C&C Below.  Snippage throughout.

Long... so terribly long...  I've never C&Cing anything this long!
Thank goodness you have pretty much no errors.  It's all comments
or quips.

Chapter 2: Disciplinary Actions

[...]

Michi stalked past where the other three sat in an open triangle and
flopped onto a beanbag chair. "I guess." She eyed the platters of
snacks on the low table and surreptitiously reached for a tamago-
nigiri. Eriko spotted her movement and diverted her throw, and the pair
of chopsticks spun across the room to smack into Michi's wrist. "Ow!"

Translation for tamago-nigiri, please.
(All I got out of it was "egg", courtesy of the Dragon-Half song.)

[...]

Suddenly Eriko cocked her head. "Doorbell!" She darted for the rec-room
door and out. The others followed, clustering on the second-floor hall
balcony as Eriko skimmed down the curving stairs.

punc:  balcony, as

Eriko's mother got there before Eriko. Mrs. Thompson, a matronly woman
rather different from her willowy daughter, opened the door and peered
out into the rain. "Oh, Akane-chan, welcome back! And you must be the
other...."

suggest:  Eriko's mother got there first.
or:  Eriko was beaten to the door by her mother.
(The double use of "Eriko" sounds choppy.)

"Saotome Ranma," a deeper voice responded. "Uh, pleased ta meet you,
Tomson-san."

suggest:  Tomuson
(I take it this is a Japanese pronunciation of "Thompson", and not just a
double-typo.  The best of my knowledge, the only "letter" in the Japanese
syllabary that doesn't end with a vowel is 'n', so I made the name
To-mu-sa-n.)

Did we ever get an explanation for the Western name of Eriko's family?
A gaijin name in a Japanese family should be a cause for curiosity (or
disdain).

[...]

Junko nudged her. "Stop it. She's, er, he's as taken as a guy gets."

"I know, but I can still look, can't I?" Michi suited action to words.

"...And feel?  Surely there's nothing wrong with that.  Just as long
as I don't take.  Borrowing should be fine, too, right?"

"Well, be polite about it. Here they come." Eriko led the newlyweds up
the stairs, and the others fell in behind as they went into the rec-
room. Michi took the opportunity to admire Ranma's butt; Junko glanced
at Sachiko and rolled her eyes.

sp:  rec room
(On a whim, I looked it up.  It's two words, not hyphenated.)

"So," Junko said when they were all in and the door was shut,
"congratulations! May your wedded life be long and happy!"

[...]

"So, Akane," Michi asked slyly, "is Ranma long and are you happy?"

I'm glad I didn't have to make that comment myself.  ;)

[...]

"I hope not," Ranma muttered. "Jeez, I feel like livestock." He
selected a drink and eyed the girls warily.

"Careful.  That horse is skittish!"

"That was a bit crude for mixed company," Junko told Michi reprovingly.

"Mixed? Ranma's not just a man, he's a woman too, isn't he?" Michi
retorted.

"All right, very mixed company, then." Junko smirked at her own wit.

Rimshot please.  [sound of shotgun]  Thank you.

[...]

"I am her. She's me," Ranma said slowly. "One of the things I learned
while we were away was that I can be a guy and a gal both. It's not so
bad any more."

suggest:  I can be a guy and a gal.
or:  I can be both a guy and a gal.

[...]

Akane touched his shoulder. "Ranma, I'd rather you were a man right
now."

punc:  man, right now.
(I think.)

[...]

"See ya some other time, maybe." He half-smiled and poured the water
over his head. The other three girls looked away politely-- and a
little uncomfortably-- as Ranma shrank and curved, but Michi watched
avidly. "Better?" Ranma asked, tightening her waist drawstring and
adjusting the fit of her shirt, still with the same half-smile.

Little did they know that mother was watching and passed out in the
next room.
(Seriously, though, boy in, girl out?)

[...]

"Yeah, that oughta do it. I hope so. There's times I really wanna be a
guy, ya know."

I need to do a number one in the woods...

[...]

