Cures and Solution
Part 4
by David Farr
The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and
are used here without permission for the purposes of fanfiction. This
story may be stored for the purposes of archiving only so long as the
text remains unchanged.
Note: this story contains themes not suitable for minors.
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~djfarr/
*****
Shampoo slashed her way through the rich tropical jungle. She was
glad she had brought along her large curved sword. Trail blazing
through the basement of the school just to find the principal was the
last thing she had expected.
Her progress was slow, but she at last made it to the bamboo tree hut
that served as the Principal's office. She looked up and, foregoing
the hanging rope, leapt up through a window, to land lightly on the
wooden floor. It was lucky that she did, because the tanned moron that
ran the school was waiting at next to the trapdoor shears in hand.
"What you doing?" she asked, tilting her head.
The principal raised a finger and absently shushed her. "I'm awaiting
the new waihine. Gonna give her a new do."
"Oh," said Shampoo. She thought about this for a few seconds, then
whipped out one of her bonbori. "YOU NO CUT SHAMPOO'S HAIR!" She
whacked the Hawaiian Japanese man over the head.
"Why'd da pretty sista like you hit me?" The principal inquired,
scratching his head.
"Shampoo is new girl! She no let you cut hair." She glared at him.
"Airen like Shampoo's hair like this."
"Aha!" The principal lunged forward, shears outstretched.
Shampoo's sword reappeared, and she skilfully parried the blow.
Standing there, weapons locked, the amazon glanced up at the palm tree
growing from Principal Kuno's head. "You want Shampoo do pruning of
own?" She yanked her sword out of the shears and spun past the
Principal as stumbled. Her blade swung and she pulled short of cutting
the tree off his head.
"Now crazy-principal going to stop with stupid shears?" Shampoo
demanded.
"I know when to admit defeat," the principal replied, getting up.
"Now, we just 'ave ta decide where you're gonna go." He moved over and
sat behind his desk, and started opened a folder sitting there.
"Accordin' to ya' paper work you've 'ad no schoolin' in Japan."
Shampoo nodded. "Is right. Taught in village."
The principal frowned. "Well deen Waihine, ya 'ave to sit a test to
see 'ow well ya' can do. I tink it best if ya' 'ave some study
partners." He burst into a grin that sent shivers down the amazon's
spine. "And I 'ave just the pair for you!"
Shampoo frowned. "Who?"
Voices carried up from the jungle below. "What does that insane jerk
want with us?"
"Dat would be dem now," The principal grinned even brighter.
First Ukyo, then Akane swung themselves up into the tree house
through the trap door. Both immediately readied for combat, Ukyo
gripping her spatula while Akane balled her fists.
"Ah, de' udder two sistas that be chasin' dat terrible Saotome." The
principal got up from behind your desk. "I gotta job for you."
"What?" Ukyo demanded, her eyes tightening as she glanced at Shampoo.
The other hid a smile at her friends' act.
"Is makin' sure dis waihine is up to the proud level dat dis school
expects!"
Akane straightened, and glared at him, hands on hips. "And why should
we help her."
"'Cause if she no pass, you no pass." The principal burst into
laughter.
"WHAT?!" Akane and Ukyo loomed up over him, mallet and dented spatula
ready to clobber him. Quickly the principal pulled out a coconut and
tossed it. When the resulting explosion cleared the three slightly
singed girls found themselves alone.
"Shampoo is sorry." The other two looked at her quizzically. "Not
work out like she plan."
Ukyo grinned. "That's okay, Shampoo-chan, it just gives us a reason
for our get togethers."
Laughing the three girls climbed back down the rope into the jungle.
As their voices faded the statue of the principal moved and he stepped
out of his hiding place.
He frowned in thought. Something wasn't right here. All three should
have been fighting, not merrily laughing. If the troublesome students
were going to start being friends, he was going to be in so much
trouble.
*****
Miss Hinako and the entire class looked up as the door swung open. A
disgruntled Akane stalked in, paused for a second to glare at everyone
(sending them scurrying back to work) before turning towards her desk.
Ukyo was next to enter. She'd picked up a floral necklace from
somewhere, but her smile seemed pasted on as she threaded her way back
to her seat.
Finally, and to the surprise of all, Shampoo stepped in the door,
pausing only to shut it behind her. Small leaves and branches poked
out from her long violet tresses. She walked over to the child-teacher
and bowed respectfully. "Am Shampoo, new student."
"I see," the little girl her looked over. "Tell me Miss Shampoo, do
you always come to school looking like a hedge?"
Shampoo looked confused for a second, then the small teacher pointed
at her hair. She ran her hand across her head until she encountered a
leaf. "Is stoopid principal's fault." The piece of greenery arched
into the bin.
