General comments first, as the specifics are mostly just a bunch of
punctuation corrections: The plot is still kinda getting set up, so it's
hard to comment much on the overall story. There's the mysterious dreams
that the characters are having, and the standard Ranma continuation
stuff, and they're kinda seperate so far; I'd like to see more
cross-over between them. The villain seems a bit cliched, but that's not
so big a deal in this fic as it's pretty normal for the genre.

Ahh, so true... ^_^... Actually, the cross-over begins in Chapter 5, so
expect to see that one posted sometime next week. As for Chapter 4, I'm
just getting it back from my pre-readers now, but I probably won't post
until at least monday.

Your writing, while not bad, could stand to be spiced up with more
sensory imagery. Look for more creative ways to tell us what things
look, sound, etc. like; a well-placed metaphor can be especially useful
for this.

Understood. That's what I'm working on. ^_^

One punctuation mistake you make a lot is in quoting dialog. If a verb
such as 'said' is used, where the object of the verb is the quoted
words, then the quote is part of the sentence. If not, the quote is a
seperate sentence. For example,

"Bite me, ya jerk," he spat.

"Ugh. I got a bad taste in my mouth." He spat.

Indeed. I should do some more work on identifying those mistakes.. <sigh>

Why should Nabiki know or care how Ukyo feels toward Ranma? This sounds
like an explanation put in for the sake of the readers.

Well, she does feel kinda guilty about what happened the day before... ^_^

His memory's improved a lot, I see....

Yes, indeedy... Just one of the many wonders of the Orochi moss... ^_^

Well, she must've done it at least once, if she has a
great-granddaughter.... *ahem*

Gary, you sick, sick person... <sigh>

93 million miles? I guess that *is* kinda far....

^_^... I'd normally agree, although in this case, her power lies in her
land of origin, namely Japan... What? You think I'd say the Kami realm? ^_^

"Oh, a wise guy, eh? Nyuk nyuk nyuk!"

<pokes his fingers towards Gary's eyes>

"And put down that needle!" (Get it, she shot up....)

...

As opposed to one of his intermediate deaths?

<ahem>....

...

Um... okay, evidently you're making some kind of distinction between
actual death and metaphorical dying, which is cool, but it's not exactly
clear what you mean. This could be pretty nice if you clarify it a bit.

Yes, I suppose that would help... ^_^.. It's a good thing I'm delaying
before posting anything to the RAAC... ^_^

Tendos' (there's more than one of 'em)

Really? <does a quick finger count>

Oh.. so there are... <shrug>

'kinda' is a bit informal for 'Natsu. Suggest 'kind of'.

Yeah, I noticed that after I posted... ^_^

"Xioav?" That's a weird name....

I thought so too, but I needed a weird name.. ^_^

------------------------- 
|     The TydRipper     |  "'Tis an old saying, the Devil
|                       |  lurks behind the cross. All is
| Master of the Tides,  |  not gold that glitters. From the
| Devourer of noodles,  |  tail of the plough, Bamba was
| Writer of the Fanfic, |  made King of Spain; and from his
| Baka to the end...    |  silks and riches was Rodrigo
-------------------------  cast to be devoured by snakes."
		           - Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote

Questions? Comments? Flames? Email Me.

~ The TydRipper

http://westwood.fortunecity.com/versace/189/

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[Take my love, it is not true,
So let it tempt no body new;
Take my lady, she will sigh
For my bed where'er I lie;
Take them, said the skeleton,
  But leave my bones alone.

Take my raiment, now grown cold,
To give to some poor poet old;
Take the skin that hoods this truth
If his age would wear my youth;
Take them, said the skeleton,
  But leave my bones alone.

Take the thoughts that like the wind
Blow my body out of mind;
Take this heart to go with that
And pass it on from rat to rat;
Take them, said the skeleton,
  But leave my bones alone.

Take the art which I bemoan
In a poem's crazy tone;
Grind me down, though I may groan,
To the starkest stick and stone;
Take them, said the skeleton,
  But leave my bones alone.]

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) -
Complaint of the Skeleton to Time