On Wed, 29 Dec 1999, Miller, Bert wrote:
I liked this story, Vince. I'd have even called it funny,
sort of, rather than Gary's WAFFy.
Bits of it, anyway, yes.
this is different. I'm not sure it's dark, exactly, but it's
definitely
darker than Taming or Centaur.
Or at least it starts out that way...
Yes. The tone varies often and widely.
I wasn't sure I wanted to post it, but here it is.
You did. You did.
Yeah, the responses I'm getting are proving that. Thanks, folks. :)
Thanks to Dave Roeder for the sanity check.
Thanks, Dave, for not letting Vince keep this from us.
He told me to make it clear that this wasn't *the* Taming/Centaur future,
though, just a possibility.
A few moments later the door was opened by a petite, middle-
aged woman with dark hair and bright eyes.
Akane is petite now?
Hasn't she always been? She's certainly not heavily built, and looking at
comparative heights of the characters it seems that the only one shorter
than her is onna-Ranma, not counting the short-for-funny characters like
Happosai and Cologne. Nabiki and Kasumi are both taller than she is.
Of course, I may be seeing her from my own perspective... if so, that's
inappropriate. Hmm.
comfortably there, and knelt beside her. A fat koi jumped,
seeming to hang for a moment at the peak of its leap, then fell
back with a splash.
What, no tinkle of wind-chimes? Sparkle of sun through the drops?
;)
heh. Sue me, I like koi. :)
Akane's happy expression altered, becoming rueful. "Same
old Michi. No, not the way you think." She paused and eyed
Michi with concern. "Michi... there's no easy way to tell you
this. Ranma... Ranma died nearly ten years ago."
Ok, so we're supposed to _think_ this is a darkfic (not that
'ten years ago' is all that dark).
"A character actually dying" (as opposed to threatened with death, or
having a hairsbreadth escape from death; go figure) is one of the
definitions of "dark", I thought... but then there's Soun's wife, and
Kumon Ryu's father.
I intended it mostly as a warning label than a categorization. Now I know
better. :)
sure," Akane said dryly. "There never was a time when other
girls weren't chasing him."
I suppose this could be considered a darkfic thought, at least
to some.
Not to me. I figure the only reason Ranma doesn't have MORE girls chasing
him in the manga is that they're afraid of his fiancees. :)
"Do you suppose you could tell me where his grave is? I'd
like to, you know, pay my respects...."
Akane sighed and looked away. "I'm afraid I wasn't able to
recover his body. We had a memorial service here, but no
funeral."
Does this mean there's no headstone? What do Japanese do for
sailors lost at sea or other cases without bodies?
Not sure. There's the little Buddhist shrine/altars, and something like
that for Shinto; Shinto in particular supports the concept of the spirits
of the ancestors hanging about, and integrates remembrance of the dead
into home life.
There, that's a vague enough statement that someone is sure to correct me
on it, and then I'll learn something. :)
"Um... how did he die?"
Akane glanced back at Michi with a grim smile. "Well. Very
well indeed. And his enemies didn't outlive him by long."
Unconsciously, she fingered the scar on her cheek.
A bit different from the way I normally think of Akane: fiercer.
I think of Takahashi's Akane as someone who, given the sight of
Ranma being killed, would fall to her knees in horror and grief,
not explode in rage.
Well, her reaction in Ryugenzawa (v26 p151) supports your view, but
Akane's development in Taming and Centaur (which would continue) has made
her a bit tougher. At 30 or so, Akane is not the collapsing type any
more, and she's about as harmless as a velociraptor.
really, I can't see myself marrying a lesser man than Ranma.
Even if he says it's okay." Blushing, Akane made an odd gesture
with her fist, as though hitting something next to her.
At this point I wondered about Umisen-ken and faked deaths.
I never thought of that. My, what a cunning notion.
The
discerning reader certainly starts wondering what's really going
on here.
That's about right.
"Well, of course," Akane said, looking surprised. "He'd get
hungry if I only fed him once a year. You remember his
appetite." She glanced sideways again with an exasperated look.
"Well, fine! YOU cook, then!" she told the air.
Heh. Same Akane and Ranma. That's one of the really nice things about
this piece, the way the much-older couple still behave the same
to each other, but the insults and hits are more in the nature of
endearments, or reassurances of caring, to each of them now.
Precisely. Even alive, they're weird enough to give a counselor fits.
"Then how can you be talking to him?! Worse, how can he be
talking back?!"
