Tenchi Muyou:
Union

Part Three

  The English word "tribadism" was once a general term encompassing all forms of female homosexual intercourse, deriving from the common synonym for "lesbian" at that time, which was "tribade". In current usage, however, tribadism had come to encompass a very specific form of female homosexual intercourse. Specifically, it referred to the act of rubbing two female genitalia against each other in order to produce clitoral stimulation and, eventually, orgasm.

  It is possible that narrowing of the term's scope had arisen from its association with an era in Earth's history when a certain female monarch, noted for her general prudishness, had declared that female homosexuality was impossible because a woman's form lacked Shaft A to insert into Hole B. (She had also been rather unimaginative.)

  Ryouko knew none of this as she energetically screwed the hell out of Sasami, whose ankles were crossed behind the ex-space-pirate's neck. She knew only that she *really* enjoyed this sort of thing, even if Ayeka usually complained that the pleasure it produced was negated by the pain and soreness it caused her for days afterward, and that Sasami's vocal cries for more indicated that her partner was enjoying it as well.

  In fact, it seemed that Sasami was enjoying it even more than Ryouko, since the demon-girl *was* getting a bit tired, much to her shock and mild horror, while Sasami showed no sign of slowing down. Ah, to be young and ridiculously horny once more.

  Ryouko sneaked a look over her shoulder to where her other body was being gamahuched by Mihoshi, occasionally tugging on her blonde hair so hard that it made the annoying one shriek a little. She would enjoy reviewing the memories of doing that when the two of them merged, later. At the same time, Ayeka was pressed up against Kiyone's back, her legs wrapped around Kiyone's hips to spread them wide and her fingers working in the inspector's labial lips, much to her obvious enjoyment. It seemed that Ayeka remembered more of the "peeks" she'd taken from the Universal Kama Sutra than she'd indicated; Ryouko grinned faintly as she promised herself to find out just how much the princess knew.

  Later. Right now, she was sort of tired. She didn't so much fall out as slide from between Sasami's legs when the younger woman had yet another thunderous orgasm and released her hold on Ryouko.

  "Waiiiiiiii," Sasami waied. "More!"

  "Ehhhhhhhhh," ehhed the others in reply.

  Fortuitously, the door to the bath house slid open at that moment, flooding all their systems with sudden bursts of adrenaline at the thought that it might be Tenchi arriving.

  "My my my. Looks like I got here just in time."

  Ryouko let out the breath she'd been holding and remerged her two bodies before turning to look at Washuu.

  Unexpectedly, her "mother" was in her more mature form, that she usually only used to freak out Tenchi. She was wearing a long white coat and a nurse's hat, and carried a heavy-looking bag in one hand.

  "Washuu-chan!" Sasami squealed in delight, causing her older sister to wonder if she knew any other squeals. "You want to have sex with me too?"

  "Oh, yes, Sasami-chan," the psychotic --

  *Ahem.*

  -- er, eccentric red-haired scientist said, her cat-like green eyes glowing with ill-suppressed amusement. "I'm going to *enjoy* having sex with you. Hehhehhehhehheh." <Take *that* Tsunami!>

  Without further ado, Washuu ripped off her coat and threw it into the air, revealing that she wore only a bustier, cut low to show off her fulsome breasts, and high to show off her --

  "Oh god," Ryouko said quietly. "She's a hermaphrodite."

  Washuu slapped her across the face with a fan marked "Incorrect".
"No!" she snapped. "*This* is the apotheosis of technologically sophisticated sex toys -- a biotechnological phallus, as responsive as the real thing, wired into my nerves so that one actually feels the sensation of penetration!" She gave a little pelvic thrust. "Now, Sasami-chan, I will take your virginity in revenge for --"

  She paused and looked down to see that Sasami's head was eagerly bobbing back and forth along the length of the cybernetic strap-on, laving the dildo with her tongue.

  "Enthusiastic little thing, isn't she?" Washuu quipped.

                           *  *  *

  Tenchi was tired.

  He wasn't sure just how long he'd been fighting this new weirdo. Unless the sun deceived him, it could only have been a few hours, but it felt like every single attack Furutsu launched took a whole week to complete. And as if that weren't enough --

  "Ah-HA!! You begin to slacken, for at last you recognize that I am the supreme power in this cosmos!! Surrender now, and I shall grant you a quick and painful death!!"

  -- the guy's dialogue was really obnoxious.

