WELCOME TO MYSTERY FANFICTION THEATRE 3000!!!!
(Drumroll please.....)
Hi there! I'm Dave, and this is my first visit to the MFT3K theatre, so I've
brought along some friends who are far more sarcastic that I am to do most
of the real work! Let's meet our guests, shall we?
Ryoko, from Tenchi Muyo!
(Hi, I'm Ryoko, I'm a space pirate. I'm five foot nine, I have cyan hair and
GORgeous yellow eyes. My hobbies are pillaging planets, baiting princesses,
and trying to get my Tenchi to put out! My measurements are-)
Okay, thank you Ryoko! Next we have Carrot Glace, of Sorcerer Hunters
fame!
(Hey, that Ryoko chick sure is hot... Wonder if she puts out...)
Dark Schneider, the Bastard!
(Fuck you.)
Gosh, he really IS a bastard... And finally, Nameless Tentacle Creature
#43, from La Blue Girl!
(Rrrghphlll!)
All right! Let's start the fic!
--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 11
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------
RYOKO: Heyy... This isn't another Bet-fic is it?
CARROT: Yep. Howcome nobody ever does a Sorcerer Hunters Alteverse fic,
anyway?
DARK: Probably 'cause no one's ever watched your idiot series.
CARROT: Like you're one to talk, Mr.-Four-episodes-long...
DARK: Least I can get laid...
NTC#43: RRarrglphphh!
DAVE: Hey, c'mon people, this is a _friendly_ MFT screening. Besides, I LIKE
Ranma Alteverses...
RYOKO: You just say that 'cause you're writing one!
Akane mumbled nasty things about her sensei as she got ready
for bed.
RYOKO: What kind of nasty things?
CARROT: Someone's doing nasty things? Where?! Who?!! With how many
donkeys?!!!
Sure, she had improved noticeably since he arrived, and had
learned several superior martial arts skills (like blind-
fighting, the Ja Jinku defense, and precision throwing
skills - not to mention her enhanced balance and endurance
training), but the bastard still pissed her off!
DARK: "bastard?!!" Hey! That's copyright infringment!
RYOKO: It's a fanfic, stupid! The whole THING is a copyright infringment!
DARK: Ri-ight. Never mind.
"'You'll be good when *I* say so' - I'm good *now*! Smug,
superior, self-righteous S.O.B. -"
RYOKO: Sub Orbital Bomb?
CARROT: Sweet-O Boobies?
DARK: Slaves Of Bastard?
NTC#43: Argleblargle?
The sleeping mat was uncomfortable as hell. She missed her
bed. She could probably get it back ... but no way would she
let that arrogant sex-changing ass say she was weak or soft!
A quiet chuckle could be heard in the room.
Akane's head jerked toward the ceiling, where a girl in a
leotard hung, holding a mallet.
CARROT: Kinky!
RYOKO: Cue the cheesy bass-line!
Before she could do anything, the mallet connected, slamming
her out the window, showering the yard with broken glass.
"Hmph," Kodachi remarked. "I heard that she had been trained
recently by some brilliant Master. Perhaps rumor exaggerated
her prowess."
Akane pulled her head out of the dirt and headed inside,
determined to pound that bitch. As she went through the
laundry room, she noticed something ...
DARK: Dammit, Kasumi forgot to add the fabric softener again!!
Since her recent re-dedication to the Art, she'd been trying
to get rid of the excessive cuteness she'd surrounded
herself with - her Hello Kitty posters, her stuffed animals,
her frilly clothes ... and those damn cute pajamas with the
piggies and kittens. As a result, she'd been sleeping in her
underwear.
CARROT: Yee-Haaa! Now we're gettin' someplace!
NTC#43: Splort!
There was no way she'd waltz through the house in bra and
panties! Especially with some weirdo in the house! And Ranma!
(Oh sure, he'd already seen her naked, but that just re-
doubled her determination to never show him anything like
*that* again!)
RYOKO: What's HER problem? She's about as sexless as Ayeka...
DAVE: I don't know... Ayeka's kinda cute...
