A Humble Home for a Strong Heart

Chapter 5

Usual disclaimers apply to the characters of both Naoko Takeuchi and Rumiko
Takahashi.


Lita arranged the tattered remains of Akane's uniform about her bare chest as
best as she could, sat cross-legged on the ground, and began rocking gently,
paying little attention to the two young men arguing before her. Normally, she
would be ogling the both of them, with their sleek, muscular arms and their lean
bodies.  This time, however, she was way too disturbed.

"Take her back to the dojo? ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Maybe she was dead.  That was it.  She just couldn't buy the fact that she
somehow switched identities with another person. No dream could be this
lucid...or this bizarre.

"Do you want me to get killed?  Is that it?  Do you hate me that much for me to
go to Mr. Tendo and say 'Here's your daughter, Mr. Tendo.  Please overlook the
fact that she's grown a foot or two, changed her hair and eye color and goes by
the name of Lita Kino. In fact, where Akane actually is, I have no idea, but
please accept this girl as a substitute?' Is that what you want?!"

But if she was dead, exactly where was she?  She had been...dead once before,
and though she had very vague memories about it, she was certain her afterlife
did not involve waking up in a handsome, albeit a little perverted, guy's arms.
One thing she was absolutely sure about, though, was that when she had died, she
wasn't Lita; she was...

"Baka!" *BOP* "It's the only respectable thing to do!  We can't just abandon
her! She needs a safe place to stay while I look for Akane and find out where
she disappeared to.  And yes, I DO hate you that much!!"

Lita dug in the interdimensional pocket where she always kept her Scout
belongings.  Her hands kept feeling what seemed like wooden hammers of all
sizes, though how they could all be crammed in such a tiny space was beyond her.

But the most important thing she was looking for was simply not there.

"You stupid idiot! Think you can use that lame excuse so you can go gallivanting
about the country while I take the rap?  This is just as much your fault as
mine.  If anything, it's *all* your fault!  Who was it who threw the water on
her?" *SMACK*

Lita hugged her chest tighter to keep the knot inside her from loosening. This
couldn't be happening.  Even though she knew it would be useless without her
transformation stick, she spread her fingers and whispered, "Jupiter Power..."

Nothing.

*THUNK-A-BOP* "Oh yeah? Well who was acting like a general jerk in the first
place?"

Tears began trickling down her cheeks.  If she wasn't Sailor Jupiter anymore,
then what good was it?  Men were fine, but she loved the electric power flowing
through her body, the euphoria she felt when she felt energy bolstering her,
making her into a powerful being to be feared.  As Sailor Jupiter, she was
mighty.  She was *needed*.  Sailor Moon needed Jupiter's protection, not Lita
Kino's, who tried to be just as reliable as Sailor Jupiter, but always failed
for some reason.

Lita the tomboy, who switched schools so many times due to her reputation.

Lita the orphan, who had to lie and say her parents were overseas to rent an
apartment on her own.

Lita the cook,  who always tried to win peoples' hearts through her food, yet
somehow still wound up being alone.

Plain, ordinary, Lita.

Without her power, she was helpless.  No, not helpless.  Useless.  This wasn't
heaven -- this was hell.

"Yo, uh, Lita. Are you okay?"

She felt a touch on her shoulder and snapped.  "No! What am I going to do now?
My entire life is gone because of this stupid freak accident.  I can't live
here, not like this!"

She began sobbing harder.  Flustered, Ranma could only pat her shoulder quicker.
"No.  Uh, Don't cry.  Everything will be okay.  Really.  I'm sure we can find a
way to get you home."  Helplessly, he looked at Ryoga.

"Ranma's right, Lita.  Really.  Um, do you mind if you, um, cover yourself? I'm
getting a crick in my neck from holding my head back, and the blood going down
my throat is making me a bit nauseated."

"Sorry," Lita sniffled, drawing her legs up to hug her knees. Unfortunately,
Lita had forgotten that her little growth spurt had shredded Akane's underwear
as well the uniform.

"Wow.  I never seen a guy shriek and pass out like that before.  Is he going to
be okay?"

Ranma shrugged.  "Oh yeah.  Ryoga's always like that when he's, er, face-to-face
with, uh, um, certain parts of the female body." He went over to Ryoga's
unconscious form and casually relieved him of his yellow shirt. "Here.  Put this
on.  If he wakes up and complain, just say you'll be happy to return it to him
on the spot.  I don't think he'll mind after that."

Lita slid the slightly musty shirt over her, noting that it was quite dirty and
worn, like he had tramped all over Japan with just the clothes on his back. She
looked at Ryoga and noticed with a practiced eye that he was in great shape,
with shapely lean muscles. "Doesn't like girls, huh?" she sighed.

"Hmmph.  I wish it was so.  It would make my life a tad easier.  You can say he
does like girls, or rather a certain girl, but--" he began grinding his teeth.
"It just so happens she's taken. He's too shy to admit his feelings, but when he
does get the nerve to...well, let's just say I ever so conveniently show up."

Mathematics wasn't Lita's forte.  Matters of the heart, though, was a different
subject.  "You're in love with the same girl?"

Ranma jumped, and waved his hands in denial.  "No, no! It's not like that! I
mean, uh," He began blushing furiously.  "It's just that, well, she's my
fiancee."

"Fiancee!" Lita said, shocked. "Aren't you a little young to be married?"

Ranma shrugged and looked uncomfortably away.  "It wasn't as if I wanted it to
happen.  Our fathers arranged it.  I could never marry such a uncute tomboy
anyhow."

Lita opened her mouth, then on second thought, shut it.  <Doesn't like tomboys,
huh? Guess that leaves me out of the picture.>

<Hey, wait a minute.  I can't think of flirting at a time like this!  Am I that
desperate, even in my afterlife?!>

"Not that I don't like her," Ranma rushed on. "It's just that...well...you
know..." He was looking more and more uncomfortable.  Lita decided it was time
to change the subject.

"Well, we're not getting me home if we're just sitting here."  She rose to her
feet.  Ryoga's shirt hung to her midcalves, but that was fine, as long as she
didn't bend over or anything else risque.  "The first thing we need to do is get
me some decent clothing."

Ranma frowned.  He really did look cute when he had that serious frown on his
face, almost like...almost like...

Frowning, Lita cocked her head.  Now that she thought about it, there was
nothing about this guy that reminded her of Freddy, her old boyfriend. The shape
of the face was wrong; he wasn't lanky and tall.  Even his eyes were different.
He had a cute look that was all his own.

Ranma started saying, "Well, I supposed the best thing to do is..."

Then his eyes widened, his gaze fastened on something beyond Lita's shoulder.

"Oh no.  No, not that! Not *him*"

Lita turned.  Aside from the dust being kicked up in the far distance, she
didn't see a thing unusual.

She turned to him to ask what was wrong, and blinked when he leapt to Ryoga and
actually began smacking him across the face repeatedly.  "Hey stupid!  Wake up!
We gotta get out of here!  Now!"

All her warm feelings for Ranma vanished in an instant.  "Stop that!" she
snapped.  "That's rude!"

"Not as rude as what's gonna happen if we stay here."  Ranma retaliated. He
pulled Ryoga up by the shoulders and screamed in his ear.  "HEY P-CHAN!! WAKE
UP!!!"

Lita suddenly became aware of a low rumble.

**PUNCH** "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU..."  Ryoga's rapid recovery
reversed itself as he caught sight of Lita.  "Hey, why are you wearing my
shirt?"

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's head and directed his vision to the sight behind her with
a sharp (but nonlethal) crack.  "That." He said around Ryoga's fist.

