It took two days to make this MSTing...

House Guest
A SM/R1/2 Lemon
Fic by Hentai Man
MST by Robert "Suzaku Soldier" Kelly.

Pre MST Note: This is my first MST, so don't blame me if there are some errors in the doc. Sorry for the long opening, I needed an excuse for the guys to riff lemons. Also, this series picks, basically, on lemons, 'cuz when I made a list of materials to riff, I found they were all lemons, so don't read the MSTs if you are either 17 or over... or have done your sex ed class.
=============================================================
Two months ago, Fushigi Yuugi's Nakago was tired of all the anti-shrines and that, and decided to take a stand in his own imdomitable way.
But all his schemes were foiled in one way or another, so he gave up. Then he came across an episode of MST3K. He didn't watch all of the show (in fact he turned off when he heard part of the theme tune, up to "and we'll monitor his mind") but he thought that if he sent extremely bad fanfics to his enemies, he'll make them his slaves. All he needed was two partners in crime and some test subjects...


(Rob) MTL3K, Reel 1, Episode SE1 is rolling.
Cue Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 opening... Now

Turn down your lights...
And get severe eyestrain.


In the not too distant future,
somewhere in time and space,
Four anime boys in their Queen of Hearts,
Are caught in an endless chase.
Nakago and Tomo are aboard a ship,
piloted by fangirls who made them sick.
They found a teen who was dumb, they deemed,
so they took him by force to carry out their schemes!

(Rob) GET... ME... DOWN!!

(Nakago) We'll send them crappy lemons,
the worst we can find. (lalala)
(Tomo) The boys will sit and watch them all,
and we'll monitor their minds! (lalala)
(Rob) Now keep in mind I must control,
where the lemons begin or end, (lalala)
The guys have got to keep their sanity,
or they'll be used on our friends!

RIFFER ROLL CALL:

Ranma! (Let's rock!)
Yaten! (Rolling!)
Tamahome! (Aw, shit!)
Heerooooo! (Omake o kuroso!)

(Rob) And if you're wondering how we eat or breathe and other science fact, (lalala)
repeat to yourself "It's just a file, I should really just relax",
for Mystery Lemon Theater 3000!

*guitar twang*

(Door 6)
(Door 5)
(Door 4)
(Door 3)
(Door 2)
(Door 1)
(QoH)

The Queen of Hearts exited hyperspace somewhere near Uranus(no jokes please), on her way back from a battle in Fred. The ship was an odd sight, as she looked exactly like a Queen of Hearts playing card, hence the name. Her's pilot, Heero Yuy,  had left the cockpit to check on fellow passenger Ranma Saotome. He knocked on the door to Ranma's quarters."Hoi, Ranma, you OK in there?" he called out.He was responded to unintentionally with a vomiting sound coming from the bathroom. "Guess not," he mumbled. *God, Ranma _always_ vomits when they go into hyperspace.* he thought.

Tamahome, the second passenger on the Queen, chose that time to come along the corridor. "Hi, Heero, how's Barf doing?" Heero ignored the insult to Ranma and motioned towards his quarters. "Still sick. Could take some time." "Well he'd better hurry up," Tamahome said, pointing towards Uranus. "before he misses seeing the _butt_ of the solar system." Heero gave Tamahome a Death Glare. "You know," he said icily, " that your jokes have become more juvenile since you came here. If I had less tolerance of idiots like you, I would have shot you on day one." Heero revealed his pistol that he carried with him.

"I wonder if 15-year-olds carry gun licences where you come from, Heero." Ranma stated, emerging from his quarters a wreck. "Those toys can be dangerous." Heero just smiled coldly.

The stand off was suddenly interrupted by a large shudder from the ship. "What's going on, guys?" Yaten Kou, aka Sailor Star Healer, the third passenger, yelled from the entrance to the quarters. Heero ran over to a console and pushed a button."Oh, my God. Slick, the Bishonen Lover's Guild ship, it's on our tails."

Ranma attempted to increase the ship's throttle. Nothing happened. "Hey, why isn't it starting?!" he yelled. Heero went to check the indicators. "All the power's been sucked dry! The BLS are pulling out all the stops this time!" he yelled.

A little light came on as Slick approached the Queen of Hearts. "What the Hell...? They're calling us?" Heero said, not really a Trekkie enough to use the proper term for ships contacting you, "hailing".

