Please Note: Video Girl Ai: Waiting is property of Alberto Mazzetto,
and believe me he can keep it. Video GirL Ai is copy righted a hell
of a lot of people none of which are me. Wil Wheaton's name used
without permission, though I'm sure he'd get a laugh out of this.
MST3K Created by: Joel Hodgson
MiSTing Done By: Kevin Callahan
Special thanks to: LeVar Bouyer who just keeps trying to get those bad
non-lemons MSTed and fails miserably.
In the not too distant future,
Up in the S.O.L.,
Kev and his fanfic pals,
have been condemned to Hell.
Their friendly local lunatics,
The Professor and his poodle, Lace,
Have decided to do an experiment on Kevin,
So they shot him into space.
(Leeeeettttt Meeeee Dooooown)
We'll send him cheesy lemons,
The worst that we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all,
While we monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind, Kev can't control,
Where the lemons begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity,
with the help of his fanfic friends.
FANFIC ROLL CALL!
Ami! (I should be studying.)
Wil Wheaton! (What the hell am I doing here?)
Kathrine! (It's all Corvus's fault.)
Nagikoooooooo! (Damn Straight!)
If you're wondering how they eat
Or breathe,
And other science facts (la la la)
Repeat to your self, "Nod and smile,
It's a MiSTing, incomprehensible to the max!,
Now for Mystery Science Theater 3100 (v. 2.0)!"
<Kevin> Oh hi, welcome to the SOL. We were just deciding what three will go
when that evil Professor does his Lemon sign thing.
<Kathrine> I say me, Ami, and Nagiko. Otherwise one of us will be telling you
and Wil to get a room.
<WilWheaton> Huh?
<Kevin> I'll explain later... Much, Much, MUCH later.
<WilWheaton> Uhm... ok... sure...
-Professor- Ah, shaddup. I'll pick. Kathrine, Kevin, and Wil.
<Kathrine> Oh.. this is extra torture right?
<Kevin> Jeez.. make one offhanded remark about thinking Wil Wheaton is cute...
<WilWheaton> HUH???
-Professor- SILENCE! Here's your Lemon, it's called Waiting by Alberto Mazzetto.
[[[[[Lemon]]]]]
<Kathrine> WE HAVE LEMON SIGN!!!!!!!
[Door 6 - a large picture of the Great Red Serpeant that you flamethrow a hole in.]
[Door 5 - Star Trek Door.]
[Door 4 - a toilet seat.]
[Door 3 - draw bridge.]
[Door 2 - Sean Gaffney's legs.]
[Door 1 - vault.]
* All file in and sit down.
Alberto Mazzetto <100111.2644@CompuServe.COM>
<Kevin> Mail Bombs Away!
VIDEO GIRL AI
Waiting
<Kevin> to be shot by angry MSTers.
<WilWheaton> Now explain again what I'm supposed to do..
<Kathrine> You make fun of the author and the fic. It saves our sanity.
=======
by
<WilWheaton> Norman Bates.
<Kathrine> Heh.
Kokoro
<Kevin> He mispelled Totoro...
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> That's a paradoxical statement.
<Kevin> Always the genius.
<Kathrine> Keep your eyes in your sockets, bro.
<Kevin> ...
Waiting.
<Kevin> for this fic to end.
My name is
<Kathrine> Batman.
Ai Amano. I'm...
<WilWheaton> a slut.
<Kevin> You're doing fine. See? Keeping your sanity isn't hard.
No, I'm
<Kathrine> a whore. Sorry, couldn't think of the right word.
not really that old. You see, I'm not a normal human being.
I'm a Video Girl.
<Kevin> I make erotic masturbation videos so that teenage boys can drool over me.
I don't have a mom or a dad.
<Kathrine> Ah, cloning: It's not just for sheep, anymore.
I wasn't born.
I'm only here because a special boy was heartbroken. Sounds kind
of stupid, doesn't it ?
<WilWheaton> It's a lemon, it's my understanding that's a prerequisite.
Heh, the closest thing to a father I have
it this horrible scary man, my "creator". He tried to kill me.
<Kathrine> Yep, old Yahwe can get pretty cranky if he hasn't had his early eon coffee.
But now he has given me this wonderful possibility. But seeing as
how things are turning out I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't
just one more of cruel schemes.
