-----Original Message-----
From: Vincent Seifert [mailto:seifertv@ccshp1.ccs.csus.edu]
Sent: Friday, January 07, 2000 5:51 PM
Vince,
Here's the response to your C&C that I promised earlier.
By the way, I have elided most of your grammar comments;
with the exception of the colon-capitalisation issue,
I mostly agree with them and thank you for bringing them
to my attention. Pronouns, too.
Well, well, well, will wonders never cease.
Yay!
Ahem.
*bows* Thank you.
Wild Child 2 - Nodoka-san no Ko
{How ambiguous. :) }
Quite. :-) I'm one of these people who like to add little
bits for those with the wit or training to appreciate them....
The desk and chair, the various oddments in the
{suggest, as a colon doesn't terminate a sentence, does it?} the desk
Well, it doesn't strictly speaking, but for the purposes of capitalisation
it does. Also, lists after a colon are punctuated with semicolons, not
commas as for normal lists. A list: The first; the second; the third.
Another list is the first, the second, the third.
Then again, this may be yet another Commonwealth-ism. If it doesn't
conform to official US writing style, it's because UK-based style is
different; I'm 99.5% sure that the way I do it is right. But I saw
a US-printed book the other day that uses your method (i.e. no
capitalisation after colons).
Trying again to beckon sleep, Ranko put thoughts
of Nabiki out of her mind by idly wondering to herself
about her brother and his relationship with Akane.
{A subject that must have resulted in many hours of musing on the part
of many of the R1/2 characters, to be sure. :) }
*snort* *guffaw* LOL
*Akane* certainly wanted to have a relationship with
*him*, she was sure, but she was holding herself at
arm's length. A couple of reasons for that popped up
in her head, but she thought she had Akane pegged.
Her nervousness during the bath and her reaction to
her final question about doing it with Ranma in his
girl form were a flare-lit tipoff that she *did* in
fact find Ranma's girl form attractive but she pushed
him away because she hated herself for that same
attraction.
{There are several possible reasons for Akane's reaction in manga-canon,
of course, with the most likely being that Akane is not attracted to
onna-Ranma, and doesn't want to be... but I think the notion that she IS
attracted to onna-Ranma, and doesn't want to be, runs a close second,
and it's the one I prefer. Lots of angst potential there. #3 is probably
that Akane is attracted to onna-Ranma, but doesn't want to appear to
be... not quite as interesting.}
As I'm sure you know by now, my preference is number two as well.
Still, I agree that number one is the most likely; DF Roeder's recent
story about ten yen evoked reactions from Nabiki that I thought reflected
well the response of 90% or more of the females in creation, fanboy
wishes to the contrary notwithstanding.
By the way, for what it's worth, I follow manga canon. Where the anime
differs, I ignore it; after all, RT had no input into the anime at all.
In the room she shared with her mother and "Panda-
san", onna-Ranma hardly slept at all. Instead, she
nervously huddled beneath the covers, her danger
senses' constant twanging making her night a misery.
{heh. It's interesting to note the differences between manga v22 pp.
66-69 and this version. :) }
Quite. I hope you liked my slightly skewed reporting of the
incident.
I sketched in the differences precisely to tweak the noses
of any manga fanatics - of which I am one, I freely admit -
to emphasise that this *is* after all an alternate universe.
Too many fanfics slavishly follow canon even in alternate
universe situations.
Besides, it adds interest for anyone who knows the story
very well.
Suddenly, Ranma was by Ranko's side with her hand
clamped over her sister's mouth. "Shh, Ranko!" she
said nervously, sotto voce, as she glanced nervously
towards the house. "If Mom finds out she'll kill me!"
out, she'll {?}
One of the few punctuation recommendations I disagree with.
Commas indicate pauses and I don't think Ranma would put one
in here; he's a very casual speaker.
Narration is expected to have perfect grammar; Ranma isn't
allowed to. :-)
"I don't get it." Onna-Ranma frowned at Ranko.
She was tempted to move her arms just to see if Ranko
would follow her as if she were an image in a mirror.
{No, that's in a later manga. :) }
Quite true, vol 25. This is the second reference I've made
to that story in Wild Child; the first was in part one.
Well spotted. :-)
"Afterwards, I thought it'd be nice if we all
went to the zoo!" said Nodoka sunnily. She then
looked in mild confusion at the three teenagers
arrayed on the floor, limbs twitching. "What? What
did I say? Would you rather go shopping?"