"I'll get it, guys." said Tamahome, going over to the console and flicking the switch. "Hello there, my little guinea pigs." said a grinning familliar face, to Tamahome at least. "Oh no, not him!" he yelled in panic. "Not Nakago!"

An hour earlier...

Tomo looked around the control room of Slick(the BLS ship for those who forgot for a miniute), and smiled. "Your new place, huh?" he asked. Nakago nodded. "They allowed me to use the ship with permission. Really, just one smile and their hearts melt like butter." Tomo fought back the urge to say that it melts _his_ heart as well, and continued.

"So what do you want to do?" he asked. "Oh, nothing really," Nakago replied, "just take over an a ship and force the inhabitants to watch bad fanfiction. We have just a few things we need first: A pilot who can work the machinery, though stupid enough not to ask questions about what he does, the worst kind of fanfics to watch, and a innocent ship."

"Well we have the ship right here," Tomo said pointing to the Queen of Hearts, going into hyperspace to approach Uranus. "and I have the perfect pilot. A fifteen-year-old teen boy known as Rob Kelly. Teenagers like him concentrate on their work, so he should have no idea what he's doing." He pointed to a picture of a teenage boy with near-dark skin, black hair and glasses. "Perfect." said Nakago. "Send him up. I'll get the ship under my control." Tomo activated the tractor beam...

Meanwhile, in the RealWorld, Rob Kelly, a teenager, was walking to a Blockbuster Video, when he felt a sharp pain in his stomach, just before he was pulled into a wormhole.

He woke up to find he was sitting on a steel floor in front of two guys standing over him "What the hell is...?" he started. "To be blunt, Rob, you 're stuck here to do a job for us." Nakago said, interrupting him. "Stuck? Here? All right, what's this all about, Nakago?" Nakago reeled in shock. "H-how did you..." he began. " I know 'bout Fushigi Yuugi, so tell me what the hell am I doing here with you?" Rob said.

Tomo replied for Nakago. "You heard of Mystery Science Theater 3000?" "Yeah? You're supposed to be a Mad?" Rob asked. "Yes, and you're our slave. You pilot this ship, and send the bad fanfics to the crew we're capturing." Tomo pointed to the Queen of Hearts in the viewscreen, having it's power drained and a new and large room being attached to the ship. Rob stared at him. "Man, you'll never get away with this!" Rob said. "Won't we?" Tomo said. "All we need is a really bad kind of fanfic and we're all go!" Rob then accidentally blurted out, "You thinking of lemons or something?"

Nakago's current train of thought derailed. Slowly, an evil smile speard across his face, making Rob realise his error. "Oh, shit." he uttered. "Ye-es." Nakago grinned, expanding to insane heights, Soun Tendou style. "Why not lemons? They _are_ just blatant excuses for showing sex." Tomo followed suit. "And some are extremely frightening." he cackled. They then returned to normal. "No use scaring people to madness if you can't torture them first..." Nakago approached the viewscreen.

"Send Rob to the control room." he said. "He needs to learn the ropes... While I present myself to my people." Tomo led Rob to the control room, while Nakago contacted the Queen. He grinned at the crew watching him. *Hmmm, Ranma Saotome, Yaten "Sailor Star Healer" Kou,* he counted out in his head, *Heero Yuy and... Well I'll be! Tamahome!* Almost as if he heard Nakago in his head, Tamahome shouted out, "Oh no, not him! Not Nakago!"

[QoH]
"You know him, Tamahome?" Yaten asked. Tamahome stared at him. "You never knew what happened to me?!" he replied. "Nakgo is emporer of Kutou, Konan's neighbouring kingdom and one of the Seiryuu seishi. He wanted us dead and tried to rape Miaka!" "One Evil Bastard in layman's terms." Heero added in.

[Slick]
"So nice that you know me by that name." Nakago replied coldly. "Anyway, I'm going to subject you to an old but gold exercise in torture. Rob, my 'forced to be an' assisant will fill you in." The screen shown a little window showing Rob. "You're gonna watch bad lemons until you crack. Got it?"

[QoH]
"Lemons?" Ranma asked. "Yeah, y'know, plot-less excuses for writing about sex!" Tamahome said. "Oh, God..." Yaten moaned in pain. "Why are you doing this?" asked Heero.

[SCR]
" 'Cos I'm bein' forced to, Heero." Rob replied. "There's only one way through this and that's to..."

[QoH]
"Riff the lemons to ease the pain?" Heero finished.

