Yo, DB. This is kinda late, but I finally got around to it.
One comment beforehand, as David Johnston would say: The Spellchecker is not
your friend. :)
It was the third dead Galaxy Police vessel they had come across in the last
ten hours. The first one they had stumbled upon was drifting above the
recreation planet Fantasia IX, a planet she and Ryouko had visited to look
for Tenchi. Of course they were obligated to assist the helpless spaceship,
You know, after this event, I have this burning desire to find out more
about the GP's >> budget - replacing GP HQ and now all these ships' computers
can't be cheap, so who >> does pay for all of it?
Speaking of Fantasia IX, is Mickey Mouse a sorcerer's apprentice onplanet?
:)
It seemed as thought the
entire Galaxy Police force had been rendered powerless, literally.
as though
No. That couldn't be right. A spaceship could be turned upside down, but
not an entire world. It had to be something else. Something that actually
made sense. What could it be? Maybe if he tired concentrating.
if he tried
"Considerable," was the first word that came to his mind. "Complete," was
the next. There was no power. A ten foot diameter hole in the bridge. All
of the equipment ruined. The smell of burned circuitry. The rear portions
of his ship missing, if the diagnostic he had run before the crash was
accurate. Those were the mechanical resources left.
Alert! Alert! Sentence fragments at 10 o'clock and closing! :)
Since I suffer the same problem and have tried to overcome it in the past, I
suggest:
"Considerable," was the first word that came to his mind. "Complete," was
the next. He absently catalogued the damage: no power at all, a ten foot
diameter hole in the bridge and all of the bridge equipment ruined, the acrid
smell of burned circuitry, and of course, the missing rear portions of his
ship, if the diagnostic he had run before the crash was accurate. Those were
the mechanical resources left.
The last sentence to the paragraph doesn't seem to fit, even in the
original.
now a hole. Looking up and to his left, Sa'bre saw Onita helping Malguant
down from his seat, but his communication's officer was dead. Streen's seat
Malgaunt; and also, I suggest rewording the sentence - as it is, it reads as
though
Malgaunt is Sa'bre's comm officer.
There were others too. Slykes was dead, as Stargrave had expected when the
ship was out of control in space.
This reads somewhat awkwardly, perhaps: 'when the ship had gone out of
control in >> space'?
Sometimes the unworthy had all the luck.
Sometimes, the
Angstrom tossed the case aside and repeated the process on a second panel.
This time he was rewarded with an intact unit. A quick check showed that it
was still in working order. "As it stands, this thing can send a signal up
to three systems away. But I think I can boost the signal by jury rigging
it to the remains of the primary unit so that we can get a hyperspace
signal out."
Hehehe, I am forcibly reminded of the 5th? season episode of DS9 where Quark
and >> Odo crashland on some planet and have to cart their comm unit up the
Rockies. :)
It was only once he was outside that the damage to the Rack N' Ruin could
truly be appreciated. Over half of the ship was missing, and what remained
of it might as well not have been there either. Numerous holes, some the
size of a quarter to others five feet wide, riddled the hull where pieces
of debris from the dreadnought had struck. Scorch marks covered the length
of the ship from the burning reentry it had just undergone. And large
strips wood were peeled back, as though carpenter had come and tried to
whittle the starship down to a toothpick.
This is, of course, the reason why investing in some Light Hawk Wings is
always a
wise idea. :)
"NOOO!" Stargrave fell to his knees and wailed to the skies above. "It's
gone! It's gone! All of my dreams! Why?! Why?!"
Because you're the evil mastermind, and by definition, evil masterminds
can't win? :)
Her hand
blocked the blow, a reflex, but though it had not connected, it hurt her
just as much as if it had
suggest: 'reflexively' instead, and also 'but while it'
"- Approximately forty kilometers to the southeast," Malgaunt said calmly
no need for the '-' here.
liked this bit, by the way: witty commentary btw characters is always fun.
:)
"Admantine is strong enough to withstand orbital reentry," Malguant
adamantine
informed him. "The Shihana is intact. All we have to do is recover it."
No problem, really...
Once again the chain on her neck was pulled,
reminding her of who she still answered to, and that she was once more
Once again, the
"She's dead. Her ship was completely gutted and she was leaking radiation.
Uh, perhaps 'it was leaking', otherwise, it sounds as though Mihoshi is
leaking
radiation - which might very well be the case :)
Sasami, Aeka, Ryouko,
Mihoshi, Washuu, even Ryo-Ohki. And carrots. There were lots of carrots. He
was starting to hate carrots. Working in the fields was hard on his back,
and he had never been wild about the vegetables in the first place. Anymore
now it had seemed that was all he did was hoe and till, and till hoe and-
Hmm, Sasami, Aeka, Ryouko, Mihoshi, Washuu, and... carrots :) - this brings
up
certain-- waaah, *Blam!* *Blam!* *Blam!* eeew, H-goo all over my computer.
Oh >> well, back to C&C.
What were their names again? Dr. Forest and Francis? Frunk? Frenk?
Frank N. Furter? :)
Worrying about the 'B' he was getting in Home Economics?
Uh, Tenchi is taking Home Economics? Well, appropriate enough, but still...
That time he had looked through his father's collection of films and
stumbled upon the 'special' one that had starred his mother, father,
copious amounts of whip cream, and leather? That had been a seriously
traumatizing incident. Parents weren't supposed to do THAT sort of thing,
or at least their children weren't supposed to see it.
His mind clicked suddenly, this was why he'd always been leary about getting
too
close to Aeka... well, this and the incest part of it. :)
Nope didn't remember it no sir completely lost from the memory forever and
wasn't ever going to come back in any way shape or form so it would be best
just to drop the subject completely and never consider it again since he
was never going to actually think about it and that was that about that.
And this way, maybe they'd all just wait around, and Sasami would grow up.
:)
The assessment was finished quickly,
since virtually nothing worked on the entire ship.
I would assume that the virtually is an exaggeration, since Mihoshi manages
to
connect the power to Yukinojo in the next para. :)
"You don't look too good, either. "It was hard for Mihoshi to rein in the
wrong space there before the second "
Tenchi winced as the deluge started, waited until it hits its apex, then
relaxed as it began to subside.
hit
he seemed so lifelike that the idea of possibly losing the computer was
affecting him.
suggest: life-like
The air was filled with the
sounds of her gasping and groaning, but
unfortunately, Tenchi wasn't involved in any way. :)
Mihoshi considered that. "I don't think so. At least I've never dreamt of
electric sheep. They've always been
about Tenchi and whipped cream, and oops... :)
cannibalism. I'm sure there's plenty of food on the ship and there's
probably food on this planet too."
actually, I don't believe that it's cannibalism if you munch on another
species... :)
As they made their way down the darkened passageway, the yellow beam
dancing across the floor as the light bounced in Mihoshi's hand,
Mihoshi: FIREBALL!! Oops.
Trying to anticipate what Mihoshi was going to do next was like
trying to figure out which way a leaf was going to fall when cast into a
tornado.
uh, up? :)
And like the other girls, sometimes the chaos was a refreshing
change, but other times it was like being punched in the gut by a
three-hundred pound gorilla.
Aeka: Three-hundred pounds? Are you inferring that I am _fat_?
Ryouko: Heh! Who're you calling a gorilla?
Washuu: Washuu-chan's patented gorilla transforming ray - switch on!
Mishoshi: Oh, what a cute image.
And the idea of being nothing more than a walking
droolbucket appealed to him even less.
But he already was a... hmm, I shall refrain. :)
Doh, timeout. More to come later, hopefully.
Hope this helps.
Phil.