Ryoga's eyes widened even larger than Ranma's.  Confused, Lita looked behind her
again.  There was something emerging from the dust, something too vast to make
out.  The rumbling was growing louder, thundering and shaking the ground, like
hundreds of feet pounding on pavement.  And the strangest conglomeration of
sounds rose from it -- high-pitched squeaks and wails and shrieks.

Lita squinted to get a better look.  It was impossible, but if she didn't know
any better...

"AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"

Lita turned just in time to see Ryoga leap to his feet, his eyes popping from
his head in a way inhumanly possible.  He swept up some stuff lying on the
ground and, grabbing his nose, he ran blindly towards the nearest brick wall.

Lita gasped.  "No!  Come back!  You going to hit that--"

*CRASH*THROOSH*BOOM!!!*

"Wall?" Lita finished lamely as she watched several bricks in the newly-made
entryway topple to the ground.  Several more crashings can be heard as Ryoga
unwittingly cleared a path through the buildings of downtown Tokyo.  "He--he
broke through the wall!  I never saw anything like that before!"

Ranma smiled.  "Yeah, we could've left him here to get trampled, but I'm not
that mean. Besides, this way's quicker." Before Lita could protest, he grabbed
her arm and they took off down the Ryoga-shaped passageway, nodding politely at
the office workers gaping at their new entrance.

Lita craned her neck to look behind her.  What in the world could cause that guy
to go utterly berserk?  The strange, howling dust storm was coming closer, was
beginning to resolve itself into figures.

And then she saw.

Girls.

Hundreds of girls.

Hundreds of scantily-clad and bare-breasted girls.

Girls bearing bats and helmets and golf clubs and benches and cars and all sorts
of mundane and bizarre objects, their faces red and drawn into horrible
grimaces, their shirts flapping and their hair flying and other parts bouncing
and bobbing, and they were screaming, shrieking in voices that conveyed all the
rage of the underworld and beyond.

"Ecchi!"

"Pervert!"

"Lech!"

"Hentai!"

Without slowing, Lita looked at Ranma.  "Does everyone here have something
against you or what?!"

"NANI?!  It's not my fault!  Why do people assume that it's me?  It's not me
they're after, I swear!  It's...it's all because of..."  Ranma's words abruptly
cut off as something sproinged off his head.  It dropped to the ground and began
running at their pace.

"Hee!  Hee! Hee! What a haul!  What a haul!"

At first, Lita thought she was looking at a very strange-looking bird, except
this one wore a black robe.  It had a black scarf tied around the little nub of
a nose, and the orifice she had thought was its beak was actually the distended
wrinkled mouth of a little, very little, old man. He was carrying on his back a
very large sack, stuffed to nearly exploding, which he carried with relative
ease, hopping and springing with unquenchable glee. And he chortled as he
hopped.

"Ranma, my boy!  We struck gold, I tell you!  Gold! Just wait until we get home.
I have a busload of silky darlings to add -- eh? What have we here?"

The little man skidded to a stop...directly in front of Lita, who nearly tripped
over him.  His eyes widened as they traveled up her legs to her chest and
stopped.  Lita blinked, trying to take in the sight before her.

A slow, toothy grin spread across the little man's face.  "Well,
hellllooooooo!!!"

Then he sprung, nimble as a black-robed spider, his arms spread wide and a
ridiculously adoring expression on his face.  She drew breath to shriek...only
to have it turn into a gasp as Ranma's elbow drove into the little man's
wrinkled head, smashing him into a black splotch on the pavement.  Smoothly, he
took Lita's arm and they were off again.

Lita was still stymied over the little man's presence.  "Hey!  That--that thing!
It tried to--"

Ranma nodded wearily. "Yeah, I know.  He's always like that.  Looks like we
better get you some more clothing."  An idea came to his head.  With a snap of
his fingers, he stopped, motioned at Lita to stay, and took off back where they
came from.  After a couple of seconds, he reappeared, toting the sack the little
man was wearing.

They emerged from another ravaged building (its occupants had continued their
office work, not even sparing a glance at the two youths charging through their
midst) out into a busy intersection.  Ranma glanced nervously up at the sky. "We
better hurry. That old lech got an incredible recovery rate."  He looked across
the street and groaned. "Oh, that's just great."

Ryoga's madcap dash must had ended, for there were no evidence of damaged
property except for a light pole bent in half, its upper half listing
dangerously into the street.  Beneath the broken pole, a pair of black pants was
strewn in the watery part of the gutter, along with a backpack, an umbrella, and
strangely enough, a small black piglet, its little legs sticking motionless in
the air.  Ryoga was nowhere to be seen.

Ranma went to the pole and looked at the pants in disgust before fishing them
out of the gutter. "Stupid moron.  It would be like him to get wet. Well, we
can't wait for these to dry." He tossed the soggy trousers to Lita, then began
rummaging through the sack.  Several times he glanced at Lita, frowning, until
he pulled out something lacy and held it out.  "It's not much, but it will do
for now until the pants dry. I'm sure the owners won't mind, in this case."  He
dangled the panties at her.

Lita was flabbergasted.  She had to work her mouth several times before shouting
"What the hell are you talking about?!  You don't expect me to put those on, do
you?!!  What kind of a FREAK are you?!!!"

"Look, I know what I'm doing."  To Lita's utter shock, he plucked the piglet out
of the gutter and began smacking it repeatedly on its snout. "This is the wrong
time to sleep, pig!  Come on, wake up so you can use your breaking point
technique or something!"

Lita had it.  This guy was asking...no, *begging* to be slapped.  She marched
over to him.

Ranma glanced at her just before he was slammed into the pavement, his twitching
limbs twisted in various grotesque shapes.  Lita stumbled back as the little
bird-man cackled atop Ranma's dazed head. "That will teach you to steal my
stuff!  I rightfully stole those panties and I won't have you keeping them for
yourself!"  He blinked, then frowned "Now, where was I?  Oh yeah..."

Using Ranma's head as a springboard, he launched himself into the air, did a
couple of somersaults, and landed on Lita's chest with an audible *GLOMP*.  "Ah,
yes!" he sighed, snuggling comfortably.  "I was introducing myself to you and
your two lovely, soft, companions!"

Once upon a time, Lita had severe reservations on how people saw her femininity,
especially when she began towering over the girls in fifth grade and beating up
the boys sixth grade and beyond.  Here at last was someone who truly saw and
appreciated her femininity for what it was.  Of course, that didn't mean she was
pleased about it.

"WHAT THE...!!!  GET OFF ME!!!!!"

Lita scrambled to dislodged the old man off her chest, who, despite his small
stature, was clinging with the tenacity of a barnacle...or an octopus, if you
count his hands which managed to squeeze every part of her body without moving
from his comfortable position.  After a few more unsuccessful attempts and a lot
of shrieking, she cried out as the old man was roughly pulled away by a
recovered Ranma. "Ouch!!"

What Ranma did with the old man was more painful.  He lifted the little man high
and slammed him hard into the ground; so hard, in fact, that when the dust
cleared, all Lita saw was a gaping hole.  A sudden screech of metal caused Lita
to look up, and her jaw dropped as he saw Ranma yanking off the rest of the
broken pole and driving it hard into the hole. "There." He proclaimed, clapping
the dust from his hands.  "That should hold him...for a while at least."

Lita gawked at him.  "But...how did you...HEY!!!!"

That last was squawked out as Ranma, with speed that rivaled that of the Sailor
Scouts, scooped up the piglet and Lita in his arms and took off down the street.
Behind them, the sounds of metal screeching and groaning could be heard.
"Kuso." Ranma said.  "I thought it would give us time, but, oh well."  He
suddenly gave a disarming smile at Lita.  "I guess we'll just have to elude him
the old fashioned way.  Hold on!"