[SCR]
"Gotcha. The first fic is a Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon crossover, known as 'House Guest.'" Rob said "Catch you on the RealWorld. Oh, and it stars Ami and Akane." The loudspeaker suddenly turned on and Tomo's voice came out. "If you're done, it's time to sent them the post, Rob." "Will do, squire." Rob replied in a bad Cockney accent. He inserted a CD into a slot, and pushed a button.

[QoH]
"An Ami...." Yaten began. "And Akane... lemon." Ranma finished. "Hey, Rob?"
"Yeah?" said Rob over the loudspeaker. "What happens if we refuse to enter the theater?" Ranma asked. "Then the entire ship, except for the theater, is depressurised," Rob replied. "leaving you without oxygen."

[QoH]
The crew blanched. "Great." Ranma said. "If we go in, we'll be subjected to a bad lemon, and if we don't, we choke." "There's no way through this but to riff the fic..." Yaten said. "If that's what we do, then that's what we do." Heero said.
Suddenly the klaxons and sirens went off.

"AARGGHH!" they all screamed. "WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIGN!"
The crew ran into the theater, awaiting the evil that is the fic....

********************(pwetty stars...)*********************

~Door 1: A shower cubicle. You pull back the curtain to reveal A-ko in the nude. You try to barge your way through, get beat up and end up getting flung headlong into Door 2.
~Door 2: A giant TV. You crash through the screen, blowing the TV up.
~Door 3: The "Clown Door". You play a game of Simon to open it, but you mess up every time, making the nose punch you in the stomach. Finally, a SD Gundam Wing Zero blows it to pieces, allowing entry.
~Door 4: The classic "drawbridge", from MST3K. It misses your feet by inches.
~Door 5: A Tori Gate. You pay the guarding tanuki 1000 yen to pass.
~Door 6: Four seperate tubes, with each of the riffers names on each of the tubes. They  each jump into their own tube.
~QoH Theater: The tubes spit out each riffer, in order from the left to right: Heero, Ranma, Tamahome and Yaten.

QoH Voice: Fanfic visualisation complete.
Yaten: I hope this is painless...
Ranma: Wishful thinkin'.

House Guest
by the Hentai Man

Ranma: Note no disclaimer.
Yaten: Big error.

"RANMA!!"

Heero: Have you been accessing the net at off peak times again?!

Ranma looked up from the bowl of noodles he was eating. Or rather, devouring like a >vacuum.

Tamahome: Now I know why you're called Mr. Suck Up!
Ranma: Wanna make something of it, punk?

"What's up, Mr. Tendo?"

Ranma: Mr. Tendo's temper, by the looks of it.

"What have you done this time?" Soun threw a piece of paper at Ranma, who caught >it coolly between his chopsticks. Ranma unfolded it and read:

"Dearest Dad,

Yaten (Nabiki): Ranma owed me 1500 yen, so he took it out of you account, is it OK?
Heero (Kasumi): I'm writing to say that I'll be getting married this December, to my dearest Ryouga, as Ranma suggested. I hope you'll take this well,
Kasumi.
Tamahome (Akane): I'm unable to continue this engament under one circumstance: Ranma's gay.
Ranma (looking like he's gonna crack): I'm tellin' ya man, cut it out or I'm gonna...
Yaten: Ranma, the _fic_ not the _obnoxious riffer_ .

Since certain members of our household seem to dislike my cooking,

Ranma: Which amounts to Pop, Mr. Tendo, me and Nabiki...
Herro: Kasumi's a little bit too optomistic to object.

I've decided to leave and learn until I have improved. Until then,

Ranma: WOOHOO! It;s about time you've woken up to the truth, Akane-chan
Tamahome: You love her, don't you?
Ranma: No, it's just...
Tamahome: Sure you do, you'll want to marry her and have her babies!
Ranma: Do NOT!
Tamahome: Do TOO!
Yaten: Guuuys...

Your loving daughter,

Akane."

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Ranma replied.
Rage made Soun tower over Ranma. "RANMA!!!"

Heero: Those Rage guys can make anything impressive.
Ranma: But not much integrety, like Tamahome here.
Tamahome: HEY!

"Okay, okay, I'll go look for her," Ranma said. "(Just follow the line of poisoned >people,)" he muttered.

Yaten: Now that's being nasty! You should be ashamed!
Heero: He acts like this all the time, so don't sweat it.
Ranma: I what?
Heero: Nothing, macho man.

