Because I don't have any more sense than I do, to add to the already
staggering number of Ranma fics, and because I have little enough
sense, anyway, I submit this, the follow-up on a long-ago promise
to write something besides Macho Caballo. Expect corrections to
this, eventually, because I also have mucho gaps in my knowledge
of the Ranmaverse and Yygdrasil.
James and the Bluejay
Disclaimer: Hmmm. Rumiko Takahashi and Viz and a whole bunch
more have dibs on Ranma et al, Fujishima Kousuke and Animeigo
takes credit for associating Urd of Norse mythology with kawaii
features and a computer engineering degree, Cinderella is an old
fairy tale, which leaves me with Hainoko. Basho belongs to himself.
Not to worry, since I don't figure on making any money off this,
anyway.
Caution: Loose Canon.
ASHES - A Cinderella Story
Chapter One
Three Threads
Three threads of a tale have we,
Three beginnings you will see,
Let us warp and let us weave,
And the first chapter you'll receive.
PROLOGUE:
"Basho."
A voice without dimension, coming from everywhere, raised the
platform of his awareness until he realized that darkness no
longer was. Curtains of violet and lilac fluttered in the
breeze, golden green and olive columns arching to support the
expanses, yellow lanterns shedding their glow.
"Basho."
He reached for the fullness of being and fumbled, for being was
not. Not yet. The handles, the...the...'things by which being
was contacted'...eluded him. The curtains - he must push them
aside, so he could see the voice - but which should he try first?
There were two. There were a dozen. There were one hundred and
one. He selected one at random. The violet curtain parted to
produce another set of curtains, these pink and pale yellow.
"Basho!"
The voice was stentorian. Demanding. He knew the being who
uttered that command, though the name by which that being was
called also eluded him.
"BASHO!!"
"Ow!" Basho straightened. He had been slumped over, a rivulet of
saliva cascading down the front of his robe. The violet and
lilac flowers brushed his eyes, hiding the speaker of the dread
summons. That person was...that person was....
"Sensei!"
Basho attempted to rise, which was a mistake, as his limbs chose
not to work properly. Fortunately, the sensei caught him before
he scattered the candles (and, perhaps, caught his clothes on
fire).
"Basho," Sensei spoke more kindly, now that he was assured that
the monk had wakened. "You simply have to spend more time in this
world."
"Thank you, Sensei. I was only...." Basho halted, his
explanation of where he had been frozen by the congestion of
details and information he wished to relate. He sat this way for
a time, straining to communicate.
"Relax," Sensei advised him. "Let it happen."
"I was...." Again the words eluded him.
Sensei sighed deeply. "It has happened again, has it? You have
tried to examine 'why things are.'"
"I was...."
"It is time for you to take your turn and await the summons, and
I must return to the outside world, to my old school. While I am
gone, you must be vigilant, prepared to respond if the call
comes."
"Forgive me, Sensei. I was so close! But when there are two of
everything, I feel I must choose one. Each time I choose one of
the remaining two, there is always another choice to make. Now I
must consider one hundred and one!"
Sensei sighed again, "Then do nothing, Grasshopper."
"Grasshopper?"
"Forget it. An old joke we pulled on a movie company, once."
"And, if I choose nothing, I have failed in my responsibility!
A decision goes unmade and it may affect another person! How can
I do nothing when someone could get hurt by my inactivity?" Basho
wondered querulously, "And how can I find perfection when I keep
getting interrupted?"
"Come, then. Since you are so close to your goal, you must
strive for it with all your being. Choose a secluded spot and
shut out the rest of the world, but remember, you are expected to
rise and perform your duty if you are called upon," Sensei began
to don the brightly colored clothing he wore in the outside
world. "However," he paused to add thoughtfully, "I would not
worry about that...we have not had a call for centuries."
"Thank you, sensei! I shall do that!"
--------------
Through the mountain valleys, past sheer cliffs overhanging
narrow trails, via trails over breathtaking vistas of rugged rock
and hardy green trees, a stranger wandered. A gallant lad he
was, husky and muscular, with a boyish charm and innocent
demeanor. He might remind you of Prince Charming, on a noble
quest, going forth to rescue his fair damsel. Hold that thought,
for Prince Charming he was not. He had only one comment to make
about the surrounding scenery.
"Where the heck am I now?"
This comment was invariably followed by another, a pensive,
thoughtful expression of the depth of feeling in his heart for
the woman he adored, "I wonder what Akane is doing?"
Yes, a noble ambition - to survive the wilderness and make it to
the side of his true love, where he would find....