"Then Kodachi's brother showed up. The idiot saw me in my wedding dress
and Ranma in his tuxedo-- he was female at the time- - and he couldn't
decide which one of us he wanted to marry, can you imagine?"

Why should he choose?  His noble heart is large enough to love them BOTH!

"We clobbered him good too," Ranma said happily over the snickers.

punc:  good, too

[...]

"I know this girl who knows this guy who was at Teiketsu Academy that
day you defeated the Souda twins," Sachiko said while Ranma stripped
the paper off. "He's pretty good with a camera...."

The Souda twins... [searches memory]  Would that be Koku and Pepusi?

[...]

"Wow," said Ranma hoarsely. The four girls watched as Akane looked over
Ranma's shoulder, and they had the satisfaction of seeing Akane's eyes
widen and her jaw drop. They knew what she was seeing: a simple frame
holding a large print of a photo taken just after the announcer had
proclaimed the winners of the match. Akane had her clenched fists
raised over her head and a look of triumph on her soot-streaked face,
the look of a winner who hadn't been sure she'd win. Ranma had a
different look; she was turning away from the referee to gaze at Akane
from the side, and the love and pride in that covert glance had been
captured perfectly by the long lens. They knew, as Akane knew, that
Akane would never have seen it had she been looking at Ranma instead of
at the roaring crowd; it would have been overlooked in the excitement
of the moment, or gone in an instant, or never allowed to surface at
all.

How disgustingly wonderful.  :)

[...]

"Yeah, it's a great picture of Akane," Ranma put in. The others all
stared at her. "What?!"

Yeah, it's just a photo.  Girls are weird that way.  ;)

[...]

Akane blushed, but didn't drop her eyes. "It's good, yes." She thumped
Ranma without looking; she was sure Ranma's ego would need deflating.
"It's not because either one of us is some kind of over-endowed sex-
star, though. It's because I love him, and he loves me. He didn't do
anything special the first time, other than be there, and be Ranma.
That was special enough. It helped that he didn't say 'Oh, Shampoo!' at
the wrong moment, of course...."

The key to a successful marriage:  reduced expectations.  ;)

[...]

"Hey, why her?" Ranma hooked a thumb at herself. "I'm the one who beat
Kodachi. I'm the one who's teachin' Akane, and you guys. If anyone's
gonna replace Kodachi, it oughta be me. Ow!"

"Well, thanks for trampling right over me!" said Akane hotly.
"Honestly, Ranma!"

The Ego that would not die...

[...]

Junko sighed. "Look, Ranma, you've told us a lot of stories about the
people you've met, and most of them have one thing in common: they
start out wanting to beat you to a pulp, and it takes them a while to
get to like you. Wouldn't it make sense to skip the beating-to-a-pulp?"

"But that's the fun part," Ranma muttered.

I'm telling you, he's a-- [silenced by Vince, who's heard it too many
times, already]  ;)

[...]

"Nah. Don't wanna do that. Listen, Kodachi's beat already, she just
doesn't know it. She goes up against me or Akane, she loses, that
simple. But if there's another team, then the teams will fight." Ranma
rubbed her hands together briskly. "That's gonna be a lot of fun.
Nothin's better for trainin' than fightin' all the time."

I'm beginning to feel that Ranma's 'ng'->'n' are becoming a wee
bit overdone.  ^_^;

Ranma:  Akane, let's stop the fussin' and the fightin'.
Akane:  Ranma no cotton pickin' baka!

[...]

"Hmm." Junko glanced at the others. Michi gave an enthusiastic thumbs-
up. Sachiko nodded, smiling. Eriko looked apprehensive, but shrugged.
"All right," Junko said. "We'll try it your way. We'll need to talk to
Hasegawa-sensei, and then see if we can convince a few of the others to
join us...."

"With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and
being order to Hebereke!"

[...]

Ranma raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised by her unsubtlety and
seizing on the opportunity to appear surprised by the question.
"Studyin'. What's it look like?" She winked at Akane, who was observing
the exchange with barely-concealed amusement.

suggest:  lack of subtlety
("Unsubtlety" does not appear to be a word.)