* * *

Tamahome: And no-one makes a stars gag.
Yaten: It's old.
Tamahome: What is?

"Are you sure I can stay here?" Akane asked.

"Mm-hmm," Ami replied, nodding. "My parents are away a lot, and we have an extra >room. And I'd love the company."

Ranma: It's been some time since I did a girl.
Heero: Ranma...

Akane looked around the apartment. It was quite spacious as apartments went, three >bedrooms,

Tamahome: One for mom, one for Ami, and one for Mom's clients...
Heero: Tamahome! Be taseful for God's sake!

a bathroom, and a kitchen seperate from the lounge room.

"Okay, I'll take it," she said, smiling.

Ranma (Martian): Nice planet, we'll take it!

Ami returned the smile, but it slipped slightly as Akane continued.

Tamahome (Ami's Smile:): *bump* Ow! Damn wet surfaces.

"But I insist on doing the cooking. FOR I SHALL PROVE THAT I AM THE BEST >CHEF IN THE WORLD!" A blue halo surrounded Akane as she made her claim, fist >in the air.

Ranma: And microphone or megaphone in the other hand, as per Takahashi.

* * * Ami looked at the first dinner cooked by her house guest. "Umm...I haven't seen >lettuce and tomato added to rice before," she said, hesitently.

Tamahome: She musta got a little too happy with her initial dish...

"I wanted to make something special," Akane said. "But I am still learning, so I didn't >try to too extravagant."

"Mmm..." It certainly smelled nice. Ami reached out with her chopsticks and snagged >a piece of fish, then popped it in her mouth.

Ranma: Then keeled over dead, the end.
Yaten: Quote/unquote "wishful thinking".

In the silence as Ami tasted the fish,

(Heero and Yaten imitate clocks ticking, while Tamahome makes a whistling sound and Ranma imitates crickets chirping.)

a bird was heard to cry.

Ranma: Mourning Ami's death.

Ami swallowed with a great force of will, a sweatdrop forming. "Umm...it was..."

"You didn't like it," said Akane, her voice quivering slightly.

"No, no, no," said Ami, quickly. "I'm just not used to..."

Akane picked up a piece of her own, and chewed it, eyes watering in sadness. Then in >horror.

Ranma: Finally they atrophied.
Yaten: Enough with the deadly food.

She coughed, and spat the piece of fish out.

"Oh...I'm a terrible cook," she said, sobbing.

Ami moved over to sit beside Akane, and put her arm around her. "I'm sure you're >better than Usagi," she said.

"Who's that?" asked Akane.

Ranma (Ami): Sailor Moon. Oops...
Tamahome: And the award for Most Intentional Show Of Stupidity goes to...

"Just a friend. She's always pigging out."

Ranma (grinning at Tamahome): Though even less than MIAKA...
Tamahome: So F-cking What?.

"Even she wouldn't eat this," Akane said, then buried her head in Ami's shoulder, >crying again.

Ami hugged Akane, and stroked her hair, soothingly. "Perhaps you could take tips >from Makoto. Another friend," she said quickly. "She's turn into a wonderful cook. >Even I can't do anything really exciting, like she can."

Yaten: Read "Evening At Lita's" for proof!
Rob's Voice: That's reminds me, guys. Evening At Lita's on the Lemon rifflist.
Yaten: Yeek!

Akane looked up at Ami, eyes shinning.

Ranma (Ami as Groundskeeper Willy): You've got the Shinning!
Heero (Akane as Bart): You mean "Shining".
Ranma (Ami as G.W.): Shh! Do you wanna get sued?

"You think she would?"

Ami nodded, looking down at Akane.

"Thank you," said Akane, placing her hand on Ami's cheek. Then she reached up and >gave her a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Tamahome: Sooner or later, this is gonna lead to a full-on frenchie, then...
Ranma (Akane): Your place or mine?

* * * Later, Ami lay in bed,

Heero: With Akane beside her, peacefully sleeping after their deed.

her mind turning over the events of the day.

Yaten: It wanted to leave no evidence for the Plausibility police to find.

They had ordered in for dinner. She had then rung up Makoto, who had agreed to >give Akane lessons.

Tamahome: In lesbian sex.
Ranma: Shaddup!

Akane had been so greatful.

Yaten: Of herself.

But was there more than just greatfulness there?

