Yip! Another one in this sad story.
Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc...
Cheers
Alex
E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk
WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/
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AUTHORS NOTE: If you thought the last one was weird... then hold on
for motto motto weirdness. This is not really a story but a piece of
prose and has very little relationship to EVA. If you like this sort
of stuff then enjoy, or don't as you wish...
* * * *
Contemplations IV of VI - Choices
Rei stood stock still and glared at the figure seated quite
contentedly on her bed. The figure said nothing, did nothing except
look back calmly at the red eyed girl. The door clicked shut behind
the young pilot but both Rei and her unexpected visitor ignored it.
The tempting smell of the freshly cooked dinner that had been
layed out on the small table caused Rei's mouth to water but she tried
to ignore it as she kept her eyes focused on her intruder. Green eyes
locked with red and each figure just continued to stare as if waiting
for some hidden signal that would break their deadlock - none came.
Moments dragged by and still the two adversaries just stood staring,
not speaking or moving - neither giving way to the other. Indomitable.
Unfathomable. Completely...
A faint growling sounded into the space between them.
"Hungry are you Rei-chan?" the girl asked with a small smile as
Rei looked down at the part of her body that had just betrayed her.
"You are welcome to tuck in. I made it all just for you."
"What are you doing here?" Rei said as she took a small step
forward. "Who are you? What do you want of me?"
The girl slowly unfolded her legs and stood up. "Do you want to
freshen up before you eat or do you wish to eat first?" she asked
ignoring Rei's questions. "Dinner will still be hot if you wish to
change first."
"What do you want?" Rei repeated moving closer towards the center
of the room always keeping her eyes locked onto the elfin figure. She
remembered the power that this unnatural girl had displayed the last
time they had met.
"Want?" the girl shrugged. "Nothing much. Why? Did you want
something of me?"
Rei frowned. Questions for more questions. The girl was playing
the same word games as before.
"Questions, always questions," the girl commented as she started
to busy herself tiding up the small apartment. "You can never have any
answers without questions can you? And oddly, without answers
questions never have any meaning - do they Rei-chan?"
Rei did not answer. She just watched as the redhead filled up a
container of water and humming a mindless tune started washing the
floor.
"What do you want?" Rei tried to ask again. The girl however
seemed to be far more interested in cleaning the floor than in
answering Rei. The warm rich smell of the meal wafted under her nose
again and much to Rei's annoyance the growling sound repeated itself.
"Do you want me to wash your uniform for you while I am here?"
the redhead said looking up from the floor. "I did the rest of your
laundry already."
Rei cocked her head. "Why?"
The girl snorted. "That's a stupid question. Why should I not do
it? You are the one who doesn't seem to bother."
"Why should I?"
The girl sighed and turned her attention back to the floor.
"Questions," she muttered leaving Rei feeling as if she was missing
some sort of important point. She continued to watch the girl for a
minute or so but the redhead did nothing more than hum that same silly
tune and clean the floor. When it became clear that that was all the
redhead was interested in doing Rei shrugged and headed for the
bathroom.
Turning on the shower she unzipped her skirt and slipped out of
the school uniform. She carefully piled her clothes into a bundle and
looked into the dirty mirror opposite the door. As per usual the only
thing that stared back at her was herself - just herself. Rei blinked
at that odd thought and grabbing the bundle of dirty clothes she
walked back outside the bathroom. The redhead was standing by the
window watching her with a faint smile on her white face.
"Here," Rei said as she crossed over to the middle of the room
and held out her clothes for the redhead to take.
The redhead just stood watching.
"Here," Rei said again and took a further step in the girl's
direction. "You said you would wash them. So, here."
"Dangerous," the redhead warned suddenly.
"What?" Rei frowned as she took another step forward. "What did
you just say?"
"Choices," the girl replied and moving slowly crossed over to
stand just in front of the pilot of Unit-00.
"Choices? What do you mean?" Rei took a small step back uncertain
of the girl's change in attitude.
The taller girl smiled and took the bundle of clothes from Rei's
uncertain hands. Green eyes locked with red and the girl's perfect
face stared down at Rei like some sort of ivory statue. Rei found
herself utterly entrapped by those eyes - the depths of them were...
impossible.
"What do _you_ want Rei-chan?" the girl said at last in a faint
whisper. "What is it you _really_ want of life?"
The question was so unexpected that Rei almost did not understand
it. "Me?" she squawked in a voice that was completely unlike her.
"Yes," the girl reiterated raising a hand to push the bluish
fringe back from the red eyes. "You. What is it _you_ want?"
The touch of the other's cool moist hand on her forehead made Rei
even more agitated.
"I... I..." she tried to say.
"No one has ever asked you that before have they Rei-chan?" the
girl said with a sad smile as she held Rei's chin in a light grasp.
"Always orders, demands, but never a genuine question. Never anyone
asking you how you feel or how you are..."
Rei's thought's were swirling in confusion as she saw the genuine
pity shining in the girl's emerald like eyes. The cruel humour that
had glittered in those depths at their last meeting was now a dark
reflecting mirror, an endlessly reflecting mirror...
"And they call me a fiend..." the girl muttered bitterly as she
continued to look down sadly at the white skinned young mortal in
front of her.