RYOKO: WHAT?! That's it, I'm revoking your membership in the Space-Pirates
Guild!
She hurriedly went through the clothes hamper in the dark,
trying to find something by touch. She located a pair of
shorts and a t-shirt; those would do fine.
* * * * * * * * * *
Soun was snapped awake by the crashing sound from the other
room. The thought of something happening to one of his
daughters brought him to full alert. Hopping out of his
bedroom window, he saw the broken glass glinting in the
moonlight.
Opening a nearby window, he climbed in and kicked a large
panda and young man in the head.
"HEY!"
"Grrrrr..."
"Intruders!"
Ranma and Genma-panda instantly became alert. [You sure?]
read the panda-sign. Soun nodded.
DAVE: Where does he keep those signs, anyway? Hammerspace(tm)?
RYOKO:(groans) Oh, no, you had to ask...
(A bright fanfare sounds as WASHU beams in from nowhere, tiny Washulings
perched on her shoulders)
WASHU: A good question, Dave me-laddo! According to my biothermic
transcendental illudium K-47 space modulatoratron, Genma does not, indeed,
pull the signs from that most useful of subspace dimensions, Hammerspace
(tm), but instead from his enlarged solid waste venting port, colloquial
nomenclature "rectum."
DAVE: Yuk!
DARK: You mean...
WASHU: Yep! Genma Saotome's talkin' out of his ass again!
(There is a drum crash, and Washu bows. The Washulings cheer and wave to the
horrified group as Washu beams away)
Ranma headed for the window. "I'll check Akane's room. You
two check the grounds."
As the two older men hopped off the roof, Ranma went to
Akane's room - only to find Kodachi Kuno climbing out.
"You!" he spat. "What did you do with Akane??"
NTC#43: Heheheheh.....
"Don't interfere in an honorable martial arts match,
commoner," she sneered.
"How does attacking someone in their sleep consitiute a
'martial arts match'?" he asked incredulously.
"We were going to meet eventually - I just struck the first
blow," she explained. "Is it my fault she was no match for
the prowess of the Black Rose?"
RYOKO:(As Kodachi)"Yes! I exhausted her, the poor dear. Multiple orgasms DO
do that..."
DAVE: Hey, whaddya think this is, one of James Robert Bader's fics?
RYOKO: Sorry, I get confused. There's just too many alternate Ranma
universes.
DAVE: Hmm. So Tenchi TV, Tenchi OAV, Magical Project S and Tenchi in Tokyo
ISN'T too many? And those are just the legitimate ones...
RYOKO: Of course not! There's just more of ME to go around, that's all!
"'Prowess' THIS!!" Akane cried, launching herself foot first
from her bedroom door.
DARK: Here's some combat at last!!!
CARROT: And a chick-fight, too! Wait'll they tear each other's clothes off,
and start writhing around on the ground... Bosoms heaving, lips open and
moist...
NTC#43: Splootllthorp!
DAVE: Uhhg! Watch where you're pointin' that thing!
Kodachi hardly had time to notice Akane's return before the
blow landed between her shoulder-blades.
"EEEEEEEE!!!" Kodachi cried, sailing through the air.
* * * * * * * * * *
Soun heard a feminine cry, then saw a figure sailing through
the air from Akane's window.
"Akane-chan!" he cried, rushing to intercept.
With well-honed martial-arts reflexes, he got underneath the
flying figure and caught her before she hit the ground.
"Are you all right, dear? I - oh, excuse me," he said,
seeing that this was some strange girl he'd never seen
before.
Kodachi felt the strong arms around her, and gazed up into
the darkly-handsome, mature face framed by the waterfall of
black hair and illuminated by the moonlight. "You - you
saved me, strange hero! How art thou named?"
RYOKO: This broad sounds just like Ayeka!
DARK: (sighs resignedly) Here we go again...
RYOKO: Don't you believe in love at first sight?
DAVE: Yes I'm sure that it happens all the time...
(Slight pause as the author is bludgeoned into submission)
"Er ... Soun Tendo, child ..." he answered nervously,
wondering if he should call Doctor Tofu, despite the
lateness of the hour.