<Kevin> o/~ Oh don't be cruel to a heart that's true o/~
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> I already explained what's wrong with that.
Waiting.
<Kathrine> for writing talents.
Waiting for this special boy. Youta.
<Kevin> Yea, I'm talking to Youta!
We're doing a picture book together now !
<WilWheaton> Just like Madonna's.
It was always his dream
and now I'm helping him with it !
<Kathrine> That's all crap, he just wants your body.
Oh, Youta, if only I could tell
you that I know. You see, I already mentioned that I was supposed
to be his Video Girl but something happended and I lost all memories
of that time.
<Kevin> Oh sure, spoil it for those of us who are just reading it in Animerica Extra.
We met again, I even started to live with him, so he
could protect me from... No, I don't want to think of her now. Those
memories are so painful. Anyway, I started to like him. To love him ?
But that wasn't possible. His heart belongs to another, to Moemi-chan.
So I set up my little scenario and then I decided to be just his sister.
But then it happened. My past self came back. Unexpectedly. I now know
how I loved him. How I love him.
<Kathrine> How do you love him, let me count the ways....
<WilWheaton> With light bondage, frying pans, pointy things...
<Kevin> Impressive.
<Kathrine> If he were eating an orange you'd say that!
<Kevin> ...
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> Something tells me this Alberto person has a thicker skull than Worf...
Waiting.
<Kathrine> to have some sense beat into me.
Crying ? No, must wipe away the tears.
<Kevin> o/~ Biiiig girls don't cry o/~
Can't let him find out that I know. That would make everyone unhappy.
Youta should be away for long enough... I guess I know how I'll
change my mood. I'll do something kinky !
<Kathrine> Just make sure it doesn't include BDSM or animals...
Hey, where did this big
<WilWheaton> No comment.
grin on my face come from ? I wonder if Youta knows I'm doing things
like this from time to time or if he thinks I'm "pure" ?
<Kevin> No one is pure.
<Kathrine> Not even Wil over here?
<WilWheaton> Uhm... is it.. uh.. hot in here?
Let's see,
what am I wearing...
<Kathrine> It's called a straight jacket.
<Kevin> o/~ Trust me, it's for your own protection o/~
a shirt with long sleeves. No bra.
<Kevin> I've seen worse.
I don't
like them.
<Kevin> Neither do I, they just don't... fit right.
<WilWheaton> Help me.
<Kevin> Great Beatles album...
And I love the look on Youta's face when I "accidently"
bent
<Kevin> A grammar mistake, my word. It's bend.
<Kathrine> Grammar or spelling?
<Kevin> Both.
over and he gets a nice view.
<Kevin> Yawn.
<WilWheaton> Are you that immune to these things?
<Kathrine> No, he's just gay.
<Kevin> ...
Now if I put my right hand on
my shirt where my left breast is... Nice feeling. I remember now.
I was supposed to have bigger breasts ! But that idiot Youta had
to play me on a broken VCR ! Ah, well, who knows, had he played
me on an unbroken one I might have turned out like... No, don't want
to think of her. Anyway I like my breasts ! They're so sensitive.
Even through the shirt. But I'll let my hand slip under the shirt
now. Mmmmm, I'm caressing my nipple now. Aah, it's getting hard !
<Kathrine> Standard nipple scene, let's go...
* All get up.
-Professor- Sit back down, the commercial break isn't for three paragraphs!
* All sigh and sit back down.
Does Youta ever get hard when thinking about me ? I remember the
time Jii-chan brought me to his house. I slept in his bed that night.
He woke me up and complained about that. He stared at me. Stared at
my breasts. Stared at my panties. And then I saw something in his
pyjamas moving ! He said it was only a wrinkle. Yeah, sure !
<Kevin> Erections are common among teenage males.
I'm lying here.
* WilWheaton beats the author over the head with a medical textbook.
Waiting.
<Kevin> Ok has anyone not done a riff for this one?
<WilWheaton> I haven't.
<Kevin> Ok do it.
<WilWheaton> to understand the meaning of paradoxical statements.
<Kevin> ...
Mmmmmm, I'm massaging my breast now.
Breasts. Moemi-chan has big breasts. She's what stands between me
and Youta. But she's so nice. I can't hate her. And she's perfect
for him. So womanly. She's perfect for him.