The stranger sighed, deeply. He would probably find her shackled
to a dull-witted, self-serving clod of a man who did not respect
her and who spent his time chasing other women.
"Curse you, Ranma Saotome! When I find you I am going to destroy
you!"
Travel is supposed to be broadening. It is not, really. Mostly,
travel is loneliness, separated into intervals of too many people
going in other directions. Loneliness, taken to extreme, leads
to sadness. Sadness, taken to extreme, leads to depression.
Depression, taken to extreme -
"SHISHIHOKODAN!!!!"
- leads to huge chunks of mountain-side raining down on the
valley floor.
Among the debris was a gray-clad fellow who added, to the rattle
and clatter of boulder and stone, his own comment on the nature
of man falling to earth.
"Ouch!"
The husky lad ran to extricate the monk from amongst the debris.
"I am sorry!" the boy exclaimed, "I did not see you here! Are
you okay?"
"I will be when you leave this country!" Basho cried, "You
interrupted my meditations yesterday, asking for the way to
Furinken High School. I was in a locked cell! Last week, you
appeared on a secluded island with shores so steep the only
access is by ladder, and then you thought you had found some
dojo. Now, when I sit in my cave to meditate in peace and quiet,
you bring the mountain down on me! Tell me where you are going
next, so I will not be there!"
"Heh. I am very sorry," the boy said, scratching the back of his
head in embarrassment. "I was releasing some nervous energy. I
did not mean to disturb you."
"Well, you disturbed me! Now, leave me alone!"
And with that the gray monk hobbled off, and our story begins.
BEGINNING ONE: HIROSHI
My name is Hiroshi. This is my version of what happened. There
are some parts of this story where I could not give my first-hand
view, but I have done my homework and made it as accurate as
possible.
This is how it started.
Part of the story involves my family, particularly my little
sister, Hainoko. She is a brat. Don't get me wrong. I am
usually pretty cool. I don't blow my top. But that morning I
had reached my breaking point.
"Hainoko!" I cried, angrily. Echoes from my voice burst through
the morning calm in our small Nerima house. "Hainoko! Where's my
Primrose poster? I know you got it!"
"Biiiih!" Hainoko stuck out her tongue, safe behind the
stairwell banister where she could dodge whichever way I tried to
grab her.
"You little sneak thief! This isn't homework! I don't want to
lose that poster! This is important!"
My mother, whose name is Yohko, appeared stage center at the
bottom of the stairs, wringing her hands in _great despair_ and
crying, "Oh! Are you children fighting _again_?"
Mom studied drama in college, before she married Pops and gave up
her dream of acting. Pops is a mechanic at the Yotodensho
Bearing Works in Tokyo where he commutes every morning, and he
believes Mom did the _right thing_, taking up a starring role as
a mother raising a family.
"No, Mom," I answered glumly. The brat had gotten away with it,
this time. She always seemed to get Mom involved.
"Nuh-hunh, Mommy," added Hainoko, who used the distraction to
slip past me and down the stairs. She called back, "I'm going
next door to Yoriko's, Mommy!"
"You were lucky, Punk!" I called after her, "But you better give
me back my poster or you'll regret it!"
"Biiihh!" replied the brat, on her way out the door.
"Man! I can't have anything!" I grumbled. That poster had been
inside a locked cabinet, rolled in a tube and hidden under
several layers of clothes in various stages of decomposition.
Still she found it, and took it. It irritated me, but there was
nothing I could do before school. Tonight I would have to try to
make her give it back.
I stopped long enough to give Mom a goodbye peck.
"Oh, Hiroshi," emoted Mom. "Be careful going to school. It
looks like it might _rain_ today."
"I won't melt, Mom." I left the door open and cleared the steps
in a bound, headed for Daisuke's.
School was the same old thing. Kuno glomped Akane and got booted
into a tree. Shampoo glomped Ranma and Akane booted Ranma into a
tree. Ukyo brought enough okonomyaki for four people but Ranma
got there first. The principal had come back from Hawaii with a
new idea: He wanted someone to sing his new school song at the
next assembly. When I tried to volunteer, someone locked me out
of his office. I get no respect for my voice.
On the way home after school, Daisuke and I held a conference.
There were arrangements to be made. With my pal by my side, we
mulled over our prospects for the following evening.
"Yuki and Saori?" asked Daisuke.
"They don't like Rock Cliff," I replied. "Or maybe they don't
like lead singers who bite the heads off gerbils on stage."
"Some girls have no sense of adventure."
"Yeah."