[...]

Kodachi frowned tightly. "Please do not fence with me, Ranma-sama. I
hear there was an... incident... yesterday afternoon."

"Heh. 'You hear'. Right. Yeah, the Head wanted ta ask me some
questions. She was, uh, satisfied with my answers, though."

"But--" Kodachi suddenly realized how much her face was giving away and
restored her usual mask with unusual effort. "Well. We'll discuss this
later, Ranma-sama." She straightened and started back for her desk.

[cracks knuckles]  Now for some comments on the portrayal of Kodachi.

Kodachi, IMO, considers herself above everyone else.  That means
socially, to a degree, but I feel there's more to it for Kodachi.
She considers most other people sheep, lacking her creativity and
enthusiasm.

As such, I doubt her desire to "go through channels" to achieve
her goals.  Namely, ratting on Ranma to the Headmistress.  I would
imagine her to go more overboard, with some splashy and completely
unpredictable display.

Now, obviously, the whole scenario of Ranma and Akane at Hebereke
was as a result of Kodachi getting da kahuna to be pulling some a
dem strings, heyeah, but I viewed that as more of a plot device.

Having said all that, I can't really offer you an alternative way
to try to kick Ranma out.  This is more a plea to try to keep
Kodachi "above it all."  She doesn't deserve to be weighted down
by the concerns of mere mortals.  ;)

[...]

When the two girls had gone and the door was closed again, Hasegawa put
down the pen and frowned thoughtfully. She reached for her file drawer,
ran her finger along the tabs, and pulled out a file, then two more.
Opening them on her desk, she pulled a pad closer and began to make
notes.

Hmm...

[...]

"You know," Hatsue said, blushing and lowering her voice. "That they're
both, um, interested in girls."

"Heh. You know they're both married now. I can tell you for a fact that
neither of them is interested in any of us that way. Trust me, you're
safe."

"I can't help but notice how you neatly ducked answering my question."

[...]

"Rats." Junko changed course. She found her way to a sheltered
courtyard where a few watery rays of late-winter sunshine were making
the stone benches almost comfortable. Ranma and Akane were there,
eating from bento that appeared to be prepared with more enthusiasm
than skill. Michi, Sachiko, and Eriko had already finished lunch and
were throwing their chopsticks back and forth.

I have to ask what a "watery ray" is.

[...]

"Nope," Junko said, choosing a spot and sitting down to unwrap her own
bento. "Oh, good, ten-don. No, she wanted to, but...."

Translation for "ten-don", please.
(Or is it a missing capitol for a proper name?)

"Kodachi," Michi finished disgustedly. "This sucks. What a tyrant."

Sic Ranma on tyrranis.  ;)

[...]

"Don't sweat it," Ranma said comfortably. "Even if she turns us down,
it's no worse'n it is now, and right now it's pretty good." She belched
indelicately, put her empty bento box down, and basked in the weak
sunshine. Three pairs of chopsticks and a used shrimp-tail hit her as
soon as her eyes closed. "Hey!!"

"Foolish boy!"

[...]

"Ha. What about you? You're wearing boxers," Akane whispered, snapping
his waistband.

"Heh. Ya got me there."

"I sure do...." The rest of the buttons yielded swiftly to Ranma's
quick fingers, and Akane anticipated his first touch on her bare skin;
her own fingers were already caressing his muscular chest--

suggest:   "I sure do...."  Akane anticipated Ranma's first touch on
her bare skin, as the rest of the buttons yielded to his quick fingers;
(Either that, or separate the quote from the paragraph.  As written,
the speaker is a little confusing.)

[...]

"Damn." Ranma looked away, but the corners of his mouth twitched. "Good
thing Pops doesn't know; he'd put me through some sort of Saotome-ryu
Not Lookin' At Boobs trainin'."

Not gonna work.  He's already mastered how not to look at other girls'
chests.  He needs to master how not to look at Akane's.  And frankly,
that would probably just piss her off.  ;)

[...]

