Why? Why did I kill myself?
=Because Kunou wouldn't shut his yap with all that bad poetry, and it
pushed
you over the edge?
Wro-o-ong...
Besides, you can always shut him up.
I cry.
[sugg] I cried.
I prefer the present tense.
But here I am, crying for what I could never have.
=A normal life in Nerima?
Who'd want one?
My father trained me in the martial arts, and when he did so he also
trained
me to
bottle up my emotions. "Emotions make you weak," he'd always say. Well,
pop, that's not true. Lack of emotion makes you weak. I hope you
understand
that now.
=I doubt it; he was never that smart a man to begin with.
Who knows? ^^
The funeral was the hardest for me. When she was immortalized in the
Tendo family shrine, I knew she'd never be back. Until then I had
harbored
a
faint hope that she was just pretending to get back at me for something
I'd
done before. She was forever dead, and I wept.
=She was forever dead? What, is she going to come back in three days and
ascend to heaven after forty more?
[sugg] it's a little bit excessive on the words. Usually when someone
dies,
it's going to be forever, unless they reincarnate. And the use of was
makes
it sound like, "Well, she was killed in a horrible accident, but she got
better." Try using "is" instead of "was" and skimp the forever. Dead is
dead, unless your name is Lazarus or Jesus.
...Wrong religion. Try Shinto.
I wept so fiercely that Mr. Tendo had to concede the 'Eye Fountain'
award
to me. Heh. I'm just trying to put a little humor into a bad situation.
=What's the bad situation: the death, or the placement of the joke?
Hm.. The joke's written into a suicide letter.. so I'd vote it's the
placement.
I apologize if I come off as disrespectful.
=Oh, don't worry about it; you should be use to the taste of fillet of
"sole"
by now.
Heeheehee
The night after the funeral, I decided to die.
[sugg] Decided to die, it sounds so ugly in use. Try "The night after the
funeral, I had decided to commit suicide."
Decided to die sounds more emotional to me. Stick with it.
I wrote this note, and I killed myself.
[sugg] I'm not an expert on this, but from my limited knowledge, suicide
notes usually don't refer to the act as already done. Try rewriting the
sentence as "I wrote this note, and now, I am going to kill myself."
People want to use cliche's in the last thing they ever write?
Anyway, I am now dead. Forever gone. And Gods willing, with Kasumi.
=?
Heehee
=Hey, buster, just who are you if you're not the great Saotome Ranma
then?!
Dr. Ono Tofu >>
[facefaults hard]
....that, that is certainly....unusual....a story....the twist was a bit
forced, though, as was the doctor being shaped as Ranma was...it had me up
till then, and then...well, it was definitely an unexpected thing to have
happen.
I kinda expected it from the tone of the fic... Y'know, not mentioning the
names etc...
Not to mention how very talented Ranma is with proper grammar ^^