"What?" Lita began saying when suddenly her stomach went topsy-turvy as Ranma
leapt atop a car, sprang upon an overhanging draped over a store's door, and
used that to launch himself onto the store's roof.  Without pausing, he sprinted
across, jumped, and landed on another roof.

Lita shrieked and threw her arms around him, squashing the poor piglet, which
was just waking up, between them.  It gave a muffled "bwee!", looked at what it
was squashed against, and promptly passed out again.  Lita didn't notice.  "Are
you out of your mind?!"  she screamed in Ranma's ear. "We'll get killed!"

Ranma winced but replied.  "No we won't. I do this kind of thing all the time.
The more distance we put between us and that pervert, the better. And hold on to
that pig.  If it gets away, we'll never be able to find him."  <If Ryoga wants
me to take her to the dojo, fine, but he's coming too.  I'm not going to be the
only one blasted to kingdom come.>

Lita stared at him, her incredulity mounting.  He does this sort of thing all
the time?  She studied at him as he cleared another roof with relative ease.
<Yanking up poles like their weeds? Clearing rooftops with one leap?  Holding me
as if I'm weightless like a rag doll?  Just how strong is this guy?  He does
more stuff than what I can do in my Jupiter form! Wow, he's so
strong...and...and...cute...and...>

Ranma was growing rather uncomfortable by her gaze.  <Uh, oh.  She's getting
that look in her eyes again.  Why does this happen to me every time I rescue a
girl?  I better think of something to say real fast.>

"That was stupid of you."

Lita blinked, the stars going out of her eyes. "Huh?"

"If you had put that underwear on like I told you to, this wouldn't have
happened."

"What?!"  The stars were being replaced by flames.  "What does me putting on
underwear have to do with getting rid of that pervert?"

Ranma shrugged. "You could've distracted him with it while I bound him up or
something.  I know it works for me."  Immediately, he thought, <Wait a minute.
That didn't come out right.>

"WHAT?!"

Hastily, he scrambled to cover his tracks. "No, no! That's not what I meant!" Up
ahead, the rooftops ended, showing the green of a park. "I meant whenever he
comes for me!"  If memory served him right, there was a small pond just in front
of the park. He began speeding up.  "You see, I usually keep a couple on me,
just in case.  That way, when Happosai comes around, I can just yank them off
and throw them at him."  One large jump should clear the pool nicely.  "Granted,
they're usually Akane's, so naturally they're a tight fit.  I keep telling her I
have a better body than her, but she always gets upset for some reason."  He
didn't see Lita's eyes growing larger and larger until they threatened to pop
from her head.  "Personally," he continued nonchalantly more to himself than
Lita,  "I can't see why she can't just accept the fact that I'm shapelier,
sexier, more bustier..."  Crouching low, he put all his power in his legs and
jumped off the roof.

"Why..."

It was a perfect leap.  The water of the pool glittered, blue and cool, beneath
them.

"...you..."

Ranma congratulated himself.  Who said he was a magnet for water?  Nothing could
change this perfect trajectory.

"...PERVERT!!!!!!!!!"   

**WHAP!!!**

The glittering water of the pool, blue and cool, was suddenly rising rapidly to
meet them.

===============================================================

Down the street where the Tendo Indiscriminate School of Martial Arts was
located, two young women were walking.

The first one, the one with her cherry-red hair pulled back into a pigtail, was
walking ahead of the other.  Her sopping clothes, a red shirt and black pants,
drooped off her small frame, and she was barefoot, carrying her flat black shoes
in her hand.  Her pert, pretty face was at the moment drawn into a very fierce
scowl.  She was muttering something vile beneath her breath.

Behind her, the other young woman walked, towering a good foot and a half over
the redhead.  Her yellow shirt and black pants were also sopping wet (actually,
the pants were wet to begin with--however, the taller woman had put them on
anyway, saying that it didn't matter now).  In her arms she carried what looked
like the remains of a girl's school uniform, and a small black piglet, which
wore a scowl similar to the redhead's and a strange yellow bandanna.  The taller
woman, her own hair plastered in its high ponytail, wore an expression
alternating between shock and vexation. Her words were more audible.

"You're a girl.  I can't believe this.  You're a girl.  If I didn't see it with
my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.  I *still * can't believe it.  You're
a girl.  You're a girl.  I can't..."

Abruptly, the redhead rounded on her.  The red imprint of a hand laid along her
cheek.  "Will you quit it already?!  Yes, I'm a girl! We've already established
the fact I'm a girl!! Lay off of it, will ya?!"

"Well, you don't have to yell at me!"

"Well, you didn't have to slam me into the lake!"

"Well, you've could've told me earlier! Honestly, what were you thinking of when
you were saying those things?  If you had told me that you can change into a
girl earlier, then we could've avoided a lot of confusion!"

"Well, excuuuuse me, but it's not the type of thing you go announcing to every
person you meet!  'Hi, My name is Ranma, and I can change my sex whenever I
want!'  Do *you* want to hang around a guy who says that the first time you see
him?!"

"Well, it's a lot better than finding out the hard way!!!!"

"You're telling me!  I'm surprised you didn't drown the way you were thrashing
about.  And I may go permanently deaf from the way you were shrieking in my
ear!"

"So sue me.  It's not everyday a majorly hunky guy turns into a girl in my arms.
I still think you should've told me."

Ranma snorted.  "You know who's really at fault here?"  She threw a finger at
the piglet.  "Right there.  He's the one you should be yelling at.  He's the one
who got you in this mess in the first place."

The piglet perked its ears and went, "Ernk?"

"What?!  I don't believe this!  First you blame that good-looking nose-bleedin'
guy, and now you're beating up on a poor, defenseless piglet?  What are you
going to do next, smack little children because you took a cold shower this
morning?  I don't even know why you're making me carry it in the first place,
but if you keep on beating up this on this poor, innocent animal..."

"Innocent?!  That is no innocent pig, I tell you!  That's--!" Ranma's words
faltered as the piglet glared up at her, baring its mouth to reveal a pair of
pointy fangs.  With an inarticulate growl, Ranma threw up her hands and stomped
off.  "Aww, why am I even bothering to explain..."

Lita shook her head.  <All this fuss over an animal. I don't get it. But then
again, this entire place is wacko city.>  She suddenly blinked. <Was that my
imagination or did that pig just stick its tongue out?>

Ranma led her through a gate to a small, charming backyard with a miniature carp
pool.  The house was pretty by her standards, yet comfy-looking.  Through the
glass sliding doors, Lita could see some people sitting inside, and a large,
furry something that looked like a bear.  Ranma turned to her. "Wait here," she
growled.

Lita nodded, turned around, and began walking away.

"Hey!  Wait a minute! Where you going? Hey!"

Lita turned to regard the redhead and coolly said, "Listen, mister--or miss, or
whatever you call yourself.  If you think you going to speak to me in that tone
of voice, then you can just forget it."

"NANI?!"  Ranma's jaw hit the ground.  She turned her back on Lita for a second,
her shoulders shaking and her fists clenched, uttering a number of words Lita
couldn't hear clearly.  At length, she whirled around and asked through gritted
teeth, "Lita, will you PLEASE wait HERE while I GO INSIDE and TELL the TENDOS
WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!"

Lita considered for a bit while Ranma's face grew redder and redder. Then she
shrugged.  "Not exactly how I would put it.  But since you said please..."  She
stepped through the gate again and smiled in amusement as Ranma stomped towards
the house, fuming.  "Heh, you know, I don't know which is worse: him as a guy or
him as a girl."