"A present for you, my savior!" she proclaimed, pulling out
a bouquet of dark flowers.
"Well ..." he said nervously, "I was just doing my duty -
ACK!!" A look of shock was frozen on his face as the
paralysis gas took hold.
Kodachi leaned him against a tree and kissed his lips. "I
have a little business to take care of, Soun-sama. Then I'll
return, take you home and - reward you properly." She allowed
her tongue to linger on his lips before she dashed back
toward the house.
CARROT: WE'VE GOT TONGUE! HEL_LO!
NTC#43: OOooooglllsplut!
Soun's eyes bugged out as he big-sweated.
* * * * * * * * * *
"What's all the friggin' noise?!?" Nabiki protested,
stumbling into the room.
RYOKO:(Whips out an accordion and starts playing a sea chanty tune) Oh,
we're friggin' in the riggin', yes, we're friggin' in the riggin'...
DARK: What the hell was that all about?
RYOKO: It's a pirate thing, you wouldn't understand.
"Akane's picking fights in the middle of the night," Ranma
commented.
"Am not!" she protested. "Some weirdo broke in and attacked
me! But I kicked her out!"
"That was Kodachi Kuno," Ranma explained. "Trying to do you
dirt."
"Hmph," Akane snorted. "She'll never get a chance to try
again!"
Nabiki looked her baby sister over. "That doesn't explain
why you're wearing Ranma's underwear."
CARROT: Oh, yuk! Dirty ones, too!
DARK: What do you mean, dirty?
CARROT: Well, she pulled 'em out of the laundry hamper, didn't she?
GROUP: Eeeeewwwwww.....
Akane's eyes bugged out as she got a good look at what she
was wearing; one of Ranma's t-shirts and a pair of his
yellow boxers, exactly like the ones he was wearing at that
moment.
"YEEK!!" Ranma and Akane both exclaimed.
"They were the first thing I grabbed!" Akane tried to
explain.
Nabiki looked at Ranma, one eyebrow raised.
"I don't know how she got them!" he protested.
"He doesn't!" she agreed. "I got them in the dark!"
Nabiki put a hand to her mouth in an imitation of prim
shock. "Oh my! Akane-chan!"
"What's happening?" Kasumi asked as she extered the room.
"Imouto-chan's stealing Ranma's underwear!" Nabiki said.
DAVE: (As Happosai) No, no no! Foolish girl, you've got it all backwards!
(Nabiki knew better, of course - it was probably some
outlandish accident. No way would her sexually-paranoid
sister and ultra-prude boyfriend do anything like *that*.
But no way would she allow an opportunity for chuckles-and-
grins like this slide past!)
RYOKO: I don't get it! If Ranma's her boyfriend, why doesn't she fry Akane
with a lazer blast? That's what I'D do...
"Oh my!" Kasumi said, putting her hand to her mouth in prim
shock. "Akane-chan, that simply isn't proper! Ranma-kun is
your sensei! *And* your sister's boyfriend!"
CARROT: Be happy they ain't BOTH your girlfriends. Yeesh.
DARK: What makes you think they aren't?
DAVE: 'Cause this is a Bet-fic, not an Altered Destinies.
DARK: Ah, yes.
Ranma shook his head sadly. "Teishi! I thought you were over
this silly crush!"
RYOKO: Tenchi?! Where?!
DARK: He said _teishi_, not _Tenchi_. It means "student".
RYOKO: Oh. That's no fun. I though we were gonna have a crossover going...
"Wha - huh - no!! No!! It isn't like that!" Akane protested.
"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!"
RYOKO: Yep! Sounds JUST like Ayeka...
Everyone jumped as the demented laughter echoed in the room.
Black flower petals began blowing through like wind-swept
snow.
"So, a common trollop like Akane Tendo thinks to crush the
Black Rose through base trickery?!? You will learn a costly
lesson, girl!"
DARK: A spanking! A spanking!
CARROT: Oh, PLEEEEEZZZE let there be a spanking!
NTC#43:(chortles wetly)
"Just a second!" Ranma protested. "Who do you think -"
Kodachi's ribbon wrapped around his neck and hurled him out
the window. A muted splash was heard.
