I offer no apologies for this. If you don't like it, don't read it.

<What is it?>

Oh, yeah. Well, I had a train of thought (it crashed outside Granville, caused havoc). It basically went: You know, there's a sort of connection between Neon Genesis Evangelion and another anime (one of the few that have made their way to Australia). I realise that it's an anime that doesn't hold much popularity, but when your local video store has a total of 3 Ranma videos (two at the VERY end of the series and 1 movie), you watch what you have to.

The installments are very short, so there's less to suffer. Enjoy! (Or not, as it may be), and if you survive, feel free to C&C.

NGE is the property of Gainax and Anno and all them people.
The other one (which won't show up other than in the title for about 4 episodes) is owned by Warner Bros, and some japanese company.

----------------------------------------------------------------------The document you are about to read is rated P, for pathetic, and contains scenes which may offend some readers' sense of dignity (no, seriously!). The characters in this document are entirely ficticious, as far as anyone knows. The truth of this matter lies in the hands of various companies who are responsible for the anime which are brought together in this document.

It should be fairly obvious as you read which two anime are involved in this crossover, and if they aren't, then you know nothing of anime and should start watching lots of TV, because that's where a lot of anime comes from. Unfortunately, it will probably take you a long time to find a good anime, so you'll have to settle for a mediocre one. Luckily, these abound, and are in fact quite good, if you like that sort of thing. I do. And don't you dare complain about it.

Although you should be able to pick up the anime referred to (especially since I just about name them), you may not pick up some of the more obscure references which appear to relate to neither. These references will either be my own creation, or, more likely, inspired by Terence Pratchett, Esq. (commonly known as Terry Pratchett). To get the feel of his style of writing, try The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic, Equal Rites, etc. There are now well over 20 books for you to try. Go ahead. Just remember to return to this later.

I have endeavoured to keep the characters as similar as possible, with the occasional tweak. This has not always worked, and so some characters are either unchanged (not even with a counterpart, or so it seems), or so drastically changed they've only kept their name.

During this text, square brackets [] will be used to denote a little author's note which makes the story all the more pitiful.

This is going to be placed very roughly at certain points in each show - mostly this is because of the lack of these shows in Australia up to those points, although some situations will be a bit different. That's just the way I work. Either at the end of the fanfic (or the first story arc), or in some new document, I will publish all of my apologies - any person or company that I've ripped off or parodied at any point - and yes, I know that's going to be a long list.

Now that all the pathetic stuff is over, it's time to get into the REALLY pathetic stuff - the actual thing! But first, a brief introduction...

#####################################################################

All is quiet in the Geofront. Major Katsuragi is sitting, idly sipping her coffee. Ritsuko is sitting at her terminal, idly programming Y2K compliance software that doubles as a game of solitaire. Suddenly, a bright light begins flashing. Misato jumps immediately into combat readiness.

"What is it? An Angel?"

"No, ma'am", says Maya. "It's the phone."

"Oh." Dejected, Misato picks up the receiver. "Hello?"

The voice of a man is projected throughout the room.

"Nerv Headquarters, this is the Parkes Observatory in Australia. We've just detected something on our radio telescope, originating from somewhere across the Pacific Ocean, that we suspect concerns you."

The voice of Gendo Ikari reverberates through the room from his raised platform. "Send us the visual feed data. I wish to view this myself."

"All right", says the man from the land Down Under. "Should I use a secure connection?"

"Very well. Just send it."

The image on the small video screen blanks out. A few seconds later another light beeps. Maya presses a button on her console, and the holographic map in the center of the chamber is filled with an image of Hawaii. Shortly something odd happens: a section of the air in the distance appears to crackle and fizz. Soon a wall of energy is clearly visible. The wall is transparent, but the world behind it seems ... different.

"Major?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Analyse this image, and tell me what you can derive from it."

"Yes, sir. Um, I know this might seem a bit crazy ..."

"Continue."

"... but it sort of seems like some weird disturbance in the fabric of reality. It looks like a physical impossibility. I mean, look at the image behind this interface. It doesn't seem real at all!"

"Very good, major. Dr Ikagi!"

"Sir?"

"This interface, as Major Katsuragi calls it, should appear to have an origin. Pinpoint this location to within a one hundred kilometre radius."

"Yes, sir."

"Sir?" Misato cuts in. "Should I ready the Eva's?"

"Negative, Major. I suspect that this interface will not be affected by any of the units, but it would most probably affect them, and will when it hits."

"Hits, sir? You suspect that this will reach us?"

"Affirmative. I have assessed the situation fully with the given data, and it appears to warrant special consideration. Dr Ikagi! Is the location available yet?"

