You know, I don't think I've written C&C within the same day as reading
the fic in months? Oh well, since I haven't recieved any complaints,
I'll assume no one is too unhappy.
Ranma shook his head and smiled in wonderment. "I have a friend you should
meet. He's sort of an information expert."
"I look forward to it."
You do this more often then I think you should. While its pretty clear
who's saying what, a comment or note about them while they do it might
be nice here or there.
"Where did you go during Meiji?" Nabiki asked again.
Why is she so curious about this one case? Considering Ranma must have a
list of deaths a mile long, he has to have several more interesting that
just a missing and presumed dead.
I think you wasted a good opportunity here with just giving Ranma's age
away to Nabiki. As others have also commented, you could have had some
fun with that.
"Be reasonable, student. How else do you expect to get to the doctor's
office?"
Doesn't anyone take a bus?
"Hopping around from roof to roof."
"Go Go Ranma Pogo stick?"
I think you use way to many ellipses with Akane. Add "she paused for a
moment before continuing" or something else. You're creative. Think of
something.
"You don't have any idea -how- strong," Akane agreed. "I'd love to have 200
years to perfect my skills in the Art."
Why do I think that there will be more about this comment later?
"Sachiko was like a daughter to me, Soun. We weren't related by blood, but
I helped raise her, damn it! She was beautiful and perfect and produced
three wonderful children. She should not have died."
This reminds me of the first Superman movie when the uncle dies.
Superman does seem to be remarkably similar to Ranma here. Also, in 2
hundred years, Ranma must have seen a lot of people die, including sons,
daughters, and loved ones.
Also, considering he's a martial artist, he has to have done in a few
people. It seems then to me that Ranma's not so much unhappy about
Sachiko dying, but the fact that with all his skill, he's still
powerless to help others.
She whirled towards him and Ranma's heart wrenched at the dead look in her
eyes. "I have lost the one I loved. What use is there for grief?"
If Tomoe is so dead to the world, why would she want revenge? Wouldn't
she be irrate then?
"Soun, old friend. . . that is one long, convoluted, sad, and horribly
ironic story. One I will share at another time," Ranma replied.
He died in a accident three days later. Someone dropped seven tons of
"Angst and Grief" magazine seven stories onto his head. Ok, so it wasn't
that long.
In general, I didn't like this quite so much as some of the previous
ones. I felt that it was too much exposition and not enough action. Sure
we gain hints at the torpid history of Ranma, but not much actually
happens.
Also, you're falling victim to the Ranma is Perfect trap. He has no
faults that we can see, no problems, and no vices. If he's that
miraclous, where's the point?