"Now, since there are no distractions - "
A bucket of water hit Kodachi in the head, then her ribbon
was jerked out of her grip.
Ranma-onna slammed the bucket over Kodachi's head and hog-
tied her with her own ribbon in less than a second. "It
takes more than *that* to put down Ranma - er, Ranko
Saotome!"
"Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed (Sorry, I had to write it!)
RYOKO: EeeeK! Staik broke the fourth wall! Blasphemer!
DARK: Heathen!
CARROT: Oh, the horror...
DAVE: Ah, who cares...
"I was about to take her!" Akane protested.
"Look again, teishi," Ranma-onna commented, pointing to
Akane's leg.
RYOKO: There's that word again...
DARK: Why do fanfiction writers feel the need to use Japanese in a story
written for an english-speaking audience?
DAVE: 'Cause we get to show off the fact that we're multilingual...
CARROT: I'm a cunning linguist...
(Brief pause as Carrot is beaten into submission)
Akane glanced down, as did the other Tendo sisters.
Her leg was bleeding freely.
"You re-opened your stitches!" Ranma-onna criticized. "Let
me take care of that," she said, pulling off her t-shirt.
CARROT: Yahoo! It wouldn't be a Ranma story without the gratuitous cheap
tit-shot!
DAVE: Hell, it wouldn't be ANIME without the gratuitous tit-shot...
CARROT: I don't get to see gratuitous tit shots on MY show...
DARK: I do!
NTC#43:(burbles affirmatively)
RYOKO: I GIVE gratuitous tit shots!
CARROT: Really? Can I see?
RYOKO: Nope.
DARK: Sucker.
"I'm all right! It's nothing!" Akane protested as Ranma-
onna tied her t-shirt around her thigh as a makeshift
bandage. "I'll clean it off and wrap a bandage around it!"
"Nope," Ranma-onna said, lifting Akane off her feet.
"HEY!"
"For re-opened wounds, you get a doctor to look," Ranma-
onna explained. "And since it's too late to see Doc Tofu,
you're going to the emergency room at the hospital."
Akane's eyes widened; like all the Tendo girls, she'd
harbored a deep fear of hospitals since her mother died.
"NO!! I'm fine!! Really!! I'll see Tofu-sensei in the
morning! I promise!"
"No. Now." Ranma-onna swept up Akane in her arms, brooking
no more argument from her disciple.
Meanwhile, Kodachi managed to get her ribbon loose and
pulled the bucket from her head.
The first sight to greet her was a trembling Akane Tendo
being held in the arms of a short but athletic red-haired
girl - one who was naked from the waist up. As a fashion-
conscious girl, she immediately noticed that the shorts
both girls wore were a perfect match.
"So - the rumors I'd heard about the notorious Akane
Tendo's romantic preferences were true," she said.
CARROT: Lesbians! Oh, boy! Ya gotta love 'em!
"HEY!!" Akane and Ranma-onna cried together. "It ain't like
that!"
"It matters not, sapphic ones," Kodachi said airily. "Your
wound is most dire, Akane Tendo. I see no need to battle
further ... until our match." She smiled a dangerous,
toothy smile. "I trust you enjoy your lover's healing
ministrations, for after our match, you'll have to enjoy
them for a very long time! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!"
RYOKO: Gaah. EXACTLY like Ayeka.
CARROT: Just like Tira and Chocolate too.
DAVE: Why are you all named after food?
CARROT: Why are the Chinese Amazons named after hygeine products?
DARK: Some things man was not meant to know...
DAVE: Why are YOU named after an idiotic building superintendent from a bad
early eighties sit-com?
DARK: Silence wretch!
With a twirl of a ribbon and a flurry of black rose petals,
Kodachi vanished.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was decided to bother Doctor Tofu after Genma-panda
brought in a paralyzed Soun. In less than an hour, Akane was
patched up and Soun was recovering from Kodachi's paralysis
poison.
"I'm gonna kick her ass!" Akane snarled. "I'm going to pull
her guts out and use them to clean my shoes!
