This is a dot-oh release [any computer geekies get the
reference?] so I NEED the C+C. Be brutal.
--------------
Signed,
Rebeka Thomas:
"Oh, crap."
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: ranma.odyssey.ranma_s-odyssey.1.txt
"[en]" "<jp>" "gk" [actions or author's notes] <annoying alternate
personality's notes>
I'm writing a fanfic that's a crossover between Ranma 1/2,
and Homer's "Odyssey." Surprised no-one's done it as yet, if
i'm mistaken please send me to that persons page or send me
that fanfic.
Anyone wanna help?
<I will!> [You are participating, just not helping.]
Here's all I have at the moment:
The camera pans in on a rather tall man appearing about
20-something. He sits down at a computer where something is
beeping rather frantically.
*Predestiny fulfillment warning*
*Intervention required: T minus 00:10:07* [counting]
*For nature of intervention necessary, click here*
He begins speaking to himself with a heavy australian accent
"[Lessee what we got 'ere...]" At this, he clicks the button
on the screen.
----- CASEFILE -----
Circa 1000 B.C.E., one Ranma Saotome appeared suddenly on
the present-day island of Sicily. At this time, one Odysseus
Laertiades was in the act of drilling a large sharp stick in
the eye of Polyphemous the Cyclops, son of Poseidon.
--------------------
"<Hey, Mate? Anything I can do to change this?>"
"<Sorry, Brett. It's already happened, and it is a major
part of the timeline.>"
[Hey, Brett! I forget, is Mate on first-name basis with
Brett in your story?] <awfuggitwhocares> [Shut up!]
"*sigh* [(under breath) i hate doing this.] <Okay...>"
Brett pressed the command to send Ranma back in time.
"[There, it's done.]"
-We'll get back to Ranma's timeline in a little bit, but
here's a little something else.-
[want me to write a story alongside this detailing the
Nerimites' reactions to Ranma's (and the pigtailed girl's)
dissappearance?] <no! boo! hiss!> [SHUT UP!]
"<Hey, ATHENA, POSEIDON! I've got something to tell you!>"
P."What?!" A."What is it?"
"Remember that Ranma kid you guys had to deal with back when
Odysseus was wandering around?"
P."Yes..." A."Sure, what about him?"
"Well, I just sent him back in time."
-silence-
<oh, shit>
"YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
[Homer, but anyone who has heard of the odyssey knows this
line] "Sing to me, Muse, the tale of a man who was never at
a loss.. Who could turn any bad situation upside down...."
Calliope [Greek mythology: Muse of epic poetry] sighs in
exasperation. "There's been a problem. Someone else has
entered the story, someone sent back in time from thrice
again in the future the length of time that it was in the
past. Very well... I will tell you the story; of the man who
was never at a loss, and the man
who would always win."
-------cut-------
Ranma finally got his bearings, and his vision cleared up
after that flash of light.
He then heard a booming voice shouting "Tous dh'haut' ex
adrou prosephekrateros Polyphemous o philoi, Outis me
kteinei dholoh heie bhiephin!!!"
<erm... no hablo el hellenico.> [SHUT THE F@!# UP YOU LITTLE
FREAK!] <eep> [rrgh...] *stranglechoke* [Okay, now that
we've gotten rid of the pest, on with the story.] <i'm like
a cockroach. you never can quite kill me.> [*pulling hair
out in frustration* on with the story.... translation is "O
my friends, Noman is killing me by craft and not by main
force!!!!!"] <Thank you. that's all you needed to say in the
first place>
Athena noted Ranma's presence, and then typed some commands
into the Olympus control system [then the name for yggdras-
sil given the fact that at this point the 'world' does not
include scandinavia] to allow Ranma to speak and understand
Greek.
Then, Ranma saw several one-eyed giants replying; "Well, if
no man is using force, and you are alone, there's no help
for a bit of sickness when heaven sends it; so you had
better say your prayers to Lord Poseidon your father!"
Ranma sat there stunned for an hour or so [Yes, he is
shocked out of his wits by that much.]