Hinako nodded, turned to the class and clapped her hands. "All right
students, pay attention." Everyone in the class put down their pens
and raised their heads to watch the small girl. Another twig twanged
into the bin. "This is our new student, Miss Shampoo, from China. Her
Japanese is not very good, so I expect everyone to help."
Shampoo frowned as one of her leaves floated into the bin.
"Crazy-principal say violent-tomboy and spatula-girl help Shampoo."
This sent a gasp through the class, who all turned to stare at where
Akane was glowing angrily at her desk and Ukyo was glaring at the
front.
Through all of this, Ranma sat blinking in confusion. 'I thought they
were good friends now. I mean, Shampoo did say they were working
together.' Ranma frowned. 'Did whatever the aliens do wear off
suddenly?'
"That's good. Ah, Yuka, would you mind giving up your seat so that
Shampoo can sit next to Akane please?" Miss Hinako asked as Shampoo
picked the last twig from her hair and tossed it in the bin.
Yuka nodded her head. "Yes miss." She quickly gathered her books in a
pile and stood. As she turned towards the nearest empty desk she Akane
an apologetic shrug.
The class watched, some fearfully, one or two (amongst the boys,
mainly) lustily, as Shampoo walked to the now vacated desk. Miss
Hinako paused for a few seconds as Shampoo pulled the desk over next
to Akane and, much to everyone's surprise, pulled out a pen and
notebook. Rolling her eyes Akane shifted the poetry book over for the
Amazon to read.
Daisuke leaned over to Ranma. "Bet you this is going to cause
problems."
Ranma didn't answer, he just went back to staring at his books, only
occasionally glancing over at the two girls as the continued.
*****
"So let me get this straight." The young European man sitting in the
captain's chair was entirely human. Slowly he brushed back a lock of
his brown hair and pulled his glasses off by the arm. Deliberately
slowly he lowered them, folding in the arms, to place them in his lap
of the white robes he wore. "You stole this ship I made..."
The two aliens nodded, looking like a pair of contrite children.
"... you violate the integrity of this university by bringing in
technology that simply shouldn't exist..."
Again the two aliens nodded.
"... then you kidnap four of the main characters of this universe..."
A third time the aliens nodded.
"... just so that you could play with the minds of three of them,
hopefully making the life of the fourth - who happens to be THE main
character - easier." He sat watching the pair continue to nod. "You
know your heads are going to fall off if you keep doing that."
"That was the plan, ah, sir..." the large alien replied.
"Right, but braindrain here," He indicated Steven, "decided to add an
extra line to your recoding." He turned, replacing his glasses on his
nose and peered at a holo-screen floating in the air next to him.
"'And show Ranma a sex time'?" He turned to stare at Steven. "What is
that supposed to mean?"
Steven coughed. "It was supposed to read, 'And show Ranma a good
time'."
"You really need to work on you Japanese, Steven. How could you make
that mistake?"
"Ah, sorry. Can't we just go fix it?"
Justin groaned and looked away.
"No, I purposefully made it so that the mind rewriting technology
only works once, it was a plot point." He waved his hand at them,
forestalling any questions. "Besides which this tapestry is already
rewriting itself to these new elements. Thanks to you Ranma is about
to get a very... adult experience, and I'm not talking about what the
girls are planning." He lowered his head into his hands. "I can't
believe you broke so many of the rules. And now I'm going to have to
do the one thing I promised myself I would never do, just so that the
plot doesn't unravel like a cheap rug."
Justin looked up in shock. "YOU'RE NOT!"
"I have to." He paused. "I'm going to Self Insert."
*****
The lunch bell rung, sending waves of students out into the school
yard. Students leaning on the balconies above could see a single
clearing in the crowds, and it took only a moment's investigation to
find out why. Ranma was the centre of the patch, surrounded by his
fiancees (well, the ones with actual claims, Kodachi hadn't suddenly
appeared), all of their auras crackling as they glared across the poor
object of their love.
"My, my," Nabiki commented, watching from a corner. "I don't think
I've ever seen Akane so mad. Didn't realise she was so keen on that
jerk."
The small group made its way, slowly, the three girls never once
taking there eyes off each other (or their arms off Ranma) as they
moved. Anyone paying real attention (which, wisely, almost no one was)
might have noticed that their movements were perfectly synchronised,
it certainly didn't get past Nabiki's notice.
Finally the quartet made it to a secluded part of the school, distant
enough from the buildings to be lonely, but open enough so it would
take an expert to sneak up. An expert like Nabiki.
Ranma blinked in confusion as the three aura simply winked out, then
watched as the girls settled down in a semi-circle.
"Is good to stop pretending," Shampoo commented, opening the sack
holding her lunch and peering inside. "Ewww, Shampoo accidentally
crush lunch." Akane and Ukyo gave her a sympathetic look as they
opened their bento.
"You going to stand at attention all day, or are ya gonna sit with
us Ranma-honey." Ukyo slapped the bare ground between her and Akane.