  Tenchi marshalled his resources, and brought his sword up into ready position, ready to thrust forward and penetrate into --

  "I'm going to end up having sex with this guy, aren't I?" Tenchi suddenly asked the author. "That's how you intend to mess with his fan's head. That's really sick, using a homophobic slur as a guy's name when you plan to do something like that."

  "To whom are you speaking, you craven cretin?!"

  "Ah, shaddap!" Tenchi finally snapped at the thinly-disguised character parody. "Do you realize how stupid you sound, constantly using multiple exclamation points like that? I suppose that when you laugh you go --"

  "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Furutsu.

  "-- like that," Tenchi interjected as soon as the alien prince took a short pause to breathe. "You do realize that the author just copied `HA' and pasted it repeatedly using control characters? It doesn't actually take a lot of work!"

  "Enough of your inanity, runt!! Face now the Howling Fist of Molten Death!!!"

  "Oh, calling your attacks and using three exclamations, very cool!" Tenchi sneered as he parried the attack effortlessly. "Do you know how cliched you are?"

  To the author, he snapped, "I won't do it! I don't care if your conception of me is bisexual, I refuse to believe that I could have so little taste as to jump this guy before I ended up with one of the girls!"

  Tenchi couldn't have realized that his breaking of the fourth wall left him vulnerable to a sudden burst of energy from Furutsu's left hand. "Sure, sure, punish your creations for showing a bit of independence and self-will," Tenchi sneered as the blast sent him soaring backwards.

  "Victory will be mine!! Defeat I will leave for you, puny Earthling!!"

  "Shaddap!"

                           *  *  *

  Washuu hadn't known how right she was when she called Sasami enthusiastic. But after an hour of driving the strap-on into her, she had begun to develop a general idea. Even the limp efforts of the others to help her out by playing with Sasami's breasts and tongue, and letting her do the same to them, didn't seem to really make a dent in her ferocious need to boink.

  Truth be told, Washuu thought she was getting a bit tired of this. Sasami's squeaks and wails of extreme pleasure were quite gratifying, but how often could she repeat them? It was almost like someone kept splicing film footage together and hoping that no one would notice that the same lines of dialogue were being used repeatedly -- not hard, when said dialogue consisted of "oh", "yes", "more", "eee" and "baby you're something else".

  Still, the neural-interface generated orgasms that the sex toy generated in her own system more than made up for the mechanical nature of the sex act itself. Washuu decided to just enjoy the heck out of that until Tenchi showed up, at which point she expected to be needed as a nurse to keep him from death from blood loss.

  As was almost always the case, as soon as Washuu made a decision like that, the universe (aided by its lovely and talented assistant Mihoshi) exhibited an "I'll show you little girl" mentality.

  "Ne, Washuu-chan, what's this?" asked You-Know-Who as she looked curiously at the dial at the small of Washuu's back, currently set at "6". Had Mihoshi been just a little keener-eyed, she might have seen that the dial was not part of Washuu's back, but attached to the almost invisible straps of the strap-on dildo.

  "Don't -- stop --" Washuu gasped.

  Obligingly, Mihoshi failed to cease the action she'd just begun, and reached out and turned the dial all the way to "11" -- a setting that had not been there before. Just as obligingly, the dildo "rewarded" Washuu with a sequence of "11" orgasms that led her to quietly pass out from pleasure.

  "Tee hee hee," the universe said, but no one was listening, so it might as well have been silent.

  As Ryouko pulled the limp red-haired genius off Sasami, who *still* showed no signs of slowing down, she began to wonder what could possibly happen next. Was Nagi going to crash the party?

  Abruptly, a bubble of glowing green light formed on the edge of the pool's deck; a bubble that Ryouko instantly recognized as a transporter effect. Sure enough, Nagi had --

  The bubble dissipated.

  It wasn't Nagi.

  "MOTHER!" Ayeka shrieked in horrified panic as she made a futile attempt to cover her nudity and stop Sasami from fingering her vulva.

  "WAAAAAAH!" Misaki said amidst her `My eldest daughter is unhappy to see me' weeping. Funaho merely sighed and handed her `sister' a rather large tissue to dry the tears.

  "M-mother Funaho, what are you two doing here?" Ayeka asked in a somewhat calmer voice as she finally pulled away from Sasami and decided that she looked somewhat decent enough for conversation.

  "I received a note inviting me to Sasami's coming out party -- I'm not quite sure what a party of that nature is, mind -- and my sister insisted on accompanying me. May I now ask what's going on here?" she concluded, looking Ayeka up and down. Repeatedly.

