"Jeremy Evans" <ianmakabe@HOTMAIL.COM> wrote:

   This one came to me in momment of inspiration and I just wanted C&C on 
the idea.

OK, first of all, please put the title of your story in the subject
header. E.g.

Subject: [Ranma][idea] Kidnapped!

If you just write [idea], it makes it difficult to keep track of things
as your post will look identical to so many others.

You need a little work on presentation. Always spell-check, and remember
that only one speaker should have dialog in any given paragraph.

As for the idea... my main reaction is to wonder why it's happening.
That's not necessarily a bad thing -- on the contrary, reader curiosity
is something you should hope for -- but it *does* mean that as your
story goes on, it had better explain things in a believable way.

The biggest question for me is why Pantyhose and Herb are involved.
Pantyhose doesn't particularly like Ranma, and would be averse to
working with him without a good reason. Herb generally has more
important things to do than get involved in Nerima goings-on. It's also
unlike Ranma to go to these guys for help; he's generally a
do-it-yourselfer. Unless there's a really good reason why these two are
helping him, you may want to have Ranma operating on his own, or with a
more plausible henchman such as Mousse.