Okay, this was written by LIbby Thomas, who's not on the list currently. If
you want to reach her, you can do so via aduetofpigtails@fcmail.com
Bai bai,
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Fur Elise
By Libby Thomas
Utena (c) someone with a better idea than I'll ever have. ^_~
Oh, did I mention, this has spoilers? ^_^ Not that you'll be able to tell
anything from this piece of crap. ^_^;;;
I heard an old tune playing on a piano today, and it made me think of you.
I haven't seen you in the longest time, and I wonder how you are. I wonder,
are you happy? Can you ever forgive me for just leaving, without taking you
with me, Anthy?
I loved you, you know. In the end, when I left, leaving everyone and
everything behind, the thing I left most behind was you. I loved Toga. I
*loved* you. I'm sure you can hear the difference. Probably more than I
can, at any rate.
I left, disillusioned, distraught, sad. I thought I failed, that I was
worth nothing. Sometimes I still feel that way. I wanted so much to be a
prince, but instead all I was, was a pauper.
I don't know if I ever was a prince to you, Anthy.
The music I heard was Fur Elise, that old Bee--what's-his-name's tune. I
swore I heard Miki playing it a few times; I'm surprised I bothered
remembering the title. But the music, the sounds... Somehow, it made me
think of you in the rose garden that seemed so much like a glass case, for
you to be on display for a harsh world.
Or was it a barrier, protecting you from that world?
God, my head hurts, thinking of the answers to that. Thinking was never my
forte, anyway. I've always been a woman of action...it's easier to stay out
of trouble that way.
Ohtori seems so far away now, from where I am, it seems more like dreams
than memories. Yet farther still I have to go, until I reach that
destination where I truly belong. I wonder when I'll reach it.
I'll wait for you there, if you can find me.
I wonder if you want to? If you're looking for me, or have you been dragged
down into the hell that was what we are and what we were? Has Akio held you
in sway once more? Has Saionji kept you in check? Have you stayed of your
own accord?
Are you free?
Are you wandering the ways of the world, searching for what you truly want?
I wonder about a lot of things. Probably too many.
I need to sleep.
I need to dream.
As I go off to sleep, I hear a piano in the far-off distance, away from my
hotel room, and that song is playing, Fur Elise. The pianist truly knows
how to play that song with a pure heart of love.
I dream.
I wish.
I hope. But most of all...
I believe.
~*~
I played an old tune on a piano today, and it made me think of you.
I haven't seen you in the longest time, and I wonder how you are. I wonder,
are you happy? Can you ever forgive me for not leaving with you, Utena?
I love you, you know. In the end, when you left, leaving everyone and
everything behind, the thing that I realized most was that love is a special
gift, and that love is a rare, priceless rose. I love ChuChu. I *love*
you. I'm sure you can hear the difference. I'm not sure I've figured out
what it means to me just yet.
You left, disillusioned, distraught, sad. You thought you failed, that you
were worth nothing. Sometimes I feel that way, for being such a slave to my
own soul. You wanted so much to be a prince, but instead all you thought
you were was a pauper.
You were more of a prince to me than anything there ever was, anything that
shall ever be.
The music I played was Fur Elise, that old Beethoven tune whose name you
could barely bother to remember. Miki taught it to me; I learned it because
it seemed you liked it so much. But the music, the sounds... Somehow, it
made me think of myself in the rose garden that seemed so much like a glass
case, like a fish in a bowl, protected from the world.
But in the end, all it was, was a barrier, keeping me away from the world,
from you.
I shouldn't be thinking of things I could have done; that was really never
my forte. I've always been a woman of thought...sadly, it was easier for me
to stay out of trouble, that way.
Ohtori seems so far away now, from where I first met you, it seems more like
the dreams of paradise that mere bittersweet memories. Yet father still I
have to go, until I reach that destination where I truly belong. With you,
of course. I wonder when I'll reach it.
I wonder if you'll be there, waiting for me.
I wonder if you want to? If you're looking for me, or have you been dragged
down into the hell that was what you thought was your grandest failure?
Have the nightmares of Akio held you in sway once more? Have your emotions
for Toga kept you in turbulence? Are you in a personal hell of your own
creation?
Are you free of your own fears?
Are you wandering the ways of the world, being more than just a prince?
I wonder about a lot of things. Probably too many.
I need to play this out, until my memories of you are spent, replaced with a
new hope of reuniting us again.
I need to dream of that.
As the evening winds down, I find myself at the piano of the bar again, and
I sit and play Fur Elise once more. I'm not sure why, but somehow when I
play it, it makes me feel as though I'm closer to you, as though the gulf
between us grows smaller and smaller each day. Perhaps you can even hear
it.
I dream.
I wish.
I hope.
I believe. But most of all...
I know.
Some shining day, Utena.
Some shining day.
~*~
NOTES:
Don't ask me about the inspiration for this. You'd just laugh. ^_^;;; But
somehow, I just see a love between Utena and Anthy that is stronger than
anything in this world. It reminds us all that love is a rare thing when
you find who you search for.
I'd also like to take the time to thank all of my friends, Lurker, Rob,
John, Magic, Zen, Ukyou, and the rest, for sticking with me during a
difficult phase of my life. I was at times a burden on that bond, I know,
but it helped me through and moved me forward.
Well, enough of this maudlin BS. Back to Duet 6, I know.... ^_^;;;
--Libby