{Hahah! Very Nodoka. :) }
Yes. There's a subtext here, which I'll be continuing as
the story grows... things that are unfavourable but nothing
can be done about officially tend to get quietly ignored.
By the way, this is the kind of solution that RT appeared
to pose for the problem of conflicting engagements in the
manga - the non-Akane ones just got quietly forgotten about.
Only Ryouga appeared to have any real effort made for a
resolution to his romantic interests, and that didn't occur
until vol.35 anyway. The others just... faded away. Very
Japanese.
[snip quotation of Kasumi's speech]
{Some people may not like this Kasumi, but I do. There are lots of
occasions in the manga where she is rather more severe than her usual
blithe portrayal. What makes this a bit iffy is that it's decidedly not
original-flavor for someone to cut the Gordian knot quite so
efficiently... it could be strung out a good deal longer. Nodoka also
seems to take the idea of Jusenkyo curses without boggling, which is
pretty surprising. I'd think it would take proof for her to even
consider the notion: first display, then explain.}
Hmm. We agree on Kasumi's characterisation; I suspect part of
the problem is that she appears so often in the background rather
than with any speaking role that people assume that she is, as you
put it, blithe. This isn't helped by the odd stupid joke that
she is used as straight man for. But when she does speak, such as
in vol.1 and again in, um, I think it's vol.33 or 34, the Kasumi
story, she displays normal anger and disapproval. It's just that
she's also extremely polite and dutiful - and, like the good
Japanese housewife she's a parody of, in general she doesn't speak
unless she's spoken to.
Regarding her 'cutting of the Gordian knot'... well, I did it this
way because I didn't want to bore people with yet another retelling
of the curse story. But I also think you're right, the scene does
need to be drawn out a bit. I'll look at it once I've let it rest
for a day or two and see what I can do.
"Saotome Ranma desu," he said. "Sumimasen."
{heh. He just keeps having to say that, doesn't he. :) }
I couldn't resist resuming the running joke.... :-)
Tearful reunion over with, and Genma restored to
human shape if not humanity, Kasumi served freshly-
{ow. Harsh. Suggest cutting "if not humanity"; it strikes me as a bit
too, er, editorial. If the characters want to think that, that's
different.}
Yes, you're right. Pity; I liked the zinger but you're
quite correct, it's wrong to put it there.
Nervously, Nodoka pulled the sheets toward her
and read them, knowing already what they would say.
Honda Fujiko, adopted as a Saotome. On the same day,
the marriage of Saotome Kenji and Saotome Fujiko.
Saotome Nodoka, born of Saotome Kenji and Saotome
Fujiko. No other children. Suzuki Genma, adopted the
day before their marriage eighteen endless years ago,
known thereafter as Saotome Genma. Saotome Ranma,
born on such-and-such a date.
{I hope you're going to go into the implications of the adoptions in the
story, because they escape me but they are clearly significant.}
No, I'm not, because no, they're not. Adoption into the
family is a normal prelude for marriage. It's how the issue of
who takes what name is sorted out - or rather, the change of
name is done via adoption rather than our system of deed poll.
This is the effect of the family register system - that is,
the clan register.
So there *are* no implications to these adoptions... except I'm
slipping in a statement here that it's Nodoka who is descended
from Saotome stock, not Genma. (That's the way I read the prelude
to the final denoument of Ranma to Nodoka in vol.36, anyway.)
By the way, "Suzuki" is the most common family name in Japan,
just edging out "Tanaka"... according to the Daily Yomiuri,
anyway. "Tanaka" is a peasant's name (I think), by the way -
the name refers to being in a rice field.
Hmm, maybe I'll rename Genma's family to Tanaka - I don't want
him to be eta (oops, sorry, burakumin; my James Clavell is
showing) but I want him to be socially climbing by marrying
Nodoka. Despite meaning "rice picking girl", apparently
Saotome is a name associated with Samurai. Which explains
Nodoka's samurai-ko nature, of course.
By the way, the Japanese caste system goes, roughly speaking,
nobility - samurai - peasants - merchants - untouchables.
Maybe I'll try and find a merchant name for Genma....
Saotome Ranko, adopted exactly seven years later,
original family not known but listed as Saotome. The
deaths of her parents.
So normal.
By the way, this is where I try to tell the reader that
all the adoptions above are quite normal for Japanese.
So much of the story not told by those bare
listings.
{So tell it, man! Aaargh! :) }
Bwahahahahahahahaha! :-)
Anyway, thanks for your feedback, Vince. I appreciate it.
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
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