Commentary interlaced
"Well, she's adequate, but she has no
improvement skills (to which Hayama interjected,
'Improvisational') and you see, you really can't see
how badly she emasculates (Hayama: Enunciate) when she's
only voicing for animation, you know what i mean? She
hasn't got the grace, the charm, thebeauty... *beams*
And I've done a great job, didn't I, Hayama? Didn't
I?" (Hayama: Uh-huh.)
Hooray on the Sana. Speech patterns down pat, but you should really
include some sort of indication of her speed. Yes, I know, scrunching
words is ancient and looks bad, but I can't think of any other way to
render the sheer alacrity of her babbling.
Namura nodded. "Thanks. I'll probably be moving some
time soon."
Oh yeah. This reminds me...
I like your Namura. No, scratch that. I HATE your Namura. Accurately, I
like how hateable you've made Namura. In MB, he was portrayed as some
kind of tragic figure when he seemed to me to be more akin to pond scum.
You've at least made him the proper villain, and used the
Meiko+Miwa=Destiny idea that I've always hewn to.
<Rant>
I mean, damnit, the teacher-student relationships are a bad idea and
ALWAYS the fault of the teacher in any case, but the facts of Meiko's
home situation makes Namura perhaps the only truly reprehensible
character in Maramalde Boy. Even Rokutanda was more pathetic and
comical, and the Piano guy just an irritating jerk. I'm just waiting for
Zwei-lite to detonate from his reflected attack. Ryoko will be sad, but
the bastard deserves it.
</Rant>
"So why won't you date my cousin?" Suzu asked Meiko.
"A pretty girl like you should have a handsome boyfriend like
him."
Yeah. Why won't you? Idiot.
"<I would like,>" Ginta read out loud in English from the
exercise book.
"<I would like,>" Yuu, Miki, and Meiko repeated. Meiko
said it calmly and fluently, while Miki and Yuu stumbled over
the 'l' sounds.
"<To feed your fingertips,>" Ginta continued.
"<To feed your fingertips,>" Yuu and Miki said,
stumbling along on this part as well.
"<To feed yo...,>" Meiko paused and stared at Ginta.
"Are you sure you read that right?"
The doorbell rang, and Rumi went to go get it.
"<To the wolverines,>" Ginta concluded, then said to
Meiko, "Did I pronounce it wrong?"
"<To the wolverines,>" Miki and Yuu finished.
"My..hovercraft..is full..of eels."
Ginta nodded. "Miki will probably have to go up against
Kaiou Michiru, their best player. She's one of those geniuses
who does everything well. Perfect grades, plays violin
professionally while still in high school, paints...does just
about everything."
This reminds me, as well.
We've got Saturn, but who are you planning on for Neptune and Uranus?
You could always use the original two, as the demonstrably exist here,
and you're running out of MBStandard females (You've already had to
swipe one from EH). Mrss. Koishikawa and Matsura? Jinny and Wossname?
It's even harder if you want to retain the original relationship.
"Today's photo of Sana-chan:," she said, then struck a
pose that Miki knew well. "Tennis Warrior Moon!"
This is what happened in reality. In manga, at least.
"It just gets stranger from here," Artemis said.
"Anyway, most of the Earth's Golfers were dating various
Tennis Warriors before the big whoops. Now, as to figuring
out who was who... Mars was seeing Vulcan, Jupiter was
seeing Zeus, Mercury was dating Hermes, Prince Endymion
and Princess Serenity were lovers, and Moon was frequently
caught smooching Orion."
Ah! Information! Wai!
Orion=Yuu
Vulcan=Ginta
Zeus= Zwei-lite/Namura?
Hermes=Makoto
Good mapping, by the way. Orion was known for his pride, Hermes is the
trickster/knowledge god, and Vulcan is lame but attached to the most
beautiful of the goddesses. It also gives an indication that Namura is
simply corrupt and not truly evil, while still implying that him and
Meiko is the pairing of EVIL. That I can live with. It will even make
Ryoko happy, which is good, although it implies that Namura survives,
which is BAD.
"Sounds like a soap," Super Size Mars said.
How observant Arimi-sama is!
"Very cocky and sure of himself. A bit arrogant, but
also very loyal. He spent two years winning over Princess
Serenity; it wasn't easy. She hated him at first, but
eventually, he broke down her defenses. I remember the
first time I met him, she'd just thrown him out a window into
the great reflecting pool."
"..." Miki stared at Luna in shock. "You're kidding."
"It ruined his clothing, too, since they hadn't cleaned
the algae out of the pool recently enough. He got up, got
new clothing, went back, and took another bath that day. It
was definitely an uphill battle to love."
Hooray for Miwa! Hooray for the destined outcome! A pox upon Namura!
Then again, maybe it's not Na-chan, Meiko thought,
then frowned and shook her head. Our love is destined, she
thought. It has to be. And surely he can't be one of the
other guys. A tiny voice nagged at her as to how Luna's
description fit someone else she knew, but she stomped on
it until it passed out. He has to be Na-chan. Has to be.
<Ruri Quote Goes Here>
"Well, if she wants to come over and study, I might say
yes if you clear it first," Taiki said. "Because I wouldn't wish
several months with her parents on anyone."
The tree isn't far from where the apple fell, hmmm?
This Makes Me Happy.
Keep at it. And SMR. And SMZ. And Chasing. Write, curse you, WRITE!
--
David Siegel
dhs28@columbia.edu
<Webpage Coming Soonish>
"Welcome to the state of nature. Give me your hat."