Just when you thought no one else would send C+C on this...
Ikari Shinji felt a certain kinship with this descending metal box he
found himself trapped in. Something that had no control over its own
life.
Maybe he was headed towards some destination he wasn't even aware of, one
he
knew nothing about. Certainly NERV was using him for their own purposes.
The
designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. The Third Children. The son of
Ikari
Gendo. They were applied to him, but he didn't really understand these
terms.
Like the elevator, he was on a path he hadn't chosen. Others used him to
get
where they were going, and once there, would he be left behind without a
second
thought?
Well, yes. ^_^
There were times when his spirits were up, like when he'd helped
Misato
stop the JSSDF's giant robot. That had made him feel good, like he'd done
something. There had been purpose in that, doing something to save
people. It
had been similar to jumping into the volcano to save Asuka and Unit-02.
That
had been a personal decision, and he tried to recall that small spark
of...
something...
It's called 'spine' boy.
he'd felt when he realized that saving her was something only he
could do. Seeing Ayanami safe after Unit-00 collapsed from the particle
beam
attack... well, he wasn't sure he could feel that pure expression of joy
ever
again.
Nice intro into his feelings.
lows to strike in your life. There was no risk, and there was no risk of
failure. Going through the motions of living allowed for a certain sense
of
peace.
Most likely the word he's looking for is 'contentment.' Not quite
happiness, but not misery either.
Forward... to what? They fought the Angels, but when would that end?
In about 24 episodes and two movies. ^_^
"You are... finished."
"Finished?"
"Yes," she whispered.
That isn't going to go over well with ole' Shinji in his current state of
mind.
Losing the staring contest he never had a chance of winning, Shinji
dropped his gaze. What was it with him and picking losing battles?
Gazing
down, he looked at the edge of the platform he was standing on. With
morbid
curiosity, he stepped to the edge and looked past the precipice and down
to the
floor of the 7th cage. It was a long way down.
Nearly ten feet. You had to be careful. If you slipped and fell you could
sprain an ankle.
Could he do it? No, it would cause a certain amount of trouble for
the
technical staff, having to clean up his body. He didn't want to
inconvenience
them, better not do it.
Now using that as an excuse is just pitiful.
<Coward>, he thought to himself. Running away from decisions was
his
specialty, wasn't it? Not luck as
luck, as
No! He wouldn't run away here. He had raised an objection and it
had
been deal with.
dealt
His ear exploded in pain. Yelping loudly, his head jacked backwards,
twisting his body around and dumping him unceremoniously on the gangplank.
"Come on!" the loud redhead girl demanded, one hand yanking his ear
lobe
painfully. "Don't just stand there staring off into space! Hurry up and
let's
get to the briefing room! I want to see how well I did!"
Heh. Asuka makes the save, however unwittingly.
"Ow! Asuka!" he whined. "Don't do that!"
"Be quiet, baka!" Still holding on to his ear lobe, she marched off
towards the far door, dragging the protesting boy behind her. Behind the
noisy
pair, Unit-01 silently watched it all.
Heh. Quite the emotional turn around there. I liked it.
Today had been similar to all the other days that made up his school
life:
Sensei had droned on about the Second Impact, to the extent that the class
had
drifted off into that horrible half-life where they weren't really aware,
but
not yet asleep.
heh. I've had teachers like that regretably.
He turned his left hand over and gazed at the wrist. His eyes noted
the
lines of tendons and veins that existed just beneath the surface. He
couldn't
help but feel that if you probed him that is all you would find: tendons,
blood
and bone. Nothing more, nothing that couldn't be seen from a glance at
his
wrist.
Hmm. It didn't take long for his mind to turn to this.
He looked around the cubicle he was in. Strange, but there was a
certain
symbolic feeling of righteousness in here. He couldn't really place it,
but his
actions within this small space would free him from the cage of his life.
Bah. Weak symbolism. ^_^
The boy jumped, scared witless. He hadn't heard anyone enter the
washroom. Where had the voice come from?