"That's a thought, though. We could catch someone who fainted
and give them mouth to mouth resuscitation."
"That's a pretty lame chance."
"Yeah. There's bound to be a bunch of guys just waiting and
hoping."
Several name bands and singers were staging a big charity event
the next day, a concert to raise money for endangered
sea-monkeys. They had offered local talent a chance to join them
on stage. I tried to get Daisuke to go in with me and sing a
duet, but he refused absolutely - he says I sound like a dog
caught in a cement mixer and he did not want to be near me when I
sang. This is my best friend speaking. I don't get _no_
respect.
So we settled for attending the event - hopefully with female
companionship. All we needed were girls. We had made a list and
were checking it twice, but everything we tried produced the same
result.
"Ukyo?"
"Working - or waiting for Ranma to ask her to go."
"Shampoo?"
"Working - or stalking Ranma. A little intense for me, if you
know what I mean."
"We've eliminated all the usual girls. Kodachi?"
We looked at each other and shuddered. "Naaaah!"
"There is Nabiki...."
"Too old. Expensive tastes."
We had gone down the list of possible dates, quickly eliminating
all the choice beauties until there was nothing left to do but
wish for the impossible, or at best the improbable.
"Remember!" hissed Daisuke, "Do exactly as we practiced!"
The improbable just happened to be mooching down the street ahead
of us. We hurried to catch up, and placed ourselves on each side
of the improbable.
"So, Ranma," I began. "Who are you taking to the benefit?"
"Yeah, are you taking Akane? After all, you are getting
married," Daisuke chimed in.
Ranma reacted predictably, "Whaddya mean? We ain't decided that
for ourselves, yet!"
"Of course you have! And since you are already doing _it_, you
really ought to admit it and act like a couple! Show the world
you love her by taking her to the concert!"
"But we ain't...and besides, we wouldn't...." Ranma sputtered,
then shrugged. "Anyway, she promised somebody she would babysat
tomorrow night."
"Hmmm...and what are you going to be doing with her while she's
babysitting, need we ask?" I smirked, while Daisuke poked Ranma
in the ribs.
"Gonna be a baby, aren't you?" Daisuke grinned. "Ummm, dessert!"
"You guys got the wrong idea! I ain't doing anything!"
I looked at Daisuke. Daisuke looked at me.
"We were wanting to talk about that with you," we said at the
same time. In stereo. "If you aren't doing anything, we
thought you might agree to come with us. We're going to the
concert."
"Come with you guys? You paying?"
Daisuke and I shared a significant look. Daisuke waggled his
eyebrows.
"Sure!" we chorused.
"We could go out for some okonomyaki, afterward," I added
expansively.
"And maybe a drink or two, and a nightclub...." Daisuke suddenly
realized that he had said too much.
"Say!" Ranma eyed us warily, "You wouldn't be expecting a date
with my girl-side, would you?"
"Well...." Daisuke hesitated, then nodded. "We'd show her a real
swell time!"
"What makes you think I would go for something like that?"
"Look, Ranma," Daisuke began. "You really ought to be more
generous with your wealth. Think of your fellow man."
"Yeah!" I chimed in, "If one of us had your...assets...he would
certainly share them more generously."
"I ain't that kind of guy!"
"It isn't you we want," I explained. "If that is what bothers
you, we don't want your girl-side for her mind. We want her for
her body."
"Forget it!" growled Ranma.
We watched the martial artist stomp away.
"Idiot!" I turned on Daisuke, "Why did you have to bring up the
nightclub?"
"But I thought that was the idea! Take her to the concert, get
her a drink, take her out to eat, get her a drink, take her to a
nightclub, get her a drink...."
"Yeah, but did you have to tell HIM?"
"Do you think changing to a girl makes a difference in the way he
thinks? Are they really the same, you know, inside?" Daisuke
shuddered.
I considered. "Nope." I decided, "Entirely, a very subtle
difference. You can see it in their eyes. His are direct, forward.
Hers are coy, seductive. Of course, HE says he's the same."
There went our last hope. We were going solo. And after
Daisuke had used all of our allowance money to order four tickets.
Since there appeared to be no hope for the moment, we gave up
worrying about a date and sat around the park, fantasizing.
"If you could be anybody, what would you be?" I wondered.
"Astronauts get chicks," Daisuke offered.
"Naw. Too much time in isolation. I want to _feel_ those babe's
bodies pressing in on me. I vote for a rock star. Babes.
Parties. Money. Babes. All that applause. Money. Babes."
"Athletes get chicks, too. Baseball players. Sumo wrestlers.
