About the semicolon, well, I discovered semicolons some time ago, and I
just
keep putting them everywhere now--sometimes, I make a mistake. ^_^
Will fix, too.
It's a common mistake, and I have to watch out for it myself. There
really are rules for using colons and semicolons.
The general rule of thumb is to use colons when you want to show a list
or a conclusion, like so:
"These are the first two days of the week: Monday and Tuesday."
"There was only one thing to do with the dirty bastard that stole my
money: I shot him."
Semicolons are a way of finishing off one thought and then launching
immediately into a related thought, so they are quite literally a cross
between a period and a comma, as the symbol itself implies:
"I'm not necessarily saying that he's all that slimy; I just said he's a
slug."
The key thing to remember is that a semicolon ISN'T just another kind of
comma, so don't overuse it!
By the way, that part about his chest being unarmored isn't correct.
The Zentraedi battle uniform has armored plates all over it, and the
chest
area in particular has a large armored plate that also contains the
suit's
controls. Look around the net for some stills of a Zentraedi trooper;
they're armored in most critical locations. Not that it matters to a
Gatling gun...
I really didn't remember this, but now that you mention it, it's not that
hard to fix. Chaning 'unarmored' for 'armored' should work, as, like you
said, the Gattling gun can pierce almost anything.
You were probably thinking of the duty uniform, which has the long coat.
That's unarmored. When they are going out in a battlepod, they put on an
armored spacesuit.
Two descriptions of Minmei's hair is too much. I suggest "A young
brunette was slumped in the rear seat, her head tilted to one side,
resting
against the canopy. The long locks covered her pale face, making it
hard
for Ranma to see her features clearly."
Well, according to Morgan, 'brunette' and 'black-haired woman' aren't the
same, but I'll keep the references to Minmei's hair to a minimun... I
think
we all know how she is, ne?
Not everyone these days are necessarily familiar with the Macross
characters, so you should have some descriptions. It's been a long time
since "Robotech" last aired in the US market.
Thanking whoever it was that looked after them, the best martial
artists of the world, Ranma sighed in relief. "Hey, guys! Open up!" he
called. To say Rick was startled by the sight of Ranma standing on the
plane's nose while looking down at him would be an understatement, but
he
managed to calm himself enough to comply after a few seconds.
Rick and Minmei are the best martial artists of the world? That's
what
the first sentence is implying!
Heh. As I told Morgan, I'll change this sentence.
Maybe I should just say this is an Alt Uni and get over it, right? ^_^
The mind boggles... "The tragic story of a young pilot, on a ten-year
mission, who fell into the "Spring of Drowned Chinese Idol Singer"; now
whenever he's splashed with cold water, he transforms into an insufferable,
conceited bimbo!"
The Guardian's comm suddenly turned on, and the image of Roy
Fokker's
face appeared on the instrument panel's screen. "Sorry to interrupt
you,
Little Brother, but the party's over. If we don't hurry, they'll leave
without us; let's go!" He paused, noticing Ranma. "Who's your friend?"
Punctuation- "If we don't hurry, they'll leave without us. Let's
go!"
Did I mention semicolons? ^_^
It seems I love them, and you hate them. Oh, well...
Nope, I don't hate 'em. I use 'em more than most people I know!
The Battloid extruded one of its metal tentacles and, much in the
same
way in that Ranma had seen before when Rick craft had been repaired,
used
it
to open a small panel in the side of the Guardian. Its three passengers
suddenly felt themselves shaken around as Roy's machine gently took the
cockpit in its metallic hands, separating it from the rest of the
aircraft.
Using a fitment especially built with that purpose, Roy placed it on
the
side of his Battloid's right arm.
"Using a fitting especially built for the purpose, Roy attached it
to
the side of his Battloid's right arm."
Nobody likes 'fitment', ne? ^_^
It DOES sound better, so I'll use your suggestion.
"Fitment" is a British word, not an American one. Also, the definition
is wrong for the use you put it to. It means "furnishing, fixture, or
cabinetry" -- in other words, it refers to furniture, not machinery.
Roy shut down his comm, his ears ringing. How could two people be
so
loud, he would never understand. He had better get to the SDF-1 as soon
as
possible, before they killed each other. Besides, Minmei would go deaf
soon
if those two didn't calm down.
"How two people could be so loud, he would never understand."
Umm, okay, I'll change it. If I don't heed my readers' advices, what will
be
of me? ^_^
English as a Second Language catching you up short, eh? ^_-
Your version wasn't correct usage. "How could two people be so loud" is
a question, not a statement.
The Battloid mechamorphosed to Guardian mode and rose smoothly to
the
air on its foot thrusters. The Robotech craft hovered there for a few
seconds, as Roy glanced one last time at the wartorn streets of
Macross,
and
then jetted off towards its mother ship.
"war-torn"
Um, don't think so. Morgan told me the same, but when I looked it up, the
hyphen wasn't there. I'll check again, though.
Believe us, that's the correct way to write it. It's even built into
spell-checkers that way.
However, it was also true that that boy ought to have said
something.
Why didn't he come clean and say he wasn't a pilot? �Idiot,� thought
Lisa,
shaking her head. Well, there was nothing she could do now. She just
hoped
that Commander Fokker could save the boy--she didn't want to have a
death
in
her conscience. Besides, she expected to have a few words with him.