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!"
It came again, that disembodied voice. A loud, commanding voice that
rang
throughout the room. Horrified, Shinji looked around. Then he slowly
gazed up
as he realized the voice came from on high.
"A...are you..."
"YOU STUPID BAKA!!"
Whoa! She gets around.
Shinji flinched. What kind of supreme being would call him a baka?
"YOU'VE STILL GOT MY LUNCH!"
Oh... that one. The one that was using the school's PA system to
insult
him.
Hehehehehehe. Asuka serves the purpose of a monsterous guardian angel quite
well.
"WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DISAPPEARS WITHOUT GIVING ME MY LUNCH FIRST!?
WHERE
THE HELL ARE YOU HIDING?! [pause] NO, I'M NOT GIVING THE MIC
MIKE (I think)
The hand before him was red. Like those around him, he passively
awaited
its permission to move. Listlessly he
Listlessly,
Maybe he was, he thought. What was particularly special about him?
Lethargically, Shinji swiveled his head around. He saw other people
waiting for
the light to change and others who moved along the sidewalk with purpose
and
drive. These were people heading places, those with things to do. The
cars
moving in front of him embodied power and animation. There was something
fundamentally *there* about them. Some tangible element that made his
eyes
notice them. It was an element he lacked.
I see a pattern forming here.
He lacked Touji's arrogant presence, or even Kensuke's energy. In
short,
there was nothing about him to gain attention.
Untrue. He's very spineless. Exceptionally so. Most people are amazed he
can remain upright.
Was he, he wondered? Was he really invisible? Would the cars stop
for
him if he stepped out into the street before him?
No. This isn't Lain.
The hand flashing upon the far pole no longer told him to stop; now
it
beckoned him forward. His eyes fixed firmly on the open palm, red and
black.
The colours of stark truth, the truth of his existence. Shinji stepped
forward
and into the on coming traffic.
And here she comes...
"H-hello?"
"BAKA!"
"Hey, Shinji! Come over to the mall on Hiyama Street and make
yourself
useful."
I was close. :P
"What kind of attitude is that!? There's no way you'll ever spend
free
time with girls, so you should jump at the chance to help us! You weren't
doing
anything important, were you?"
"I was going to kill myself."
"Well, help us first, baka. I am more important than you, after all," she
said over the phone.
"B-but I didn't say anything!" he protested. Over the line he could
hear
Hikari asking what was so disgusting.
"Baka-Shinji's somewhere buying pornography! And trying to deny it!"
Heh. Interesting accusatin to get him to help.
"A ha!" the redhead at the other end of the phone sounded vindicated.
"See! You admit you can't show yourself! You're disgusting! Hentai!"
"I'm not a hentai! I'll show you I don't have any pornography on
me!"
Sucker
Shinji knew only little about the vast complex. The most he'd ever
'explored' the
of the
place was when he allowed Misato to 'guide' him anywhere. How a
grown woman who couldn't even read a map was left in charge of defending
humanity was something he found it
Awkward. You might consider dropping the 'it'
better not to dwell upon. Instead, he used
these 'tours' to note places were
where
there seemed to be few security cameras and
even fewer people. Since HQ was the only place he could be sure that
security
personnel wouldn't be shadowing him, it was kind of paradoxical that the
only
place he could be truly free from his job was the very place he worked.
True.
mind had nothing else to fixate on. Six hours of wondering what this
Angel was
going to be like, which part of your Eva would it damage, and how much it
would
hurt. Six hours of wondering if today was the day you were finally going
to
mess up. Of the possibility that this Angel would be the one to kill you.
Six
hours of experiencing the pain that was piloting Eva. Six hours of
listening to
Asuka whine about how boring this was.
Truly the last was the most horrible.
piloting. Not having to worry about such things as actually synching with
the
giant machine, or fighting Angels, he had been able to judge for himself
if he
could continue on like this. If he wanted to go on.
And he had found his answer.