Have you seen the babes who hang around those guys?"
"I want to be a rock singer. Like Elvis."
"Who?"
"Elvis!" I snorted, "Don't you read your history?"
"But he's dead!"
"So's Caruso, but they'd both be fighting off the babes if they
were here, today!"
"I prefer sports." Daisuke did not add that his daydream was
indeed as much sheer fantasy as mine, since he was about as
inclined athletically as I was vocally, which is to say, not.
The final result of our brainstorming was that we decided that we
would take tomorrow as it came, and we would have to take our
chances. Right then, we would go shopping for manga in Tokyo,
then go home and sit around the TV with our families.
"Now, THAT is desperate for something to do," we groaned.
And that is how MY part of the story starts.
BEGINNING TWO: THE TENDO DOJO
It was morning in the Tendo household. Timid rays of sunlight
peeked through the evaporating fog, while equally timid koi
ventured back into the open part of the pool. Water that had
been splashed out of the pool earlier was soaking into the
ground, providing moisture for the lawn, and Kasumi had already
hung wet towels to dry from the back porch. At a low table, the
murmur of breakfast was disturbed by only one absence - an empty
place at one corner - and the owner of that space was expected at
any minute.
The front door of the Tendo residence slammed shut.
Which was not that unusual, considering the nature of the place.
This particular loud noise was followed by a lesser sound, a sort
of a sizzling growl...
"r....r....r....r....r....r....r....r....r..r!!!"
...which traveled in the front door, into the hallway, up the
stairs and culminated in another loud bang as another door was
slammed almost off its hinges.
The ensuing silence was broken by Kasumi, who appeared at the
entrance to the kitchen to ask, hesitantly, "Was that...Akane?"
In answer to her question, the door upstairs was slammed open and
banged shut again as Akane came down the stairs and out to the
dojo, eyes fixed straight ahead, wearing her yellow gi.
"She looked upset," Nabiki said, nibbling a rice roll.
"I'm gonna check this out," Ranma rose from the table after
quickly clearing his bowl. Well, more quickly than normal,
which was saying something. Only an alert observer with a
stopwatch might have seen the difference, but it was there, and
others saw it and made calculating mental notes.
Ranma stopped at the door and looked back at the others. "It's
probably nothing," he said. "Probably stubbed her toe or
something. She's not usually this late on her morning run."
Two middle-aged men, one bald, one longhaired and mustached, sat
calmly, before nudging each another and smiling.
"He is showing concern, Saotome."
"Yes, Tendo. Another step closer...."
"Well, I'm not concerned," said Nabiki. "But I am curious."
--------------
"You lost?" Nabiki blinked. She stood at the doorway to the dojo
and wondered if she was hearing right. Not about Akane losing,
but whether or not she had overlooked something.
Akane was setting up her bricks again, trying to find a level
place which was not cluttered with the mortal remains of
previous bricks. Her face was dirty and bruised, with a blue
smudge beginning to appear below her right eye.
"I got beat, okay?" she growled, "Now let's just shut up about
it!"
"Wow," said Ranma, leaning against the wall.
Akane stopped to glare at him. "What do you mean, 'Wow'?"
"Well, it must have been quite a battle, from your bruises and
black eye and all. Not many guys can do that."
"It was a girl! Now leave me alone!"
Nabiki blinked again. "There is a girl in Nerima who can beat
you? Who was it? I thought I knew them all."
"I don't know! She wore a mask!"
Seeing Ranma tense, Nabiki pounced. "What's the matter, Ranma?
You looked like an avenging angel when you came in - now you are
uncertain."
"Well...henh...I figured any guy who would beat up a muscle-bound
tomboy might be a challenge. But a girl...why bother?"
"Oh, so you still have that thing about not fighting girls, huh?"
"Yep."
"But a guy is all right, right?"
"Right."
"And especially so, if that guy beat up your fiancee, right?"
"Righ..." He converted his answer into a cough.
"Admit it, Saotome. You want revenge. You want to hurt anyone
who hurts Akane."
Ranma straightened and stretched. "Has nothin' to do with it,"
he said. "I want a challenge, and girls ain't no challenge."
"It's because you are afraid to find out!" Akane called.
"Whatever," Ranma yawned and stretched again, then looked over
his shoulder at Ryoga, who had stopped in time to avoid getting
a hand in the face. "Hullo, Ryoga. Long time no see."
"Now I wonder. Who was this girl?" Nabiki frowned.
Ranma smirked, "It's still hard to believe there's a girl around
who could beat up a gorilla."