DARK: THAT"s the spirit, girl! Go with those homicidal impulses!
How dare she
break into my house?!?"
"Akane ..." Tofu began, "That probably isn't a good idea."
"He's right, teishi," Ranma concurred. "You did some more
damage when you re-opened your wound. Just training could
do permanent damage - never mind a fight with an opponent
who will use every dirty trick."
RYOKO: AGAIN with the _teishi_! She HAS a name, you know...
DARK: Incontinentia.
CARROT: Oh, god, not another Python reference...
The sensible portion of Akane's mind agreed.
But the other part was in control - the part that never
backed down, the part that never admitted to being not as
good or better than an opponent.
"You think I can't do it!" she argued. "Well, not only will
I face her, I'm going to *win*! I'll start training in the
morning - with or without your help!"
Ranma and Tofu watched her limp out of the examination room,
worry on their faces.
"You're going to have to do something, Ranma. She'll hurt
herself - or get hurt."
"I know, Doc. But there's not a lot I can do short of
clubbing her and tying her up in the attic. It's an affair
of personal honor for her, as well as the honor of Furinken."
RYOKO: I thought it was _Furinkan_ high.
DAVE: It's a typo.
RYOKO: You sure?
DAVE: Either that or we've just opened up a can of "romanization" spam...
DARK: For the love of the Dark God Ansaslax, stop! The list's nothing BUT
spam five days of the week! Please have mercy!!!!
NTC#43:(panicked splutterings)
"Still, try to manage her training. She has a tendency to get
carried away. When she was younger, she broke her leg and
rebroke it twice before it healed because she wouldn't stop
her martial arts training."
"Yeah," Ranma agreed, nodding. "I've gotten a good idea how
stubborn she is. I'll do my best."
* * * * * * * * * *
The next day ...
Ryoga looked on in amazement at the Tendo home - He reached
it within an hour of starting out in Juuban!
CARROT: Off visiting the Sailor Senshi again, was he?
RYOKO: Yep. It's the only other Tokyo suburb most fanfiction writers know
about...
DAVE: There's OTHER suburbs?
RYOKO: See?
Staying at Nodoka's place had been an education for him
(especially considering how often the woman walked around
her home in the nude).
DARK:(Doing Dustin Hoffman) Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Saotome?
RYOKO:(Doing Anne Bancroft) Would you _like_ me to seduce you? Is that what
you're trying to tell me?
He had been especially enlightened
about the existence of those mysterious things called
'taxis' - one phone call, and a car would arrive and take
him *exactly* where he wanted to go! Amazing!
DARK: So long as they speak your language...
In broad daylight, it was easy to keep the dojo in sight.
As he approached, he thought about his vengeance - first,
upon that cheating tomboy Akane Tendo, then upon his true
enemy - Ranma!
DAVE: Oh, yeah. This is an alternate universe...
Walking in the door, he noticed Ranma in a white gi and
Akane in a red sport halter and black bike pants, like a
skin-tight feminine version of Ranma's regular Chinese
outfit. Ryoga thought she looked pretty good in it, although
when he compared her to Nodoka, she came out a distant second.
RYOKO: See? Older women ARE where it's at! Take THAT, Ayeka!
"Kakuto Shintaiso is almost the exact opposite of Musabetsu
Kakuto Ryu," Ranma explained. "Where Anything-Goes Martial
Arts concentrates on improvisation, Martial Arts Rhythmic
Gymnastics is almost pure form. Anything-Goes concentrates
on war, while Rhythmic Gymnastics is mainly artistic and
sport related."
"I know that, baka-sensei!" Akane protested.
"Well, know *this* - you can't train at full efficiency
because of your injury, your opponent is highly skilled *and*
dishonest, and you only have five days left. You have to
*think*! Outsmart your opponent, don't just bull your way
through. Tactics are *real*, and if you don't remember that,
you'll lose."
"Hmph," Akane commented.
DARK: Patient woman, isn't she?
"You'll think 'hmph', teishi," Ranma answered. "Since
Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics is such an artificial form,
we should be able to make a low-impact routine that will help
you. Remember, the judge's decision is as important as whether
you win or lose the combat, so if you look good, you'll do
well on points."