The piglet grunted.  Lita looked to see it looking at Ranma's back with an
almost intelligent look of smug satisfaction. <That's strange. It's almost as if
it truly dislikes Ranma. But then again, if I was a pig, and some jerk started
slapping me, I would probably hate him too.> She peered closer at the pig.
<Funny, that bandanna looks familiar...>

Ranma sighed as she entered the dojo's family room.  "Tadaima. I'm home."

Soun and his pop, or rather his panda-pop, faintly grunted, neither removing
their eyes from the Go board in front of them.  Kasumi came in, wiping floury
hands on a towel.  "Ara!  Ranma!  You're home early. Where's Akane?"

"Huh?"  Ranma blinked and looked at the wall clock.  It was just after two
o'clock, which meant school was just now getting out.  <Kuso. This entire Lita
mess made me miss the rest of school.  Not that I'm complaining...>

She became aware of Kasumi standing there, smiling politely, and suddenly
remember what she asked.  "Uh, Akane?  Well, she...uh...she...isn't here?"

Kasumi giggled, "Well, of course she's isn't here, silly.  I'm asking if you if
you know where she is."

Ranma rubbed the back of her neck.  "Well, umm, to tell the truth, umm...you
see..."

"Tadaima!" Nabiki announced her presence--to the relief of Ranma. She tossed her
bookbag on the sofa.  "Hi, Sis.  Hi, Daddy.  Hi, Saotome-san. Hi, Ranma.  Do you
know there's a really tall girl in our backyard? She's wearing Ryoga's clothes
and she's got P-chan under one arm and Akane's uniform under the other."

Time stopped.  For a second, anyway.

"NANNNNNIIIIIII!!!"

Ranma-chan laughed nervously, rubbing her neck harder. "Heh, heh. Um, I was
going to mention that..."

========================================================

Lita stood nervously in the Tendo-dojo while Ranma made introductions.
"Everyone, this is, uh, Kino Lita.  Over there is Tendo Kasumi, and her sister
Nabiki.  The guy sitting in the puddle of tears is Tendo Soun, and over there,
uh, over there..." her voice trailed.

The panda blinked from where it was gnawing at an old tire then, nonchalantly,
held up a sign. <Saotome Genma.  Nice to meet you.>

Ranma weakly finished.  "My pop."

Lita stared at the panda, which took to tossing the tire playfully in the air.
"Your father's a panda? No way, you can't be serious.  How in the world can your
father--?"

Ranma pointed at herself.

"Oh."

Soun Tendo suddenly reared before her, tears streaming from his eyes. "Oh, most
horrid of horrible days!  Why, oh why have I been bereft of my young beautiful
daughter?  My dear sweet Akane, taken from my life --AGAIN!  Oh, when will this
madness ever end?"

Nabiki shrugged and plopped herself in front of the television.  "Geez, Daddy.
Cheer up.  Could be worse, you know.  Look what you got in place of Akane."  A
small, wicked smile appeared on her face.  "Good thing I got new film for my
camera.  I can hear the yen clinking now."

Lita blinked.  "Excuse me?"

"RANMA!"  Ranma was suddenly seized by the wailing Soun and shaken violently.
"Where is my daughter?!  What happened to her?!  How can you let her be taken?!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Ranma cried.  "And I didn't let her be taken! The stupid
girl practically ran in the way.  How was I to know she would be so fast--
glurk!"  She clutched her head as the panda brandished a sign that read <Well,
you should've been faster.>

"That's no excuse!" bawled Soun.  "You're her fiancee!  You're supposed to
protect her!"

"As if that kawaiikune needs any protecting..." Ranma shouted, earning another
boot -- er, board to the head.  "Look, she was running when Hinako-sensei was
doing her yen-setsu thing, and Ryoga with his thick-headed, baka-brain self got
this crazy notion to throw a bucket of water at me..."  Nestled in Lita's arms,
the piglet began growling. "...Akane got caught in the middle of it, there was a
huge flash of light and the next thing I know, this girl comes flying out of
nowhere, wearing Akane's clothes, landing in my arms, mumbling crazy stuff about
aliens..." Lita reddened, feeling like she could growl herself.  "...and Akane
was nowhere to be seen!  So it was all Ryoga's fault, not mine!"

The head of the Tendo household stared at Ranma.  "Honto? Are you telling the
truth?"

Ranma sincerely said.  "Look in my eyes.  Can't you tell I'm telling the truth?"

Soun looked, then slammed her into the floor. "HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE
A COCK-A-MAMIE STORY LIKE THAT?!"

"Everyone who was at lunch saw it!  Tell them, Nabiki!  I got witnesses!"

Nabiki didn't even turn from the television.  "Actually, Ranma, everyone left
when the class bell rang, right after Shampoo pounded you into the pavement.
You on your own, pal."

"Fine!"  Ranma threw the weeping Soun off of her.  "I'll give you proof!"
Without warning, she snatched the black piglet from Lita's grasp and stomped
into the kitchen.  The squeak of a faucet followed.

"Oh my," Kasumi said.  She bowed slightly to Lita and smiled politely. "Would
you like some tea?"

Lita looked nervously about.  The mustached man and the panda was watching her
warily (Lita was beginning to find the panda gaze *very* disconcerting), while
the short-haired girl was completely ignoring the scenario.  "Umm, that would be
nice."  She replied.

Kasumi's smiled brightened and she went into the kitchen, just as a male voice
thundered, accompanied by various banging sounds,  "PIN ALL THE BLAME ON ME,
EH?!  THAT'S IT!! PREPARE TO--uh, Kasumi!!"

Kasumi's voice sweetly interrupted. "Ah! Ryoga-kun!  I didn't see you come in!
If you're looking for your clothes, the young lady outside has them."

"Uh, arigato, Kasumi.  Do you mind handing me that towel?"

"Sure. It has flour on it, though."

"That's fine.  Now, where was I?  Oh yeah.  THAT'S IT, RANMA!  PREPARE TO DIE!"

An equally male voice thundered back. "YOU BETTER GET OUT THERE AND TELL
THEM...OR ELSE!"

"ELSE WHAT?!"

The second voice said something too low to hear, but it had a profound impact.
The banging stopped as Ryoga said, "You wouldn't dare!"  Then there were several
more words, during which Lita could only catch "warrior code", "Soun", and
"Akane's bed".  There was a long pause, then footsteps.

Ranma came out a boy again.  Behind him was Ryoga, clad only in a towel and
looking miserable.  He glared at Ranma, who merely crossed his arms and gave him
a meaningful look, sighed, glanced at Lita, blushed, and said.  "Ranma's telling
the truth.  Akane did get caught between some water I tossed and Hinako-sensei's
chi-blast.  We don't know what happened to her, but somehow this girl wound up
appearing just as Akane disappeared."  He glanced at Lita again and blushed
deeper.

Soun rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  "So it is true." He mused.

Ranma growled, "Of course it's true! I said it was, didn't I?"

Kasumi entered in with a tray of cups and a kettle.  She looked at her father
and leaned over to whisper to Lita.  "Oh dear. You may want to stand back a
bit."

"Huh?  Why?"

Soun Tendo exploded at that very moment.  His head expanded until it took up
nearly half the room.  Smoke poured from his ears as a forked tongue snaked from
his grotesque mouth, smacking the two screaming boys into the wall.  "THE BOTH
OF YOU LET MY DAUGHTER VANISH INTO THIN AIR!?!?  YOU WILL PAY!!!!"

"It wasn't our fault!"  Ranma cried, cringing behind Ryoga, who in turn was
trying to hide behind Ranma and keep his towel from slipping at the same time.
"Tell him, Lita!"

Pressed against the kitchen door, Lita gasped.  "Don't drag me into this! I
didn't ask to come here, you know!"  She blinked as Kasumi gave her a cup of
tea.  "Uh, thanks."  Gawking, she watched as the young woman smiled and handed a
cup to the panda, oblivious to her father's demonic head.