Shinji stared at the colourful panel before him. He knew that the
security camera for this hallway couldn't see under the stairs. The metal
meshwork of the stairs and the landing they ascended to above him would
effectively hide him from prying electronic eyes. As well, this section
of NERV
was rarely visited by anyone. It seemed like one of the regions of HQ
that
existed for no purpose but to exist. It was desolate. It was isolated.
It was
what he needed.
Hasn't the fool learned yet?
A soft hum came from the open access port, a mix between kitten's
purr and
hiss of a snake. Wires stretched through the open port, and a small
metallic
box was nestled into the back wall. Another caution repeated itself on
this
box: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH IF PANEL ACTIVE LIVE CONNECTION DEATH OR
SERIOUS
INJURY MAY RESULT.
OR YOU MIGHT JUST END UP WITH YOUR HAIR STANDING ON END, AND WOULDN'T YOU
LOOK STUPID THEN?
Truly a strange warning, Shinji thought.
Shinji stared at the box emblazoned with the warning. This was no
simple
thing he had planned on a whim; this had been calculated in a manner as
cold as
his father. Six hours of doing nothing in an Evangelion had given him
enough
time to contemplate his life. To ponder the pain he'd suffered through.
To
look ahead to what was offered.
Yadda yadda yadda. Poor boy's repeating himself. You think he'd find new
ways to define self-pity.
As his hand reached the wires, he thought that maybe this junction
helped
power an elevator somewhere. He wondered if his death would case it to
stop.
"There you are! I've been looking *all* over for you! What are you
doing
down here anyway?"
Heh. I love the way she keeps popping up like some demented guardian angel.
Shinji froze, a fingernail's breadth away from the junction box. The
sound of a door opening above him caused him to take a step back in
surprise as
he looked up towards the noise. Up on the landing, a roguish looking man
and a
flashy teenager walked in through the hatchway.
"Just looking around Asuka.
around, Asuka.
He returned her pout with a smile that would have made Katsuragi slug
him
if she'd known he smiled that way to other women.
She doesn't know? It's not like he really hides things around her.
"Don't worry, I'll be back
before you know it. You'll hardly notice I'm gone."
Unless this is right before episode 20 or so. ^_^
"Bye Kaji!"
Bye, Kaji!
"IKARI! DIE BAKA HENTAI!!"
Shinji bolted. There was nothing cold or impersonal about death at
Asuka's hands. Nothing painless either.
Hehehe. Very amusing. You know, eventually he's going to give up on killing
himself and in a freak accident probably get run over by a steamrollar.
Right now Shinji felt... nothing. Nothing at all. Considering that
he'd
been eating Misato's cooking this evening, that was probably the best he
could
hope for. For all her attempts, Misato's jovial endeavours had not
improved his
spirits any. Although she had raised a whole lot of spirits tonight, all
of
them had been liquid in nature.
Cute.
He didn't blame his guardian any; their worlds were just too
different.
It wasn't her fault that he couldn't respond to her attempts. In fact, he
owed
her a bit of thanks. Because of their 'quality time,' Misato would snore
peacefully through what was about to happen. He really didn't want to
disturb
her. He owed her that much.
Going to try to impale himself with Pen-Pen's beak, this time?
A wave of outright exasperation blazed through Shinji's nihilistic
feelings, burning them to ash. God damn that girl! Would she never let
him go
through with things? He had half a mind to march right out there and tell
her
that if she did not stop interrupting his suicide attempts, he would come
back
and haunt her for the rest of her life.
Could always shoot her too.
The irritation drained from Asuka's words as she fell into stunned
silence, her face going slack with shock. Just as surprised Shinji stared
back,
caught in a compromising position with the gun still pressed against his
temple.
Well now. Maybe we'll finally see something accomplished.
The gulf between them expanded, even as neither of them moved.
Shinji
looked into her blue eyes and saw the barriers she'd placed there shatter
in the
wind. Emotions flashed in those orbs, in a pure way he realized he'd
never seen
before in anyone. Hate, fear, loneliness, worry, envy, anger, sadness,
panic-
Envy?