Heero: Place your bets, gentlemen, is there more than just gratefulness or not?
Tamahome: 5000 yen says there is!
Ranma: 10000 says there isn't!
Heero: Ranma, I suggest you withdraw that bet...

* * * "Mmm...this is great, Akane," said Ami, chewing her last piece of steak that Akane >had cooked.

Ranma: Great? GREAT?! How in God's name did she pull that off?!
Yaten: She didn't have you making fun of her, that's how.
Ranma: What the hell are...
Heero: Yaten's right, Ranma. Your wisecracks put her off.

"Thank you," said Akane smiling, her eyes closing with happiness. "It was...different >from cooking for Ranma. Cooking for you was...peaceful. I enjoyed it."

Ami got up, taking the dishes with her. "I'll clean up," she said. She picked up >Akane's plates...and paused. She was right beside Akane, and wanted to thank her for >the meal. Impulsively, she turned and kissed Akane on her cheek. "Thank you," she >said.

Akane blushed, and turned to see Ami looking at her. They stared into each others >eyes for a long moment, then Ami looked away, blushing as well.

"I'll get onto the dishes."

Ranma: BWAHAHAHA!! She's humping the dishes!
Heero: Raaanmaaa...
Tamahome: Go boy, go!
(Heero draws his pistol. The others back away)
Heero: One more stupid joke like that and this goes off.

* * * "RANMA, GET OUT!"

Tamahome: Guess Ranma wanted to break her in before Ami could...
Ranma: *Does Heero's Death Glare at Tamahome*

Ami opened the door of the bathroom, and looked out to see Akane kicked someone >out the door before slamming it closed.

Tamahome: That Moroboshi can be such a pain...

"Akane? What's up?"

Ranma (Akane): Ranma, see?
Heero: Interesting, sending yourself up.
Ranma: I was sending up Akane.
Heero: Oh.

Ami sweatdropped in surprise and Akane turned towards her, her mouth gritted and >her fists shaking in anger. "That Ranma!" Akane said hotly. "He wants me to come >home so Dad will stop yelling at him!"

"Um...perhaps you should. You have become a great cook," Ami said, hesitently.

"Not until he apologises!" Akane stormed into the kitchen. Ami followed and her >eyes gaped as she saw Akane attacking the carrots for the night's dinner.

Heero: Alright, I'll do it: What have those carrots done to anger her?

Small pieces of carrot, and even chopping board, flew through the air.

"Um...Akane? Are you all right?"

"It's just Ranma," Akane growled. "He's such a baka!"

"I see," replied Ami, looking down at the knife in Akane's hand.

Akane looked down as well, and sweatdropped as she saw she had bent the knife >blade in her hands without noticing.

* * *

Ranma (singing): And I-I gonna fall from the stars, straight into your arms...
Tamahome: The old "Stars gag" strikes again!
Yaten: Hey, we haven't riffed for six lines...

"You don't really want me to move back home, do you?" Akane asked, later that >night.

"What?"

"You said that perhaps I should move back home. Now that I'm a good cook. Do >you...do you want me to move out?"

Yaten (Ami): If you do, you'll be spared from having sex with me.

Ami looked down at her lap. "Well, you have done what you wanted to."

"I know, but..." Ami could hear the pleading in Akane's voice.

"No. I'd like you to stay."

Ranma (Ami): So we can make love, 'cos that's the point of this fic.
Yaten: Ranma, that's contradicting my riff!
Ranma: <radio edit> your riff!
Heero: Hey, hey, hey!
Tamahome: How come he got the "radio edit" while I got the "dash"?
Heero: Fushigi Yuugi and Ranma 1/2 have differences in use of expletives.
Tamahome: What the hell are are "expletives"?

Ami looked up, and saw Akane looking at her, her eyes shinning.

(Ranma opens his mouth.)
Yaten: No more Shinning jokes please.

Akane got up and went to Ami, and gave her a tight embrace, which Ami returned. >"Thank you," Akane whispered, then gave Ami another kiss. This time directly on her >lips.

Tamahome: BAM! The porn trigger is pulled!

Ami's eyes widened in surprise. "Wh...?"
Akane looked in Ami's eyes. "Please, let me..."
Ami wasn't exactly sure what Akane meant...but she trusted her.

Heero: She... trusts... her?!

She nodded, and Akane responed with giving her another kiss.

Akane's hand came up to stroke Ami's cheek as Akane bestowed gentle kisses on her >blue-haired partner.