Akane said, "I just wish you would go away and leave me alone!"
"Ranma!" Ryoga cried, "If you don't quit tormenting Akane, I will
have to punish you!"
"Yeah, sure, pigboy!" Ranma said, moving into a defensive
posture, "You and what army? C'mon!"
"You have caused enough suffering! I'm going to get you for...."
-poof-
"Huh? Where'd he go?" Ranma wondered at the bare ground where
Ryoga had stood.
"Is that a new move?" Nabiki asked. She stooped to retrieve
several pale yellow flower petals from the dojo floor.
BEGINNING THREE: TEMPORARY SERVICES
The next part of our story begins in what you might call the
service department of a really big organization, with an
attractive lass, slightly over - scratch that - underdressed for
the job. She was, if you will pardon the expression, 'manning'
the phone - if ever there was a phrase that needed updating...
manning? - This was a babe, curvy figure, smoky gray eyes, and
platinum hair down to her.... (Ahem!) - As I was saying, our
story begins with this...person.
"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored!" The platinum blonde
made a face as she tried to blow a strand of hair out of the way.
"Why did I even ask to be put back on this duty?"
She was not the heroine of the story, although she _did_ grant
wishes - which is the 'stock-in-trade' of the fairy godmother.
You have to have a fairy godmother for a Cinderella story. It is
a rule. An ancient rule. Before anime, even.
In any job involving telecommunications there are inevitable
misunderstandings -
-ring-
"Hello, Goddess Hotline. No, this is not a wrong number.
Hello? Hello?"
There are practical jokers -
-ring-
"No, we don't have Prince Albert in the can. In fact, he is
out of gaol now and playing cricket with Mary, Queen of Scots.
Hello? Hello?"
-ring-
"Hello, Goddess Hotline. Sorry, no executions, fomenting of
rebellions, or tickets to Star Wars III. Also, no trips to
alien planets, and we don't do Windows. And no Instant
Lifetime Companion. New rule."
-ring-
"No, we do _not_ deliver takeout. That only worked once, you
know! Give these guys an inch and they'll take a
kilometer...."
-ring-
"Hello, Goddess Hotline. No, this is not a wrong number.
Hello? Hello? Darn, again. Can't help the unbelievers."
And there are the people who simply want to pass the time of day-
"Always glad to hear from an old friend. When can we do
something that will satisfy your needs? Yeah, I'm an old
tease, you know me. Still haven't made up your mind to see
her one last time? Okay. I won't pressure you. See ya."
"Yawn. No challenge. I could do this with one wing tied behind
my back. If I bothered with wings, that is." Around her,
perfect sunlight dappled a perfect pool, while perfect koi slid
beneath the surface.
"Booooorrrrriiiiing," she said. "Everything is _so_
predictable."
-ring-
"Hello, Goddess Relief Line. What is your wish? Uh-huh.
Oppressive family situation? Nobody cares, huh? Oh-kay, it's
being taken care of. Thank you for your patience."
"There!" she breathed a sigh of relief, "Finally one I can do
something about. Hmmm? Someone is in the data garden....? And
there goes that phone _again_!"
-ring-
"No, I've told you before! We don't ruin your competitors for
you. That's your job, and I see by your record that you have
been doing an excellent job of doing just that. Who gave you
our number, anyway?
"No, you do _not_ get your wish.
"No, it is not a matter of being good. There are many good
people out there, of whom you are not one, and they don't get
a wish because they are not on our list.
"Yes, I know who you are. As a matter of fact, I know _what_
you are, and I know _where_ you are. I've got a good mind to
reach through this phone and...."
Thunder rumbled again, beyond a clear sky.
"...but I won't. Probation, darn it. I can't leave my desk
for anything. However, I _can_ correct this wrong
connection...."
-Bzzzapapppp!-
"THAT felt good. Hello? Hello? (Smirk) Must have hung up."
"Yawn. _So_ predictable. Hmmm. Something about that last
call bothers me. No-one gets through unless they have a
need...or they have help. I'd better check my tattle-tales."
A tone sounded and Urd turned to scan the printout.
"Uh-huh!" she muttered, "I thought she would be trying something
about now...." Positioning the diamond-studded headset pertly
over her platinum locks, she punched a few buttons and, after a
few distant buzzes, was rewarded with a connect signal.
"What do _you_ want?" the voice on the other end demanded.
"Just a moment of your time, Marlar," Urd smiled. It was not a
malicious smile - more of a NIGYYSOB* type of a smile.