The red light was suddenly much brighter. Ranma flinched, then knelt
beside Akane and patted her shoulder clumsily. "Nah, you're not
silly... or if ya are, then I am too."

punc:  I am, too."

[...]

"My cycle! You're a woman too sometimes, you have to know what I'm
talking about--" Akane broke off and turned to look at Ranma. "You
don't, do you." Ranma's blank look said he didn't. "Lucky you. Well,
I'm not going to talk about periods until I have to. Just take my word
for it. Some times of the month I'm a lot more likely to get, er,
pregnant than other times, and now's one of those times."

I see *this* Ranma got off lucky with his curse.  ;)

[...]

Akane leashed her temper, with some difficulty. "Do. You. Want. To be.
A father?"

Genma:  [barges in]  Be like me!
Ranma:  Aieee!

[...]

"Ranma...." Akane suddenly felt a powerful urge to become a mother
immediately, enhanced by the proximity of Ranma's bare chest and
shoulders.

I'll pass up the obvious pun involving Genma's chest and shoulders...

[...]

"No, wait. I'll go get you some water. I mean," Akane continued when
Ranma looked puzzled, "if someone sees you, they might get--"

"--the right idea," Ranma completed, chuckling. Bop! "Hey!"

Yes, there seems to be a lot of that, recently.  They're not getting
into trouble because of misunderstandings, but because they're
guessing *correctly*!

[...]

Akane glanced down at the glass of water, then up at her sister's
knowing look....

[...]

"What took you so long?" Ranma complained as Akane came in and shut the
door behind her. "And what was that yelling?"

Argh!  Details!!!

[...]

Happosai was plastered wide-eyed to the outside of the window, a thin
trail of drool running down the glass. Akane's battle aura flamed with
indignation and embarrassment as Ranma blurred past her and flicked the
window open. "SWEE--!" POW! Whap! Thump! WHAM! Punt! Still ascending,
Happosai disappeared into the night.

"--TOooooooo!"

Ranma slid the window shut and pulled the curtains. "Good shot. That
oughta hold 'im long enough," she said with satisfaction. "Now, where
were we?"

suggest:  oughta keep 'im away long enough
or:  oughta hold 'im off long enough

[...]

"Eeek!" Kodachi evaded the spray of water at her still-dry hair.

"...I'm sure I have no idea where that came from!"

"Waaahaaa!" Ranma landed neatly on someone's soap and went skidding
across the shower room to collide with Yuriko. They went down in a
tangle of nude arms and legs.

And other interesting body parts...

suggest:  "Waaaaaa!"
(The "h" makes it look like a drawn-out laugh.)

[...]

"Uh, sorry 'bout that," Ranma gasped to Yuriko as she tried to
disentangle herself without touching any more of her unintended victim
than she already had, which was most of her. "I didn't mean ta--
whoops!" She slipped on her soapy foot, but caught herself onehanded
and vaulted into the air to avoid a spray of water from a squealing
girl she didn't have time to recognize. "Hey, cut it-- YAAAH!" She was
hit by a slosh of water she hadn't seen coming; she cringed,
anticipating the change.

sp:  one-handed

Nothing happened. Ranma suddenly realized that no one in her right mind
waterfights with hot water. As cold as you can make it, that's the
stuff. "Whee!" She somersaulted over another spray, grabbed an
unattended showerhead, twisted the cold tap full on, and doused her
attacker. "Gotcha!"

sp:  water fights

[...]

"STOP THIS AT ONCE!" Hasegawa's voice from the doorway cut through the
melee. Everyone froze.

No one ever figured out who yelled "GET HER!!"...  ;)

[...]

"It sure was nice to see Ranma happy like that," Michi observed to the
air with her hands behind her head. She bounced on her heels and
glanced sideways at Akane. The implied criticism wasn't lost on Akane,
but it wasn't harsh enough to demand a response; besides, she found
herself agreeing with Michi. Michi, however, wasn't one to leave well
enough alone. "It's a good thing Ranma's so insensitive, or you might
have hurt her feelings."