Ami's breath caught in her throat as Akane moved down,

Tamahome: And imprisoned for gross misconduct.

kissing her throat, her hand following with teasingly light strokes.

Ami gasped as Akane kissed the flesh at the opening of the open V of her shirt. >Akane looked up at her again, and again Ami nodded.

Akane, fingers fumbling, undid the buttons of Ami's shirt, and opened it, pulling it out >of her pants, to reveal Ami's chest, a flush already upon her. Akane gazed at the >white bra which cupped Ami's breasts,

Ranma: Cupped, what the hell kinda word is that?
Yaten: A good one...

and her eyes trailed down over the flatness of her stomach.

Heero (singing to "The Wanderer") : I went out walking, across a flat desert land...

She reached out and stroked the stomach, drawing her nails lightly over the sides, >making Ami gasp for breath again.

Akane slipped the shirt down off Ami's shoulders, pooling it on the seat behind her,

Ranma: For resources.

then, while looking directly into Ami's eyes, she reached around and unsnapped the >bra, and draw it down over her arms, before dropping it beside the chair.

Akane started with her hands on Ami's, then drew her fingers along and up her arms, >then brought them down the inside of her body until they trailed underneath Ami's >breasts.

Yaten: What in...
Heero: It's like this... (Heero puts his hand on Yaten's, then traces it up along his arm, down his side, then under his chest.) See?
Yaten (blushing): Thank you.
Tamhome: Heero and Yaten, sitting in a... *THWACK*
Ranma: Say that again and I'll break your spine.

Akane cupped the bottom of the breasts, Akane saw that her nipples were already >hard, betraying Ami's growing arousal. She smiled, happy to give pleasure to her >friend.

Heero: Friends, don't let friends shag you.

Akane kissed Ami again, then moved her tongue down over Ami's heating flesh, >down her throat and into her cleavage, before making her way to one of Ami's >nipples. She took the small bullet into her mouth,

Ranma: And swallowed it, killing her. The end.

and washed her tongue over it,

Heero: Keeping it nice and clean.

and her other hand moved up to roll Ami's other nipple between her fingers.

Ami moaned as Akane suckled at her breast. Already she could feel warmthness and >wetness down below. Akane must have been able to smell it,

Tamahome: Must be a dog hybrid.
Ranma: HEY!

because she left Ami's breast, to her temporary disappointment, and ran her tongue >down over Ami's stomach, taking a moment to wiggle it in Ami's belly buttom, then >moved down further.

Akane paused as she stared right into Ami's clothed crotch. Then she reached out and undid the buttons. Ami rose helpfully as Akane pulled at the sides of her pants, and they slid down her legs, crumpling to a stop at her shoes. Akane took a moment to take off her shoes and socks, then removed the pants.

Heero: Shoes? In a Japanese home?
Ranma: Looks like Hentai Man never heard of Japan.
Yaten: Hey, don't get us flamed!

She slid her hands up Ami's legs, which parted for her, revealing the sight of stained >panties to Akane's eyes when she got to the top of Ami's legs.

Ranma: That should read "Soiled".

Akane smiled hungrily, and ran her fingers over the material, feeling the heat >contained therein.

Ranma (Akane): Owie! Hot!

"Do it," Ami whispered, and Akane obeyed, slipping the panties down and off Ami's >body. Akane leant in, and inhaled the smell of Ami's wetness, then nuzzled her nose in >the blue public hair.

Ranma: (Bursts into laughter)
Heero: One of the great anime oddities: Why is all of Ami's hair blue?

Ami arched above her as Akane's tongue took a long lap of her nether lips, gathering >the juices. Akane savoured the taste, then went back in for seconds, wiggling her >tongue between Ami's lips.

Yaten: Hold on a sec, first "nether lips" now simply "lips"? It sounds almost like she licked Ami's pussy, then kissed her.: Almost...

Ami dug her hands into the arms of the chair, her fingers white, as

pleasure unlike >anything else ran through her. She gasped, once, twice, trying to draw breath into her >taut body.

Akane tilted her head slightly, and ran her lips over Ami's protruding clitoris.

Ranma: I thought it was covered by a hood of skin.
Tamahome: This guy's...
Heero: No!

Ami gasped again as Akane took the nub between her lips and sucked.

That was too much for Ami. She screamed silently as a wave of pleasure crashed >over her, and smashed into her mind.

Ranma: Giving her brain damage.