Nabiki turned from the television, frowning.  "I can't watch t.v. with all this
racket. Lita, what were you doing before you, um, appeared here?  Maybe we can
figure out if what happened to you happened to Akane."

Everyone turned to Lita, even the gigantic head of Soun.  Lita swallowed. <I
can't tell them my secret.  But then again, she may have a point.> "All right."
She sighed. "But umm, do you mind, uh, Mr. Tendo..."

"Oh. Of course."  Without batting an eye, Soun Tendo's head deflated to normal
size and he sat down on the floor, holding out his hand for Lita to join him.
Warily, she sat as far from him as possible and silently composed her thoughts.

"How can I explain?"  She began with a sigh.  "I'm a fighter of sorts. You
see..."

Fifteen minutes later, Ranma and Soun were wearing various expressions of
skepticism and Ryoga was wearing a fresh change of clothes courtesy of Ranma's
wardrobe, while Nabiki frowned deeply and Kasumi wore her usual polite smile.
The panda had returned to playing with the tire.

"So what you're saying," Ranma summed up.  "is that there is a bunch of girls
running about in sailor suits, and they're named after planets and have all
these super powers from when they were princesses from previous lives, and they
go around yelling 'Scout Power!' and wave a bunch of pens and jewelry about?"

Lita frowned. "Well, I wouldn't exactly put it--"

Her words were interrupted by a loud snort, followed by a Ranma's fist pounding
on the floor as he howled,  "Oh, that's rich!  That's too rich! Let me guess,
you go around rescuing fair knights in distress! Must be hell to kick monsters'
butts in high heels, huh?  What's the worse fight you've been in without
chipping a nail?  Do you fight evil in the moonlight and win love in the
daylight and all that crap?  Is your fighting really bad if one of you is having
a bad hair day?  And how does PMS factor into all this...?"

**SOCK!!**

Lita's fist whipped out before she could stop herself, and Ranma was flat on the
floor, gazing vacantly at the ceiling.  She gasped.  "Oops! Sorry. I haven't
done that since my last fight at school."

The other inhabitants looked at him with little pity.  The panda shrugged and
wrote, <Serves him right.>

"Don't mind him, Lita."  Ryoga said, leaning forward (and squishing his elbow in
Ranma's face at the same time).  "But I must admit, it does sound a bit far-
fetched."

"It's the truth, I swear!  I would show you, but I don't have my transformation
pen on me.  It's vanished, somewhere."  She decided not to tell them about the
strange objects she was feeling earlier in her interdimensional pocket.

Ryoga still looked skeptical, but Nabiki said.  "No matter.  Let's just assume
that she's telling the truth -- for the moment anyway."  She ignored Lita's
indignant look.  "Let's get back to what you were saying earlier.  As this
'Sailor Jupiter', you have the power to control lightning.  You were attacking
this alien, and someone threw water on you at the same time, there was a huge
flash, and you woke up here?"

Lita nodded.

Nabiki turned to the recovering Ranma, "And you said the same thing happened
with Akane when you were fighting Hinako-sensei?"

Ranma glared at Ryoga as he booted the lost boy away from him.  "It wasn't my
fault.  But yeah.  Somewhat."

Nabiki thought hard.  "Then it's obvious where Akane is."

"Where?" said everyone, except for the panda, who chose to write <Where?>
instead.

Nabiki grumbled to herself.  "What I have to put up with."  Louder, she
explained.  "If Lita somehow was zapped here to us, chances are Akane is where
Lita is supposed to be.  Theoretically."

Everyone looked blankly at her.  Even the new girl seemed stumped.

"How much clearer do you want me to spell it out for you?"  Nabiki groaned,
holding her forehead.  "Look, if what Lita says is true, then she is not part of
this world, kapice?  She's part of some other world, like an alternative
reality, one that's just like this one, except we aren't there and her Sailor
Scouts aren't here.  When Lita and Akane were fighting, maybe the different
worlds were lined in some cosmic fashion that allowed a weird dimensional shift
to take place when Lita and Akane got hit with water and power, enough to make
them switch worlds.  In any case, Lita's here in this world, where Akane is
supposed to be, and Akane is over there with the Sailor Scouts, where Lita is
supposed to be."

Silence.  Deep, deep silence.

"DO I HAVE TO DRAW A DIAGRAM TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?!"  Nabiki shouted in
frustration.

No one said a word.

Half an hour later, Nabiki swept aside the charts and diagrams off the table.
"Okay," she growled.  "I see that not even that is helping.  Fine. This rock is
Akane and that pencil is Lita. Ranma, take the pencil and  go stand over there.
Now, if I throw this rock at Ranma..."

Ranma's eyes suddenly flashed.  "Wait a minute.  Are you saying that Lita's from
a different dimension that's just like ours, and because of that weird zap she's
now here, and the same thing's happened to Akane, except she's now in Lita's
dimension?"

"Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you all along!"

"Oh!  Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Nabiki stared at him and went back to the television, muttering.  "Maybe I'm the
one from a different dimension..."

"But if Akane's in Lita's world," Ryoga mused, "how do we get her back and put
Lita back where she belongs?"

<Oh, that's simple.> the panda furiously scribbled.  <We just go up to the
nearest interdimensional gate and buy Lita a one-way ticket.>  As he wrote, he
neatly, he dodged Ranma's fist.

"How can you be so stupid, Pop?  Obviously the way to get Akane is to send Lita
the way she came here."

"Yeah, Ranma." Ryoga snidely cracked.  "I'll go get Hinako-sensei and ask her to
zap her while you stand by with a bucket of water."

"Doofus, we don't need Hinako-sensei.  All we do is stick Lita's hand in that
electrical socket..."

"Excuse me!  If you think I'm going to deliberately shock myself..."

"But you're supposed to be Sailor Jupiter! Aren't you immune to electricity an'
stuff?"

"*As* Sailor Jupiter, yes. As myself, hell no!"

"Well, that's stupid, then. What's the good of being a magical girl if you have
to always transform to use your powers? What if you get sneaked up on? What if
there's some weird kryptonite lying around that makes you weak?"

"Just because I'm not Sailor Jupiter doesn't mean I can't fight! I can still
defend myself, you know! I'm just not going to do something moronic like killing
myself to get home. And I'm especially not going to stick my hand in a wall
socket! We have to do some other kind of freak-accident thing."

Nabiki turned off the television with another resigned sigh.  "Don't be stupid,
all of you.  I doubt such a freak accident could occur twice in one day
(although around here, I wouldn't be surprised).  Besides, Akane was hit at the
same time, remember?  Unless you want to keep zapping and splashing Lita until
her friends figure out what to do in their world, I suggest we find another
way."

"Yes, but how?"  Lita asked.  "I know my friend Amy can figure something out
with her computer but I don't know how long that can take.  Do you have any
magic folk here?"

"Only Cologne," said Ryoga before Ranma slammed a fist into his mouth.  It was
too late, however.

"Oh!  Cologne!" Kasumi exclaimed as she paused from gathering the teacups.
"Doesn't she still have that mirror? You know, the one that transported all of
you to China?  That might be able to help Lita."

"Now, now let's not get too hasty?"  Ranma protested vehemently. "Besides, the
mirror's useless now, remember?  Nabiki stepped on it. It's probably at the
bottom of the trashheap by now."

"But it's not, Ranma.  I helped Cologne pick up the shards myself.  She said
something about it being salvageable, despite Nabiki being so heavy-footed."

Nabiki scowled at her sister.  "Hey, it wasn't my fault, Sis.  Cologne was the
one who dropped it on the floor in the first place."  Kasumi merely smiled and
returned to the kitchen.