As I recall, he DID say something. She overruled him; and she
should
remember that.
Well, these are Lisa's thoughts, and she wouldn't recognize she overruled
anyone--not even to herself.
Besides, if I remember correctly, Rick never said he wasn't a pilot. He
only
said something like "Okay, lady, if you insist." and took off. Too much
pride to say he didn't know how to fly a Veritech, you know?
He didn't say that he wasn't a pilot, but he did tell her he wasn't a
soldier. What he was saying didn't click with her at the time; since he was
a pilot, and she was overloaded with concerns, she just assumed that any
pilot in a Varitech had to be qualified, and blocked out the rest of his
words. Since Rick had just been bragging to Roy about how good he was a few
minutes before, he didn't put up a much of a protest as he should have.
A sleek fighter rose swiftly out of the earth's atmosphere. As the
air
thinned and the sky blackened, the uttermost silence surrounded the
small
craft. No sounds could be heard but the ones coming from the Veritech,
and
Roy enjoyed a rare moment of peace as he closed his eyes.
"the utmost silence"
Um, is there any difference between 'utmost' and 'uttermost'?
Not in practical terms, but that's how that particular sentence goes.
It's a usage thing.
Lisa couldn't take it any more, and snapped, "Argh, that does it!
What
is your name, you uncouth moron?!" she yelled at a confused Ranma,
shaking
with anger.
"Uncouth moron"? Somehow, I just can't picture Lisa saying that.
It
sounds more like something Kuno might say.
...or Kodachi, yeah. This was actually a suggestion made by one of my
prereaders. I had gone for 'insolent jerk' myself, but he mentioned that
Lisa struck him as a lady of more... refined language. So I changed it.
No sweat. There's a whole world of insults out there. What about 'idiotic
moron'? ^_^
That's redundant. Just "idiot" or "moron" would do nicely, thank you.
If you want a more elaborate insult that fits the situation, then
"smart-mouthed idiot" might do.
Something detracted him from his musings, and he looked up to see
what
was going on. Apparently, there was some kind of discussion going on in
the
bridge. He paid attention, and was able to hear a voice he had never
heard
before--a male voice. For some reason, though, it seemed awfully
familiar.
"Something distracted him"
Argh, 'detracted' isn't the word, eh? Thanks for pointing this out. I'd
have
NEVER noticed otherwise.
"Detract" most commonly means to "diminish the importance, value, or
effectiveness of something"
"RANMA!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, shocked. Gloval, almost
running, came to Lisa's board, where two different screens were
displayed.
One of them showed Commander Fokker's familiar face, trademarked
nonchalant
look included. Of course, Gloval knew appearances could be deceptive,
If I recall correctly, the captain's chair is only about 3 or 4
steps
away from Lisa's station. Not much room for "almost running".
I really don't know the exact distance, but I tried to convey his
surprise,
more than his actual speed. I'll rephrase it, though.
How about this: "Gloval practically leaped to Lisa's board, where two
different screens were displayed."
"Hell, he was certain they would mutiny if he ever forced them to
visit
the barber's"
Barber's? Um, well, it does sound like something an old Russian Captain
would think, so I'll use it, too.
"Hairdresser" is a term that has the connotation of a person who works
on women's hair. The unisex equivalent of a barber is a "hair stylist", but
the older term is still used.
He had been right, he was Ranma. �Thank God he's fine.� Gloval
sighed, relieved. But, a second later, he winced, as he recalled how
Ranma
had called him. He could already see the members of the bridge bunnies
covering their mouths with their hands, trying to stifle sudden fits of
giggles. Only Lisa seemed serious, although she was looking at him with
wide, incredulous eyes.
Comma use- "Thank God, he's fine."
Really? I thought it wasn't needed in this case. Like in: "Thank God that
he's fine."
If you had phrased it "thank God that he's fine", you would be right
about not needing the comma. In this particular case, the comma takes the
place of the missing word.
�Umm, where would be this 'bridge' place?� asked Ranma to himself.
He
didn't know anything about spaceships--or about ships in general, for
that
matter. The only bridges he knew were the ones built over a river...
"Um, where would this 'bridge' place be?"
Okay again... You don't like the double 'm' neither? ^_^
Strangely enough, it's a real word in colloquial English, and has a
correct way of spelling it!
The seconds slowly ticked away as everyone waited in complete
silence
once again. After what looked like a year, Claudia, the SDF-1's
brown-faced
Bridge Officer, began the countdown: "We will enter fold in ten
seconds...
nine..."
Um... I really think you should come up with a better description of
her
skin tone than "brown-faced"!!!!
Heh. I swear I read that one somewhere! It just came to my mind while
writing. Don't worry, I'll think of something.
Yep. There are any number of "politically correct" ways of describing
skin tones... but "brown-faced" isn't one of them! It's a bit too close to
the insult "brown-nose"!
With the
same
intensity as a hundred supernovas, the glove expanded, soon containing
the
whole island of Macross. The city, the harbour, the shelters; all of
them
were swallowed by the white energy and lost in an ocean of light.
"soon covering the whole island"
Um, but the globe didn't cover the Macross, it enveloped it.
In this use, the words mean pretty much the same thing. "Containing"
just doesn't go with the sentence grammatically.
And that's it for round two of the comments!
Ja mata,
LarryF
http://lwf58.tripod.com