[Original Scene: anime-type drawing of Take your pick: Mary Schmich,
Baz Luhrman, or Kurt Vonnegut speaking to a graduating class of
anime students] (if you don't get the MS/BL/KV thing, those three
have all been credited with writing the original lyrics/speech to
this song)
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:
Wear sunscreen.
[Slide of Akane Tendo with a really bad sunburn]
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
[On "Scientists": Switch slide to a picture of Washuu]
[On "Meandering": Switch to short vidclip of Ryouga wandering across
the globe]
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will
not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've
faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of
yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much
possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You
are not as fat as you imagine.
[On "Power" switch slide to short vidclip of Ryouga doing the
breaking point]
[On "Youth" switch to a picture of the Manga issue with the age
mushrooms]
[On "Photos" do i really need to tell you?]
[On "Fat" i can't think of one but this is perfect]
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble
gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never
crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on
some idle Tuesday.
[On "Future" show scene from 'Tenchi Muyo In Love" with them
watching the past] (i've never seen this movie, actually, so correct
me if i'm wrong)
Do one thing every day that scares you.
[Show short vidclip of Shampoo-Neko jumping on Ranma]
Sing.
[Show Priss from BGC singing in the kareoke whatever bar]
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
[First scene: Fill in the blank, from Ranma 1/2]
[Second scene: Akane attacking Ranma]
Floss.
[Generic anime character flossing teeth]
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with
yourself.
[on Jealousy: Ranma attacking Ryouga.]
[on Race: Keiichi in an auto race in AaMegamiSama]
[on Ahead, Behind: Keiichi pulls into the lead then loses it]
[on start of last sentence: paste k1's face onto his opponent's
head, so there's now two k1s]
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed
in doing this, tell me how.
[First sentence: Akane with a question mark near her like Psyduck
and Slowbro did in that one pokemon episode]
[Second sentence: Akane after pounding ranma, show thought bubble:
"what was i pounding him for?]
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
[First: I have no idea]
[Second: Nabiki in audience with a look of disbelief that it would
even be suggested]
Stretch.
[Any scene showing someone stretching]
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting
40-year-olds I know still don't.
[First: Ranma applauding in audience]
[Second, Third: don't know, any help?]
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when
they're gone.
[One slide for this whole line, but i can't figure out what to use]
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the
funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do,
don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
[first: Mug-shot of Ranma]
[second: Any takers?]
[third, fourth, fifth: no idea]
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or
of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument
you'll ever own.
[First thru Second: Zoom out, showing screen on SoL. Crow trying
desperately not to make a hentai riff]
[Third: No idea. Same on Fourth]
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
[No idea.]
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
[Ryouga. holding a map upside down] (yes i know those aren't the
kind of directions meant, but i couldn't resist)
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
[Any takers?]
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
[First: Ranma(c) with Nodoka, Nodoka still doesn't know that she's
Ranma]
[Second: Something with either Mamoru/Darien or Makoto/Lita, don't
know what yet]
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.
[On Geography, something with ryouga]
[Lifestyle: something from Marmalade boy, their parents the most
twisted lifestyle i can think of]
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
[Ryouga] [Cues: "NYC" he passes the Empire State Building, "NoCal"
He passes some landmark there.]
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians
will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
[Any takers?]
Respect your elders.
[Ranma beating up Genma or Shinji trying to work up the nerve to
defy Gendo. Take your pick]
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust
fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when
either one might run out.
[NO idea.]
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will
look 85.
[Show Ranma's hair growing out in a mess with dragon hair removed]
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
[No idea]
But trust me on the sunscreen.
[No idea]