"I'm the one with the hurt feelings here!" Akane hissed.

"Well, maybe," Michi said, "but that doesn't mean you have to spread
them around, does it?"

Akane gave her a sharp look. "Michi, you talk too much." She stalked
out of the showers.

Michi grinned, unoffended. "So everyone tells me," she said cheerfully,
following Akane out.

That was an interesting exchange...

[...]

"Good question," Ranma said. She shrugged casually. "Beats the heck
outa me." She frowned back at the disgusted looks directed at her.
"Like I know how she thinks. Well, I know what we're gonna do: train.
We'll just have to wait and see what Kodachi does."

sp:  outta
(I can't believe I'm trying to "correct" this.  ^_^;)

[...]

Kodachi sighed and looked misty-eyed at the gray sky. "Would that I had
been in your place! To have Ranma-sama's nude body touching mine, even
by accident--" She stopped suddenly and grimaced. "Eurgh. But not when
he is in his female form. What was I thinking?"

Clearly she's been reading too much Lesbian 1/2.

[...]

"I think I'd rather you hit me some."

No comment.  :)  [innocent whistle]

[...]

Ranma smirked. "Heh. I do and I'll deserve it. I won't, though." She
looked up at the sky. "Jeez, you'll still be clobberin' me when I'm
sixty-four, for lookin' at sixty-three- year-olds...."

"When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now..."

[...]

"I consider that to be your problem," Kodachi said casually, examining
her fingernails. "We were here first, and we will stay here as long as
we wish to."

This is more the sort of maneuver I can see Kodachi doing, rather than
"going through channels."  It's the sort of non-linear thinking I'd
expect from Kodachi.

[...]

Junko stood her ground, but let go of Akane's elbow. "Cool it.
Hasegawa-sensei's watching." She indicated the bleachers. Akane looked,
and there was Hasegawa, wearing a warmup suit and making notes on a
clipboard. From twenty meters away, she could see Hasegawa's slight
smile. Akane deflated.

sp:  warm up

"Hey. We can use that," Ranma said, nudging her and pointing with her
chin at the match ring. It had been pushed aside to make room for the
big floormat, but it was there and it was an apparatus, and no one was
using it.

sp:  floor mat
(I think.)

[...]

Hasegawa's gray eyes-- very much like Ranma's, Akane realized suddenly-
- regarded her levelly. "I know Kodachi-san. I need to know you.

"Um...?"  Akane nervously started.

"I *don't* mean in the Biblical sense!"

[...]

"I admire your optimism," Hasegawa smiled, darting forward. Akane
sailed the hoop at her with a flick of her wrist and dove out of the
way, going for her discarded clubs. She rolled to her feet, threw one,
swung the other--

Admire her optimism?  Is that a general statement about Akane, or a
remark about her choice of weapons (saying she must be quite optimistic
to think she could actually win with it)?

Since it comes right after Akane gets the hoop, it sounds like the latter.

The gong rang. "Point!" Sachi called. Akane stared in disbelief at her
wrist, caught in the same sort of rope-loop Hasegawa had used on her
club. Instinctively she started to pull free, sure that her strength
was greater than Hasegawa's, but then she stopped.

"Good," Hasegawa said quietly, reading her. "Very good." She flicked
the rope again, freeing Akane. "Best two of three?"

There's no real explanation of why Akane stopped,
or why the sensei thought that was "good."

[...]

From there it settled down to a duel of ribbons, leaping and twisting
while the silk curled back and forth across the ring. Hasegawa threw
one of the clubs, but Akane plucked it out of the air. Suddenly she saw
an opening, and her ribbon took Hasegawa around the knees and dropped
her. She sprang forward, going in low. She knocked her opponent's other
club away with the rod of the ribbon in her right hand, and the club in
her powerful left slammed down at Hasegawa's head.

suggest:  sped towards Hasegawa's head.
("Slam" connotes an actual impact, which isn't happening, here.)

I'm also a little curious why you designate Akane's left hand as
"powerful."

[...]