Her body was one tense nerve of electricity, strung tight and thrumming as the >orgasm passed through her.

Ranma: And into Akane, electrocuting her.
Heero: Enough with killing off Akane, Ranma!

She stayed frozen for what seemed like an eternity, then slumped back into the chair >as the passion slowly faded away.

Akane looked up from between Ami's legs, her face glistening with Ami's juices. Ami >was unable to respond, momentarily exhausted, as Akane placed a brief kiss on her >clitoris, then stood up and gathered Ami easily in her arms.

Ranma: To offer her to Shub-Niggurath.
Heero (aiming his pistol): OMAKE O KUROSO!
(Everyone but Yaten and Ranma clears the area)
Yaten (jumping into Heero's sights): Heero, NO!
(Yaten's shielding of Ranma makes Heero unable to bring himself to shooting. He slumps to his seat. Everyone else returns to their own seats.)
Tamahome: Heero, you big pussy you. You can never kill someone you love, can you?

* * * Ami lay on the bed where Akane placed her, and watched with eager eyes as Akane >undressed. As each piece of clothing fell to the floor, Ami's desire grew.

Yaten: I keep thinking of cress everytime I hear "desire grew".

Finally, as Akane slipped her panties off to stand nude before Ami, Ami was panting >with need.

Ranma (Ami): Arf arf!

Akane posed, letting Ami's eyes wander all over her body. Her breasts heaved as she >breathed in and out, and juices glistened on her nether lips.

Ami licked her lips,

Yaten: Woah!
Ranma: Ami Mizuno: Sexual Contortionist!
Yaten (sarcastically): Thank you for lowering the tone, Ranma.

and held her arms out for Akane to come to her. Akane did, and lay down on Ami, >covering her face with more kisses.

Tamahome: That's a lotta kisses.

Ami wrapped her arms around Akane, rubbing her hand in Akane's short black hair as >she held her close. Akane moved about on Ami, rubbing their breasts together >erotically. They moaned as Akane brought their clits into contact.

Ami pressed herself into Akane, feeling their nipples push into each other. She thrust >her tongue into Akane's mouth, who, though surprised, accepted it gladly.

Heero (Akane): Thanks for the tongue, Ami.

She ground her hips into Akane,

Yaten (glaring at Ranma): Preventing her from any more electric shock induced by Ranma.
Ranma: Hey! I'm just being a good riffer.
Heero: Like Crow.

feeling her earlier passion arise again, increasing beyond the level it was at before.

Akane reached down and gripped Ami's buttom, squeezing it tightly as they humped >against each other. She groaned into Ami's mouth as her passion rose. She needed >this, and knew that Ami needed it too.

Tamahome: So did the auth...
Ranma: Can it, Chicken-boy.

Their hips came together violently one more time, and their bodies exploded.

Ranma: Splattering gore all over...
Heero: Raaaaannnmmaaaaaa....

Ami's hands dug into Akane's back, just as Akane's dug into Ami's buttocks. They >shook together, their bodies joining, and their minds connecting.

Yaten: Ouch.
Tamahome: Spiritual Siamese Twins!

They let out long moans as they came down from their high. They lay there, covered >lightly with sweat and cum, panting and recovering their breaths.

"I love you."
"I love you, too."

Ranma: How blatant.
Heero: Come on, it's over. Let's get outta here.
(The boys leave the theater and the reverse door sequence is shown)

~Door 6: A small stairway opens and out walk out.
~Door 5: The Tori Gate. The tanuki gives back your money.
~Door 4: The classic MST3K "drawbrige". It opens down for you.
~Door 3: The rubble of the Clown Door. You walk through, glad not to do the puzzle again.
~Door 2: The blown TV. You make your way round the mess.
~Door 1: The shower. You step through, giving your apologies to the nearby A-ko.
~QoH Main Room.

*********************************************************************

A few minutes later...

Yaten was having a hot drink at the table with Heero, while Ranma and Tamahome were playing Celebrity Deathmatch: The Videogame on the Playstation in the entertainment center nearby. Ranma was fighting as NIN's Trent Renzor (with his "deadly nine-inch nails") against Tamahome's Marilyn Manson. "Suzaku, I wish they got a Dreamcast for this thing..." said Tamahome. "Hey, at least it's better than the theater." said Ranma, as Trent dodged Marilyn's attempt to pull out his skeleton, and stabbed at Marilyn's chest. "Yeah, I agree." Marilyn right hooked Trent. Trent swung at him and created four large gashes across his chest(as CB models only have four fingers).