"Yes, sir. The origin appears to be in the desert of Nevada, in the United States."

"Very good. Calculate time of impact, based on current location and apparent velocity of expansion."

"I've already done that sir. This ... interface will reach us in approximately two and a half hours."

"Very well. Put the Geofront on full Purple Alert."

"Yes sir!" call the three operators on the headquarter's computers simultaneously.

##################

The dust of neglect dims the otherwise dazzling violet lighting signalling the alert. The recorded voice used for all alerts in the city of Tokyo-3 reverberates throughout the corridor.

"Attention all Nerv personnel. This is a code Purple Alert. This is not a drill. Please refer to your Nerv manuals on correct procedures. Attention all Nerv personnel ..."

Meanwhile, in a small lounge, Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryuu are both sitting in their normal clothes after a particularly strenuous synch test. The noise and lights rouse both from their half-daze.

"_Mein Gott!_ What's going on?"

"It's an alert!"

"Of course it's an alert, _dummkoph_. But what the hell's a Purple Alert for?"

"How am I supposed to know? I've been here longer than you and we've never had a Purple Alert, or any training on what to do! Haven't you got your manual?"

"Of course I've got my manual! Are you saying that you forgot yours? Baka!"

Asuka reaches into a nearby backpack, and pulls out a large tome. On the cover, we see the title - 'Nerv Personnel Manual'. She flips hurriedly through the pages until she reaches one which is obviously her target.

"Purple, purple, purple. Here we are - Purple Alert: refer to Top Secret manual. What kind of stupid ... where's the Top Secret manual?"

"I think it's given a different title - it's Top Secret of course. Something to discourage other people reading it."

"Right". She delves deeper into her schoolbag, eventually pulling out a much, much larger volume, with the title 'Socio-economic ramifications of Third Impact on the downtown Shinjuku district'.

"This must be it. I always wondered why your father gave us this. Ugh, it weighs a ton". She very slowly lifts it onto a table, and turns the front cover. On the inside title page we read - 'Top Secret Nerv Manual - WARNING: Nerv Personnel only!!!!!'

"It always bored the hell out of me whenever the teacher started rambling on about it in class, so I can see why no-one else would open it". She rifles through the pages, and comes to one entitled 'Alerts not Discussed in Standard Manual'. As she reads, her finger scans down the page.

"Yes! Purple Alert - ... Shinji, whatever happens to us, I always want you to know I hate your guts, and nothing's going to change that."

"Um, sur ... what the hell? Asuka, what are you talking about?"

"According to this dumb manual, Purple Alert means we're going to be stuck in some amateur's fanfic! Don't you get it? They're going to muck around with our personalities, and wreck the structure of our society!"

"C'mon, Asuka. I'm sure whoever's writing this isn't going to ruin our character entirely." [Er... actually I am. But don't let them find out about it.]

"I'll trust you this time, third child. Anyway, what tint is the light?"

"What tint? What sort of stupid question is that to ask?"

"The sort of stupid question which tells us what sort of fanfic it is, idiot! Here - 'Depending on the tint of the purple light, all personnel should be able to distinguish between the various types of fanfic.' So, what is it? If it's yellow, it's a lemon, but you just keep your hands off me! If it turns out to be a lemon, have your way with the first child, or someone, but count me out!"

"Don't worry, Asuka. It's not yellowy at all. In fact, ... you're going to think I'm stupid when I say this, but -"

"I already think you're stupid. Just tell me, Goddammit!"

"All right. It's green."

"You're right, Shinji. You are stupid! How are you supposed to have a greeny-purple light? They're on opposite sides of the spectrum, for Christ's sake!"

"Take a look for yourself."

The Second Child finally takes her head out of the book a looks around for the light. When she sees it, she squints for a few moments, shakes her head and squints at it again.

"Well I'll be damned. It is sort of greenish, isn't it? So what the hell does that mean?"

After a short perusal of the page, she finds the answer. "Oh, no. No. Tell me it isn't so!"

"Asuka, what's the matter? It can't be that bad. I mean, it's not a lemon, is it?"

"No, but it's almost as bad. Take a look for yourself, Shinji. It's a crossover story!"

Simultaneously, both children suddenly look at each other and let out an ear-piercing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

##########


POK�LION: The Pathetically Obvious Krossover with �vangeLion
        Is Ordinary eNough.

By Christopher Mann

Episode One: The Lingering Effects of Reality

##########

Shinji and Asuka are panicking over their fate. Gendou Ikari is hiding something. The author is getting bored. Tune in to Pok�lion, Episode One, Part Two  - the Lingering Effects of Reality.


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