(*Now I've Got You, You Sweet Old Biddy. Why? What were you
expecting?)
"Oh, I have time, dahling. More than you do, I will wager,"
Marlar's reply was silky, seductive, and unsettling. Not at all
what Urd was expecting.
"So I see," Urd frowned. "Not thinking of causing problems for
my sister, are you?"
"Maybe," the person on the other end of the line paused, as if to
savor the moment. "What's it to you?"
Urd leaned back and curled the cord around her shapely fingers.
She did not really need a cord. Cords were decorations,
physical manifestations to indicate the flow of data from headset
to junction. Not essential at all. They were, however, fun to
twiddle with while you were ragging your competition.
"I'm watching you," she said. "Tried to distract me with a bogus
call while you were hacking, didn't you? Naughty, naughty!"
"I got your attention, didn't I?" Marlar purred. "I just wanted
to tell you something, professional courtesy, just to give you a
heads up. There's something going down in your own backyard, and
you can't do a thing about it!"
"What have you done now?" Urd downgraded the frown to a scowl.
Not much of a change, but it would have been enough to give any
overly friendly males in the area second thoughts about hanging
around the office. Or the universe, even.
"Oh, I did not have to do anything. Too bad you can't watch your
own domain, especially when you're tied up to that prissy
'relief office'."
"Are you planning on messing with my sister and her relationship?
'Cause if you are, I can give you such a hurt...."
"That's for me to know, and for you to worry about, starting
right now. Norn of Love, are you? Let's see you save this one!
I happen to know someone put a worm into Yygdrasil, and you'll
never find it in time!"
"Why, you...." Urd growled, banging the phone down. The receiver
obediently shattered into fragments, then reassembled itself.
"She's up to something, and I'm stuck on phone duty! I need to
get back to my own desk! Where's my relief when I need it?"
A glance about showed no one in range. Other points on the
Goddess Relief Line were busy, according to their readouts. Her
own wish-meter on the wall clicked over and the phone rang again.
Urd hastily punched up the line, completed the call and stewed,
fidgeting as she puzzled how to escape her probation long enough
to check on the demoness.
Finally, she snapped her fingers and exclaimed, "Well, am I a
goddess or not? All I need to do is keep the wish-meter running.
I'll call our temp service!" As she tapped the keys, she began
to hum a lullaby.
--------
Basho, a monk of the Temple of the Good Deed, faced a beautiful
young woman who seemed not quite upset with him. He would have
been less worried if she had frowned, or even spoken angrily.
Instead, she smiled pleasantly, in a manner which suggested that
she expected something from him.
"But I don't know how I got here!" he said, "I was meditating,
concentrating on the main precept of our sect, which is to help
people, when...."
"Isn't that a contradiction in terms?" The young woman placed a
finger to her chin in a 'thinking' pose, which made her all the
more kawaii.
"Helping people?" Basho stopped in confusion.
"No - meditating and concentrating. Entirely opposite methods."
"Umm...I suppose so. But according to my sensei, it is
necessary, in order to help people! There is a final truth,
which I must find, in order to attain the highest level of
understanding! I want so much to fulfill the precepts of my
school...uh...where was I?"
"In our data garden...." The goddess leaned toward him to point
out the neat rows of information, a move which exposed an
impressive amount of her cleavage. Basho drew back in alarm, his
tranquility trembling.
[I shall take a couple of deep breasts,] he thought. [I must
retain a calm state of mind. Did I just think what I think I
thought?]
"...Somewhere between the RAMdishes and the spaghetti code," the
young woman continued. "Trespassing. I'll have to ask you to
leave."
"Gladly!" the monk said, "I do not wish to intrude."
"Oh, no problem, really. No damage done. Next time you can use
the front door. But, the reason I called you is, maybe you can
do something for me, and I can do something for you. Simply
agree to do some 'good deeds' for me, for oh, say two weeks. To
make it worth your while, I will grant you one wish."
"I do not have time! I am a struggling student!" cried Basho.
"My heart must remain pure, and my mind crystal clear, for I am
almost through with my training! I have memorized the entirety
of the concepts of my branch, the five sacred koans, the
seventeen holy precepts, and the twenty-three admonitions, and
the seventy-one prohibitions. I was working on the one hundred
and one possible modulations, but I keep being interrupted!"
"By any chance did you read the clause in the bottom of your
`Temple of the Good Deed' charter which specifies that your
temple will provide temporary services to the Goddess Relief
Office on an 'as needed' basis?"
"Ulp. No. That would be one of the one hundred and one
modulations that I was about to memorize, wouldn't it?"