  "Well you see, Sasami-chan will be merging with Tsunami tonight and before she has sex with her she wants to get a lot of experience in advance so --" Mihoshi proceeded to explain everything that had happened in vivid detail, occasionally demonstrating if she thought something needed a visual aid. Misaki stopped crying mid-way through her quick demonstration of Ryouko's tribadism, with Ryouko as the one on the bottom this time, and watched with interest.

  "I ... see," Funaho replied, putting away the notes she'd taken on some of the more unusual sex acts.

  For a moment all was still. Then Misaki began to weep her `my daughter is going to have sex with a space-faring tree and didn't tell me' tears.

  "But Sasami, why did you invite Mother Funaho to this ... this --" Ayeka searched for the word.

  "Orgy?" Ryouko supplied. "Sextravaganza? Clam feast? I rather like coming out party, Sasami."

  "Shut up."

  "Mother Funaho is so cool and sensuous," Sasami replied to Ayeka's question, not looking up at any of them and slowly rotating her lubricant-coated pointer fingers around each other. "I just thought ..."

  "SASAMI!" Ayeka gasped.

  Funaho's usually stony face perked up in her "cute" smile. "I'm very flattered, Sasami-chan. Also, somewhat aroused." In a move which was probably an unconscious quote of Washuu's earlier disrobement, Funaho ripped off her robes with one hand, revealing that at least one of the Empresses of Jurai believed herself to be a commando.

  In a trice, she was laying along Sasami's still supine, sweat-slathered body, kissing her mouth in a way that suggested the exercise she'd already had in the use of her strongest muscle. Sasami, of course, responded eagerly while Ayeka stared in shock.

  "Oh, it's so nice to see that my beloved sister shows such concern for my daughters' well being," Misaki enthused as Funaho kissed her way down to Sasami's crotch. Then a frown creased her brow. "But what," she asked as she pulled off her own robes, "am I supposed to do while she's busy?"

  Slowly she looked across the others in the bathhouse, until at last her gaze settled on Kiyone. Then she smiled.

  And Kiyone, realizing that one of her life-long crushes had just expressed an interest in her, did what no red-blooded woman needs any training to do.

  She fainted dead away.

  "Oh my," Misaki murmured. "I guess I've still got it --"

  "Mommy?" Sasami asked weakly as Funaho tongued at her vagina and clitoris. "You're ... cool and sensuous too ..."

  Misaki promptly began to weep her `my youngest daughter just invited me to get jiggy with her' tears of joy, and knelt to begin kissing her frantically. "Ayeka, dear, give me some help here," she said as she began to worry Sasami's left nipple.

  "But --"

  "Now."

  "Yes, Mommy."

  Ryouko gaped at the scene. "Okay, THIS is going over the top. I mean, they're mother and daughter, this can't be --"

  She felt a grave disturbance in the force behind her. "Oh, really, Ryouko-chan?" Washuu's voice whispered huskily against her neck. "Do you know that some psychologists believe that the more one feels disgusted by a sexual act, the more one is actually ... aroused by it?"

  "That's --"

  "After all, they're all consenting adults, so why are you so disturbed? Could it be that you, too, want something like that, but are afraid to admit it?"

  "N-no," Ryouko insisted.

  "What's the matter, Ryouko-chan?" Washuu asked, this time blowing into her ear. "Why do you tremble? Why are these so hard? Why is this so wet? It's only natural to want to return to the womb."

  Ryouko watched for a few moments as Ayeka and Sasami attempted to return to the womb head-first. "I ... I don't ..."

  "Really? Then all you have to do is say, `No, mommy', and I'll stop." With that word, Washuu whipped Ryouko around and lip-locked with her, demonstrating the remarkable reach of her tongue.

  Her arousal and her deep-seated refusal to consider Washuu as her mother warred with her vague sense of impropriety, until Ryouko finally found a solution. She jerked out of the kiss. "No."

  Washuu started.

  "Way," Ryouko continued, holding up her left fist. "Am I gonna let you fuck me." She shapeshifted the fist into a somewhat more streamlined form. "Fuck you, mom," she concluded as she rammed her tongue and fist between Washuu's two sets of lips.

                           *  *  *

  Tenchi now realized that he'd only thought he was tired before. Only now, after what felt like a season's worth of fighting followed up by an out-of-continuity movie, did he realize the meaning of the word "tired".

  And Furutsu wasn't letting up with the dialogue. "Die, you miserable cowering fool!! Die!! DIE!!"