"I second you on that one, Ran." said Heero. "Um, Heero?" Yaten asked. "Yeah?" "You know when you showed me what Akane done in the fic?" "Uh-huh." Trent's arm got ripped off. "Well, that kinda... felt good." Heero looked up. Yaten was blushing like a poppy. Tamahome overheard the line and sat up to hear a little more. Trent recoverd his arm on put back on. It hung a little loosely though. "You trying to say something, Yaten?" Heero asked. "Yes..." He looked up.

"I love you."

Tamahome suddenly stood up and yelled, "That's it! End of the World! Film at 11!". Maryiln stopped dead in his tracks. Heero stared in surprise. Ranma seized the opportunity and Trent flailed his arms in front of Marilyn, chopping him to pieces. And leaving his dismembered arm embedded in Marilyn's head. Or what's left of it.

"What the...?" Tamahome said as he saw Trent be declared as the winner. "You cheating bastard!" Hey!" Ranma said, standing up from his seat. "You shoundn't have looked away!" "Oh, so you blame it on me, do you?" Tamahome yelled, his mark aglow. "Yeah, you ignorant little piece of crap!" "That's IT!" Tamahome sprang at Ranma and engaged into a fistfight.

All Heero and Yaten did was look at each other.

Their silence(and the others' fight) was broken by the contact light flashing. Heero arose from his chair. "Hold up guys," he said, "Dorothy and Toto are calling."

[Slick]
"Did it work?" Nakago asked. "No, everyone's perfectly sane." Tomo replied. "Damn!!" Nakago turned towards the crew. "Looks like you're more resillient than I thought. Looks like I have to send more lemons 'till either one or too many drive you off the edge."

[QoH]
"That'll won't be too soon, Nakago!" said Ranma. "We'll just stick it out 'till _you_ crack, and believe me, you _will!_"

[Slick]
"Looks like we'll have to try again soon..." Tomo sighed. "We'll get there soon, Tomo." Nakago replied, lamently. He contacted Rob though the intercom. "Rob?"

[SCR]
Rob put down his magazine and switched on his 'com. "You rang?" "Push the button." "Yes sir!" Rob replied, like an army private. *You need a sense of humor to work in this job* he thought to himself as he pushed the button...

----------------------------



==============O=============



----------------------------

*Fwoooosh!Pop!Boom!Rice Crunchies!*

Rob's voice: Note to self: Fix the button when I get the time.


=============================================================

(Rob) Next Episode: Heero comes to terms with Yaten's declaration of love, Ranma and Tamahome's egos clash in a game of Power Stone in the new Holocabana and Miss Haruna deals out a unique punishment to Usagi in "The Teacher/Stundent Relationship"!

(Cue End Credits...)

Credits...

Cast...

Riffers:
Ranma Saotome[Ranma 1/2] ("<radio edit> your riff!")
Tamahome[Fushigi Yuugi] ("One for Mom, one for Ami, and one for Mom's clients...")
Yaten Kou[Sailor Moon Stars} ("It wanted to leave no evidence for the Plausibility police to find.")
Heero Yuy[Gundam Wing] ("Those Rage guys can make anything impressive.")

Mads:
Nakago[Fushigi Yuugi] ("Oh, nothing really, just take over an a ship and force the inhabitants to watch bad fanfiction")
Tomo[Fushigi Yuugi] ("Yes, and you're our slave. ")

Mads' Reluctant Assisant:
Rob[IRL] ("Note to self: Fix the button when I get the time")

Disclaimer Time!

Sailor Moon is Naoko Takeuchi's copyright .
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Fushigi Yuugi is property of Watase Yuu
Gundam Wing from Sunrise
I partly own MLT3K, 'cuz it's inspired by MST3K (in particular, Season 8) which is property of Best Brains Inc.
Rob, BLG and both mecha are all created by me.
Celebrity Deathmatch is Eric Fogle's and MTV Animation's toy.
House Guest comes from the nutso noggin of Hentai Man and HE CAN HAVE IT!
The Riffers' Playstation is supplied by Sony Computer Entertainment.

Think of the MST is funny C&C.

Keep circulting the fanfics, MSTs and lemons(not to mention the tapes)...

And now, the Stinger...

Their hips came together violently one more time, and their bodies >exploded.

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