"Precisely. Now, can you help?"
"THAT is what Sensei meant! I suppose it would be a stain upon
the honor of my temple should I refuse?"
"Oh, no more than your average loss of face. Or neck."
Basho said, tightly, "Then I must be obedient to the charter.
Did you mention a wish?"
"Umh, yes. For your services, you are allowed one wish, to be
used as you see fit," she leaned toward him and smiled .
Basho was very aware of the aroma of wildflowers, the hissing
roar of a wild mountain stream which he decided was the sound of
his own blood, and the nearness of a shapely expanse of barely
covered female flesh. With a will of iron, he controlled his voice
to squeak, "I agree! I want my wish right now!"
"And just what is your wish?"
Basho ignored the sultry eyes to babble swiftly, "This is my
wish, that-someone-else-will-take-my-place! I-happen-to-have-
one-in-mind!"
-poof-
The monk was gone. In his place stood a youth, wearing a yellow
bandana for a headband, tied leggings and a wrathful expression.
The youth was continuing a conversation he had started earlier -
"...this! I'm going to beat you until you can't stand up! I'll
wrap you in wire and bounce you from here to..."
The muscular lad cut his outburst short. He froze, one finger
pointing at Urd's most prominent features. His eyes widened as
he attempted to deduce his location without staring, from the
alabaster spires mounting the bluest skies, to the birds of
paradise fluttering among cinnamon trees.
"Ooooh, bondage!" Urd purred, looking him over. "You earth guys
are always coming up with the quaintest notions! Nice package,
too. Definitely a step up from the first temp."
"Gleep?" Ryoga spoke.
"Hmmm. Language challenged. Well, you'll have to do. The
wishmeter must roll. Gotta give you the oath. Will you carry
out your duties as given by your client - that's me - to the best
of your abilities?"
"Gleep?"
"I'll take that as a 'yes'. Now, what you are supposed to do is
take this readout," Urd placed a bracelet on the wrist he had
presented. To close the clasp, she had to lean forward, making
contact with his outstretched digit, ignoring the tiny trickle of
red from Ryoga's nose.
"What you are supposed to do is to wander around, spreading
wishes to everyone who qualifies. Your readout will manipulate
your aura so you are attracted to the people who need our
services the most. Then, all you have to do is listen to what
they wish for," she patted his hand and frowned. It was like
patting a marble statue. "The programming will do the rest. Oh,
yes. If you have any questions later, just ask the bracelet. Is
there anything you wanted to ask me right now?"
"Gleep?"
-ring-
"I'll take that as a 'no'. There's a client right now. You
gotta go. Good hunting! Oh, scratch that. Good wishing!"
-poof-
Ryoga found himself on pavement, with hundreds of cycles, trucks,
cabs, and persons on roller-skates bearing down on him. In
downtown Tokyo.
"Hey, Get out of my way, you backwoods moron!" one of the drivers
yelled, "I wish you'd go home!"
The street shook.
-poof-
The Hibiki house stood forlorn, tidy and neat, but with spider
webs on the windows and grass growing through the cracks in the
walkway. No one was home. Ryoga sighed and turned away.
"Maybe I can find Akane. She'll help me make some sense of
this," he said, as he set out for the Tendo Dojo. Even if
she could not clear up the mystery, he would feel better sitting
in her lap.
As he hiked, he felt himself drawn off the street into a small
shop, where a man and woman were arguing. The bracelet began to
tingle and he read the inscription on the silver plate.
-client proximity.
As Ryoga approached, their shouts and loud words intensified.
The man told the woman, "I wish you'd forget about me and my
faults for awhile, and let me go away and rest!"
The ground shuddered, and
-poof-
The man vanished, while the woman continued sweeping the floor.
"Excuse me," Ryoga quavered, not sure what he had seen. "What
happened to that man who was standing there?"
"What man?" the woman asked, "No one works here but me. May I
help you?"
"Uh...I'm not sure. Is there anything you would like to wish
for?"
"How very kind of you. No, I don't need anything. Except
maybe a cool glass of orange juice right now."
There was a small but noticeable vibration.
"Oh, thank you," she said, paying no attention to where the glass
of orange liquid had come from. She drank it down and returned
to sweeping.
[It works,] Ryoga said to himself as he left the shop.
A mother dragging a small, wailing boy brushed past as Ryoga
stood on the corner. "I want more ice cream!" the small boy
cried, "I wish I could have all the ice cream I could eat!"
Ryoga noticed a shudder as the pavement trembled.
