much as it pained him, Jared could see that he wasn't
going to succeed in this course of action, and was rapidly
making enemies out of people he'd hoped to be friends with
over the rest of his healing period. ~Time for a change in
plans.~
He looked around sheepishly. "I'm not going to get out of
this, am I?"
A chorus of shaking heads was his reply, including every
member of both families. Except Akane, who had finished in
the kitchen and was now out doing something with chalk lines
and faintly glowing water in the yard.
"Oh well!" He chirped. "It was worth the effort, anyway.
Scuse me." He reached up to his throat and took hold of the
skin there, starting by peeling that away, then tearing
thefalse flesh mask off entirely.
And Nabiki discovered the Cute requirement was **MORE** than
fulfilled. A dozen times over and with change to spare.
"Oh My." Soun choked, considering if he should perhaps
engage *both* of his eligible daughters to this son.
Kasumi was busy loosening the suddenly far-too-tight collar
of her dress so she might breathe again to speak, though the
flush traveling up from her neck to her hairline did a fair
amount of speaking for her.
Genma caught Ranma's collar as the boy tried sneaking out,
as both were now used to what they might expect when females
first saw Jared. Age didn't even seem to serve to provide
any immunity, as proven by numberless shopkeepers and at
least one 300 year old Amazon.
Jared, who was more used to the reaction he received than
they, eyed the door and considered escape, but it was too
late.
"Ranma," Akane called from the back yard. "i'm ready to try
and remove your curse now."
"Remove..." Jared said, distracted enough that he finished
peeling off his mask without considering the effects of a 25
Charisma against a stay-at-home Japanese housewife or her
slightly more jaded sister. Akane removing a hangnail level
curse was difficult to believe. Grey? Powerful enough to
budge a Jusenkyo curse?
"...my curse?" Ranma finished. He'd never been as
comfortable with the female form as Jared had been. Now this
girl who'd been so nice to him was going to cure the curse?!
"ah've been accumulating spell energies for this and casting
divinations on what ah needed for a week," Akane said, her
hair whipping around in a breeze that only seemed to affect
her. "Get in that there circle and don't disturb the outer
lines. This is the only shot ah got to do it."
"...cured...?" Genma said, looking covetously at the circle
the girl was indicating.
"Waitaminute, even so, do you think you can do this?" Jared
exclaimed. "Jusenkyo curses are equivelant to 7th level
magic at least!"
"As a Healer, my specialty is White Magic. Curses are Black.
Now, Ranma - hurry. The amount of power i'm drawing is a
difficult bronco for me to ride... All i ask is that you
treat my big sister right."
"She's talking normally," Kasumi noted, her hand going
inside the apron pocket to the little bottle of pills she'd
gotten from that doctor. "Well, mostly."
Akane had started floating, head thrown back and eyes
closed, the circle she stood in illuminated as if by a
searchlight.
"i whom am not worthy of thy power,
naeless call upon it in this hour,
angels of healing, angels of light,
intercede that things be set aright,"
Jared winced as he saw the sparks and flames begin erupting
from her clothes. She was channelling more power than she
was really able to handle. Obviously counting on the removal
of the curse relaxing enough of the insanity that Ranma
wouldn't feel as much of a need to prove he was a guy by
being a jerk.
"and the black threads now be unbound," Akane gasped as a
plume of white fire built.
Jared interposed himself between Soun and Akane when he saw
the Tendo patriarch about to rush forward. "MISTER TENDO!
Interfering now puts Akane in MORE danger. She's currently
weaving a White Magic clerical magic that could easily burn
her to ashes if you break the circle of light around her
now."
"Akane!" Kasumi winced, her own attention derailed from
where she had been merely staring at Jared.
"Ranma! Get in the circle!" Akane gasped and her back arched
within what was now a nearly blinding pillar of light.
"Decide which curse you want removed! Hurry!"
"Which curse?" Ranma was puzzled and hanging just outside
the circle that Akane had indicated.
"You bear several black band weavings, curses. Genma has
passed on to you the hereditary curse of male pattern
baldness. The Dragon's Hair, Jusenkyo, the Cat Fist, a curse
from a temple that your father stole from... ah! Certain
other influences of your father fit... i can't unbind them
alllllll." Akane's face twisted and she was obviously
wracked with pain.
There was a loud *CLANG!* and a certain large martial
artist's sneaking towards the spot Ranma still hesitated to
enter was interrupted.
Nabiki lowered one of Kasumi's frypans and looked towards
Ranma. "GET IN!"
Ranma nervously got into the circle. "In that case, I
choose..."
===========
Old West School of Martial Arts Ranching
special manuevers: Rowdy Roundup, Tie Me Kangaroo Down
Sport, Both Guns Blazing, Infinite Six Shooter, Boom Town,
Little Homestead On The Prairie, Cowpoke, Cattlepunching,
Better Than OK Corral, Git Along Little Doggies, Call In The
Calvary
and "Riding The Range With You" and "Cherokee Strip" are
both old Singing Cowboy songs.
Kasumi's voice: "Oh my, which curse will Ranma choose to
have cured? Jusenkyo? Cat Fist? Dragon's Hair? unspecified
curse? Male pattern baldness? Oh dear. Akane, your hair's
turned white!"
Akane's voice: "After *that*, you better treat my sister my
right, Saotome! ?!? Whatta ya mean you choose ME?!"
-------------------------------
"Don't forget that for the acorn to
become the mighty oak, it starts with a
little nut that decides to stand its ground."
-Anonymous
metroanime@mindspring.com
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/