Ranma sighed in relief when she saw that the toilets were empty; she'd
overcome her vestigial reluctance to use womens' rooms long ago, but
she still preferred not to share them with members of the opposite sex.

"Opposite sex" is a designation I'd never use with Ranma.  :j

She'd just finished and was pulling up her leotard when someone came
into the room. An object flew over the door and fell into the stall.
Instinctively, Ranma snatched it out of the air. She just had time to
recognize it as a black rose before it exploded gently in her hand. The
cloud of gray smoke faded to black.

suggest:  before it popped into a cloud ... in her hand
(I'm not comfortable with "gently" describing "explode".  Furthermore,
Akane's just "gently" hit the sensei's head, so I'd be looking for
different adjectives, anyway)

[...]

Ranma's eyes bugged out. The myriad chainmail links of Kodachi's itsy-
bitsy teeny-weeny nickel-plated steel bikini jingled faintly as she put
one knee on the bed and bent over him. "Nnngh!"

sp:  chain mail

I just don't see Kodachi in a chain mail bikini.  The leotard looks like
a one-piece bathing suit, so I can't picture in any type of bikini.
(Song reference be damned :)  And wouldn't leather or rubber be more
appropriate to the bondage (S&M?) thing she's trying to do with Ranma?

"I'm afraid I miscalculated slightly," Kodachi admitted. "I must
remember to put more sleeping powder and less paralysis powder in the
blend next time; I fear it may have had, er, unfortunate effects." She
gestured ruefully to the fabric covering Ranma's private parts, which
were apparently as limp as the rest of him.

Uh... The paralysis powders that appear to show up in Ranma actually
cause the muscles to *stiffen*, leaving them frozen in awkward
positions.

Fortunately for Ranma, the organ in question isn't a muscle, but I'd
say it's the *only* part of him that's limp...

[...]

Sweating, Ranma tried very hard not to think about the name of the
whip. "N-n-no!"

Looks like he got his alveolar consonants back just in time...
Ranma: O-o-o!
Kodachi: You DO like it!  [squeal]

[...]

"Yes! Yes! See how I'm willing to cast aside my dignity for your sake,
Ranma-sama!" Kodachi cried ardently. "You cannot imagine that I truly
desire to hurt you like this, but I am willing to descend into the pit
of perversion-- well, a few steps, anyway-- if it means winning your
love!"

I think she's willing to go father than that...

[...]

To Ranma's horror, he suddenly realized that another part of him was
recovering from the paralysis too. He squeezed his eyes shut and
thought of Akane, but that just made it worse. He tried thinking of
Akane clobbering him repeatedly with a very large hammer, but for some
reason that didn't help either.

:)  [more innocent whistling]

[...]

"Heheh. Yup. She never had a chance. If I wanna be abused, I know where
to go."

"What?! Where? Oh." Akane colored. "I, um.... Ranma. Home. Hot water.
Hurry."

"'Yes, Mistress.'"

^o^

[...]

"Oh-hohohohoho! Foolish girl, your treachery will now be punished!"

Looks like after her failed efforts, Kodachi's practicing up on the
"Call me Mistress" routine...

[...]

Eriko gritted her teeth and prepared to defend herself as Kodachi leapt
down from the rooftop where she'd appeared and landed lightly in the
alley ahead of her. Kodachi already had her ribbon out, and all Eriko
had was a bookbag; no clubs, no rope, certainly not a hoop or a ball.
"You can't get all of us," she said defiantly.

sp:  book bag
(Wow, we're really trying to invent a lot of compound words,
here.  This isn't German, you know!  ;)

[...]

"Hell with that!" Ranma shouted. She stepped past Akane and glared at
Kodachi's team. "I'll fight 'em! One at a time or all at once, whatever
they like! But don't gimme this 'forfeit' crap!"

suggest:  The hell with that!

[...]

"Life isn't fair," Hasegawa said seriously. "You will find yourself in
many unfair situations in your life, and you will meet many people who
take unfair advantage. The sooner you learn that, and how to deal with
that, the better."

