LadyCailin@aol.com wrote:
One evening, her father called her and her two sisters to make an
announcement.
Her and her sisters Nabiki and Kasumi. In fanfiction always assume your
readers know next to nothing about the series. If you talk about everyone in
reference to your main character (Akane) then it takes them out of the story.
Akane's sisters are important characters no matter how you play this one.
Their plot drivers you can't slide out of the story.
I disagree. They don't drive this plot at all. They are totally unimportant
characters here.
Most of us know what happened next.
Er. . .See above note about assuming your readers know nothing. Besides,
Akane might also act differently though this part. If Akane is waiting for
that one special man she was told about then she might just get a little
panicked about a fiancee comin' round. She would also be really relieved when
Ranma shows up as a girl. Take us through it, make it short, but take us
through it. First impressions are important.
The thing is, in the story Akane doesn't necessarily believe the
prognosticator until some of his predictions come true. So far,
all he's done is appear surprisingly knowledgeable about her current
problem, but nothing that couldn't be explained away
by a skeptic.
As far as my opinion of the story goes, I have a few issues with the
prognosticator's version of Ranma. Ranma didn't do anything to cause
anyone else's enmity? Really?