Brian Payne wrote:
Hey, all.
My question is: Is this worth continuing? Or not?
I'll let you in on my opinion after I've finished C&C'ing
this bad boy, 'kay? :)
See the end of my post.
She stood, kicking aside a number of bottles as she trundled
off to the
bathroom, speeding up as she went as she realized that she was
going to
start the day kneeling in front of her toilet once again.
Eww... sick, or just smashed?
"What's good for a hangover?"
"Drink heavily the night before."
A shower can always be relied upon to restore the shine to a
new day, and
Nene felt much better as she walked into what only an optimist
would have
been able to call a 'Kitchen'. She had been too tired or too
drunk the
night before to set up the constitutor for breakfast, so she
had to wait for
five minutes while a muffin and a cup of strong coffee (two
sugars, two
creams).
Whoa, a whole five minutes... ^_^ I'd personally suggest
something besides constitutor... I had to think about the word
for a good bit before I figured out what you were getting at.
I disagree, it's a perfect /blend/, or composite, word.
<http://www.quinion.com/words/articles/blend.htm>
Several products are sold in stores as *reconstituted*.
Star Trek gave us "replicator", and it's accepted.
Sitting there, she looked up at The Poster. It had taken her a
good deal
of time and effort to find. It was an actual release poster,
not a replica,
for Bubble Gum Crisis, The Movie, displaying Sylia, Priss and
Linna posing
in their hardsuits fighting a boomer. It had been her favorite
when she was
But where's the red-haired net.goddess? Waahh!!
Let me guess: she'll be a stringy haired brunette.
After that it was pretty easy to see one or two other things
misplaced.
She was pretty proud of herself, spotting that someone had been
in her
apartment last night, until she realized that it meant someone
had actually
been in her apartment last night. She sat on a stool, one of
the few bare
5> > seats in the apartment, and shuddered. Why would someone do
that, come in
and do _nothing_?
To drive you nuts worrying about it, lass. :)
Obviously you've never seen _Strange Days_....
Work was nasty. She arrived at the office, and endured yet
another lecture
from Ms. Naniko about how 'arriving late is stealing from the
company', and
then was allowed to slink off to the cubicle she shared with
Naoko, the only
other sane person in the building.
Naoko gave her a sympethetic look as Nene sat down. "Dragon
Lady got you
again, huh?"
Nene nodded, and explained why she had been late.
Sounds VERY much like BGC 2040 episode 1.
Well! Ok, I'm hooked, gimme more. C'mon, what're you
holding back on us? :)
If you're the type who can consider more underhanded things
going on that might appear at first glance, this could make
sense.
Well done. I'm REALLY looking forward to this... you do plan
to continue it, I hope?
To all authors in general: giving up on a story just because a
teaser garners no response is *not* reason to give up on the
story; sometimes it takes time for a story to find its audience.
This may be one of those.
Shunsuke