"Then it's true!"  Soun cried, rising. Lita blinked as flowers suddenly appeared
behind him.  "If Cologne still has the mirror, we still have a chance!"

Ryoga jumped beside him, his fists clenched.  "All we have to do is use the
mirror to transport to Lita's world, find Akane, leave Lita there and transport
back with Akane!"

Soun's eyes overflowed in readiness.  "To the Nekohaten!!!"

"Hold it!" Ranma shouted.  "Aren't you forgetting something?"  Everyone looked
at him questioningly.  "Cologne would be there."

"Well, duh." said Ryoga.

"And so is Shampoo!"

"Your point being?" asked Soun.

Ranma rolled his eyes before hissing.  "You think Cologne will be willing to let
us use the mirror to bring back Akane? Shampoo hates her guts!"

Soun waved it off.  "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Anyway, it's
your fault for getting engaged to Shampoo in the first place."

"Wait a minute." Lita interjected.  "I thought you were engaged to Akane. You
mean to tell me you're engaged to another woman?!"

"Not on purpose!  And how can you say it was my fault! It's that stupid Amazon
law!  If a certain *someone* haven't started eating her dinner..."

<I was hungry! And you were eating too, remember?>

*BOOF!* "You told me it was alright!!!"

Lita's eyes widened as the panda went sailing out the window.  <Geez, how can he
do that to his own dad?>

*WHACK!* "Cool it, Ranma."  Ryoga growled.  "But Mr. Tendo, as much as I hate to
admit it, Ranma's right.  Once Cologne finds out that Akane's in a different
dimension, she'll use every trick she has to get Shampoo and Ranma to the altar
before she returns Akane," (<Which would be absolutely fine with me,> he added
silently.) "but before that, I bet she wouldn't lift a finger to save Akane."

Ranma added. "We all know how conniving she was when she touched me with the
Full-Body Cat Tongue point.  It took me weeks to get that Phoenix Pill from
around her neck, and even then the first time I got it, it was a fake.  Akane's
disappearance would be too much of an opportunity for her to get me as her son-
in-law for sure."

Soun crossed his arms and stroked his mustache.  "Hmm.  You have a point there,
son.  Somehow, we must gain the mirror without letting Cologne know about
Akane's disappearance."

The room went silent as everyone scratched their heads thoughtfully. Lita's own
train of thought suddenly derailed as a warm aroma filled her nostrils.  <Hey,
is that cilantro I smell?  Someone's making soup. Smells delicious.  I wonder
what's in it?>

The sound of a fist smacking a palm made everyone except Lita look up. "Of
course!" cried Soun.  "I got it!  We don't have to let Cologne know that Akane's
gone.  We can simply tell her that she's been placed under a curse and we need
the mirror to change her back."

"Change her back?" Nabiki questioned after a long, confused silence. "Daddy, how
can we use the mirror to change her back?  She's not even here to have a curse
to begin with."

"No, but Lita is."

Four pairs of eyes reverted to Lita, who had started at her name.  "Huh?"
Simultaneously, Ranma went, "What?"

"Yeah...I think I see what you mean." said Ryoga.  "It would be like what we
mistakenly thought earlier."

"Question is," asked Nabiki. "Will Cologne fall for it as easily as you did?"

Ryoga snorted.  "Che...Cologne's smart, but not that smart.   And Lita did
appear when she got hit with water."  He began getting excited.  "I can say that
I threw Jusenkyo water at Ranma but it hit Akane instead, and the chi blast made
the curse permanent!  Cologne would never see through that!"

"Then," added Soun, his voice rising dramatically, "We can use the mirror to
locate Akane and say that we're going back in time to prevent her change, when
in reality we will go to Lita's world, get Akane, leave Lita, and come back
here!  It's absolutely perfect!! TO THE NEKOHATEN!!!"

Ranma frowned while Lita shouted with a not-so-pleased look.  "Wait, wait! Hold
on a sec!  What are you talking about?  What curse? What mirror? What's with all
the bath products?"

Ranma stuck his hand behind his head.  "Gomen, Lita. I forgot.  Cologne is this
old warrior chick from China who currently runs a restaurant here. I'm supposed
to be engaged to her crazy granddaughter, Shampoo, and she's doing all she can
to make sure I stay engaged, which usually either means tricking me into
marrying Shampoo or doing away with Akane.  With Akane gone, ain't no way
Cologne's going to give us this magic mirror before I say 'I do' with Shampoo
before the altar."

"But Cologne doesn't need to know Akane's gone, see?" Ryoga continued. "People
around here have a tendency to have weird things happen to them, including
getting doused with water from the Jusenkyo springs.  That's why Ranma turns
into a girl.  Jusenkyo turns people into a lot of things: girls, guys, pandas,
geese--"

"Pigs..."

*POW* "YOU GOT SOMETHING TO ADD, RANMA?!"

"Mmph."

"Anyway, if we can convince Cologne that Akane was transformed instead of
disappearing, we have a much better chance of getting the mirror.  So all you
need to do is say you're Akane --"

"WHAT?!"

"--and every once in a while bop Ranma on the head. Let us do the rest, and
before long, you'll be home in no time."

Ranma mused softly, "Hmm.  I suppose it could work, though she doesn't look a
thing like Akane. Are there springs in Jusenkyo that can transform people like
that?" but Lita wasn't listening.  She was rising to her feet, her face
darkening dangerously.

"You want me to do--?! I - I can't believe this!  You--!  I--!" Finally, she
spat it out. "You guys are nuts! Every last one of you!"

From the couch, Nabiki snorted, "I've been telling them that for months."

"I wake up in clothes that's not my own with you drooling all over me, you stalk
me, pour hot water on me, and then I get pounced on by a itty bitty cackling
geezer carrying a bunch of underwear, and then you tell me to wear this
underwear and scoop me up like some damsel in distress, only to find out you're
a cross-dressing sado-masochistic transvestite bigamist freak, and now you want
me to pretend I'm your fiancee so we can get some mirror from this bathwater
lady?!?!"

Ranma frowned, "Well, I wouldn't put it *that* way...hey, where you're going?!"

Lita whirled and was heading towards the door.  "Sorry folks, but this loony bin
is too much for me," she threw over her shoulder.  "I'm outta here!"

"No!" cried Ryoga.  "You're the only way we can find Akane!"  He leapt over to
grab her shoulders. Without turning, Lita elbowed him in the gut, brought her
fist up and clocked him squarely on the forehead. Ryoga sailed back, smashed
through the sliding windows, and landed in the carp pond, his shriek collapsing
into a piggy squeal.

Lita would've been shocked, not so much for Ryoga turning into a pig but the
fact that she landed such a good punch *without* turning into Sailor Jupiter.
As it was, she missed it glaring at Ranma who had somehow made it to the door
before her and was now leaning against it, smiling lazily.

"Now, let's not get hasty," he drawled.

Lita shifted into her fighting stance, her hands held stiffly before her. "Outta
my way, pervert," she snarled.  "or you'll be tasting dirt in a minute."

Ranma shrugged slowly, infuriating her more.  "Say what you like. You're not
getting past this door. If you just let me explain..."

Lita charged him, too furious to realize what she was doing.  One hand whipped
towards Ranma's head, the other towards his abdomen.

Ranma's grin widened slightly.  Then he sidestepped with ease, wincing as Lita's
fists slammed into the door.  Her look of shock was replaced with anger as she
yanked out her left fist and sent it towards Ranma's face.

Ranma nodded and leapt up.  Lita blinked before she felt a tap on her shoulder.
Whirling around, she saw Ranma standing calmly behind her, still smiling.  "If
you..."