<Kathrine> The sentences are choppy. I can't stand choppy sentences.
He waited so long for
her. Come to think of it I even have to thank her for my existence.
Without her there wouldn't have been a reason for the special boy
to get heartbroken. No reason for a Video Girl. I wonder if Youta
already touched Moemi-chan's breasts. He likes big breasts.
<Kevin> o/~ I like big breasts and I cannot lie o/~
<Kathrine> No you don't, and yes you can.
<Kevin> This has to do with that gay thing...
* Kathrine nods.
<Kevin> Thought so.
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> My head will explode if I read that line again.
<Kevin> Ok... Prof, break time.
* All get up and leave.
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
[6]
[SOL looks like a hastily put together French cafe scene.]
* Kathrine, wearing a waiters outfit grabs Wil and Kevin and sits them at a table.
<Kathrine> Bonjour, I am thee waiter tonight, and I shall make sure this dinner is
as romantic as possible.
<Kevin> Kathrine!!!
<WilWheaton> *gulp*
<Kathrine> Just sit back and relax. Now, may I suggest some wine?
<Kevin> I'm under-age.
<WilWheaton> I'll take some... I have the feeling I'm going to need it.
* Kathrine leaves and then comes back with a wine glass and a bottle.
<Kathrine> Picard 2382, a fine vintage.
<Kevin> I know Wil Wheaton's here, but can we stop the Star Trek references?
-Professor- Get used to it, he's staying on as a regular.
<Kevin> YIPEEE!! Oh... ahem... that's too bad...
<Kathrine> His true nature revealed.
-Professor- Ok Kathrine, grab the lovebirds. Break is over.
[6]
[5]
[4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
* All enter and sit down.
Waiting.
<Kevin> For the predictability to end.
So what else am I wearing. Jeans.
<Kathrine> Nope, nothing. Absolutely nada.
Tight-fitting ones. I like to show off my butt. It's the part of
my body I like most.
<Kathrine> I seriously hope that she isn't putting that over a brain.
I think it's really good-looking ! How does
it feel ?
<Kevin> Squishy!
Hmmm, let's see... have to unbutton the jeans first.
Okay, now I'll lie on my tummy and slip my hands into my panties.
<Kathrine> I think all of us here know how to masturbate, thank you...
<WilWheaton> No comment.
Hmmmm, yeah ! Feels great. Definitely a nice set there ! Heh, feels
like the opposite side of my body is slowly but surely getting... wet.
Didn't I say I wanted to do something kinky ? How about something
really kinky ? Like slipping my finger into my backside hole...
Let's try that... Aaaaa ! Hurts a bit. I guess I'll better lick my
finger first... Okay, another try.. Ah. Ye...s, weird feeling.
<Kathrine> Y'know with you two here I could...
<Kevin> No comment.
<WilWheaton> Ditto.
Strange. I guess I'll stay at my more conventional methods for now.
<Kevin> My More Conventional Methods: The place for all your masturbation needs...
Maybe if someone special introduces me to it. Giggle.
<Kevin> Giggle? ...
* Kevin looks down and covers Wil's eyes.
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> Huh?
<Kevin> Don't ask or your head will explode.
<Kathrine> Bah, that's what you want anyway isn't it?
<Kevin> That was so wrong on so many levels...
<WilWheaton> No comment.
Waiting. So if I move farther down I encounter...
<Kathrine> The third kind.
my socks ! Down with them, too !
<Kevin> Down with the Socks! Down with the Socks! Their evil tyranny must end.
Urrgh, I'm turning into a
regular acrobat here. So if I now... Gyahahahahaha !
<Kathrine> I just don't have a riff...
I sure am
ticklish ! Heh, when Natsumi teased Youta by saying he would use
my image in bed Youta later assured me he didn't do that.
<Kevin> Uhm, that seems run-onish to me.
But I
don't believe him. I love the thought that he lies in his bed,
thinks of me, does moves similar to mine now
<WilWheaton> The biological differences between genders are well documented.
and I bring him
to an orgasm. Little sweet me. Makes me feel exstatic !
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> AHHHHHHHHH
* WilWheaton's head explodes.
<Kathrine> I'm NOT cleaning that up.
* Kevin reaches into a bag, pulls out a Wil Wheaton head, and attaches it to the body.
<Kevin> You have to pay attention to MSTings, head attachment a la Tom Servo.