_Whump_
The boy was almost buried under a mound of strawberry, pistachio,
vanilla, Neapolitan, and cherry-maple-chocolate-swirl. His
mother stood nervously scanning the sky while her son ate his way
out of the pile.
"It works," Ryoga said aloud. "It works!!! I wish I could be by
Akane's side!"
Nothing happened, except for a sound...
-ping-
-error. see appropriate help file for information.
Ryoga clutched at the bracelet. "What's wrong? Can't you grant
my wishes?"
-my sources say 'no,'- read the inscription.
"What? You mean I have to grant everyone else's wish, but I
can't give myself one? One wish! That's all I want!"
-my sources say 'no'.
Gloom settled in on Ryoga's face, but it did not last long. "Can
I grant a wish for Akane?" he wondered.
-agent may grant one wish for any qualified recipient.
-ping-
-fatal error!-
-caution: agent has not accepted nondisclosure agreement.
-agent's capacity has been temporarily rescinded.
-agent must accept agreement before resuming duties.
"Accept what? And I am not an agent!"
-ping-
-title of 'agent' removed.
-title of classification reverts to 'fairy god-mother'.
"I am NOT a fairy god-mother!"
-ping-
-classification fitted to subject.
-title of classification is 'wishpig'.
"Agent!" Ryoga waved his arms frantically, "Agent is fine! I
wanna be called an agent!"
-agent has not fully complied with requirements.
-acceptance of nondisclosure agreement is mandatory
before agent's capacity may be reinstated.
"That means I cannot give Akane her wish!" Ryoga gasped. "I
agree! I agree!"
-ping-
-recorded. agent has all capacities and benefits.
"Thank Kami!" breathed Ryoga. Encouraged by the talkative
bracelet, he added, "Can I give Akane more than one wish?"
-Information: agent may optionally elect to utilize the
capacity to grant multiple wishes to a single person. This
capacity may be switched off as desired.
-Cost: 1 wish
"Then I want it! Give me multiple-wish-granting!"
-does agent wish to activate multiple wish feature?
"Yes! Yes! Akane, here I come! You can have everything you
want!"
-agent has expended 1 (one) wish.
"Hey, wait a minute! I thought you said I didn't get a wish!"
-rule: agent is entitled to one wish, under stated conditions
specified hereunto by said agent, subsequent to acceptance of
non-disclosure agreement.
"Allright! I wish my curse lifted!"
Nothing happened.
"What's the matter? You said I had a wish coming!"
-agent has previously expended entitlement.
"Gulp. I did?"
-agent expended wish when requesting multiple wish-granting
capability.
-agent had previously stipulated that agent was to receive one
wish, and one wish only.
-multiple wish-granting is now available for qualified
recipients.
"Oh, no! I'm no better off than I was before!" Ryoga beat his
head against a rock wall, with the result that the wall suffered
immensely. Eventually he calmed, and decided, "Wait! I can still
give Akane her wishes! I can give her all the wishes she wants!
Just wait, Akane! I am coming! Wait until you hear! The
goddess has given me the power to grant wishes!"
He had not taken a dozen steps before he felt a chill vapor drift
across his neck. A face formed of white mist smiled in a wanton
leer as it sought his lips, and a tentacle of vapor coiled about
his body.
"Yaaaaaaahhh!" Ryoga cried. He was capable of great speed when
he tried, and he tried. Miles away from the clinging mist, he
pressed his back against a wall and watched the shadows for signs
of movement.
As he caught his breath, he panted, "What was that??!?!"
-ping-
-describe 'that'
"That was a ghost trying to feel me up!"
-phenomenon was spectral projection from demoness,
specifically, Marlar. Demoness unaware of present location
and searching.
-Chance of discovery=00.008%.
"Why was she after _me_?"
-Warning! Warning! -
-Disclosure of forbidden subjects carries a substantial
penalty!
"I didn't 'disclose' anything! What are you talking about?"
-demoness attracted by agent's vocalization of intended
utilization of 'wish granting capability'.
"You mean I can't tell Akane about it?"
Ryoga recalled the cold vapors winding around him and shivered,
"Brrr! Then I won't talk about it! I don't have to ask Akane
what she wants! I won't say a word, just be there when she asks
for something! I can give her anything in the world! She'll
have to accept me, then!"
-My sources say 'no'.
Ryoga ignored the inscription and set out at a run. In the wrong
direction.
CHAPTER ONE: END
Oh, yes. Thanks to the person who suggested a concert to
benefit ailing sea-monkeys. ^_^
James and the Bluejay
http://www.wanderway.com