"And what about weapons training?" Ryoga said loudly.
Ranma and Akane turned. "Hiya, Ryoga," Ranma said in a friendly
fashion.
DAVE: Hoo-Boy! Is this EVER an alteverse story!
"Hi, Pig-Boy," Akane said. "Sorry I can't beat you up right
now, but I'm in training."
"Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics?"
"You know it?" Ranma asked.
"A bit."
"Perhaps you'd like to help Akane train?"
"Ha!" Akane laughed. "Like *he* could teach me anything except
how to get kicked across town!"
Ryoga felt his temper rise. "Just because you got in one lucky
shot doesn't make you a martial artist, little girl!"
As he saw the shadow of the mallet head toward his face, Ryoga
wondered if he'd made a mistake.
CARROT: I wonder...
<WHAM!!><CRASH!!><SPLASH!!> "BWEEE!!"
Ranma sighed. "Why don't you practice those Tai Chi katas,
while I fish Ryoga out of the pond."
"Let him swim a bit," Akane commented as she did the first
moves. "Perhaps he can work off some of that fat in his head."
Ranma shook his head sadly. "Just because he was your opponent
once doesn't make him your enemy. He doesn't think of himself
as a bad guy."
DARK: Of course not! NO ONE thinks they're the bad guy. _I_ don't think I'm
the bad guy...
CARROT: That's because you're the protagonist.
DARK: AND I get all the best lines.
"Hmph!"
Ranma left his student and went to fish Ryoga-buta out of the
koi pond. "She has *got* to learn not to hold grudges."
RYOKO: Isn't that like asking Akane not to breath?
A few minutes (and a kettle of hot water later), Ryoga and
Ranma were sitting in the Tendo's dining room. Ryoga wore a
bathrobe while Kasumi washed his clothes.
"So, what brings you by, buddy?" Ranma asked cheerfully.
"To challenge you - and defeat you! To take revenge for you
destroying my life!"
"I didn't destroy your life! And I already told you - if my
student can beat you -"
"Yeah, yeah. I understand that." Ryoga sighed. "And I can't
fight her until her injuries have healed."
"And she'll probably get new ones in the Rhythmic Gymnastics
match."
Ryoga looked irritated. "Why are you letting her fight?"
"It's not a question of 'letting' her," Ranma answered.
"She feels an obligation to her school. Besides, after her
opponent tried to ambush her in her bedroom last night, she
needs to get some payback."
Ryoga nodded. He could understand payback.
"And if I train her, I can help her minimize her injuries."
"If she had some more ki training, she could heal up, not
to mention the enhanced abilities."
"She never had any training before I came along."
Ryoga looked surprised. "But - her battle aura, that
ballistic kick -"
"All natural talent," Ranma explained. "The Tendos and
Saotomes all have a natural inborn gift for harnessing
battle aura. That's why our families are the only
practitioners of the higher forms of Anything-Goes; we can
learn ki-abilities much earlier than most people.
"Oh," Ryoga said. "And what about her ki-training?"
"I've started her on the basic exercises, and Doctor Tofu
helped align her chakras, but she's still months from
harnessing her abilities."
CARROT: Align her chakras? Hey! I know chakras! That's what that Xena chick
tosses around, right?
DAVE: That's a chak-_ram_.
Ryoga looked thoughtful. "Do you know about the Tibetan
Crystal technique?"
CARROT: Is that the one that involves two llamas and a greased weasel? Been
there, done that...
"Yeah, but we don't have any Tibetan golden quartz."
Ryoga pulled over his backpack and began rummaging around.
"Lessee ... socks, cole slaw, the skull of Brian Boru, a
portable hole, boxers, pickled eggs, the French Royal
Jewels, spare bandanas ... here it is!" An he pulled out a
chunk of smoky yellow crystal the size of a man's fist.
RYOKO: Wow! Those'r worth a FORTUNE!
DARK: What? The skull? The portable hole? The French Royal Jewels?
RYOKO: No, pickled eggs! I can't GET them in Okayama.
