| Subject: Re: [FFML] {Dominion}Just A Night on the Town |
| From: miashara |
| Date: 8/1/1999, 1:16 AM |
| To: Platinum Dragon |
| CC: ffml@fanfic.com |
Reply-to: miashara@geocities.com |
Very nice. There was good characterization though the dialogue didn't flow as well as it could have. I recomentd you use ellipses only when you're leaving something out, not to represent a pause. You suffered through overuse of them. The action was good. I'm not sure how the spider tank could have cut up all those men like that but it's anime and laws of physics be damned. Miashara