Lita's eyes widened.  Forgetting the door, she launched herself towards Ranma
with an inarticulate cry and a flurry of hands, intending to wipe that smug
smile off his face.  He dodged every single blow with amusement. <Say, she's
good.  A little rough around the edges, though. She ranks up there with Akane,
perhaps a little lower. Perhaps she wasn't kidding about that Sailor Scout
stuff. Oh well. Better stop this before someone gets hurt, and it's not me.>
Casually, he reached out and grabbed both her hands.

Lita gasped loudly. She struggled to tug her hands loose but Ranma had them in a
sure and tight grip. <He dodged all my blows!  This guy's faster than Tuxedo
Mask!>  "Let go of me!"

Ranma said.  "If you would only let me finish..."

"No! Let me go! I want to go home!"

"Sheesh, you just won't let up, won't you?  Can't you see you need us to get you
home?"

"I don't need anyone!" Lita snapped.  <He caught my hands like it was nothing! I
may as well been swatting at flies.>  Tears began trickling down her hot face,
and to her shame, she realized she was losing it.  "I can't take this crazy
place no more! I want to go home! I want to go back to Amy and Raye and Serena
and Mina, and I want to go sleep in my apartment and forget all of this
happened!"  Her breath caught in the back in her throat, then stumbled out as a
sob.  She dropped her head, her hands going limp in Ranma's grasp.  "I JUST WANT
TO GO HOME!!!"

Ranma found his heart going out to the sobbing girl. <Well, I guess we did
overdo it a little.>  Suddenly he found himself wondering if Akane was going
through the same thing this very moment.  Not that she'd probably miss *him* all
that much, but she was torn from all that was familiar and dropped into a
baffling new world.  The poor girl must be in hysterical fits by now.  <Don't
worry, Akane.  I'll get you back.>

"Hey, don't cry, Lita." He said gently.  "We'll get you back.  But in order for
us to do that, we'll need your help.  All I ask is that you stick around for a
bit."

Lita's sobs subsided, then with a spark of anger still left in her, she yanked
her hands away.  He made no move to stop her this time.  "Why should I?" she
asked without raising her head.

"Because we're the only ones that can help, I think.  You're in an entirely
different place now, and I don't know how it is in your world, but here there
are a lot of loonies worse than us, believe it or not.  That pervert that
glomped you earlier would be the least of your problems."  Lita twitched at
that.  "Besides, we need you to show us your world.  If Nabiki's right, then
Akane is in your world, and she's probably going through the same thing you are.
I've no doubt your friends are nice, but she's probably just as anxious to get
home as you are.  You can help us do that."

He watched her as she considered his words.  She didn't say a word, but she
didn't look at him, either.  Time to apply the Ultimate Saotome technique to
winning people to your side.

"Besides, you still haven't heard why we want you to pretend you're Akane."

"Fine.  Why?"

He put on his most charming smile.  "Because Cologne would not expect Akane to
be so beautiful."

Her head flew up at that.  With her reddened eyes, dripping nose and splotchy
cheeks, she looked anything but.  "Huh?"

"Akane looks absolutely nothing like you.  She's crass, tomboyish, kawaiikune,
completely the opposite of you.  You're elegant, graceful, and..." Here he used
the patented Saotome twinkle-in-the-eye. "...I must say you are quite pretty.
Even prettier than Shampoo, I think. If you say you were Akane, Cologne would
cross time on her hands and knees to get her back.  She might worry I fall
completely in love with you and forget about Shampoo.  And, I do have to say, I
am awfully weak-willed."  He winked.

She blinked and blinked again.  "Really?"  Then a slow smile spread across her
face.  "You really think that?"  She blushed and dropped her eyes. "Wow."

Ranma suddenly felt his heart thump.  <Hey.  She really is cute.  Not as kawaii
as Akane is sometimes, but I don't think I mind playing along for a bit...>

Soun Tendo, who had been cowering underneath the table during all this, decided
it was time to exert his fatherly authority, which meant pushing Ranma out the
way before this girl found out how seriously weak-willed he was.  "Ahem.  So,
Lita, are you still thinking of leaving?"

Lita thought, placing a hand on her reddened cheeks.  <Well, nothing *overly*
bizarre has happened yet.  And for a pervert, he is kinda nice, though I bet he
says those nice things to any woman that catches his fancy.  Still, in a way, he
sorta reminds me of Freddy in his niceness --well, when Freddy was nice before
he and I went out anyway.  And if they are telling the truth...>  She smiled
shyly.  "Well, I suppose I could stay for an hour or two."

"Great!"  Soun cried.  He whipped out a microphone from nowhere and began
singing.  "Oh, happy day!  Akane, hold on, my dear darling daughter, we're
coming to rescue you!"

Lita stared at him, hoping that she made the right decision. Then, she turned to
Ranma and raised an eyebrow.  "Weak-willed?  Do you always say such bull to a
girl when you want your way?"

"My way?  Lita, I have your best interests in heart."

"Sure you do. I think I can see why you're engaged to two girls."

"Actually," Nabiki quipped from the couch.  "he's engaged to four."

"FOUR?!  WHY YOU JERK!!!"

Nabiki leaned her head on the armrest and watched as Ranma began to bicker with
this tall, intriguing girl.  She looked at her father, wailing beneath the table
and smiled.  <This scatterbrained idea might just work. Why, she's acting just
like Akane already.  Lita, I don't care what you say.  I think you're going to
be fitting in quite well. I just hope my sister is okay in your world. But
knowing her, I think she's doing just fine.>

Her smile widened as a familiar laugh rang through the house, just before a pail
of water smacked upside Ranma's head.  "Ranma, my boy, how dare you not
introduce to your new friend!  You can make it up by the both of you wearing
these undies I got!"

======================================================

Lita leaned against the door, shutting out the sounds of crashing below. Slowly,
she slid down the door until she was sitting against it, and drew her legs up to
hug her knees, quelling the urge to rock herself.  The last time she was
distraught enough to do that was when her parents...no, she won't think about
that. No use depressing herself any more than she was now.

Instead, she plunged her hand into the interdimensional space and brought out a
rather large mallet.  She stared at it curiously.  So that was what the space
was filled with.  Ranma had turned white when, out of pure instinct, she yanked
it out when that crazy little man leaped for her chest.  Apparently, whoever
Akane was, she was used to this sort of thing.

She put the mallet back and leaned her head against the door, thinking back over
the past few hours.  She had automatically assumed that after that strange man
was tossed out the house (afterwards, she learned that the little man was
actually Ranma's fighting teacher of sorts--this place sure had its share of
weirdos), they would go to this old lady's restaurant and get this mirror
everyone was so hyped up for.  However, it took some time for Ranma and the
others describe how Akane act.  <From the way they describe her, she seems worse
than me in the tomboy area! Those things they said of her can't be true.> Ranma,
a guy again, was in the middle of such a description when Ryoga appeared out of
nowhere and began beating on Ranma for saying such bad things about Akane. By
the time Ranma had thrown him off, the panda had returned and began whacking
Ranma with signs that said that he should act like a man and not badmouth his
fiancee so much.  Ranma retaliated that it was the panda's fault anyhow and all
three went rolling about the house, fists and feet flying.

"Does this always happen?" Lita had asked Nabiki.

Nabiki had rolled her eyes.  "Actually, they're going easy on each other. You
should see it when Akane's here."