"Thanks anyway, but that still takes two weeks, and the
match is in five days."
Genma walked into the dining room, munching on leftovers.
"Hello, boys. What are you discussing?"
"Akane's ki training," Ranma said.
"Well," Genma suggested, "You could teach her the way I
taught you -"
"NO WAY!" Ranma yelled, jumping up. "This is just a school
match! I won't put her through *that* hell for something
so trivial!"
"What way did you learn, Ranma?" Ryoga asked.
"I taught him myself, in the Manner of the Touched Soul,"
Genma said prouldy.
"NANI?!?" Ryoga yelled in shock. "The Horrible Secret
Technique?? The one that kills half the people that try
it and leaves the rest babbling madmen??"
DARK: No, the OTHER one, the one that leaves the student unnaturally
attracted to small, cute little barnyard animals. So, where are YOU sleeping
tonight, Ryoga?
"A mild exaggeration. My son turned out alright. I'm sure
Akane-chan could do quite well -"
<WHAP!!>
"Ite ..." Genma groaned from inside the hole in the floor.
"That's for even *thinking* something that stupid, Oyaji!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Kodachi had spent much of the day thinking about the
previous night; her opponent, Akane Tendo; her uncouth-but-
handsome sensei, Ranma; the cute girl who was so obviously
Akane Tendo's lover ... and the gorgeous Soun-sama.
CARROT: Do you get the idea this writer likes May-December relationships?
RYOKO: Hey! They can work!
DARK: That's right!
DAVE: Either that, or he's scrambling to find a series of match-ups that no
one's done yet...
She had inquired of her imbecilic brother, and had learned
that Ranma was dating Nabiki Tendo, the girl was Ranma's
sister, and that Soun was Master of the dojo, as well as
Akane's father. And that the girls were indeed lovers. (At
this point, he went off on one of his monologues about how
he would 'free' them from their perversion, and Kodachi
tuned him out.)
So, her opponent had another weakness besides her injury ...
her lover. That could be useful.
And she knew what she must do.
"Sasuke!" she snapped.
DAVE: AAARGH! THIS GUY? I _HATE_ THIS GUY!
RYOKO: Why? He's funny!
DARK: Ah, he's just being a manga-continuity snob. Like the Anime isn't more
entertaining...
CARROT: Uh, guys? That funny light marked Flame-locked just lit up.
DAVE: Whoops! Drop this thread NOW and duck and cover!!!
The tiny ninja hopped up to her and stood at attention.
"What is your wish, Mistress Kuno?" he asked nervously.
"I require ten thousand - no, a *hundred* thousand! -
fliers printed up and ready as soon as possible!" She
handed him the paper with the statement on it. "When
they are ready, hire a plane to drop them all over
Nerima!"
Sasuke bowed. "At once, Mistress!"
As he departed, a faint mumbling could be heard; " ...
crazy bint ... can't just buy commercial time ..."
"Soon, Soun-sama!" she cried out, twirling in place.
"You will see that I am your perfect mate! And you
will be mine *mine* *MINE*!!!
OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!"
RYOKO: Is that it?
CARROT: Hey, yeah! I was just gettin' into it...
DARK: Oh please.
NTC#43: Uuurglethrooop!
DAVE: Hey, you're still here? I thought you left!
RYOKO: Naw, he just went to visit the little tentacle monsters room.
DAVE: So, what's the verdict on this fic? Everybody?
RYOKO: Eh, not bad. Not a lot goin' on, though...
CARROT: Yeah. Filler chapter. Definitely.
DARK: Not enough senseless violence.
NTC#43: Splut.
DAVE: Well, _I_ enjoyed it. I usually like Staik's stuff, even when he's
going for a weird-out. His prose is nice, and... HEY! I just noticed
something! After the last spam-infested week on the list, new chapters of
four kick-ass fics come out within twenty four hours of each other! Now, if
only Harnum, Biles and the rest would hurry up and finish the latest DnR/DnU
chapters, I'd be a happy man!
END CREDITS ROLL, THANK YOU FOR WATCHING MYSTERY FANFICTION THEATRE 3000!!!