  He almost felt inclined to say that he'd be happy to die if it meant not having to listen to the weirdo's overacting, but he refused to descend to the level of character who spouted cliches like that. Marshalling what little of his resources remained for another fight, he drew up his sword.

  "Ahem," said his grandfather, coming up behind him. "If you have time to fool around, boy, you have time to get to your daily practice bout with me. What IS taking you so long?"

  "Well, I'm a little busy right now, Grandpa," Tenchi explained wearily.

  "Ah-hah!! Two for the price of one!!" Furutsu cried and attacked.

  Yoshou decapitated him without breaking stride. "Busy with what?"

  Let it be recorded that the final words of Furutsu, Prince of the Tsukajijin, were "ACK!". The swiftness of the strike left no time for a second exclamation point.

  When a reply to his question didn't seem to be forthcoming, as Tenchi was too busy gogging at Furutsu's separated head and corpse, Yoshou began shaking his grandson's shoulders. "Snap out of it boy!"

  "Grandfather!" Tenchi cried. "How -- I spent hours fighting him, and you just -- but -- how --"

  "Oh, that," he replied dismissively. "Tenchi, there are two things you must remember always. First, while I have indeed taught you all that you know of swordsmanship, I have not taught you all that *I* know. It would take far too long.

  "Second ... Tenchi, you will meet many such annoyances in your life -- people who yell a lot and criticise when they clearly do not know what they are talking about. There is only one cure for such distractions from your goals."

  "Cut off their heads?"

  "No, fool, ignore them!"

  And, lo, Tenchi considered the wisdom of his grandfather's words, and it was as though a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you, Grandfather," he said, bowing and turning to head for the bathhouse.

  Yoshou hit him on the head with his bokken. "Where the hell do you think you're going? You've got sword practice!"

  "But I just fought for hours!" Tenchi whined.

  "That doesn't count! Didn't you hear a word I said? En garde!"

                           *  *  *

  "Oh yessss, Ryouko, you sex maniac, touch me, finger me like a whore. Oh yeah, fuck, that's good, Ryouko, finger me, drive those fingers in my sopping cunt..."

  Who, wondered Ryouko, would have taken Funaho for such a pottymouth?

  After Sasami had tired her mother and her mother's sister-wife (not to mention Ayeka) out, Kiyone and Mihoshi turned out to have built up their strength again. They were now introducing her to the pleasure of simultaneous vaginal and rectal penetration, with the help of two of Washuu's other strap-ons.

  Meanwhile, she had split in two to entertain the two queens of Jurai; her other self was currently rolling around with Misaki in the position that Earthlings, for reasons Ryouko didn't quite grasp, called `sixty-nine'.

  Meanwhile meanwhile, Washuu was taking the opportunity to get to "know" one of her daughter's lovers better, using more conventional dildos on Ayeka. (Conventional for Washuu, anyway. The meaning of that remark is left for the reader to puzzle out.)

  Ryouko had begun the day praying that Tenchi wouldn't show up for this. She'd passed through hoping that Tenchi wouldn't show up for this while she was there, and had begun to wonder what Tenchi would do when he showed up. If they stopped him from bleeding to death, they could have some very interesting times.

  She'd even let Ayeka go first.

  Well, maybe not.

  Abruptly, the steam-filled air of the bath-house took on a strange blue aura, and without further omens of her arrival, Tsunami materialized above the water of the bath-house. Everyone paused in sudden shock -- except for Mihoshi, who kept on busily sodomizing Sasami until Kiyone pulled her off.

  "Sasami, I have come to ... join ... with ..." Tsunami began very strong and clear, trailing off towards the end as she noticed her surroundings, then noticed what was going on in those surroundings, and finally noticed who else was present. "What's going on here?" she finally asked in a tiny, confused voice.

  "Tsunami?" Sasami gasped. "What are you doing here? It's not midnight!"

  "It is on Jurai," Tsunami said, looking with a mildly horrified expression at the two queens of the aforementioned planet, entangled with Ryouko.

  At that moment, Sasami knew despair. Before, her regret for what she would lose had been an innocent curiousity; now, with her new knowledge, it had become even greater. There was so much more she wanted to do! There were so many people she wanted to do!

  Like Tenchi-niichan! And Nagi! And Ken-oh-ki! And Ken-oh-ki and Ryo-oh-ki, simultaneously! And Mayuka, once she got back to an appropriate age like sixteen or so! And Sakuya! And Tenchi-niichan! And Yugi -- heck, that was probably the only way that she'd get to get it on with Sakuya! And Achika and the young, cute version of Nobuyuki! Mmm, yum yum thought! And all those obnoxious new characters created by fanfic authors who thought they were so damn cool! And Tenchi-niichan!