Strangely enough, the only time Lita didn't feel out of place was when Kasumi
brought out dinner.  Being a cook herself, she had been distracted by the smells
coming from the kitchen but didn't go in, partly because she knew how protective
cooks were with their kitchens.  However, she had offered to help to bring out
the food, and soon she found herself involved in a discussion with the Tendo's
oldest daughter.  Kasumi was very delighted in learning that Lita knew how to
cook, and while the males --excluding Soun, who was still in his own pity party
-- wolfed down food while battling nonstop, Lita and Kasumi discussed spices and
recipes and Nabiki ate silently with a strange smile on her face.

<Kasumi's probably the only sane member of that family, although she does seem
rather oblivious of what's going around here. Then again, if I lived in a place
like this, I'll escape to my own little world, too...>

Ryoga, Ranma and the panda had ran off outside, and Kasumi suggested that Lita
go take a bath.  "I don't think we'll be going to the Nekohaten tonight.  You
must be worn out by all you've been through.  A hot bath always work for me."
Bath, nothing.  It was an Olympic pool compared to the rinky-dinky bathtub she
had at her apartment.  Sinking into it was pure bliss--she hadn't realized just
how tired she was...until Ranma, a girl again, had come charging into the
bathroom with the panda.  "Think you can escape me by turning human again? Think
again, Pop!"

That was when Lita learned what the stash of mallets were truly for.

Sighing, she rose to her feet.  They had given her a red Chinese shirt and some
black boxers to sleep in--apparently Ranma's clothes were the only things she
could fit (the shirt was a bit tight across the chest).  She was about to
explore the room they put her in when she heard a pattering of feet coming from
the other side of the door.  Her fists tightened as she threw open the door.

Ranma was chasing the black piglet Lita had seen earlier down the hall.  With a
frightened squeal, the piglet tore behind Lita's ankles. For some reason, this
infuriated Ranma all the more.  "I don't believe this!" she screeched.  "You
hentai!  Two-timing pig! Akane's not even here and you got the gall to try to
sleep in her room with...with...Lita!  Gomen, I didn't mean to wake you..."

Lita scooped up the piglet, glaring.  "You get a kick out of picking on people
and small animals?"

"Me?!  But, Lita..."

"How dare you.  I don't see how all these fiancees of yours can be chasing after
you without knowing what a jerk you are."

"But, but..."

"Kasumi told me about P-chan here."  The piglet squealed and looked up at her.
"Honestly, the poor thing must feel horrible.  Its owner has vanished somewhere
and it doesn't know where she is.  You're going to deny it the right to sleep in
her room, where at least it'll feel comforted by her belongings?"

"But...but...but..."

"That's low, Ranma."  Lita said, going back into the room.  "Real, real low."
She slammed the door behind her, leaving Ranma still uttering a string of buts.

"How can a guy so good looking be such a...ooooh!"  Lita growled.  The piglet
growled as well before sniffing at her arms and looking up at her with wide
eyes.  "Sorry about that."

"Bwee.  Bukiiii." went the piglet.

Lita slowly looked around the room.  It was a very nice bedroom, with few of the
frills she expected a girl's room would have.  In fact, it almost looked like
her room in her apartment with its neatness and simplicity. At the dresser, Lita
picked up a framed photograph.  It was a picture of a group of teenagers on the
beach.  Ranma's smiling face was easily recognizable.  "I wonder if she's in
this picture," Lita mused.  The piglet looked at her, then squealed and pointed
its paw at one of the girls in the picture.  Lita peered closely.  The girl had
cropped black hair with blue highlights and wore a slight smile.  She looked
like Kasumi and Nabiki in the face, though her brown eyes were a little larger.

Lita smiled.  "You are one smart pig!"  The piglet squealed again, and this
time, Lita could've sworn its little cheeks reddened.  "How cute that you can
recognize her!"

Lita sat the piglet down on the bed and studied the picture a little more. "Odd,
she doesn't look like she's tomboyish. I mean, she does, but in a nice way. In
fact, I think she's kind of pretty. Definitely not that Hawaii--Kowhyeekoonay--
what did he call her? Anyway, she doesn't look violent or anything. She looks
nice."

The piglet nodded, eliciting another laugh from Lita.

"You know, if what Nabiki says is true, then maybe Akane's doing the same thing
at my place now, looking over my things, wondering who I am."  She chuckled,
then suddenly grew sober.  "At least, I hope so.  If those aliens haven't gotten
to her...we were in the middle of fighting them when I came here."  She set the
picture back down.  "It must had been shocking for her to suddenly appear in my
world.  I wonder if she appeared in my clothes as I appeared in hers?  I hope
she doesn't mind mini-skirts."

The piglet squealed.  For a second, it looked as if it would faint.

"But I'm fairly positive she's okay.  Those aliens are cowards.  They have these
monsters to do all their dirty work for them.  Maybe my little accident blasted
them away.  And I don't *feel* Serena and the others are hurt."  She smirked.
"That's one good thing about being a Sailor Scout. You can sense if one of us
is..."

Her face blanched.  Oh no. She certainly wasn't going to think about *that*
either.

"Anyway...I think she's okay.  Serena and the others would take great care of
her. She's probably with them now, eating, telling stories, laughing, being told
that everything would be okay..." Her voice trailed off as it suddenly hit her
that Akane was there to hear Serena's braying laughter, Raye's sharp chidings at
her, Ami's slightly-embarrassed apologies, and Mina's lame screwed-up sayings.
Akane would be hearing all those things, and be comforted at least, whereas
*here*.

For the hundredth time, her eyes teared up. <I miss them. I really, really miss
them. God, I want to go home.>

She jumped as she felt a soft touch on her side. The piglet had its head cocked
questioningly, its paw reaching out to touch her again.

Lita laughed and wiped her eyes. <Silly me. I do have someone to comfort me
after all.> Sighing, she slipped into the bed, frowning as her feet slightly
dangled over the edge.  "I hope we find a way to get me back soon.  I mean, no
offense, but this place is just too weird for me.  My world isn't Paradise,
either, but at least the men aren't weirdo freaks.  Cold-hearted when it comes
to love, perhaps, but not freaks."

The piglet stared at her and faintly whimpered.

"I'm sorry.  Didn't mean to go off on you.  Poor pig.  I wonder where Akane
let's you sleep.  I don't see a basket anywhere.  Unless Kasumi was serious when
she said you actually do sleep with her."  The piglet blinked.  "That's weird,
but I suppose it's not unusual.  Artemis sleeps with Mina and she doesn't mind.
But then again, Artemis is a talking cat." She sat up and stared at the piglet
intensely, "I don't suppose you can talk, too?"

The piglet stared.  "Bummer.  That would be something.  Wouldn't it be neat if I
had an intelligent pet like you?  Even a pet pig would be nice, but they don't
allow pets in my apartment."  She reached over and scratched the piglet behind
the ears. Where had she seen that bandanna?  It looked so familiar.  "It's sad,
really. Sometimes, it get so lonely..."

She raised herself on one elbow.  "Tell you what.  I'll let you sleep here if
you stay.  I'm not Akane, but I can really use your company tonight. Would you
like to stay?"  Gently, she patted the space before her.

The piglet snorted and scooted forward.  It sniffed at her hand before letting
out a "bwee" and settling comfortably next to her.  Lita smiled and scratched
its ears again.  Serena and the others would not believe this. "Sleeping with a
pig," she chuckled.  She surprised herself by yawning, then continued drowsily.
"Maybe this is all a weird dream. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and everything
will be back to normal. Maybe..."

The piglet blinked as Lita quickly dropped off.  Carefully, it wiggled from
beneath Lita's hand resting on its back and stood silently, staring at the
sleeping girl.  Then, with a tiny porcine shrug, it settled in the crook of her
arm and just as quickly fell asleep.
============================================================
LaShawn M. Wanak (tbone_m_jenkins@yahoo.net)
T-bone Enterprises * In Touch With Yours Truly
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