Still confused, Ranma stepped forward and dropped to sit
cross-legged, completing the circle. He placed the bento Kasumi had
packed for him and stared at it for a moment. "What with all of this?
Shampoo... Last night... this morning... and the auras..." He shock
his head. "Someone want to explain what's happening?!"
Ukyo gave him the smile you'd give to a young child. "Sorry, honey,
we're putting on an act. I suppose we should have told you, but we
didn't really have a chance."
Shampoo gave a quick nod. "Ranma no stay awake long enough after
night."
"So you're all okay with that?" He looked each of them in the eyes,
to find sparkles as they nodded in turn. "You really had me worried."
"We felt it was necessary," Akane comment. "I realised while we were
talking to my family that we couldn't just tell everyone what was
happening, but it was too late to unsay lots of things, so I blurted
out that you had proposed to me."
"Then Shampoo and Ukyo chime in and we all know what we had to do
after that."
Ranma nodded. "Okay, I see. Makes sense," Ranma lied. It had gone
entirely over his head, but he wasn't going to admit that. "But I'm
not gonna survive you doing that often."
"Ranchan is right," Ukyo sighed. "I don't think we can keep acting
angry all the time. We need some reason to be nice to each other."
"You don't know how often I've wanted that." Ranma sighed, glancing
down at his now empty bento.
A cunning smile grew on Shampoo's face. "Does Ranma get angry when we
fight?"
Ranma recoiled and looked at her. "Yeah, of course!" The cunning
smile became contagious as Ukyo and Akane caught it.
"So, Ranchan, angry enough to do something about it?" Ukyo inquired
slyly.
"Huh?"
Akane rolled her eyes. "I may love him, but he's still a moron. It's
simple Ranma." She leant forward, and the other joined her to plot.
*****
Cries of alarm rang out as Ukyo crashed out of the bushes. She
flipped in mid air and landed in a squat, a brace of throwing spatulas
appearing in her hand. A single motion sent the projectiles flying
back amongst the trees.
Akane burst from the bushes, her aura flickering angrily. Fixing on
Ukyo she charged forward, growling. "You're not going to get him!" She
delivered a powerful jab at Ukyo, who spun out of the way.
"HA!" She barked as she pulled the large spatula off her back. "Like
he wants such an uncute OX!" She delivered a swing, which Akane
parried easily.
Another crashing in the bushes signalled Shampoo's arrival, and the
amazon leapt from the tree top, her bonbori held aloft. "Shampoo KILL
kitchen-destroyer and spatula-girl!" The pair separated, rolling apart
to avoid the blow. "Ranma proposed to SHAMPOO!"
"He proposed to me too!" Both girls chorused, glaring at her.
Ukyo was quicker, following another bunch of throwing spats into the
attack. Shampoo reacted up leaping out of the way, leaving Akane to
block the small missiles with a sweep of her left arm. Students ran
for cover as the battle escalated, sending thrown objects flying all
over the schoolyard.
"STOP IT!"
The shout left the entire yard silent. Even the crickets had ceased
their chirping, leaving the three fighters in a ridiculous frozen
tableau. All heads turned to see Ranma standing at the edge of the
trees. Despite the distance everyone could she he was breathing hard,
shuddering with barely controlled anger.
"JUST STOP IT!" He stalked over to the trio, who lowered their arms
to stand watching him. "Dammit, you've been fighting for most of a
year! IT DOESN'T WORK!" The three girls cowered, even Akane, although
she looked slightly less cowed than the other two. "I'm sick of it!"
He turned and strode away. He only got a couple of steps before
stopping and spinning back. "I don't want to see any of you until to
you can be nice! GOT IT?!"
He turned, and stomped off, leaving the schoolyard as still as the
eye of a cyclone. A bird gave a single cheep then decided he didn't
like the attention. Not even the wind tried to follow his performance.
The three girls suddenly broke and ran off in different leaving tears
falling in their wakes. Ukyo headed back the way they had come, and
thus was the only one who spotted Nabiki wandering away.
"Uh, oh," she muttered under her breath. "This may be trouble."
*****
"I will not allow it!" Kuno surged up, blocking the hallway before
Ranma.
The anger Ranma had gathered, at his fiancees' urging, for his
performance was just starting to slip, but Kuno's appearance threw
more logs on the fires of his rage. "YOU WILL NOT ALLOW IT?!" Ranma
roared, rising up to tower over the taller boy somehow. "What makes
you think I care what you allow?!"
"I---" Kuno started.
"IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Ranma shouted again, not allowing the
kendoist a word in edgeways. "This is between me and Akane, and maybe,
MAYBE I say, our families! YOUR opinion does not enter into it, unless
we want it to! So YOU will get the hell out of our lives until WE ask
for your input! GOT THAT?!"
