Well, the beginning was a little slow, but things
picked up and the story became more involving and more
interesting. The 'Genma: Super Narrator' thing was
nice and quite enjoyable. I also liked the whole
fairytale atmosphere of the fic.
Ranma's fiancees agreeing to the proposed truce seemed
a little too short and not a little contrived, though.
Shampoo is gets angry at Kodachi's implying that she's
'lowly' one moment and the next moment she's
suggesting they not fight anymore. Maybe you could
draw out the conversation a little more and show a
little more hesitation on the fiancees' part to make
it more believable.
The descriptions of the Land of No Tears are good, and
the story only becomes more intriguing.
I'm not sure if I missed it or something, but why does
Ranma tell his entire life's story to Ten'imuhou, a
stranger in an unfamiliar place? If he trusts her with
this information, why doesn't he inquire about why
he's there? Even if his blood knows, I don't think he
does. I understand he forgets about the 'outside
world' later on, but what about here?
Just a note, but you seem to use 'an' before words
beginning with the letter 'h'. They should be 'a'.
When you describe Akane in her kimono, you might want
to include the description of the actual kimono
itself, instead of putting with the description of
Ukyou's.
The ending was somewhat predictable, but it was still
very satisfying and all in all a nice finish. (My
thoughts are the same for the Epilogue.)
The story and the writing as a whole were pretty good
and overall enjoyable all throughout. When I saw the
beginning, I thought it might be much longer, but I
guess I was wrong.
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L.A.
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