...A mirror that showed Rei only herself... only herself... only
her _true_ self...
Alone... Alone... A small figure overlooked by all until it was
convenient... Only until it was time for that figure to be pushed into
battle like some toy soldier...
"Alone..." Rei whispered faintly as she looked back at that
perfect face staring at her.
The redhead shook her head slightly as the red eyes began to
brim. "Choices," the redhead said carefully wiping away the salty
excess before it embarrassed the human even more. "We all have choices
Rei-chan. The path we take has as many forks and branches as we want
it to have. Never think that simply because we do not chose to see
those forks that they are not there Rei-chan, because they always are.
It is from those forks, those choices that life itself is forged
child. Do not blind yourself to the way simply because you refuse to
see it..."
Rei shuddered slightly. She could not believe what she had seen
reflected in those eyes... Was she that empty? Did no one really see
her? Did no one really love her? No! It was impossible! He cared for
her! He had tried to save her! He...
"Only sees you as a tool," the girl broke in softly. "All of you,
you are only tools. Pieces that are moved as part of the Great Game.
You are a Pawn Rei-chan, nothing more and nothing less. Your worth is
derived from the Moves that you make. But like all Pawns..." the girl
pulled back her hand and turned to look out the window. "The Game must
end."
"I am here to give you your Choice Rei-chan," the girl said
quietly finally answering Rei's initial questions. "Who I am does not
really matter. I have been called many different things in my life by
many different people, each of whom see in me what they want to see.
If a name is important to you then call me Sam - it is as good as any
other title."
"Sam..." Rei said hesitantly. "Am I... Am I really that..." she
stopped. How could she describe it? How could she put the totality of
her life into words?
"Soulless?" the girl supplied looking back kindly at the
teenager. "Is that the word you want?"
Rei did not know what word she wanted. Why did she feel like
this? Where had the calm indifference she had known for so long gone?
Why had it abandoned her now?
"Because you stopped just long enough to look at your reflection,
your true reflection," the redhead stated kindly. "The one that is
meant for your eyes alone."
"I... I..." Rei was lost and confused. For the first time in her
life she was being forced to look at herself, _really_ look at herself
and... and...
"Who are you?" the girl called Sam asked.
"I... I..." Rei shook her head as the empty feeling within her,
this dark void threatened to overwhelm her completely.
"What do _you_ want?" Sam asked.
"Sam... I..." Rei suddenly burst into tears and slumped to the
wet floor sobbing her heart out.
The being who called herself Sam stared at the weeping naked
figure on the floor and a rare tender look flashed over her face.
Perhaps for Rei the answer to her question was far more than the
mortal could stand. Perhaps it was time for a Choice instead.
Kneeling down Sam gathered the crying girl in her arms and
effortlessly lifted her up. She was slightly surprised at how
weightless the human was. Her statement about Rei's soullessness was
more true than Sam had originally thought.
"Shhh... Rei... shhh..."
Rei buried her face in Sam's warm red hair and tried to cry out
the bitter loneliness that seemed to be filling her heart to the brim.
She was so alone! Oh... why was she so alone!? What had she done to
deserve that... Why...
"Rei... Rei... Shhh..."
Rei clung onto the only selfless offer of comfort that she had
ever received in her short life. She did not care who or what offered
it to her. The only thing... the _only_ thing that mattered was that
someone offered it. She could no longer hide behind the wall of
ignorance or indifference. She NEEDED that dark emptiness in her heart
to be filled with something... anything...
The redhead called Sam held the crying teenager until finally the
tears subsided into hiccups and then died away altogether. The two
figures simply stood there motionless in the middle of the room - the
being that some called the Corrupter and the clone that some called
Rei Ayanami.
Finally the redhead slowly tried to let the human down but Rei
refused to let go. For the first time in her life Rei felt like she
was wanted, truly wanted and she would not let that feeling go - ever.
She buried her head in the girl's neck and clung on like some kind of
limpet. She just wanted to be loved... That was all... She could no
longer stand being alone... Please...
"I have many names," Sam said quietly into the silence of the
room. "To some I am the Corrupter. To others, I am the Enemy and to
yet others I am simply Vengeance..."
Rei clung on. All she ever wanted was to no longer be alone. All
she wanted was for someone... anyone to know that _she_ lived...
Someone who would just notice her...
"And to a few," Sam continued in that same faint whisper. "Oh, to
a very rare few Rei-chan I am also known as Beloved. Is this what you
really want child? To walk the Darkest Path? To yield up everything
and be consumed by the Darkness of my Corruption? Is that _your_
Choice Rei?"
"I don't want to be alone any more..." Rei whispered back still
holding on tightly. "Please... I just want to be free... I just want
to be..."
"Cherished," Sam finished with a smile as she Claimed this Rei
Ayanami for her own. Oh, she knew that He would provide a replacement,
that His Plans would still be fulfilled, that ultimately the result
would still be the same, but...
"I rename you Amilee," Sam formally stated her Claim as the
newest member of her Family sighed in contentment.
Yes... His Plans would be fulfilled, but not quite in the manner
that He foresaw. What a shame...
Amilee felt herself falling back into the soft infinite
whispering Darkness of an eternal night, but this time... this time
she was not alone.
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