My day off, I'm sick and I'm indoors. Why not do some C&C?
Re: [FFML] [FFML][BGC2040] Synth Dream - Part 1
Date: Mon, 22 May 2000 05:28:08 -0500
From: Michael McAvoy <mmcavoy@ejourney.com>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Comments:
<Without emotion, the woman's companion grabbed the
bouncer by the next easily and lifted him off the ground.>
I think you want 'neck.'
<"You item is being automatically packed," continued the box.
"Please enter the destination address.">
I can't wait until these machines are everywhere. Nice bit of
future tech, by the way.
<"Yes, Mr. Jarvis," Takagi agreed again.>
Apparently Takagi is a Yes-woman (ducks and hides)
<but he was several times more ruthless than most.>
Which is certainly saying something.
<Kinda late to be bitching.">
This sounds a little odd when Leon-poo just said "Kinda early to
be bitching" a line or two before. Or it could be intentional.
<"I'd say cause of death was an acute loss of a head," Daley
remarked blandly.>
Daley Wong: Comedian and Detective
<"Who created this stupid reality, anyway?" she asked out loud
after staring out into space.>
Something I ask myself each and every morning. Good descriptive
work about her apartment as well. When is she going to check her
mail?
<The beauty of synth was a child with a decent chemistry set
and high-end molecular sequencing software (provided as freeware
on
the DataNet, naturally) could produce the stuff in quantity.>
Nice bit of future tech here, too. You seem to have a good grasp
on the kind of technology that is important to fleshing out a
world.
<Second, you could have less powerful and expensive computer
systems, but be incredibly gifted, creative, and have an inborn
knack for how to mod your hardware to get into the hard to reach
areas of the DataNet.>
*cough*Nene*cough*
<Sylia Stingray had a problem, and she definitely did not like
having problems.>
Would this be the psychosis, the revenge complex, the
unrequitted love of Priss or the lecherous brother? (or am I
mixing the OAV and TV troubles together?
< Finally, breaking her revere>
Not certain, but I think its reverie.
Overall, good read, with some minor spelling and formatting
errors. The narrative is good and I enjoyed reading the story.
Re: [FFML] [FFML][Fanfic][Eva][Spoilers][Draft] Torn
Date: Tue, 30 May 2000 23:53:21 -0500
From: "OnFire4jc" <onfire_4jc@hotmail.com>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Comments: Not many specific comments as it was a very short and
rather dark fic. This is one of the interpretations of Rei which
assumes that she hides her emotions and suffers behind a mask.
While the suicide seems sudden, it does fit and the end is
indeed weak. It doesn't really have any connection to the rest
of the story. The fic's strongpoint: capturing a bit of the
thought processes of Ayanami Rei. If you can't find a way to end
it happily (without resorting to a Deus ex machinae device) then
simply let it end sadly. Conditionally recommended (and looking
forward to the next draft)
Subject: [FFML] [fic]A Soul Forever Voyaging - Layer 01
Date: Sun, 28 May 2000 17:35:38 +0800
From: "TimeRunner" <keiichi@i-manila.com.ph>
To: "SML" <sml@fanfic.com>, "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>
Comments: Yay! Timerunner! (Gratuitous Self is one of my
favorites).
<An original story inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion, Serial
Experiments
Lain, and A Mind Forever Voyaging>
The first two I'm familiar with, the second I've never heard of.
Perhaps a bit of background?
<Ikari: Yes. The Project was a natural extension of Japan's ZOSO
Project,
which was a project begun in the 1990's to create artificial
intelligence.
Sub-director Fuyutsuki will help me explain.>
A fusion of sorts, eh? Interesting.
<The main difference between computers and the human mind is
that computers processed data in mathematical fashion,
while a human mind would deal with the same data symbolically>
Not entirely sure if that's true. Its entirely possible that the
human mind operates exactly the same way as a computer, just
with a much greater degree of complexity. Human _mental_
processes operate symbolically, while to this date there have
been no computer based mental processes. Just a minor nit pick
from a guy studying Cognitive Science.
<I cannot for the life of me remember why I wanted to do these
things.
But I did them. Otherwise, I would never have remembered
them...
...Would I?>
I really like these introspective cuts. They have a very Phillip
K. Dick feel to them.
<Ikari: She sabotaged the first Project.>
So Rei is Lain then?
<A very resilient thing.>
Something about Ikari Gendo saying this makes me laugh and
shudder at the same time.
<"Yui, it's all right, it's all right. Everything is going to be
all
right.">
Well, that solves where the blank mind came from, I think.
<He said: "Yui, have you ever thought about artificial
intelligence?"
"Well, I have read about ZOSO and Turing and all of that.
Why?">
Or perhaps I've completely misread those introspective portions.
<REI? This is Doctor Fuyutsuki Kozo. I'm afraid it's all true;
you are the
world's first true artificial intelligence, and the life you
have led was
merely a simulation, a process designed to instill you with
sentience. If
you let me, I can help you. I can show you the wonders of your
awakening,
of your new life.">
Or perhaps I didn't. Couldn't they find an easier way to break
it to her? Something that might make her less psychotic?
< Or at least, designed to simulate one.>
VERY Phillip K. Dick. Fascinating read, well constructed and
flawless in terms of formatting. Very polished writing.
Recommended (and also looking forward to the next part, which
will probably take a while)
Well, that's all for right now,
Jerico
fnord