[...]

"As for Kodachi-san, she has lessons to learn as well." Hasegawa looked
like she was about to add something, but changed her mind. "You have
advantages Kodachi-san might consider unfair, you know. Perhaps next
time the outcome will be different. It would be partisan of me to hope
so, so I'll just wish you better luck in the future."

It's nice that you put this explanation of the sensei's behavior in.

[...]

Akane waved a hand. "Don't be. I'm glad you hit me hard, Ranma."

"And you call ME a masochist. Jeez."

Yes we do.  :)

[...]

"Yeah, yeah. I got it the first time." Ranma stood up and stretched.
"Ready to spar some more?"

"Sure. It's my second favorite thing to do with you."

"Second? What's first? Oh. Uh. Never mind."

Akane smiled demurely. "I can wait."

[...]

"Oh, no, I'm sure they'll be glad to see you. Come in, everyone,
please." Kasumi led them into the house, then along the covered walkway
to the dojo. The doors were closed, but the yells and thumps coming
from within made it clear who was inside and what they were doing.

Either their first or second favorite thing.  ;)

[...]

"I'm not 'cute'," Ranma muttered. "Handsome, yeah--"

"You are cute," Akane said firmly. "Live with it."

"No, I'm not!  I'm-- OW!  Stop pinching my cheeks!"

[...]

Ranma held up four fingers. "Defense. Attack. Toughness. Cunning." He
folded the fingers down one by one as he spoke, then smiled grimly at
them past his closed fist. "And fighting spirit."

Heh.  You should hear my friend talk about developing his "killing mood."

[...]

"'Seen', hell," Ranma grumbled. "Usually you're the one doin' the
hittin'-- waha!" He flipped clear of Akane's rejoinder.

Cute.  :j

[...]

"A lot. Ranma didn't want to, but I talked him into it. I didn't want
to be, well, soft. No offense. It hurt at first, and sometimes it still
hurts, but that's the price."

But Ranma *likes* your soft parts!

[...]

"Yeah, but layin' around isn't gonna help either," Ranma pointed out.
"You need ta get your blood movin'. We'll start you on attack and
defense kata, but no hittin'."

I've never heard of a "attack" of "defence" kata.  Don't they usually
contain both?

Regardless, the first thing Ranma should be teaching is stances,
blocks, and strikes.  Once you have the basics, *then* they can be
strung together into kata.

[...]

Shortly thereafter Team Akane was gathered in the dojo, sipping drinks
provided by Kasumi. "No more damn forfeits," Ranma vowed, stating the
agenda of the council.

I dunno, Team Ranma vs the Legendary Phoenix just sounds better than
Team Akane vs Kodachi and her Girls.  ;)

[...]

"In the ring and using gymnastics tools and rules, yes. Otherwise,
maybe not," Akane said. She glanced at Ranma. "On the street, in your
bedrooms, in the locker room, and so on, Musabetsu Kakuto's pretty
effective if you remember to use it."

suggest:  effective.  If you remember

[...]

"How is she? She is 'surprised'," Junko observed dryly. "She is also
'caught'. And she appears to be 'embarrassed'. There may be hope for
her yet."

"I didn't want to do it!  If you only knew the power of the dar- (ahem)
Koadchi..."

[...]

"There's more. Musabetsu Kakuto's basically an unarmed style, but we
use weapons too. Lots of things you find layin' around can be good
weapons. Sticks, books, rocks--"

"--Distracted martial artists--"

[...]

"You bet." Ranma slapped her thighs and stood up. "Now for today's
lesson, we're gonna practice surprise attacks... er, make that
defendin' against surprise attacks. HYAA!"

"EEEK!!" Whack! Pow! Smack! Thump!

"Hey, not bad. Ow."

"That was fun!  Do it again!"

"Uh..."

[...]

Kodachi fell and rolled to her feet, then sprang straight up. She
landed on the roof and stared down at them, panting. "Barbarians! How
dare you!"

"Use the tools!  What are you, animals!?"