Then, he sees the giant from inside the cave rolling the
boulder at the entrance aside. Then he, apparently recently
blind, guides his sheep out, feeling their backs to make
sure the men who are currently tied to their undersides
don't escape on their backs. <*TASTE* the irony! THRILL as
odysseus escapes from... a dimbulb!> [why fight it?]
Then, the Goggle-eye felt the back of the ram Odysseus was
under, and just barely avoided brushing against his hand.
"Hullo, why are you last to-day, you lazy creature? It is
not like you to let them leave you behind! No no no, you go
first by a long run, to eat your grass, and drink first at
the river, first to come home too! Are you perhaps sorry for
your master's eye? That villain, Noman, [Odysseus, or
'Noman,' has to stifle a snicker here] has not escaped yet,
not by a long shot! If only you had sense like me, and could
speak, you might tell me where he is, [At this point, Ranma
has to stifle a snicker] for my vengeance! I would beat his
head on the ground, that his brains might splatter all over
my cave."
At this point, Odysseus noticed a young man in a pigtail,
whose features suggested that he was from some nation that
he had never been to. [Thus, he was distracted enough to let
the cyclops go back into the cave where he couldn't hear
them] <convenient plot device, ne? fixes up an otherwise
GAPING hole.> [...]
"I say, young man, what are you doing, just standing there
gawking? Introduce yourself, please!"
He then replied "My name is Ranma, student of the
Anything-Goes style of Martial Arts, my father is Genma, and
I live in the city of Nerima"
Ranma thought... Did I just say that? Just as well, since
it's probably how people introduce themselves here.
"Very well. I am Odysseus, the conqueror of Troy, the son of
Laertes, whose adress is in Ithaca!"
Odysseus... where had Ranma heard that name before... he
rolls the syllables over in his mind.... O-di-si-su....
Ou-dyi-shi-o..... [several more times until he arrives at
whatever the katakana is in the japanese version of the
odyssey, any help please?] __-__-__-__!! <O-di-si-us?> [no,
the syllable can't end with an 's'] <awfuggit> He's the guy
in the book in literature class!
"I'm lost far away from my homeland, without a ship. Do you
think that you could take me as far as [thinking] Phaiacia?
[that was the place that had the safe transport service in
the book] <we know!!!!> [why me?]"
"I'm not going there, [Ranma thinks 'Oh yes you are'] But
I'll be glad to send you there after I reach Ithaca."
[transition scene to ship]
The cyclops emerged from his cave again. Odysseus decided
that he would not bear not to be remembered, and yelled "I
say, Cyclops!"
Ranma advised "I wouldnt do that if I were you...."
[to ranma] "shut up, boy!" <this is odysseus, not genma> [i
was hoping that wouldnt be noticed] [out loud] "If ever
anyone asks who put out your ugly eye, tell him your blinder
was Odysseus, the conqueror of Troy, the son of Laertes,
whose address is in Ithaca!"
Polyphemus roared, and shouted "So, the old prophecy was
true! I had expected 'Odysseus' to be a tall, handsome
fellow, clothed in mighty power. Now a nobody, a weakling,
a whippersnapper, has blinded my eye after getting me drunk!
Come to me, Odysseus, and let me give you the stranger's
gift, let me beseech the worshipful earthshaker to grant you
a happy voyage! For I have the honor to be his son, and he
declares he is my father. He will cure me, without the help
of anyone else God or Mortal alike!"
"I WISH I COULD KILL YOU SO THAT NOBODY NOT EVEN THE
EARTHSHAKER CAN UNBLIND YOU!!!"
At this, Polyphemus holds out his hand to the heavens, and
prays to Poseidon: "If I am truly your son, and you are
indeed my father, grant that Odysseu1s, conqueror of Troy,
son of Laertes, whose address is in Ithaca, may never reach
his home! But if he is already destined to do so, may he
come late and in misery, alone in a borrowed ship, and may
he find those at home plotting against him!" [Author-person
snickers to herself, and finishes the line: 'and his little
dog, too!]
[note to all: this is all for now, but when Poseidon throws
a boulder down into the water to knock the ship off-course,
expect a splash of water to hit Ranma.] [evilgrin]