  But no ... none of that was to be. She hardened herself, and lifted her eyes to meet Tsunami's.

  "Very well. Then let it be done. Come to me, Tsunami. Take me now!" she orated, closing her eyes and spreading her arms and legs.

  "... all right," Tsunami replied, sounding very mystified, and leaned down to give her a peck on the forehead.

  And then Tsunami vanished.

  For a long moment, all was still. And then Sasami's eyes opened, with new intelligence burning within them.

  "Oops," Tsunami/Sasami said.

  "Oops?" echoed everyone else present. Yes, even Mihoshi.

  "Uh, gee," she continued, putting her hand behind her head. "I guess I didn't mean `sex' when I said to myself that the union would be an intimate one. Boy, I wish I'd explained my intentions to myself before I went and did something like this. Am I embarrassed now, or what? Hee hee hee ... Washuu, what are you doing with that dildooooooooo!"

                           *  *  *

  Tenchi awoke and found himself on a plate of sashimi.

  Then he regained the rest of his consciousness and found himself lying where he'd finally passed out from the exertion of the practice match with his grandfather.

  The sun was low in the sky as he dashed to the bathhouse. Just as he reached the door, it slid open.

  Mihoshi was the first to exit, gently steering a quietly gibbering Kiyone. Washuu exited shortly after, cackling faintly to herself. Ayeka and Ryouko walked out, neither looking at each other.

  "What --" Tenchi asked.

  "I'm not talking to you," they chorused, and walked off.

  Finally, Sasami came out, wearing somewhat dishevelled robes that made her look even more like Tsunami than normal.

  "Sasami-chan! What happened?"

  She sighed. "I am sorry, Tenchi, but I am not Sasami anymore. I am Tsunami, now!"

  He gaped. "No! You merged with Tsunami? That's what this about? Oh, Sasa-- er, Tsunami-chan, why didn't you just say so? I would have come much sooner!"

  "Probably, yes."

  Tenchi didn't seem to hear that remark. "Is ... is there anything I can do for you?"

  Tsunami smiled brightly. "No, Tenchi, not right now. I have a headache. Tomorrow, maybe."

  She strolled off, leaving him confused and ashamed that he'd let so many things get in the way of talking to Sasami before it was too late. It was in this state that he slowly entered the bath-house, intending to take a long bath.

  It didn't happen. His jaw and the gout of blood from his nose hit the floor at roughly the same moment, and he fainted dead away.

  Funaho looked up from where Misaki was drilling the strap-on into her. "Oh dear," she remarked calmly. "Tenchi."

  "What will we do, sister?" Misaki asked. "He might tell people who must not be told about our cuckolding of our beloved husband."

  "I guess we must do something to make sure that he doesn't *want* to tell anyone."

  After a moment, they both grinned very vicious grins.

  "Dibs on his manhood!" Funaho shouted as she ran over to begin tearing the young man's clothes off.

  "Dibs on his ass!" Misaki replied, wiggling the strap-on.

  And so ended yet another day in the heartwarming theatre of life that is the Masaki home.

  Tune in next week at this same time for "Minmei Does Macross".

                            The End.


  I bet you thought I wasn't going to let Tenchi get any, didn't you! Silly monkey.

  Okay. What's all this then? Basically, it's a farcical parody of a number of things -- among them Tenchi Muyou lemons and people who believe that they have established Aristotelian rules of Tenchi Muyou fanfiction. Among other things, it breaks numerous sexual taboos and shamelessly mixes the TV continuities with the OAV universe; that really annoys the aforementioned "critics".

  But at the end of the day, I'm just writing to have fun. No meaning, no moral (I'm certainly not suggesting that anyone go out and try this at home!) and no real hatred. I hope that my critics will take it in that spirit.

  Except for Kt'hardin. He can go fuck himself.

  "Tenchi Muyou" was created by Masaki Kajishima and brought to North America by Pioneer LDC. This story, while incorporating characters held under copyright by others, is copyright 2000 by Chris Davies.

  Nobody Sue Me Okay?



Chris Davies, Advocate for Darkness, Part Time Champion of Light
Fanfics: http://www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/banks/277/
Fanfic Revolution: http://come.to/hauthor
"I love you too. Why the hell else do you think I keep doing
this?" -- Warren Ellis.

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