"Come down and we'll show you how we dare again," Sachiko invited her,
smiling slightly.

suggest:  we dare, again.

[...]

"Not quite, but I will be in time for the match, I think. I hope your
mother can spare an ice pack and a few aspirins."

I coulnd't find it in the dictionary, but I've always used
"aspirin" as the plural form.

[...]

"Well, that wasn't much of a show," Ranma grumbled. Bop! "Ow!"

Although it was quite a scene.  ;)

[...]

"Heh. If you only knew--" Ranma broke out of the spiral pursuit and was
suddenly behind her. "C'mon, work with me here. You're not bad." She
flipped away and dropped the ball outside the ring. "Clubs!" she cried,
holding her hands out to each side. They came spinning up from Akane in
high arcs to drop precisely into Ranma's hands. The audience clapped.
Ranma saluted, grinning, and attacked.

suggest:  work with me, here.

[...]

"You fought bravely, my loyal lieutenant, but were honorably bested! I
shall avenge you!"

"I shall avange your death!"

"I'm not quite dead, yet..."

[...]

"It's my home ground too," said Akane softly. "And my name is Saotome.
As you well know."

suggest:  Saotome, as you

[...]

"Oh, forget it," Akane snorted, waving a hand. "It's not like you'll
get anything you want even if you win, and I don't stand to gain when I
win; you don't keep your promises."

punc:  anything you want, even if

[...]

"Ladies." Hasegawa's sardonic voice interrupted Kodachi's retort. "This
is a gymnasium, not a debating society or a bookmaker's shop. Proceed."

Hey!  Banter is a respected element of the Anything-Goes Style!
"Foolish boy!"  "LOOK!  Five hundred yen!"

[...]

"Baka! Paranoid, I toldja!"

"Actually, you said it's NOT paranoia--"

"Pay attention to the fight, stupid!"

[...]

"Rope!" Akane called. Eriko threw it to her; Ranma's perfunctory
struggle was still being restrained by Sachiko and Junko. Akane's lip
twitched; if Ranma had really been afraid for her she'd have taken
Kodachi out seconds ago, restrained or not. The thought restored her
shaken confidence. Her leg, though, that was still a problem.

punc:  afraid for her, she'd

Kodachi snarled and jabbed the shock club at Akane's face as Akane
dropped to one knee. Her head moved sideways, just enough. Her left
hand twitched a loop into the rope in time for Kodachi's hand to slip
through. Her right hand reached under, seized the rope, and tensed.

I'd try to avoid putting two "Akane"s so close to each other.  Perhaps
the second could be "as the short-haired girl dropped..."

Overextended, Kodachi hung in an arch over Akane, her wrist caught in
the same rope-hold Hasegawa had used, the rope-hold Ranma had copied,
improved, practiced with Akane, and then used to send Yuriko flying.
Now Akane's iron grip on the loop held Kodachi's wrist pinioned to the
top ring rope. Her left hand reached over almost lazily and plucked the
club out of Kodachi's hand. She held it up, found the hidden stud, and
pressed.

suggest:  practice with Akane, and used to send Yuriko flying.
(Putting in the "and then" suggests we are back to the current
actions Akane is making, which we are not.)

[...]



Okay, part two.  I gotta say it up front.  Reading fight scenes does
absolutely nothing for me.  And there were a *lot* of fight scenes.
However, a lot of the other scenes were good.  I think light humor
is your forte.  Those scenes work better for me than the more WAFFy
stuff, or "serious talks" on the way home.

I'm not sure what my opinion is of Akane and Ranma's handling of the
team.  Planning and forward thinking are *not* hallmarks of Ranma,
Anything Goes, or Ranma 1/2.  I guess it's too remiscent of those
fics where Ranma "finally solves all his problems."  It leaves a
bad taste in my mouth.

I'm starting to get a feel for the new characters, which is probably
a good thing.  Normally if there's more than one of two, I zone out.
As it is, I like Michi best.  :)

Looking forward to more,


Doug

----
Douglas MacDougall                  "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net/             Cuter, too.  Definitely more sexy!"