Akane smiled patiently. "I said he was dead. I didn't say
he was gone."
Ah, of course. At this point, things become clear, given the
number of ghosts and spirits R & A actually meet in canon.
Exactly. It's still possible for Akane to be bonkers, of course, but we
know more about the loopy world they're in than Michi does.
"Guh." Michi blinked, then collected enough of her
scattered wits to look at her wristwatch. "Oh, jeez, look at the
time, I gotta go, I left the water running in the oven, it's been
Heh. You know, I think I agree with Gary: telling the first
part of this in first-person, from Michi's POV, might have worked
better. You could show her mentally cursing herself for the above
speech.
Doh! I didn't realize that first-person was what he meant! "POV", to me,
means shifting the "voice" of third-person. Vince no baka...
"I suppose I could've handled that better, but I keep
forgetting there are people for whom this sort of thing isn't
perfectly normal," Akane said with a rueful headshake.
Now THERE'S a telling comment on the Saotome lifestyle...
Precisely. It's clear that the Ranmaverse is a good bit weirder than the
real world (Jusenkyo curses, Combat Cheerleading magazines, etc), but it
also seems that "average" people are blissfully unaware of just how weird
it is despite the occasional appearance of huge battle-aura projections in
the street.
As far as ghosts go... how many real-world Japanese people really believe
in ghosts? Probably a fair number. Are there people in Japan right now
who believe they're being kept company by the spirits of their deceased
spouses? Probably. Are they treated as lunatics? One wonders... but I
wouldn't call them crazy. I mean it when I say I'm agnostic.
"We've been through this, Father," Akane said in a matter-of-
fact tone, continuing to serve. "It's an offering to the dead,
so that's the proper way."
"Yes, but at table... oh, never mind." He watched Ranma
pick up the bowl of rice, wincing a little when it seemed to
duplicate, one bowl staying on the table and the other rising in
Ranma's hands.
I liked this conceit. I somehow didn't expect it, though it
seems inevitable in hindsight. One pictures Akane and ghost-Ranma
consulting a Shinto priest to get proper instructions for feeding
Ranma.
Precisely. :) It's clear that in the strict interpretation, offerings
are to benefit the dead rather than to make the living feel better; this
is an ancient concept, apparently originating well back in prehistory.
Given that the actual physical offerings don't disappear, how do the dead
acquire them? Like that.
"Poor choice of words," Akane said quietly. "Just
thinking."
"And I know what you're thinking about, too."
"Yes." Akane looked up. "Don't you want me to join you,
Ranma?"
Okay, I guess _this_ qualifies it as a darkfic, a little...
Though I'm not quite sure why Akane isn't satisfied with what
she has.
Obviously Ranma thinks she should be satisfied, and eventually she decides
that she is too; it's a momentary weakness brought on by the appearance of
a friend from the past stirring up old memories.
It's ususally widows who want to be there for the
kids and grandkids, and widowers taking Akane's line.
In some ways, this debate works better turned around: Ranma
arguing to join Akane, or be joined, and Akane resisting. Maybe
if you reversed the two roles? Live-Ranma haunted by Ghost-Akane:
the potential for real surprise at the revelation is probably
higher, though you'd definitely have the complications of the
female suitors
About all I can say is that I didn't imagine it that way... it's a
different story. You write it if you like; I'll definitely read it.
(where is Kunou in this, btw?)
I really didn't want to involve Kuno; if he was still chasing Akane after
20 years, that'd REALLY be sad. :)
(Someone should rewrite 'Blithe Spirit' as a Ranma fanfic, with a
ghost-Akane haunting newlyweds Ranma and Ukyou.)
heh. Someone else is welcome to. :)
catch you. If you want to live, then I'll keep right on haunting
you. I...."
'Haunting' seems an odd choice of words, though it's difficult to
think of a better.
yeah, and Ranma isn't exactly noted for choosing the delicate word...
"I love you too, Ranma."
"...still have trouble saying it. Gaah."
Heh.
Inevitable.
"Let's go watch the cherry blossoms, Ranma. While they
last."
This seems an odd, possibly conflicting, symbolism to evoke.
The transitory nature of cherry blossoms works well as a symbol
for a life that _is_ temporary and fleeting, but you've just
given us a life (sort of) which is neither.
The blossoms are their life together, the one that ended when Ranma made
the transition... the tree is what continues when the blossoms have faded.
Again, nice job.
Thanks. This wasn't just a story for me.
Thanks for your comments, Bert.
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
Prime: seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.