Waiting.
<Kathrine> [insert riff here]
I'll turn around now. Will you look at that !
Bad Ai ! Bad Ai ! Naughty, naughty Ai !
<Kevin> Bad dog, bad, bad dog.
Making your panties all wet
and smelly !
<WilWheaton> No comment.
Smell, such an underestimated sense. I can smell Youta
in this room even now. He doesn't know it, but when I wash his clothes
I love to smell his scent first. Haha, I can imagine his face would he
catch me doing that ! Sigh, I guess I would just make up another
innocent excuse.
<Kathrine> Excuses are by nature not really innocent... or so my math teacher keeps
telling me.
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> Say, just how many heads do you have in that bag?
<Kevin> Infinite, but I'd rather if you not get the theatre all bloody.
<WilWheaton> Uhm, sure.
Waiting.
<Kevin> [insert riff here]
Back to business ! Slowly, slowly, I'll
insert a finger.
<Kathrine> Normally I might find this arousing, but this is just crap.
Hmmmmmmm, yes. And now with the other hand slowly
circling around my clitoris. Aaaaah. Youta ! Will I ever experience
your hardness inside me before... before.. I disappear ?
<Kevin> [Youta] No, I'm really a girl.
I'm lying here.
* WilWheaton convulses for a few minutes.
Waiting.
<WilWheaton> [insert riff here]
<Kathrine> ...
Oh, yes, I will disappear. Just like...
<Kevin> ...Jimmy Hoffa.
her.
She said it was unheard of a Video Girl who has kept her virginity
for a year.
<Kathrine> Yep, prostitutes usually can't claim to be virgins.
Oh, and how I want to lose it to Youta now. I want to
love Youta. With all my mind and all my body.
<Kevin> Your mind has nothing to do with it, I assure you.
I'm sorry Moemi-chan,
I don't know how much longer I can keep out of your relationship.
I'm lying here.
<WilWheaton> GAAAAAAAH
Waiting. Oh, there's the brush Youta uses to draw.
Maybe I'm just imagining it, but I think I can still feel his touch
on it.
<Kathrine> o/~ When I think of you I just touch myself o/~
Hm, if I just use it to... Hihi, it tickles my hair, hihi !
<Kevin> Bonjour, Hello, Oi...
Now to insert it, slowly, carefully.
<WilWheaton> Insert tab B into...
Aaaah, how... how much deeper
will it go ? Aaaaaaah ! If I let it go now... yes, it stays there
by itself, I can insert a finger in addition to the brush now, ah,
and another one, uh, and... a third one. I like the sensation of
feeling "filled".
<Kathrine> Turkey dinner? Oh, and it's "filled."
And the other hand... circles ever faster.
I even touch it directly now. Aaaaaaaagh ! Aaaah, that felt great.
I was weightless there for a long moment. Like flying through the sky.
Free as a bird.
<Kathrine> Funny, I don't see Lenny Kravitz anywhere.
I better clean me up now before Youta comes home !
Oh, and the place where I have been lying, too !
<Kevin> Always a good idea.
I'm sitting now.
* WilWheaton cheers.
The wait is over. I'm can hear him enter. Here
comes Youta !
<Kathrine> o/~ Here he come, here comes You-u-ta o/~
"Tadaima !"
"Okaeri ! I've been waiting for you !"
<Kevin> So have we.
<Kathrine> Your arrival means the end is near.
"Sorry, hope it wasn't too boring."
"Oh no, don't worry, I found something to play with."
"Oh good, so let's start right now. Eh ? Just what did you do to
my brush ? It's all wet and feels sticky ?"
"A ? Aha Ahahaha..."
<Kathrine> Is it over?
<WilWheaton> It would appear so.
<Kevin> Let's go.
* All get up and leave.
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
[6]
[SOL looks normal... well as normal as the SOL can get.]
<WilWheaton> Ok, now let's get this straight, because of a deranged scientist with
a silly dog, I'm stuck here?
-Professor- Yes and if you insult Lace again I shall have to dredge up a lemon
between Wesley Crusher and Will Riker.
<Kevin> NOOOOOOOOOO.
<Kathrine> You'd just be jealous.
<Kevin> ...
<WilWheaton> No comment.
* * *
"I'm lying here."
Kevin Callahan
Still Bizzaro Fic Writer