On Mon, 20 Dec 1999, Angus MacSpon wrote:
I have to admit it -- the story gripped me. It was well-written and
very involving. You suckered me out several times -- in particular,
when Kaori gets back, acting very strange, and especially after Satoru
plays the "Floater" song, I suspected that Kaori was in fact dead, and
that it was her ghost that had returned. (Which would have fitted the
title in a very different way.)
Man, now there's a story idea. ^_^
No, I enjoyed OKC -- except for the ending. The fact is, I found the
ending to be extremely bland, and something of a major let-down. After
all that has gone before, after all the emotional build-up that you've
gone through, what happens? They persuade Kaori to talk about it, and
she does, and cries, and then she and Satoru live happily ever after.
I'm sorry, but something is missing -- namely, a climax.
Oh yes... I completely forgot the scene after it where Ryan walks in
with his red lightsaber and Sotaru summons his powers and destroys him
in a battle to end all time. ^_-
Normally I'd tell y'all to get over it, but there is in fact material I
didn't include. I thought maybe it could go as being impled. I assume
you were unhappy mostly with the "they live happily ever after" part
that is perhaps a logical leap. The next revision I do before it
finally gets submitted to RAAC will probably include a reworked ending
sequence.
I have no fault to find with what precedes it. But I think the ending
(not the epilogue, but what precesed it) needs some serious work.
As an ending, yes, it does. As a scene in and of itself, I feel it's
the best I've written. it's just not made to carry the burden of an
ending, as you've pointed out.
Sorry -- but, well, you did ask.
Hey, I appreciate it... you gave me a straight opinion, and didn't fall
into "this sucks, change it."
--Matt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tell me where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the bed?"
--William Shakespeare's 'Kama Sutra'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------