"You can't---"
"I SAID: GOT THAT?!" Ranma was almost screaming.
"Your magic---"
"NO! AKANE is not under any spell! SHE is making her choices! Not ME!
And most certainly not YOU!" He calmed a little and sneered at Kuno.
"Why would she love someone who caused every boy in the school to
attack her on a daily basis?"
"I did not---"
"Right, you're the one that said that anyone who bet her could date
her, aren't you?" He looked around at the crowd they had drawn. "You
all heard him say it didn't you?" He got nods and a few murmured
"yes"s.
"That was---"
Ranma silenced him with a single wave of his hand. "You had no right
to say such things about anyone, let alone my fiancee." Ranma's voice
had dropped from a shout to a deathly quiet pitch that sent shivers up
the spines of everyone listening. "And you have no right to object to
the honourable arrangements made by OUR families. Families that would
be most displeased if you were to interfere. Consider the honor of
that situation, Kuno-Senpai," Ranma spat at the samurai-wannabe. He
shoved the stunned young man aside and stalked on down the hallway,
the crowd parting about him.
Shampoo stood not far away, watching from the stairs. "Shampoo think
we created a monster."
*****
"Nabiki."
The shout from the classroom door caused the middle Tendo sister to
look up. One of her classmates was standing there, watching as Nabiki
walked up the hall. She held a package carefully in her hands.
"Yes?" she asked tersely as she drew up to the door.
"Umm... I was told to give you this." The girl shoved the package
into Nabiki's hands, then hurried down the corridor. "Sorry, I'm gonna
be late for practice!"
"But who...?" Nabiki called after the retreating girl. "Damn." She
paced inside the class and dropped the package on her desk. "This had
better not be from Kuno."
Carefully she unwrapped the package, peeling away the brown paper,
only to find another layer beneath it. She removed the second layer
revealing a third. "What is this, pass the parcel?!"
Her irritation continued to mount as she pulled off layer after
layer, until a ridiculous amount of paper lay on the floor about. At
last she came to different layer, this time white wax paper. Her anger
getting the better of her, she tore this off, uncovering the doughy
underside of an Okonomiyaki.
"Why is Ukyo sending me food?" Nabiki wondered aloud as she flipped
it over.
Written amongst the toppings, in the dark sauce Ukyo favoured, was a
message. "'Stay silent or next time it won't be flour!'" Nabiki read.
"What the he--" *BAMM!*
From a distance it would have looked hilarious. The fast food sitting
on the desk before Nabiki suddenly expanded then exploded into a
massive cloud white that enveloped the school girl. The flour settled
quickly, across the floor, the desks, and Nabiki.
To say Nabiki was displeased would be an understatement. She was now
standing, in the middle of her classroom - which was just starting to
fill with her fellow students - covered from head to toe in fine white
flour, looking either like a ghostly version of herself or (if you
were of a more realistic bent) a total idiot.
"Kuonji!" Nabiki growled as the teacher walked in.
"Tendo!" The teacher snapped, spotting the girl standing amidst the
flour. "Don't play with flour in the classroom. Now go get a brush and
clean it up!"
*****
The final bell rang, signalling the end of class. Everyone waited as
the teacher handed out the homework assignments, then started packing
up. Ukyo wandered down to the combined desks that Akane and Shampoo
had spent the day sharing.
"Are we gonna try starting studying together today?" she inquired of
the pair.
Akane glared at her for a second, then at Shampoo. She paused and
closed her eyes, apparently doing some deep breathing. "I think that's
a good idea."
"You're not really going to study together?" Yuka stepped up beside
Akane, looking a little shocked. "I mean, you three barely get along."
"Principal say is Shampoo no pass, spatula-girl and..." she glanced
guiltily over at Ranma, "sorry, Ukyo and Akane no pass too."
"Yeah, he's really got it in for us." Ukyo sighed and turned to look
at he other two. "You two come over to Ucchans, you can study at one
of the booths while I work. I'll stop by to help when I can."
"Shampoo will have to go for dinner-time rush, or Grandmother not be
pleased."
"Hmm. I might as well head home for dinner then. Ranma," Akane turned
to look over at him, "would you tell Kasumi I'll be back in time."
Ranma looked up and was about to respond happily when he remembered
the deception. "Sure," he responded grumpily, "but only for Kasumi."
He watched as the trio wandered out, discussing what work they'd cover
that night.
It was only after they left that he realised that later that night
he'd be enjoying the attentions of one of them again. He wasn't sure
why, but that prospect made him feel good.
-----
Thanks to H Packrat who continues to support my writing, both with
this story, and a few of my others. I've managed to write a lot since he
started bugging me about it :)
-----------
David Farr
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~djfarr/
djfarr@ihug.co.nz katsuhito@planetjurai.com
"Die-cast construction, it's a lost art."
- Optimus Primal, Beast Wars.