You know, I almost missed that one too.
And it lowered just as quickly. She hadn't said, "Go ahead, I don't
care." She'd said, "I hate you!" He really couldn't understand it. If
someone
was trying to kill themselves, you either let them do it, or try and stop
them.
But she'd said, "I hate you!" Almost as if she was mad at him.
Yes, it certainly implies that.
What if you spent the rest of eternity being confused?
heh. Interesting what will give a suicidal person pause.
Where could Asuka have gone? It wasn't as if she had many friends
here;
despite her popularity with the guys she
guys, she
However, he was in no condition to appreciate the sight. After a
night of
putting up with Misato and a totally futile chase
'search' would be better, I think
Reaching the top of the hill his
hill, his
gaze mechanically swung around the small
park. Tiredly,
Ugh! 'Exhausted' sounds a lot better, IMO.
"Go away."
He turned towards the voice in surprise. Asuka hadn't moved at all,
just
spoken the words from the depths of her tight form.
"If you're going to leave me, go get it over with."
Ah, now it starts to make sense.
Perhaps because he'd just spent time he could have used to kill
himself
looking for her, this egotism annoyed him. "Right Asuka.
Right, Asuka
But as he looked into her eyes now he
now, he
"You want to kill yourself, but you're afraid you'll get hurt. You
know
how dumb that sounds?" she asked rhetorically. Flatly she continued,
"Then try
about three meters to your left; there's a bunch of rocks at the bottom.
Fall
on that head first and you'll save Misato the trouble of having to sponge
down
the walls."
Hmm, that's awfully considerate of Asuka there. I'd say very OCC ^_^
Shinji looked over at the edge. It was so dark now he couldn't tell
if
she was telling the truth or not. "And just how would you know about the
rocks?" he asked snidely,
Tsk, tsk. You think it'd be obvious.
"I looked! Okay you
Okay, you
moron,
moron? I (I think seperating them into two sentences is better.
I looked when I arrived here!" She
she
Asuka's head snapped up found his eyes in one sudden motion. So
swift was
the motion that Shinji recoiled slightly. "Get one thing straight Ikari,"
straight, Ikari
find in anyone else. Before he could identify what it was Asuka broke eye
contact, lowering her head back down to her knees. "I'm not like you,"
she
muttered, her voice weakening.
Very nicely handled so far.
Shinji stared at her, stunned. How could she possibly- "Well I got
news
for you Ikari... it's not that simple. It's not just you in your own
little
selfish world. There are others around, others who just might actually
give a
damn about something. And these people might just be affected when you go
and
hang...... blow your brains out.
There's Fuyutsuki, And what's his name with the glasses that has the hots
for Misato, and... well, I'm sure there's someone else," Asuka said weakly.
"That," she said in a quiet voice, "is a good place to start."
Yep. Nicely played scene.
"And just how do you expect us to get to the apartment, Third Child?
Jump
>from balcony to balcony?"
Her hand was soft, Shinji realized, and warm in the night air.
"Uh...
well, I thought we could use the stairs."
Nice symmetry with the elevator comparison at the start.
"Uh... well, I..." He really wasn't sure he could explain to Asuka
his
feelings regarding elevators. Seeing him hesitate, she snorted and pushed
the
button. Realizing he was losing this battle, Shinji decided to try
something a
bit different. "Well, I guess if you don't think you can do it-"
Heh. Using Asuka's own tactics against her.
Grinning slightly, Shinji bolted up the stairs. Behind him, red
death
heheeh. Nice name.
[Author's Notes:]
The question I'll leave to the reader to ponder is: does Asuka give
her
little speech to Shinji, or is she giving it to herself?
Why to both, of course.
Excellent work. Despite the inherent seriousness with the subject matter,
Asuka's constant saves injected a good bit of humor in the fic. The end was
nicely handled and was serious enough in the right ways. No problems with
it that I could see.
D.B. Sommer